Monday, April 23, 2012

Felon magnet

So this is the obligatory BEDA post where I talk about my inability to attract nice, respectable boys because I'm running out of things to talk about.

It is my personal belief that all relationships prior to high school don't count. In high school you start with a virtually clean slate. Everyone is young, dewy, and puberty has either gifted or cursed you.

I escaped puberty relatively unscathed, and I probably would have been excellent dating material if it weren't for the fact that I was addicted to pro wrestling, punk music, and baggy camouflage pants and black t-shirts. Seriously. I pretty much friend-zoned myself from any sort of romantic relationships, sans the few tough guys that found me "spunky".

As a freshman I was pretty lost. I was still trying to find my niche, and I bounced between the scary art kids and the pretentious debate kids. 

Since everyone at my school knew how much of a spazz I was, I used weekend debate meets as a way to introduce myself to a pool of cute guys. I had pseudo relationships with a few guys I met through debate my freshman year, but one in particular turned out to be quite disheartening.

It was just after the first round of debate, and people began to congregate around tables eating lunch. I had gotten into a little argument with the team president and I was feeling a little vengeful. I knew he didn't like this one guy who had recently graduated because he was a douche. The guy was there as an observer and runner, who in hindsight was probably one of those guys who had nothing better to do with their time other than hanging out at their old high school. Anyways, the guy offered to give me a ride to get some lunch. Of course, wanting to make the team president angry, I went with the guy. We went to a Subway not to far from the school and the guy insisted on paying for me.

Aside from being slightly douchey the guy was ok. He made our outing feel very much like a date, and as a young impressionable freshman I was very impressed by his neatly combed hair, button down shirt, and shiny class ring. He made awful jokes and I pretended they were funny because 1) I was a silly freshman enamored by this "older" guy and 2) He had just given me a ride and bought my meal. Refusing to indulge him would have been rude.

When we got back at the school I was greeted by my livid team president. The guy tried to ask for my number, but my team president pretty much told him to get lost and threatened to tell our coach that he was harassing me. Needless to say I was smug about having incited that much anger in the team president, who was a senior. Later on the guy added me on facebook and tried to ask me out again, but I made up excuses about living too far away and whatnot (which was partially true, because we lived about 2 hours away from each other).

A year later he apparently set a string of churches on fire.


Along with that, another guy that I was in a relationship with recently was taken off parole for dealing marijuana.

And here I am. Wondering why I can't attract nice, clean-cut, law-abiding guys that like sci-fi and Thai food. Why?

No really, I'd like to know why.


  1. I was not expecting the setting the churches on fire thing... Not gonna lie, I laughed out loud about that. Geez, you really have not been lucky in the guy department, but at least you have experience in the matter! That's one way to look on the bright side at least, I guess... (Compared to me, on the other hand. Zero experience in anything... sigh.)

  2. Girl, I feel your pain, although I'll admit that it is no one's fault but my own that I attract felons and such and things. The right guy'll find you, you just have to not be looking :)

  3. You seem to have worse luck with men than I do with women. Though I would have been quite pleased to meet someone who you described yourself as back then. You'll find someone better eventually.

  4. I, too, laughed harder at the setting-churches-on-fire thing than I should have. It caught me by surprise! What can I say?

    Anyway, I have found that, generally, the guys you went to high school with are only good as guy friends or not good at all. Not to say that guys in college are better, but we will find someone eventually! It'll be worth it then and he will be cute and won't do drugs.

  5. I sympathize completely. If you attract unlawful guys, I definitely attract weird people, and I say people because there was this one girl in middle school who said some very questionable things to me.

    I predict you, Natalie, Karen and I are going to all find amazing boyfriends soon and it will make up for all the time we've suffered without a male counterpart.

    The best thing about not having a boyfriend, though? All the guy friends that are hilarious and awesome. I like having my group of about eight guys that know me well and would have my back no matter what. They're the sweetest 'honorary brothers' I could ask for.

  6. I have this thing where I unintentionally attract social outcasts. Not really the kind to set a string of churches on fire, but the kind that admire Hitler's political sense and hope to follow in his footsteps as they take over the world. I wish I was exaggerating.

  7. I did a double take on the 'setting fire to churches' part. Who'da thunk it?

    But you'll find someone worth your time. A good way to think of it is you not meeting anyone yet who can handle your awesome-factor *wink*.