So, as most of you already know, I'm in the process of getting into shape before I have to leave for AF basic training (which is tentatively 4-6 months away from now).
Like I've mentioned before, I've never done any type of physical conditioning EVER and I'm starting at ground level, trying to build myself up.
Everyday I work out. I push myself to physical exhaustion, sometimes even tears. Whenever I go to the gym I'm always so determined. I give every workout 110%.
But sometimes I get so frustrated with myself. I wish I could do more, be better at everything. I wish doing 20-30lbs on various machines wasn't hard for me.
And I know it's silly to be upset with myself, but sometimes I just want to jump out of my own body and yell, "REALLY? IT'S JUST 20LBS YOU CAN DO THIS." but my body doesn't comply, and still struggles to keep up with my mind's expectations.
And I KNOW I need to be patient. I know this.
But I can see my parents freaking out about how unprepared I am, which freaks me out, plus the daily lecture I get from them which usually consists of: "You need to start pushing yourself harder or else you won't be ready for basic." While in my mind I'm screaming "WTF DO YOU THINK I'M DOING RIGHT NOW? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M ABOUT TO BURST A BLOOD VESSLE/CRY/VOMIT/PASS OUT?!"
I know my parents are just trying to motivate me, but it still sucks. A lot.
It sucks to suck.
But I'll push through it. I just need to find my inner peace and calm myself.