Saturday, May 30, 2009
Angry, probably won't be posting if my parents keep on assuming.
-----Edit, this last part is being added a bit later than the first part.
Not talking is a defensive mechanism of mine. I'd rather not say anything if what I'm going to say is bitter, sarcastic, or boring. Mainly the boring part. I don't like boring my family. It's hard for me to talk to my family, which is absurd because I've known them all my life.
I hate to admit to this, but it is so much easier to talk to a complete stranger at a theme park while in a line waiting for a ride. However, according to my parents who are upset that I can't talk to my family, it hurts their feelings that I can't say more than a sentance to them.
I think I've gone over this subject before, but let me just reiterate. My parents think punishment to me is sending me to my mom's house for a while. Really? Do they think I hate my mom that much? Also, I have a feeling that they're going to pull a lot of things away from me this summer, including trips.
And I'm expecting a lot of chores and odd jobs. My last conversation with my stepmom she said something about "working your ass off if you don't straighten up".
However, I'll still stand with my belief that arguing with them is pointless. Parents will be parents, which means whether or not if they're right they are still going to induce punishment and hell. Then, while I'm being punished they'll wonder why I'm not smiley and happy and think that I have a bad attitude and punish me some more.
It's a circle---- of nonproductivity, unless you count making me wish I was 18 productive.
Who knows, they might. The worst part is, my grandma who is only being a grandma, tells my parents that I'm not a blabber mouth, and they interpret that into, "Our daughter is a snob and is angry at us for sending her away for the weekend, so she's going to hurt everyone's feelings by not talking to them."
No exageration on that part. My stepmom basically said that while I was talking to her this morning.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
I've been watching a lot of House lately. I watch it before I go to bed, and right after I wake up. I've watched so much House I'm about to go insane. But I can't stop. I love House. That show is awesome. What am I going to do this summer? Watch a lot of House. And I might make some awesome art. My AP art teacher assigned me 10 major projects that are due at the end of the summer. They all have a strict criteria on how they're supposed to be done. Also, they're due the first day of class for a major test grade. They don't call it AP for nothing.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Some other words that can be thrown in there are judgmental, persuasive, hard-headed, sarcastic, and a plethora of other adjectives.
However, it's not because I've got a predisposition against everyone, it's just that I disapprove of people without ambition, and once I find out that they have none, it's a bit hard for me to see them in any other light besides "slacker".
At school, or around individuals of my age I get so frustrated when people waste their resources and don't care. I work hard in school, and I'm doing everything under the sun to build up my resume in order to look outstanding to colleges and employers. When I hear people complain, and I know they're just a "slacker" I get angry.
There's this guy in my AP art class who is an excellent artist, however everything he says is just a complaint or criticism. Every assignment we have he complains. He has no plans for the future, wears the same shirt every day, and eats only poptarts and junk food.
All those negatives aside, I tried talking to him--- I GAVE him the benefit of the doubt and he ended up calling me stuck up, and told me I'm going to have a miserable life because I have no free time to go outside and burn garbage.
Ok, so maybe to you guys that last part doesn't make sense, but seriously? Is this overweight guy kidding himself? I matter of factly told him that I am happy doing volunteer work and joining clubs, because in the future I'll have a job that I'm going to enjoy going to every day. I also informed him that I would be more happy at whatever job I end up at then he ever will working at McDonalds.
Harsh? I think not. He has talent, but he's wasting it on mindless garbage. He has no ambition or goal in life.
And I'm not one to judge goals. One of my best friends aspires to be a pro-wrestler, another a hairstylist, and one just wants to live in Japan one day. They want something out of life, whereas the guy in my art class just wants to complain and criticize everything that isn't up to his trailer trash standards.
I don't like to associate myself with people who are stagnant and without goals. I may be harsh and a ball buster, but at least I'm going somewhere in life.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I've added another thing to my list of events, which probably isn't needed, but I really want to do it. Herpetology club FTW!
The only thing that makes me sad about next year is the fact that my social life outside of school will be non-existent.
>Darn you Debate, AcaDec, Art Club, Z Club, Herpetology Club, and BPA. And those are just the extracurriculars, not the mandatory classes.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
I don't know why I constantly put myself in this denial state. Everytime I go to these events, I think "Hey, it'll be good. I'm going to have a good time." However each time I end up coming home bitter, and worse off than I was.
I don't like my mother's crowd. They're so fake. And Samantha's graduation party sucked.
My mother was so smiley and happy, and asked me about my graduation party. That's when the calm ended for me.
I strongly told her that I don't want a graduation party, because her friends would come, and I hate her friends. They're so inconsiderate and are completely wrapped up in their own little social bubble of hypocrisy. Why on earth would I want those people polluting the beginning of the rest of my life?
Well, graduation is still a couple of years away, but I doubt I'm going to change my mind.
Flaky people FTL.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Jacob Root fails. At life.
Today we were enlisted in volunteering for field day, I worked with the first and second graders which was phenomenal. I love little kids.
