Shop me out

After christmas shopping is the best. Why? Because everything is on sale.

Usually I'll spend $40 at Charlotte Russe and another $40 at Forever 21 and pick up a few shirts, maybe some jewelry, but after christmas?

Everything is usually half off, and I can actually leave the mall without going over $50---getting the same amount of stuff, and still have a bunch of christmas money left over to spend the next day.

My two day shopping spree in Dallas is now over, but I'm looking forward to January when I get to do more shopping.

Then I go back to studying. And school. And academic competitions.

Ugh. That reminds me. I have a literary analysis paper to work on.

An Ode to Selfishness

I'm the ultimate best friend.
I'm there for you when you need me to be, but not always reliable.
Blunt and to the point, I'm almost as sharp as a double edged sword.
I keep my personal life quiet while it's going on, then after a year I tell.
You don't have to worry about me
Because I'm not the jealous type.
Even if I was I wouldn't show it
I bite my tongue
More than you think
I silently judge
More than you think
I lie through my teeth
More than you think
Sending out the friend vibe is what I do.
I don't associate myself with relationships.
I only set them up.
Smiling at your happiness is what I do.
I'm still here, even though sometimes it's hard.
I'm the ultimate best friend.

Privacy please.

Again, I find myself in the same spot where I usually am.

In trouble for staying in my room, as opposed to being outside of my room, working on a new art piece, or say reading a nice book, or just trying to watch TV.

Of course I can do all three of the said above activities both in and out of my room, but I like my quiet. I like my privacy. I like keeping my things out of the chubby hands of a certain little brother.

It's hard to get this point across to my family.

There's no point in arguing. I only argue with people I don't spend time with 20 out of 24 hours a day.

Sheesh. I'm never going to get this new art piece done.

Leftovers, clutter bug

Leftovers and I have a love hate relationship. Sometimes I don't mind eating 3 day old pinwheels, but it gets to a point where I can't even remember how old some of the food is.

I keep on neglecting to eat christmas ham because 1) the oranges are just 2 feet away, and not refrigerated, and 2) I'm lazy and don't want to walk all the way to the fridge, and warm up the ham.

And it goes on like this for days. I feel guilty if I throw away food the instant a giant holiday meal has ended because so much hard work went into it, but at the same time, let's be honest: I never actually eat leftovers.

I'll pick at them, nibble here and there, but that's it. And that crap usually clutters up the fridge for a solid 2 weeks until someone gets sick of it being cluttered and finally throws it away.

There's enough clutter in my life. I'll throw away bags upon bags of stuff that it either broken, or supremely old, and I'll still have a cluttered room. 3 bags of clothes donated, and my closet is still jam packed, and I only wear half of what's actually in there.

Why?

I am such a clutter bug. Oh well. At least you can see the floor in my room, however you can't see the walls because of all the shelves of stuff in there. OMIGAWD.

Best Christmas Ever

Yes. This has been the best haul so far!

And the best part is, it's not over yet! I still have one more Christmas to go!

Now, before I go off rambling on all of my presents, I just want to stop myself and mention the bad before the good.

I went over and spent part of Christmas day with my mom. Worst idea ever. This last trip pretty much re-affirmed the fact that I don't ever want to go to her house again. If I meet with my mom, it will not be in her environment, it will be in one of my choosing. Christmas over there sucked.

However Christmas at my dad's, and later at my grandparents' was awesome. I pretty much got everything I wanted, and then some.

I received all sorts of fancy art supplies, and a much needed brush bucket, and a portfolio for all of my art. And I also got a cool little sewing machine! Now I can finally sew 24/7!

And since we're traveling this Christmas a bunch of my family just gave me gift cards and money!!

SHOPPING IN DALLAS FTW!

I got a lot of other things, but I'm too lazy to type that much, and I'm sure you guys would rather tell me what an awesome Christmas you had.

Ho Ho Ho

M E R R Y
C H R I S T M A S

Hey guys, can you guess the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? (besides the obvious)


Santa stops at three Ho's.

