Well, I guess I'm at the point where I should elaborate on the fact that I recently broke up with my boyfriend. And by recently I mean this last weekend, while I was in the food court with my friends, I called up JB and ended things. It was pretty painless, at least, it was for me...
I feel like being away in a high stress environment made me realize what I did and didn't miss. It made me sort of prioritize who/what was valuable in my life. There were things that I did miss A LOT like my baby brother, writing/typing on a regular basis, music, naps, bubble baths, tea--- the list goes on. I missed a lot of the little things. Then of course, there were things that I didn't miss, like my dad being a dickhole, smelling like an ash tray 24/7, being dependent on my parents, this list can go on as well.
But there was one thing that really nagged at me while I was there, and it was the fact that I didn't miss JB at all. I missed having the company of a male, but once I started talking to brother flight that issue was resolved. I kept on thinking, "It's just BMT. When he comes for graduation weekend it'll be different. I'll feel different." but I never did. If anything, when he visited it just confirmed what I had been feeling for the past 8 1/2 weeks. I didn't feel the same way he did. In fact, I was kind of overwhelmed by the magnitute of his feelings for me.
While at BMT he sent me a letter saying that I was "the one" and that he wanted to marry me in a few years. Yeah. My first reaction was a resounding HELL NO. Followed by a few oh shits.
As soon as I could I wrote him back saying that I didn't see myself getting married in the next few years because I wanted to deploy and focus on my career. Yeah. After that letter I stopped signing off with "Love, Lizzi" and started just using the generic, "-Lizzi".
I know. That was a dickhole move. In fact, I feel like a major dickhole, but I feel like it's better to be up front and honest right now, instead stringing him along and giving him false hope.
I know why he wants to get married so fast. He's 27. I'm not stupid. I know he feels the pressure to settle down and start a family, which is precisely why I broke up with him. I can't give him that right now. And even if I were to get married in the next few years, I'm not certain that I'd want to marry him. I just don't feel that way about him.
So yes. I called him and told him that I wanted to break up. End of story. He didn't really fight it. He told me that he loved me and that maybe if things worked out he wanted us to get together, but I don't think things "working out" or the lack thereof had anything to do with the end of our relationship. I just didn't feel right. It wasn't fair to him.
I haven't been in the need of a relationship as of late. I've built up a good pool of guy friends that I hang out with because quite frankly, I'm burnt out of being surrounded by females. I was asked out yesterday by some guy who has been picking on me since I stepped foot onto Keesler. I promptly turned him down.
Now, I'm just going to focus on passing all of my tests. I'm going to focus on my job, which is to wake up every morning, go to school, and defend the country. Easy peasy.