I looked at my shoes.
Man did they look not-churchy. Is churchy even a word? I don't know. All I know is that they do not look like something one should wear to Sunday morning church.
Oh well. Maybe the cute blonde guy standing by the sound system won't notice.
Oh no! He's walking over here....
He's two pews* away!
He's getting closer!
Um think fast! Ok, maybe if I'm real smooth he won't notice if I hide them under Granny's humongous bag.
I grabbed Granny's bag and prayed to God that it would make it in time to cover my horrible not-churchy shoes.
Ahh! He's looking at me! Ok, act natural.
I gracefully lifted my slender hand up to my hair to comb through it smoothly like all the pretty hair commercial girls when--- Yank. Ow. That did not work out as planned.
My nice and pretty mood ring that I had received as a present from Granny was now currently stuck in my hair. I tried to untangle myself without making it look like I was battling some great hairy monster, but it was physically impossible.
Why? Why today Hair? Do you hate me that much for not buying the $40 dollar conditioner?
I was so lost in battling the great bushy monster that was my hair that I didn't notice the cute blonde guy staring at me.
“Um, do you need some help?” he asked with a hint of laughter in his voice.
Oh dear holy llama the cute blonde guy is speaking to me! Be smooth! Or at least be as smooth as possible!!
“Uhhhhhh...errrr, well if you don't mind...” I mumbled sheepishly. Dear mother of Buddha, my hair must be a mess!
“Oh it's not prob. My lil bitty sis used to get bows stuck in her hair all the time and...”
He said a lot more but I was to busy being distracted by the way his hair reflected the light, and the way his body smelled like boy......mmhmhmm....yummy boy. I wonder if he has soft hair.....
“Ok! Phew!” he said smiling.
“Huh?” I said throughly dazed and overly confused. Then I noticed that my hand was no longer ensnared by my evil manipulative hair. “Oh yeah...um thanks---” I mumbled standing up.
While in the process of standing up I managed to knock Granny's bag over revealing my horrid not-churchy shoes to the yummilicous blonde boy.
Right then, at that precise moment, if this was a movie, it would have been the perfect time to insert a slow motion “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohohohhhooooooooooooo!!”
But since it wasn't not a movie I didn't say, “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohohohhhooooooooooooo!!”
Instead the noise that came out of my mouth sounded more like, “Crapshitohmygawsh.” which caused the cute blonde guy to laugh.
He picked up Granny's purse and set it on the pew. “Nice shoes.” he complemented. “Are those VANS?”
“Um yeah,” I said shuffling my feet. Again, he smiled. This time for no reason.
“So yeah,” he began, “Wanna go help clean out the baptistery*?”
I replied with an over enthusiastic “Sure!” fallowed by a smile.
He led the way through the hall, as I tripped along after him.
Maybe my shoes aren't as not-churchy as I thought.
For those of you who don't know:
*pew- one of those long bench couch looking things that you sit in at chuches.
*baptistery- used in some churches for giving baptisms. Kinda like a mini one person pool.
STEAL MY SHORT STORY AND DIE YOU LITTLE INTERNET RAGMUFFINS!