Of The Mathematic Kind

*taken from Troy Kim's FB note, originally sent by his dad or something.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS


Smart man + smart woman = romance

(똑똑한 남 + 똑똑한 녀 = 로맨스)


Smart man + dumb woman = affair

(똑똑한 남 + 멍청한 녀 = 불륜)


Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

(멍청한 남 + 똑똑한 녀 = 결혼)


Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

(멍청한 남 + 멍청한 녀 = 임신)



OFFICE ARITHMETIC


Smart boss + smart employee = profit

(똑똑한 사장 + 똑똑한 직원 = 수익)


Smart boss + dumb employee = production

(똑똑한 사장 + 멍청한 직원 = 생산)


Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

(멍청한 사장 + 똑똑한 직원 = 승진)


Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

(멍청한 사장 + 멍청한 직원 = 초과 근무)



SHOPPING MATH


A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

(남자는 필요한 $1짜리 물건을 $2에 산다.)


A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

(여자는 필요 없는 $2짜리 물건을 $1에 산다.)



GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

(여자는 미래에 대한 걱정을 한다. 남편을 얻을 때까진.)


A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

(남자는 미래에 대한 걱정을 전혀 하지 않는다. 부인을 얻을 때까진.)


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

(자기의 부인이 쓰는 것보다 많이 버는 남자를 우리는 성공한 남자라 칭한다.)


A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

(그런 남자를 찾은 여자를 우리는 성공한 여자라 칭한다.)



HAPPINESS


To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him little.

(남자와 행복하기 위해서 당신은 그를 많이 이해하고 사랑은 조금 해야 한다.)


To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

(여자와 행복하기 위해서 당신은 그녀를 많이 사랑하고 절대 이해하려 해서는 안된다.)



APPEARANCE


Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

(남자는 잘려고 누웠을 때와 같은 모습으로 일어난다.)


Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

(여자는 왠지 자는 동안 좀 썩은 듯 하다.)



PROPENSITY TO CHANGE


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't

(여자는 남자가 변할 거라 예상하고 결혼한다. 하지만 그는 변하지 않는다.)


A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

(남자는 여자가 변하지 않을 거라 예상하고 결혼한다. 하지만 그녀는 변한다.)




DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE


A woman has the last word in any argument.

(어떠한 말싸움에서도 마지막 말을 하는 사람은 여자다.)


Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

(그 이후에 남자가 어떤 말을 한다면, 그것은 새로운 말싸움의 시작이다.)

Older now, and bad excuses

I'm about to get ready to see the Nutcracker ballet (YES!!!) and I just remembered that I haven't blogged in a while. I didn't even blog on my birthday which was the 15th!

Everything has been so busy, getting ready for Christmas, seeing old friends, and a lot of family stuff---- I just haven't had anytime to write.

Also, everyone knows I like presents, and travel, and this year my parents have decided to combine them both. After we have Christmas with all the family we're heading to San Antonio and Austin again for some shopping, touring, and hopefully snow! I can't wait! I'm hoping to hit up a few vintage shops I saw this summer, or at least a few galleries.

School is now officially out for me, and right now I'm trying not to worry about the paper I have due in English, or the pounds worth of French Revolution inspired music that I have to study and commit to memory.

Ugh. I'm also trying not to get annoyed by the overused and abused excuse of "Why not, (insert holiday here) only comes around once a year!"

Well naw duh. You know what else comes around once a year? My fist, towards your face if you don't stop saying that. People need to either be honest, or come up with a better excuse when trying to justify our of the ordinary holiday actions.

Personally, when asked why I would spend over $100 at Bath and Body Works for family, I don't say "Why not, Christmas only comes around once a year!"

I say, "Hello? Have you met my family? I'm safer getting them something nice and smelly than buying them a gift card from the Pottery Barn."

You can't buy me...maybe

I'm not even going to lie. I'm materialistic. I like spending time with family and friends, but at the end of the day, I like being surrounded by stuff. This is why my room is overflowing with random things.

My mom and I don't get along. I think her new husband is weird. She took me out for an early birthday lunch today, which was ok. We didn't talk much.

Then we went shopping.

My mom's not rich. She's not poor. She's somewhere in between. When we went shopping she asked me what I wanted, and I told her I needed scarfs. I saw a few that I was just like wow, these are pretty!

Before I knew it, without looking at the price, my new stepdad was like, "LET'S GET IT!"

