My grandmother is back in town, and as per usual her presence has put both my sister and I in a sour mood.
And I mean, seeing her every now and then is GREAT but every month? For extended periods of time? At my family's home? Yeah. Not so much. Honestly if her visits weren't so frequent, I might be able to forget everything and actually start to miss her instead of dread her presence. She just makes everything so inconvenient for my sister and I, and heaven forbid I say something just completely disagreeable! Therefore I resolved 5 visits ago to just say as little as possible. Now I supposedly posses a bad attitude and I think I'm better than everyone. Yes. That is why I don't say much. Because I have a complex. It couldn't possibly be my fear of being ridiculed and declared "stupid".
Not only is my grandma extremely crass (she enjoys playing the "I'm old so I say whatever I want" card) but she's always making things really uncomfortable. Like today at lunch she decided to start talking about circumcision. First she started talking about this 78 year old who got circumcised (added bonus, he also had a penis implant that allowed him to have a semi hard-on all the time!) and then she started talking about her dad (and how he was never circumcised) and then my uncles---- once she started an anecdote about my dad I had to just tune EVERYTHING out. Who knew leftover spaghetti could be so interesting?
Sweet baby Jesus. Is it just me, or is that inappropriate table talk? It wouldn't bother me so much if she didn't give my sister and I so much crap about our bad table manners. EXCUSE ME. Last time I checked, I ate my food at a decent rate (and I don't puke for eating to fast like she does), I don't burp at the table (or in public for that matter... unlike her), I keep a napkin in my lap or beside my plate at all times, and I know how to cut my own steak. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly is bad about my table manners (especially when I've been complimented by others on multiple occasions on how well I conduct myself). Personally, I think she says that because my sister and I dislike most of the things she cooks. Forgive me for liking every vegetable aside from bell peppers and onions--- last time I checked, eating around something isn't a felony.
The thing that really bothers me and actually pushes me to the point that I'm so enraged I have to shut myself in my room to calm down is when she makes racist comments about my mom.
Yes, I'm fully aware that my mother and I don't get along very well, but she's my mom. When my grandmother says the things she says about my mom, not only is she insulting her, but she's insulting me and my sisters as well for being half Filipino. And when she says that she's not being racist all I can do is scream BULLSHIT mentally. I have contemplated many times about confronting her, but I realized that she would only see what I was saying as disrespectful and I would only end up getting in trouble. So I'm just going to continue holding my tongue.
I'm just hoping that if she ever moves down here I'll have already moved away to college. I don't think I could handle my grandma 24/7. It's bad enough she's staying till Monday. I've already had to do a handful of unnecessary things, and I'm expecting a whole lot more in the upcoming days. Oh well, I'll need the extra activity to burn off all the calories from all of the heavy, starchy, meaty meals she's planned out. If I die of a heart attack or heat stroke, you guys know why.
In the end I really do love my grandma because she's family. I mean, she pretty much furnished my childhood.
I'll stop being so melodramatic and quietly angsty once I get some space.