Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Long time no see
Today I got a wake up call.
I went to GYM today, not expecting to be spoken to by God, but we had a guest minister come by and I was literally shocked.
It's been a while since I've heard a good sermon because most of the time I tune stuff out.
Some people know that I haven't had the best experiences with religion, and overall God, but tonight it's as if he reached out and said, "I'm here. I haven't forgotten you."
I wanted bust down and cry due to the fact that I had this inexplainable emotion running over me.
However, I held it all in and blocked it out. I don't like crying. At all.
But as I was saying before, I have my reasons for being so far and distant from religion.
When I was younger I practically lived in the church. I went to private church school every day, and I'd go to church Sunday morning, and night, and Wednesday church and Thursday prayer meetings. Everywhere I went I had a Bible, and like I told a friend of mine, I went to school with the bible.
I lived, breathed, ate, and crapped church.
Everything I did had to involve God. For a while I grew sick of God. I really didn't have a choice in what I wanted to do or think. It was as if everyone in the church was trying to shove their beliefs down my throat. They were suffocating me.
You probably wouldn't understand unless you're Independent Fundamental Baptists, or Mormon. Trust me, they're a lot alike.
Luckily, my dad pulled me out of the brainwashing society at the age of 11, and ever since then I've been off and on a religious hiatus.
Lately, I've been so far away from God that I haven't even thought to pray in the mornings, as per usual. You never know how far you've drifted away from God until he reels you back into his will.
It's an amazingly odd feeling. Its like living in a dim room with a candle in the far back, when all of a sudden someone brings the candle closer and it completely lights up your world.