Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Can't Speak.

There comes a time every now and then, when I want to share something, but feel like I can't. I want to type on here what I feel, or what I think about people, but then I stop.

Because I don't trust myself, because I don't trust this blog, I'm left with a giant jumbled ball of emotions that I don't know what to do with.

Sometimes it's not a matter of saying it, just saying it properly. In reality, I'm calm, I'm collected, and I'm typing furiously on a flimsy laptop keyboard.

Sometimes, I want to share about how insecure I am, or how certain people get under my skin. Sometimes I'm able to, and sometimes I'm not. When I'm not able to I simply bottle it all up.

Then someone does the tiniest little thing, and all of the things I bottled away come pouring out, making my reaction seem very irrational. This blog has helped with un-bottling, but still.

The idea of making this blog private comes to mind again, but then I realize once again, doing so will only make the bottling worse. Writing just for re-reading won't be as cathartic as it seems. I write because I want to be more open. Those that read this do it of their own will and are not forced to listen to me rant on and on in real life pretending to be sympathetic.

So I'm going to say what I want to say. New Girl: You piss me off. You're like the Bella Swan of my school, minus the whole vampire thing. You have managed to single-handedly turn the lives of my friends upside down.

I sit here and watch all the "damage" you've done, and I wish you would go away. Your company is not welcome, and life was a whole lot better before you came around. Also, I don't want to be told when guys I haven't seen in a while talk about me. It brings back all sorts of unwanted memories that mess up the balance of people in my life.

Go away, and leave my friends alone. That, or just pick one guy and stick with him. I'm tired of seeing all of my friends all torn up over not being good enough for you.

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