Monday, July 16, 2012

Kindly, stfu

I don't know if it's all the testosterone from being surrounded by meat heads 6/7 days a week, or perhaps just part of my wonderful emotional bottling skills, but every time my dad speaks I want to punch him in the face.

And I mean, honestly, the only thing holding me back is the tiny voice in my head whispering "suck it up" as I grit my teeth and bear it.

My dad is utterly convinced that I'm not pushing myself nearly enough and it's gotten to the point where I've ended up pulling two muscles trying to follow his instructions.

I feel like he's constantly trying to get me to give up, but unfortunately for him I'm too damn stubborn to admit that I'm about to pass out from exhaustion.

Saturday my dad was giving me the usual, biting, "How bad do you want to be successful? Because right now you're not showing me anything." speech and as per usual I sucked it up and pretended to ignore him.  It's what I do best.  We were doing a particularly taxing core workout, and my dad's comments were really starting to get to me.  I was in pain.  A lot of pain, actually, and I could feel my left abdominal muscles tighten and pull.  My dad was determined to make me "go the extra mile" and add 100 sit-ups after our 45 minute core session, but it was too much.  I ended up pulling on of my ab muscles soon after I started my sit-ups, and it somehow ended up being my fault.

  • I should have spoken up
  • I'm not consuming enough calories
  • I'm not drinking enough water

Yeah.  Pretty much all those reasons are BS.   If I would have spoken up my dad would have just told me that I wasn't pushing myself enough (believe me, I hear that phrase about 5 times a day), I consume high protein foods and I try to get at least 1800-2000 calories a day, and I drink water like a fish.  No really.  It's not unusual for me to go through 8 bottles of water in a day.

UGH.  I know that when I go to basic training I'll have asshole TI's dishing out worse things, but I can handle that.  I won't take that personally because it's their job to be an asshole and prepare me for everything.  My dad?  I take it highly personally when he acts like a douche hole to me.  He's my dad.  He's supposed to support me, not make me feel like a weak idiot.

As per usual, I will suck it up.


  1. You're right, your dad is supposed to help support you. I think that when you're actually going through the proper training, they won't push you nearly as hard. There's no use in an exhausted and injured soldier who damaged themselves in training. When it's going so far that you're pulling muscles, you really are trying more than hard enough.

    1. I've already had a fellow trainee tell me that I was overworking myself and that I would be MORE that prepared for training, but unfortunately my dad doesn't care.

  2. I don't think parents are sometimes able to see that they can't treat us in the same way a stranger would, because it's more personal when they do it.

  3. Sweetness,

    I think you should tell your dad to back off a little bit. You're trying your damned hardest - hell, you hurt yourself to please him! - so therefore he should give you a break. I know better than anyone how hard it is to tell them to back off but I'm sure you'll be able to do it.

    Isn't there a fitness group you can join to get the initial training you need so it is a stranger helping you rather than your Dad??

    Helen xo

    1. I'm going to try to look into a fitness group, but most of them meet only a few times a week. My dad wants me working out 6 days a week :/

  4. You're working so hard and doing everything right and he really just needs to back off. If you're ending up hurting yourself, it's not doing anyone any favors. As Helen said, maybe it would be better if someone other than your dad could help you, if possible. Hang in there, Lizzi. You are awesome.

    1. Thanks, Natalie. I'm going to talk to my dad about working with an actual trainer.