I pretty much had a heart attack when we were checking out and I heard the price of these two scarfs. $80. Dude. I have never ever ever spent that much on an accessory. Ever.

Now, to some people, this is normal, but me? No. $20-$30 is the limit on what I would spend on accessories.

When we first left the store I felt a little guilty, but right now, not so much. It was for my birthday, and this new guy is just trying to prove that he's a good stepdad, so should I feel bad? I think not. Not to mention he's already mentioned the words: Dallas, Shopping spree, and Hundreds of dollars, Saturday after Christmas.

I think this guy is going to make up monetarily for all the crappy experiences I had with my mom.

All around guy

I'm tired of liking guys, and then disliking them because I can't take them anywhere.

Have you ever liked a guy you couldn't take everywhere? It's frustrating.

I have tons of banquets/ dances to go to every year and bringing a date is always nice, but I want to go with someone I can have fun with.

It sucks because sometimes the guy:

doesn't like to dance
doesn't like books
doesn't have any friends at the function and therefore would have no one to talk to but me, meaning my mingling time is cut down
doesn't like the food the event is serving
doesn't own a suit, and will never own a suit... ever.

Sometimes it's all of the above, sometimes it's just one or two. The point is, it's bothersome.

I need an all around guy. One I can go with to Starbucks, Barns and Noble, banquest/dances, the occasional get together with my graduated high school, now college friends, and plays and other theatrical productions. Someone I can take to the above places without feeling guilty that I'm boring them or making them uncomfortable.

Is that too much to ask for? Maybe so.

Vignettes and lots of other homework.

• My preAP English teacher is making us read The House on Mango Street, and although it's an easy read, I have to say reading vignettes are confusing. Since they do not go in direct chronological order you pretty much open the book and get these random episodes of this girl's life. It's a good book, just weird. Of course, since we're reading vignettes, my teacher assigned a project in which we had to come up with 12-15 titles, and from those titles write 5 vignettes about our lives. We also have to come up with a book cover, and on the back we have to come up with an explanation to why our book cover looks like that. I'm pretty excited because I've always wanted to do a little mini book project. And plus, writing the vignettes are super easy.
• ACADEC competition is in January which means I have to cram a semester's worth of studying into christmas break. FUN. I'm looking forward to my brain oozing out of my ears.

My birthday is on the 15th, and instead of having a super awesome birthday I have to talk with Lawyers about money and whatnot. OH THE JOY.

This is why I LOVE lawyers. They make my birthday SO AWESOME. /end sarcasm.

I wish I knew someone named Bill

This song is pretty much the bomb dot com. I love the whole feel of this song, and it's not annoying like other "wedding" songs. I'm sorry, but I would be lying if I told you that I didn't want to stab my eyes out whenever I go to a wedding and hear these sappy songs over and over about crap like, "I'll love you till the end of time...."

Not that that statement is bad, but it's so completely hackneyed. UGH.

Now, this song about Bill, I'm listening to it on repeat that's how much I love it. Bill. Bill. I need to meet a Bill.

Spicy Day

Today was pretty surreal.

First I had this weird dream.... I was at a debate tournament, and I guess we were done for the day and we were leaving the building. I remember being pretty bummed because T's school wasn't able to make it for some odd reason.

Also, the building was weird. Instead of a school, it was this church decorated in deep rich colors like maroon and gold with wood paneling and the lights were iridescent, soft and very yellow.

As we were walking down this kind of narrow hallway to leave I see T walking in a line of people, and surprised, I say "Hey!" and kind of stray from the group telling them that I would catch up soon. I hear a threat from my new coach telling me that if I'm the last one in the bus, or if they're kept waiting for me that they're going to leave without me.

I take this into consideration, but brush it off and go see T. We smile, say hi, hug and I walk back with him to this giant auditorium. I don't really remember why he came there, I just remembered that he had to perform or something like that, and his parents were there. We talked, and hugged for a very long time. Like, A VERY LONG TIME. And then I realized that I had to run to the bus before my new coach left me here without a ride, so we reluctantly stopped hugging, and I run to the bus only to find out that they weren't going to leave me because they were still waiting for Mr. G, the theatre teacher who had to pee really bad.

