Monday, October 8, 2012

Just wait

As of late I've been noticing a trend among the people that I used to go to high school with.

They're all getting married.

And I'm just over hear, like, "Are we even old enough to do that?"

We're not even old enough to buy our own alcohol.

There's nothing wrong with being in love and wanting to be with that person, but marriage is such a big deal to me.

I don't really understand the rush of wanting to bind yourself to someone legally.  Is it that hard to wait until you're partially established and stable? We're all 18-19, either working, going to school, or doing something. We're just now experiencing the world.

I hear my parents talk all the time about their friends that married straight out of high school that are now divorced because they got married before they were ready.  They didn't even go to different colleges, or live in different cities, they just jumped directly into marriage. Then as they grew older, they realized that they were different people.

What's wrong with having a long engagement? What's wrong with waiting another two or three years? What's wrong with waiting until you're stable enough to support yourself?

It's responsible.  It's logical.  It gives a relationship better odds for survival and longevity.

I'm doing my best not to be a complete and total cynic, because I do think that some relationships will last, but the vast majority?  I feel like, at times, they're just clinging onto familiarity.  They're scared of having to move on, they're trying to prove that they can do "grown up" things by making life-altering decisions.

I guess all I can do is sit back and wish them the best of luck with their relationships.


  1. Well you really answered your own question. Responsible and logical things tend not to be done these days. Especially by the majority of the younger generation it seems. Still, there are good people in the minority like yourself. People are just in such a rush these days. Oh well.

  2. It seems a shame that they're rushing into it. I can see why you'd want to do it but it may not be the best choice. Waiting a few years does seem to be the best option to me :) x

  3. Eh, I've never gave our grade a lot of credit for being smart and logical, and I probably never will. But hey, if that's how they want to pursue their life, let 'em. They'll be divorce, lonely, and struggling to find a minimum wage by twenty-one, but if that's how they want to start their life no one should stand in their way. I think people should be left alone to make their own mistakes. This is one of the instances where I'm glad I'm super unattractive and could never get a guy because it forces me to live my own life and go after what I want. I'm sorry it bothers you. I wish everyone the best, I really do.

  4. You bring up some good points. To each their own! I am more inclined to want to wait, and make sure you're who you are, and you and your partner work well together in all aspects. Sometimes, when we're young, we rush because we don't see ourselves as changing, and I think, don't know what a huge commitment that it is. My aunt and uncle were married at 18, and they're still together (crazy in love) but that's not the rule, it is by far the exception. Know thyself, right? :)

  5. Marriage is one of those glitter-bomb things kids learn to see as the end of the world - especially in this material generation. They think their boy/girlfriend loves them more than the world, when they haven't fully matured. I doubt I will relate to my current self in 10 or 20 years time, and I worry about the kids doing this...

  6. Even though I plan to get married at 21, I see your point and can respect it. A lot of my friends are getting married, engaged, and having children, and there's just something that makes me think, "Whoa, you're not ready!" And yet,I think I am. No, I know I am.

    I think it's a personal thing. You know when you're ready. I guess that's how most of life works.

    Granted, a lot of people marrying young are doing so for the "wrong" reasons. They want to wait until marriage to have sex, so they're getting married. Or they're going to have a child, so they're getting married. They've been dating for six months and the honeymoon period is still going strong, so they're getting married. Of course, I have absolutely no idea what is going through most of their heads. I could be totally, one hundred percent wrong about the strength of their relationships, and I hope I am. It's not my place to judge them, anyway.

    Getting closer to marriage means that I've had to defend my relationship against people who think we are too young, and I understand why. My parents were married at 21, divorced at 30, remarried at 37, and then divorced at 45, and are about to be remarried. It's a little sketchy, admittedly, but it works for them, so it works out for the rest of us. They're happy, we're happy. I would argue that young marriages have a tendency to fail more often than not compared to older marriages, but that's not the case at all. It's 48% straight across the board. If you find a good one early, what's the point of waiting? (And we'll have graduated from college by the time we tie the knot, which is a little different.)

    I'm sure about getting married young because I just know I am. Here's an article that basically sums up what those of us are thinking:

    Really good post, Lizzi!

    1. Thank you for this comment! And I really enjoyed reading that article.

      In the back of my mind I was thinking of a handful of people that I knew that were getting married young when I was writing this post and I thought of you and Sam as well.

      I feel like the two of you have already been through so much together that you are prepared to be married. I mean, making your relationship last through the distance is proof in itself.

      Plus, getting married at 21, in my opinion, is way better than getting married at 18. I feel like those few years do make a big difference.

  7. I agree with you. I guess in a way it is noble to believe you have found the person you will spend the rest of your life with at such a young age, and you are willing to back it up with the full commitment. Unless, they are doing it like you say to prove how grown up they are. Realistically, the odds are, more than half of those marriages will fail. Which, perhaps is a good reason, to wait a little longer, and give your marriage a better chance to succeed.

  8. That seems really weird...don't they have to finish college first? Here, in Malaysia, people are usually so scattered out at the end of high scool(most people go to Uni in either the uk or Australia or the USA) that they dont even pretend that a long distance relationship will last. They just break up after schools over,

    1. That's an interesting perspective.

      But in the US since there are universities scattered everywhere, the likelihood of going to college with your high school sweetheart is very high, if people even leave town to go to college. A lot of people do like you said, and break up if they know that they're going to be moving to a different state.

      My parents always drilled into me: College then relationships. Over and over and over, so in my mind, that's the most normal way of doing things.

      Then again, I'm going into the military, so it's a little bit different.

  9. I think it totally depends on the people in the relationship, but for the most part I do agree that 18 is way too young. Admittedly I know absolutely no one IRL that is getting married or thinking of having kids any time soon, so it's kind of weird to me that this is a thing that's already happening with people you know!

    1. I honestly think it may just be a regional thing. I mean, I do live in the South, where things are still VERY traditional.

  10. None of my friends are getting married either because they're focused too much on their education and/or can't financially support themselves.

    Though I find it interesting that my group of friends all want to get married before 30.