You see, I had this impressive post typed up and I was actually excited because I had something meaningful to share with you guys, but as soon as I hit ‘publish’ blogger encountered an error. Trying to stay positive, I checked to see if it had auto saved my post, but alas, it only saved TWO sentences. So here I am, typing up my blog post in Microsoft Word, scared out of my wits that Blogger will yet again glitch and lose everything I wrote.
For the post I originally wanted to share, I was going to update you on Shy Guy. Apparently he’s dating someone. That isn’t me. Yeah. Now, don’t get me wrong, my feelings aren’t hurt or anything, but I feel a little confused. He definitely sent me a lot of signals, but for now I’m just going to chalk them all up as mixed and misinterpreted. To be honest, I’m happy that he’s dating this other girl because she’s nice, pretty, good with animals and small children, and she goes to church all the time, and she’s not moving away to North Carolina anytime soon to go to college in the next few years--- so honestly she’s a good fit for him. I don’t know. I’m just curious to know what clicked in his mind to finally cause him step out of his shell and ask this girl out. Ah well, I’ll probably find out soon since the girl he’s dating is a friend of mine. Yeah. I actually found out they were dating through her, and I had to hide my shock as she gushed with excitement. Yeaaaaaaaah.
I’ve been thinking a lot about “The long term” and how certain things haven’t been as important as they once were. For instance, the trip to London that’s being sponsored through my school is something that I’m not excited about anymore. The more that I think about my senior year, the expenses I’m going to amass for my parents, plus the bombardment of $40,000-ish for my college the following year the less hyped up I get about a $3,000 trip that’s going to be bogged down by chaperones and people that I don’t really like, sans one or two people. The same thing goes for people that I consider my “friends”. Often I find myself feeling emotionally drained because I invest so much time in people that will, in a matter of a few years, will be reduced to just passing acquaintances on Facebook.
To continue on with the eerie theme of pragmatism, I can only see myself staying in touch with about maybe 4 maybe 5 at the maximum of my friends from high school. As for my friends already in college-- well, let’s just say the ones worth staying in touch with are the ones that I actually make effort to hang out with. So I find myself at a crossroads with my high school relationships.
Do I want to continue chasing these dead-end friendships with people that aren’t going to help me out later on in life, or do I want to move on with my life looking forward, making life long connections with new people that share my ambitions and goals in life?
Either way, I think I’ll feel pretty crappy, but I think I’ll feel less crappy if I just slowly drift away from the people that don’t share my passion for certain things in life. Frequently, I find myself thinking, “What is important to me right now?” and as for now the things that are important to me are:
1. Getting into my goal college (currently High Point University)
2. Graduating high school with honors
3. Making lifelong connections
4. Acquiring a certain internship I’ve had my eye on
5. Living healthy
As you can see, my goals, upon first examination are pretty humdrum. However, from my point of view? I see personal fulfillment outlined with challenges that will inevitably lead to happiness because I’m doing what I want while being surrounded by people that are cut from the same cloth.
I don’t know. I didn’t intend for this post to be so… heavy. I’ve just come to the conclusion that holding onto these non permanent relationships are as futile as trying to hold myself upright against raging ocean waves. And I’m ok with it. I just hope everyone else understands that I’m not trying to burn bridges; I’m just trying to move on.