I'm serious here. The other day I was talking with someone and I said that I had to go to the bathroom, and dumbly the person asked why. At first I was like, "Why do you need to know?" but then a devious thought popped in my mine like a evil little bunny.
I sat down. I put my bag down. I began my long winded speech of why I had to visit the powder room.
Me: Well, the reason why I absolutely HAVE to go to the bathroom is because, frankly my bra is getting a bit uncomfortable and I might have to adjust the strap, and sometimes I have to pull it over my boob so "certain" parts don't show.
Also I think I have to change my tampon, because the box tells you to do so every four hours to prevent overflows, and I would rather not walk around with a menstrual stain on my crotch.
Oh yeah, I think I might need to re-apple some eyeliner, either that or wipe it off so as not to look like a french hooker. And, since I'm a girl, I'm going to stand in front of the mirror and scrutinize my midsection, and thighs because ONE my midsection really needs to be more toned and TWO because my thighs are too toned and look like man thighs.
Lastly I'm going to do a once-over on my outfit, knowing that I'm purposefully not going to stare at my hair because it is always a gross and hopeless mess, and secretly wish deep down that I had Kate Moss's slim frame instead of my c-cup boobs.
And of course, I'll do all of that without ever actually pissing in the toilet, because everyone knows that when girls go to the bathroom, it's really just an excuse to see if their bodies have changed any in the last fifteen minutes.
After that long winded explanation I think I scarred the poor person for life. I blame the media and Ashton Kutcher. I would have never done that if I didn't spend all my childhood watching Jackass and various other prank shows. If only I had a camera to capture that person's expression as I poured the innermost thoughts of my brain into their hands.