Sunday, June 10, 2012

Because being emotionally repressed isn't cool


You know those hives that my dad worried himself into because of my MEPs business? Yes. After two days of complete and utter misery he finally went to the doctor to see why they weren't going away.

When they got home from the doctor's I asked my stepmom if everything was ok, and she informed me that indeed, nothing was wrong aside from the stress that my dad had put himself under.

My dad is your every day, old fashioned, man's man. He rarely shows weakness, in my entire lifetime I've NEVER seen him cry, or even come close to tears, and he believes that men should be--- well, men.

However, because of this philosophy he bottles his emotions and the effects usually manifest in themselves in the form of a physical illness/ailment.

I am a lot like my father.

I don't like being overly emotional (especially in front of others) and if at all possible I try to hold everything in so that I can process it alone, or not at all.

I understand that I'm on a fast-track to ending up like my dad, but I find it increasingly hard to NOT hold everything inside.  Call me deluded, but since I am the eldest child I feel as if I ought be the most stable one.  I am the most stable one. Unlike my younger sisters, I don't upset easily, and I most definitely do not wear my heart on my sleeve. Being an emotional whirlwind has never looked attractive to me.

BUT, am I setting myself up to end up like my dad, letting my bottled up feelings affect me physically?

I don't know.  I feel like there is a fine line between being guarded and being emotionally repressed---.

I do a fair bit of my venting on here, which is good, because I always find that writing about things I find upsetting to be cathartic, but is that enough?


  1. I'm stable on the outside, emotional whirlwind on the inside and on blogger? lol. I'd say... it's enough? Then again, what do I know? :p
    I like hearing about your feeling and your thoughts on all your whatnottery, it's nice.

  2. I'm like B. Stable on the outside, whirlwind on the inside. Though sometimes I have trouble holding things in. It's alright to be either way, but something in the middle would be best. Hopefully your dad will destress, and get better, and you won't end up like him. I won't call you crazy though. As the eldest you probably should do that. I'm the middle child and I'm the one doing that though. I had a post written about it that I never published. You have an outlet in blogging. It may prove to not be enough, but it is a good start.

  3. Basically, I channel my emotions through sarcasm. Not such a good coping method.