And then I woke up. The weirdest thing though is the fact that when I woke up it didn't feel like a dream, but a memory. I remember details, faces, the whole bit. Weird.

Then later on at school during lunch this random girl with a nose ring comes to our table and asks my friend George for his number. This is usually normal because pretty much 70% of the girls at school have a thing for him, however his girlfriend happened to be sitting across from him. Nose ring girl starts rambling and then is like, "Well, you don't have to if you can't, I mean if you have a girlfriend or something---"

George's girlfriend Karina, in shock just sits there, and I look at nose ring girl and just point across the table at Karina as she says this, and she stops mid sentence and goes "Oh! Oops! My bad!" and runs away to her table, acting weird and embarrassed.

I'm probably going to get bad karma for laughing about her with my friends, but at the same time, I gotta give her made props for actually having the guts to just blatantly ask for his number. I know I could never just bluntly ask for a guy's number... heck I usually just wait for them to ask for mine.

Oh yeah, I know you guys probably hate the show Grey's Anatomy, but have you seen Dr.McSexyEyes?? He is gorgeous.Oh those eyes.

Thanksgiving Doodles

Right now, after being hit by a double whammy of bad news, I don't know what to do. I'm not ready to talk, or even think about what is going on around me. It's like I was in this cool fish bowl, that had problems but worked, and then all of a sudden, without warning or heads up I just get dumped into a large dirty aquarium in the back of Petco.

Ok, maybe that's a little hard to catch, but you get what I'm saying right? The goldfish (me) is still shocked, and may or may not go crazy from the big change.

So, in order to avoid talking without using fish allegories I'm just going to post all of the random doodles I did today when I should have been talking to family.The traditional napkin doodle! Of course it was done at the dinner table, when I should have been eating my second helping of pie.Naked baby! My grandma keeps a pad of this free hospital paper they give you as a parting gift when you leave the hospital all around the house. I drew this when I should have been helping clean up. Oops.Inspired by all the studying for AcaDec I've been doing, I drew a picture of Jean Jacques Rousseau. I probably should have drawn it in pencil so my shading would be nicer, but I only had my pen on me at the time. Too bad in my doodle I made him look like a caricature.... I swear, his forehead is usually not this large.If you can guess the artist I spoofed I'll send you a package of oreos. I thought it would be funny if I placed one of my filipino family members in French Revolution getup. I think all of my studying has given me French Revolution fever.

In which my girth will increase tenfold

I am so thankful for my blogger friends who have broadened my horizons and have allowed me to view a bias other than my own.

You, my dear friends, all deserve a float for Macy's parade.

Rethinking

So, earlier I was flipping through the channels, searching for my staple TV shows that I can watch 24/7 no matter what, and I thought, hmmm let's see...

America's Next Top Model
Top Chef
Design Star
Chopped
Ace of Cakes
-Pretty much anything on Bravo/Oxygen or the Food Network

And I thought some more. Am I overlooking the culinary arts and the fashion world?

For so long I've been thinking, "POLITICS, PHILOSOPHY, ECONOMICS!!"

That I've overlooked the arts. And the more that I think about it, do I really want to surround myself with the three main things that cause early wrinkling? I don't know. I'm going to do more thinking.

And watch some ANTM. My golly that show is.... like crack.

Field Notes

I...
Am glad for this week off, this time to collect myself.

Because quite honestly I don't think I'm fit for society right now. Things are so weird, and taking a breather and surrounding myself with comfort foods seems right.

Instead of babbling and talk of boring things I'm going to surround myself with Simon and Garfunkel, Andrew Bird, and other people of the soft folky healing persuasion.

dark and twisty

It's not easy being all happy happy sunshine.

As a teenager I am prone to depression. Not to mention I'm a female.

It just sucks that everyone is so judgmental of the dark and twisty types.

It's a good think I have Thanksgiving break, aka, a whole week to work out my dark inadequacies.

Did I mention how much I want to just leave? No? Well I do. Just for a day. Maybe even be like that guy who slept for a really long time.

give me yo money

ARG.

I hate how the holidays steal your money. I want to buy really cool stuff for my friends coming home from college, but all I've managed to scrape up is like, sixty bucks.

Poop. If only I had a job.