Jacob and Tiarra(fellow debate person) were called away to the 5th and 6th grade campus due to shorthandedness at the concession stand. My sister is in the 6th grade. And of course Jacob Root would find my little sister, antagonize her, and call her a miniature me.
Oh yeah, he signed her yearbook "I'm going to love being your brother-in-law."
Saturday, May 16, 2009
You are, for lack of a better word-- complicated. Would it be weird to say that we are complicated? Now that I type it, it is weird. Oh well.
I'm pretty confident when I say that if it were not for Debate we would have never crossed paths. Though we have a few similar interests, you and I are from different social circles. At times, you can be really awesome and I wonder why I ever associated negative feelings with you, then two seconds later you do something stupid/annoying and I remember why at times you make me angry.
Those times when you're awesome, when you speak with the eloquence that no one your age should have, expressing your thoughts in ways that change the way others think; Those are the times that I wonder how someone so--- great can exist?
I'm envious of your commitment to the Catholic church, and your set of standards and beliefs. You actually seem to have purpose in your life, and your hate of apathy is something to be admired. You go against the grain in a way that you're not just rebelling to anything, but to something that has done injustice. Your ideas and thoughts are wholly of your own formulation. I don't think you'll ever just believe in something just because you were told to do so.
You care, and feel for those you have never met. When you speak of an injustice in the world you're not doing it to look cool and show off to everyone that you're only caring for the attention.
Then, you say something, or do something that pushes my buttons. It could be something minuscule or something of grand scale, but regardless of size whatever you do aggravates me at times.
However I've been feeling apathetic towards you. The usual antics that used to infuriate me just don't matter to me anymore. When I thought of the upcoming year, and what it would be like when you were gone, instead of feeling scared or sad I felt--- nothing. Just an "Oh well."
When I first met you I knew that it was going to be weird. 'It' being the whole student in teacher position teaching the younger student. There was no true enforcement of authority, and of course it was one of those situations where you didn't know whether to be friends, or just strictly on teacher/student basis.
From my point of view, I really wanted to stick to the teacher/student basis, and I think we did well on that front. I don't really consider us "friends" in the thought where a friend is someone who you confide in and hang out with when you're bored. I do think we're on acquaintance level though.
So, now that I've typed this up I realize that I don't really have a purpose for this letter. I don't really know how I feel about you. I don't really care how I feel about you, because you'll be gone in a matter of months, possibly weeks. Have a nice rest of your life.
Friday, May 15, 2009
So I learned something very valuable today. I don't want a career in Biology.
Today I went with about 40 kids from my school to compete in the Biology achievement exam at Stephen F. Austin University, then take a tour of their Biology department.
It was fun, but not for me. I did end up buying a globe from their gift shop though. Darn you impulsive buying. However, I did steal quite a few free pens, pencils, and stickers from SFA even though I have no desire whatsoever to go there.
Also, this guy whom MRoS and I lovingly dubbed Rydouche was not so douchy today. In fact he made pleasant conversation with me, and had a nice smile that he flashed every so often. *GASP* It's the sign of the Apocalypse. Not.
He still carries one flaw however, that no matter how pleasant our exchange of words are I'll always still not like him that much.
He treats a lot of my friends who aren't in advance classes like trash. Even the few that are in honors classes he treats like trash. It's not cool. But enough talk about Rydouche.
Last night I had UIL Banquet and it was BORING. I should have brought someone really funny as my plus one. Smart people are boring.
Oh yeah, random picture of Gaspard--- he's so pretty. I luff him.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Getting reprimanded or punished is not something I look forward to.
Many people say that from punishment, you learn a lesson that will keep you out of future trouble and help you out in life.
However, I disagree. Parents will be parents, and the whole protective thing will always be there, but it's not the protectiveness of my parents that I hate--- it's their expectations.
Automatically they assume I want to be treated like an adult--- They're wrong. I want to be treated as someone they created and raised. They always drive down my throat the "In the real world..." speech which just makes me want to scream that I'm not an adult. My common sense lacks sometimes because I'm too busy studying, and doing so much school work that at the end of the day my brain is fried.
I may be in AP classes, but I am not perfect. I mess up, and I usually clean up my mess ups-- however it's like my parents only look at the small fallacies I have and focus on those instead of seeing the big picture, or at least that's how it feels sometimes.
Also, the way they deal with reprimanding my 'common sense slip-ups' is somewhat driving me away from them. They wonder why I answer "good" and not elaborate when they ask my how my day went--- well maybe if they didn't criticize every tiny little mistake once I sit down and talk to them I would answer with a full sentence. It would also help if they didn't throw out the words "stupid" and "dumb-ss" while lecturing me.
At this point, with all the nagging and whatnot I'm looking forward to attending a faraway university just to escape being called stupid every time something slips my mind. I'm not stupid, just human. AND I'm not an adult.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
First off, I'm thankful that I live in a country in which I can freely speak my mind, but I'm tired of people using this privilege for their own selfish negative ways.
No seriously, free speech is a privilege, not a God given right as everyone drags it out to be. I'm tired of hearing excessive profanity and the "n" word, only to be justified with the 'free speech' argument.
