Monday, September 24, 2012

What is even going on?

This blog is so convenient.

It lets me adequately analyze, and sometimes over analyze all of my thoughts, while allowing for some bonus input.

A lot of things have been changing in the personal lives of my friends, and myself as well.

High school relationships are finally starting to crumble, and while I knew, and perhaps even they knew it was inevitable, it still makes me sad.  Even though I was merely an observer in their relationships I still feel highly empathetic towards both parties.

A friend of mine recently broke up with her seemingly awesome boyfriend after he had been "trying to cheat" on her.  I personally don't know if he would have actually done anything, but he was actively trying to meet other girls to "hang out with" via chat-apps which was pretty sketchy, and then when she confronted him about it, he said it was because he had confidence issues and talking to those people on the apps gave him confidence.  Yeah.  Anyway.  The now ex-seemingly awesome boyfriend is more broken up about the whole ordeal than my friend is, but I still felt sad that their relationship didn't work.  I mean, before the whole ordeal he did make my friend happy.  For once she didn't hate the entire world like she usually did.  I guess she doesn't necessarily hate the world right now seeing as how she's already moved on, but still.

Another friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend of about 2 years, and I literally spent a good 10 minutes looking at pictures of them all happy and together, and then feeling even more sad.  I mean, they were so sporty and cute and compatible.  They had pretty much mapped out their lives post-university together.  Sadly, they decided to call it quits because they were too dependent on each other and were missing out on a lot of opportunities due to that fact.  Apparently they had also been fighting about said lost opportunities... She said they were still friends, so I guess they left each other on decent terms.  I don't know all of the details as of yet, because everyone just found out today that they broke up, so yeah.

I don't know.  Is it weird that I'm so emotionally invested in my friends' relationships?

And then while all of this is going on, I'm sort of in the beginning stages of a relationship type-thing with JB, and in the back of my mind I keep thinking about all of these factors that could spoil things, but mainly the fact that I will be leaving in the near future to go to basic training.  Albeit, it's only two months, but a lot can happen in two months.

I usually just tell my brain to shut up and stop thinking so far into the future about things, but it's just inherent to my nature.  I can't help it.

Ah well, for now I'm just going to enjoy things.  We've been talking on the phone at night after he gets home from work, and we've also gone out together the past three weekends.  He asked me out on a date, so we'll see how that goes.  I feel so... young compared to him.  Sometimes when we talk the age difference is so tangible because I'm fresh out of high school, just now starting my "adult" life and he already has a career and somewhat stable and routine life.  I feel very naive and out of my element around him.  It's not a bad thing though, it's just different from the other guys that I've been in relationships with.

And on top of all of this, another friend of mine is pregnant.  And, there's nothing wrong with being pregnant straight out of high school, but--- she's in college.  She's planning on getting a nursing degree.  Having a kid will definitely make that 100 times harder.  Also, her boyfriend is their only source of income, and he only makes minimum wage.  They barely have enough money to take care of themselves and their cats, how are they going to pay for a baby?  Diapers, formula, doctor visits, clothes, child care--- all of these things are very expensive.  And the thing that really infuriates me is the fact that they haven't been using reliable birth control.  They've just been tracking her ovulation cycle and having sex when she's "least fertile".  Yeah.  I know.  It sounds like a load of bullshit.  Probably because it is.

She and her boyfriend are excited about the baby right now, but later on?  When it's even harder to make ends meet? We'll see.

Man.  I'm going to bed.  I'm going to try not to freak out about my friends lives, or my own for that matter, and hope for the best.


  1. Well I find the reason I tend to get involved so much in the relationships of my friends is because I don't have one of my own, but you are starting to get one. I think you just care enough about your friends, or you're trying to learn from their relationships. Could even be both. Try not to worry about any kind of age difference or anything. If he knows that you'll be gone for basic training soon then he's preparing for it too. Don't stress out over these things, and it should go well, and I hope it does.

  2. Have you ever seen the movie "Ghost World"? The Thora Birch character finds comfort in the fact that there is always this really old dude sitting at the bus stop claiming he is going somewhere, but he never is. He is just sitting there to have something to do. She takes comfort in it, because it is one thing that stays constant and never seems to change, while everything around her is always changing. I think in a way, that is similar to the feelings you are having about all your friends, and the changes you are all going through. Anyway, by the end of the movie, Thora Birch sees the old guy by the bus stop and feels better... but this time he actually does get on the bus, and leave, because this time he really is leaving... because nothing lasts forever.

  3. That 'birth control' does sound kinda dodgy to me :S I do tend to worry about other people's relationships too, I don't know why I do, I guess it's just because they're my friends and I don't want to see them hurt. I think you should go for it with JB, I mean, age is but a number :) x