Why is it that we are not necessarily forced, but obligated to spend so much during the holidays? I mean, your pockets are empty, yet somehow you've managed to gain 20 pounds. It's quite a conundrum.

I've tried applying to a few places, but all the jobs I've looked at need part-timers after school and put you at the bottom of the priority list if you're not an adult. poop.

Without time

Thanksgiving Holiday could not come any sooner if you ask me. In fact I wouldn't mind if it came a whole week sooner.

I could use that time to catch up on some much needed studying, or better yet, SLEEP. A random kid in one of my elective classes counted me yawn 15 times in one class period.

Now besides the fact that him counting my yawns was disturbing, I also find the fact that I yawned that much a serious sign that I need to catch some Z's.

With thanksgiving break approaching I also face Christmas, and a buttload of friends who will be home for the holidays, and expecting gifts and snacks. Oh joy.

Something something something

Oh man.

Oh man.

I'm up in activities for a while. Hopefully Metcalf, my one true ginger friend will bring me my wondrous trophy tomorrow so I can add it to my collection of great awesomeness.

I'm letting him bring it during debate so he can rub it in my coach's face. Mwhahahahahaa...!

And this picture was a portion of the decoration we had on our debate wall. Oh the good times. Look, you can see my hand!

Forever beating my head up against a wall

"Do you like me being around?"

"It doesn't matter, it's up to you if you want to hang out with me."

"No, do you want me around?"

"I enjoy your company..."

"Okay then."

"Okay."

WORK.WORK.x10

Between all the piles of AcaDec work I have, and the other mountains of work and projects I have to do for classes I have managed to wade through and find my way to my blog.

Since my dad has gotten his new office space we've been moving stuff around the house, trying to make things less cramped. There are TONS of houses on the market in my city, however not so many in my school district.

Plus, since my school district is so "great" the housing prices are super jacked up.

Anyways, my life is a big ball of BUSY marked with a giant B. Not to mention all the stress of having to put up with JGraves and his quasi BS. I just found out moments ago that he straight up lied to me when I asked him if there was a tournament or not this weekend.

He told me it was canceled, but guess what? I have friends on the inside who told me that there is indeed a tournament this weekend, however since no one told me previously, it might be too late for me to sign up.

GREAT. My coach is so great /end sarcasm.

Faults

Although contrary to most belief, I don't need someone to tell me my flaws, or faults. Everyone has them, and as this one girl once told me, it's ok if you recognize that you have these inadequacies, because once you realize that you have them, the sooner you can move on and maybe improve.

I know I'm not going to win the best friend of the year award, I know I eat like a man, I know I'm blunt, harsh, to the point, and pragmatic to the point of being an android, however It's ok.

I'm ok that I'm not perfect. And I wish some people would be ok with not being perfect also.

I'm not 4.0 gpa material, however I bet I could make you question your belief system.

I hate people that torture themselves because they possess faults that are beyond their control. You can't abruptly change your character, your personality overnight. It takes time.

Why can't you just be proud?

So the conversation started nice, light, and in the attempt of trying to make someone important to me proud, I end up feeling inadequate because 1) I didn't place first, and 2) I will never be able to fulfill the high standards of Jacob Root.

Me: you should be proud. I placed second, and I made JGraves upset.

Jacob: who did you hit?
and who was there?

These two questions have to be answered before any pride swells.

and how did you piss him off.

Me: (names, school names, boring stuff that you guys wouldn't care about)....

Me(again): Also, I had one of the most unique cases going up there because pretty much everyone was using Safety or Security/Social Contract... With the exception to Marley and Avery. No one knew how to correctly refute my v/c*(debate jargon for value/criterion).

Apparently JGraves got embarrassed in front of the other coaches and blamed it on me, then got upset because my parents had to pick me up before the awards ceremony, so he threw a big fit and made everyone leave without getting my trophy.

Jacob: I find it hard to believe that that is the correct order of competition. <-(he's talking about the boring kids and schools I listed)

And, I still need to see this miraculous V/C. That I don't think are actually a v/c. So, sooner or later some one else is going to figure it out.

