Since I am indeed a girl, at times I fall prey to little insecurities that most girls posses. However, most of my turmoil was kept inside because that's just the type of person that I am. I hold everything inside (but more on that later). Because of that, people tend to get a skewed idea of who I actually am.
Often I give off an air of, "I could care less about what you think," which comes off as really confident to some people, but in all honesty it's just a defense mechanism. It was almost like I thought that if I could fake not caring, eventually I would truly not care what people thought. And it worked. After 6 years of faking my indifference I actually genuinely did not care what people thought when it came to my appearance.
If they didn't like the way I looked? Screw them. I'm awesome.
But every now and then, little things would slip through the cracks and undermine my false confidence. My hair was too unruly, too frizzy. My teeth weren't white enough. I needed to lose 15 or so pounds. Most of these "flaws" were pointed out and perpetuated by my own mother. Yes. She's a winner.
Luckily I'm not a girl who's heavily invested in looks, so whenever these thoughts popped up I would erase them with all the things that I liked about myself, like my ability to not study for a test and still pass with a low A or B, or my ability to out-wit the jerks in my class, and above all else: the fact that people liked me because I was weird.
But back to my original point, I felt confident, therefore I looked the part. Did anyone else know that I felt uncomfortable in my own skin at times? No. I never let them see those insecurities.
Whenever I see other girls complain on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and other online venues about how much they hate their bodies and how they look I feel sick. I feel angry.
I feel sick that people honestly believe that if they don't fit a prescribed notion of perfection that they aren't worthy of anything. And I feel angry at all of the people who complain for attention.
I guess I don't really understand the point in complaining about one's appearance. To me, that's a very small part of a person. I mean, right now I'm fixing all the things that I didn't like about my appearance. I'm working out, getting toned up. I'm taking extra care of my teeth and using whitener. And the hair thing... well I'm just going to live with it. I live in a humid environment. BUT, the outside of a person is, just that: the outside. It's changeable, if one wants to make the effort.
In my opinion, why complain if you aren't going to do something about it? I mean, if you're lazy, just be like I was and feign confidence. Put on an old t-shirt and jeans and tell the world to piss off. You may look like shit, but at least you'll look worthy of something.
Unlike thinking that you look like shit and vocalizing it. When you do that, YES. You will look like shit because you feel like it. And you will give off vibes that make everyone else know that you're down on yourself. That's not attractive! Stop it! Now.
It took time to be comfortable with myself and actually take steps to improving who I am, but it all started when I stopped complaining about how I looked.
/end rant about dumb body issues.