It's alright if the occasional word comes out, but I'm talking about the people that open their mouths and a stream of curse words that would make a pirate blush come out.
People in Burma that range from your everyday blogger, to stand up comedians are being put in jail just because they wanted to get their voice out there. A lot of them are also sent to work camps, where doctors are not present and they contract diseases such as TB, malaria, and other horrible things eventually leading to their deaths.
And every time I hear a kid say, "That dmn nggr! Fck you!!" I cringe, and when they get in trouble, they just say, "FREE SPEECH!"
They take it for granted, and frankly I'm sick of it. I'm tired of my generation and our mindless abuse of privileges. It only needs to foul mouthed fattys.
BLAHHHHH. People make me so angry sometimes.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Ack, Saturday night I went to my school's One Act Play production of A View Across the Bridge. They were pretty good, but I guess that's a given since they're going to State competition.
I liked it, because there were a few familiar faces in the play, but my mom didn't like it. Whatever, I thought we could do some "bonding" while going to the play, however that went down the drain.
Today is Mothers Day, so Happy Mom's Day! I don't think I even know any mommy bloggers other than Dooce--- but say hello to your mother today. Don't give her the silent treatment, even if she did yell at you and drag into church.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Of course you could joke around, and have fun in class with the teacher, but what about when you cross the line.
When you don't listen to instruction, and the teacher is in the position to punish you--- how is one supposed to deal with the punishment?
Of course resentment and rebellion would ensue right?
I don't know. It sucks for Jacob though. He tested the teacher too much.
BUUUT---- notice the drawn out but---- I have schedule conflicts.
erg. It sucks.
I wish I could just take as many classes as I wanted, but whatever. I don't know, I'm going to talk to my councelor and see if I can move some classes around.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
-Act in such a way that you always treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, never simply as a means, but always at the same time as an end.
-Act as though you were, through your maxims, a law-making member of a kingdom of ends.
And what are those you ask? Why it's the three significant teachings of the Categorical Imperative.
It gives the saying "the means justify the ends" almost zero weighing ability. If one must have a just end, they therefore must have a just mean.
The death penalty is not just because we are taking away life. While we are making a safer community as an end, it is not justified because the means involve taking away human life.
Today someone changed my opinions on how I thought. I wish this would happen more often. I'm tired of trying to find answers to justify my opinions only to win in the end-- and rewarded by being told that I am "right". I like being proven wrong believe it or not, as long as it makes sense and there is grounded proof and logic to why I'm wrong.
Oh to be older, and to be filled with wisdom. That is what I wish for.
Monday, May 4, 2009
So in debate my teacher (who looks like Tina Fey) decided to do this thing where we have hot topic issues, and places in the room with signs like Agree, Strongly Agree, Disagree, Strongly Disagree--- and we had to come up with three points to support how we felt about the issue.
One was that the U.S. government should lower the drinking age to 18.
And I picked Agree.
However, it's not because I'm advocating for under aged drinking, but it's because I really think it makes more sense to do so.
First off, in the U.S. the age at which you can buy cigarettes legally is 18, and as we all know smoking causes health problems. There are cancer risks, and you can potentially harm a child while pregnant and smoking.
Drinking is the same way. There are many issues that come with subsequent alcohol abuse including a form of liver and pancreatic cancer, and it is also harmful to children while in the womb.
Many argue that the pre-frontal cortex isn't fully developed until the age of 21, which is why that is the drinking age, however we still allow individuals to buy harmful things such as the aforementioned cigarettes.
Another thing is, by lowering the drinking age to 18 there would be less teen, and young adult deaths due to drunk driving. Let's be honest here. One of the many reasons why teenagers drink is because it's illegal. Teens find it cool because they're defying the law, and act secretly to hide and smuggle their booze.
By lowering the age, the cool-ness in drinking underage would be gone.
To me, it doesn't make sense to not be consistent with things like age restrictions. Stuff like this just seems to go hand in hand. Just make it 18/18 for both or 21/21.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Fail at life. I haven't been blogging everyday, but whatever. I've been busy, tired, excited, and sleepy--- aka, too busy to blog every day.
EXCITEMENT. I'm so 133+ because I was one of the few to be selected to go to an AP Biology competition at Stephen F. Austin University at Austin (duh) Texas!! I didn't think I was ever that smart in Biology, but apparently the people who nominated me to go think otherwise. Not only do we get to participate in the competition, we get to take a tour of the SFA Biology department and hold all sorts of creepy weird stuff.
Yes. Best thing ever. We're going to go May 15, which is the day after I volunteer for the elementary field day and UIL banquet afterwords. Life is sweet.
Another thing, I bought these awesome books today, one is called India Bazaar, and basically it's a bunch of old vintage Indian ads. The pictures are so vibrant, and are absolutely lovely. Oh my, best money I have ever spent. Also, I bought a Fortunetelling book of Dreams to help me translate things that I dream about. Also, it's pocket size so I can carry it in my bag.
But now I'm really broke. Boo. I need money.
Oh well. Also, BEKKA. What days are you telling Cheney that you want to work? Because if we request the same day and time she might put us together. Tell me in the comments.