All the stress...

...has begun to build up and I was on the verge of a legitimate panic attack today.

One thing just built up on another and to top it off I had a hard time focusing in class so I felt like a complete idiot during the first half of the day.

In AP Environmental Science we were assigned 2 labs today and an additional packet. One of them is to be turned in next class and the other one will be an ongoing lab for the next 6-8 weeks. The entire class was lost on what to do, and the teacher was pretty vague about the instructions. Not that paying attention to what she said did any good because of the aforementioned focusing issue. In AP English we had to watch a commemorative 9/11 video and the entire class was in tears, including our teacher. I don't like being emotional in public. I don't like crying in front of people. However, in that setting it felt ok.

In my sixth period I had to track down some people and while I was searching for them I decided to pop into the AcaDec class room and pick up my tub that I had left in there the year before. The shit head of a teacher threw away all of my important papers, despite the tub being marked with MY name. She emptied my box without an apology or second thought. At that point I started hyperventilating and freaking out. Those papers were important. And no, it wasn't stuff that I could just go on the internet and find. What kind of shit head just throws someone else's things away without trying to track them down and ASK them if it was ok?

And while I was in the beginning stage of my attack I was bombarded by multiple idiotic questions. Gee, thanks for noticing that I'm having respiratory issues and that my eyes are tearing up.

Then, I went to the bathroom and took a few deep breaths and composed myself. I couldn't go back to class looking like a mess. Then my art period rolled around and I told my friends about shit head throwing away my papers and I was so angry/stressed/tired that I nearly started hyperventilating again.

My friend offered me meds, but I opted not to take them. I just took some calming deep breaths and my friends were able to get my mind off of things by entertaining me with funny stories and awful innuendos about the lower stairway of our library.

As it turns out, my allergies are in full swing because of the smoke and the fall season in general and that was the reason why I couldn't pay attention to anything. Hopefully if I just stay inside this weekend and take some allergy meds I'll be ok.

I just wish I didn't bottle my emotions the way I do. I've been having a bad week, but due to the immense amount of homework and studying I've been doing I just opted to push through everything in hopes that my stress will magically disappear once I get my work done. It hasn't.

I don't want to be that person that does nothing but complain 24/7. I want to be happy, alert, and a good friend.

At least it's the weekend and I can go on Pottermore and explore to my heart's content and release some of the stress that I have. I really don't want to fail at school, and in extent life.