Monday, October 28, 2013

In which I disclose what a mess I am

Right now I can't even handle my personal life.

Sometimes I wish I could just live at work.  I'm good at my job.  Well, I'm
learning to be good at my job.  There's still a lot that I don't know, but I'm still in my sponge stage and everyday I learn something new.

But then after work. Ugh.

For the most part, from what people tell me, I'm a pretty nice/chill person to be around.  

However when it comes to self discipline/control I'm lacking.  It's
painfully ironic because you'd think all of  my military training would have helped me with that particular quality, but it seems to have only made it worse.  In fact, I think these qualities developed after I joined.

I am very much so living in the present, and it's reflected in how I act and make my decisions.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not balls to the wall crazy, but I embrace spontaneity and doing things because they "feel right/good" at the time.

I don't want to tarnish the "Carpe Diem" mindset, but that's the current philosophy I'm embracing right now.

It's why if I see something I want, and I have the resources to acquire it, I do.

It's why I like going on crazy adventures and getting lost in new environments.

It's why I like pushing my own personal limits and boundaries.

This mindset has, however, contributed to the current mess that I have made
for myself.  I know that I'm in the wrong, and in no way am I contesting that.

The situation has just made it blindingly obvious that I need to reign myself in and try to find my center again, because I am out of equilibrium.

I'm out of control, I messed up, and I'm not afraid to admit it.

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