Saturday, August 10, 2013


I feel like the most massive douchenozzle on the face of the planet.

I've been trying to write this post in my head for a few weeks, and actually physically trying to write it for about an hour, but I just end up erasing everything I try to write because it either sounds too pretentious, or it sounds like I'm trying to justify my obviously horrible behavior.

I'm just going to rip the band-aide off and say why I'm awful:  I think I'm only dating my boyfriend because I'm scared of being alone in a new place by myself.

There.  I admitted it.  And I know that what I am doing is selfish, and could possibly end very badly for the both of us, but I can't bring myself to end things because he's a genuinely nice guy. And I'm also scared of being alone.  

I miss my dog.  I miss my baby brother. I miss the familiarity of my friends from other places.  

My boyfriend is my security blanket.  Being with him just makes everything easier for me.  I feel like I'm just using him. And that in itself, is really awful.

I need to go back home for a little bit to clear my mind.