Me: You'd be surprised. Apparently a lot of the freshmen/sophomores from those schools went to some form of debate camp. Whitehouse has a few good kids that transferred in, Beth went to something and studied under the Cook brothers. Also I haven't had the chance to run up against the obvious competition Racy has built, but I have a feeling that they'll be my main competition. They got a new asst. coach from Mahaya who is supposedly good. I'm hoping to run up against Haley Wheat at the next tournament to see if she's really all that good as everyone says she is.

Also, I already showed you my v/c pair. For both my cases. Well, except my philosophical case. But I've only used that once. I've been helping pretty much everyone else so I haven't had much time to perfect my case, but it works for now.

And just for clarification Jacob, my v/c pairs are by no means miraculous, they just work. And the judges like my voice.

Jacob: Lizzi,
You're a sophomore. You need to stop concerning yourself with the other cases in the classroom, and sit down and work on your own. You are your own priority. So, take a step back understand what I'm saying when I say I don't think they even are a v/c. That means that if your v/c is something along the lines of common sense and some other b.s. in no way could those ever be value or criterion. Sooner or later someone will figure it out, and if not you shouldn't be ok with it. You should be upset that you are performing for judges who just want to hear you speak well. All that means is that all the work you do is in vain. Don't talk to your coach or about your coach at a tournament, ignore them. Your priority is to concentrate on your rounds. Pre-flow, scout, time constructives, rebuttal redos to a wall. These are things you should be doing. After a tournament or in the classroom scream back in forth at your coach it doesn't matter then.

Me: Ok, to be clear, Common sense is no where near a value in my case. I just like to yell that at people when I'm upset. I didn't think YOU of all people or anyone for that matter would take me seriously when I posted that random phrase on here, it was an in class joke. AGAIN I would never put that in MY cases. Also, believe it or not, I have been doing speaking drills, preflowing, etc. Other than those two times JGraves confronted me, I was pretty much focused on winning each and every one of my rounds, which, I did. I just need to work on getting perfect speaks.

And how am I supposed to watch and let Miranda, pretty much my oldest and most loyal companion in debate struggle and flounder around trying to figure a case out. If she needs help, and if I can, for some reason that is beyond me, give her decent help, then I will. I see no point in not caring for the rest of the team. Sure, if I would have spent more time on my case instead of trying to help everyone else I probably could have placed higher, but then that would leave Miranda mad at me for acting "selfish" and Colby with the unfortunate short end of the stick.

I feel confident in the current v/c that I have, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop working and progressing towards a better case then what I have now. And to be honest, no matter what v/c I have, I'm pretty sure you'll find something wrong with them no matter what, however until I start losing with the cases I write, I'm not going to worry about it, because I know I can defend my v/c adequately in a round. I'm doing the best I can, I'm pretty much working this whole thing out on my own, and so far, I haven't failed myself.

Jacob: Well, I love that you have a sense of duty. Immanuel Kant's genius saw the distinct connection between duty and morality. However, your concerns with helping are the result of not helping. It should be that you are truly inspired by your duty to your fellow teammates that you help them.

Secondly, I wouldn't have something bad to say about a every v/c. I went against cases all the time that had perfect v/c's... I argued against them, but I saw them as just fine for a case.

Thirdly, Wisdom does not come from age. It comes from the life lived. You should have learned that from the true cutlass.... Read More

Fourthly, I really would like to see a philosophical case if it is written. Not for any reason other than the enjoyment of good philosophy really, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't critique it.

Fifthly, I love you.

All of you guys. Big party over winter break. It's going down.

"the treatment" doesn't work on me.

It feels good to be back in the game, hanging with people, dominating, and just overall being in my element.

Saturday was my first Debate tourney of the season, and I have to say I think it went pretty well. My first opponent was cool Travis, a friend of mine from Atlanta HS. It was funny because the first time I debated him he beat me, but this time around I won. So now we're even I guess. I spent most of the tournament hanging out with him and Marley, walking around a lot, and discussing random crackpot theories.


I don't know how well I did because my parents had to pick me up early, much to my new coach's displeasure. Oh well. Apparently he's super pissed at me now, and I'm sorry, but based off of a priori knowledge from previous competitions most teachers let parents pick their kids up. He never told us his rules, he never tells us much of anything to be honest. When in comes to competition I feel left in the dark, and if any one KNOWS me they know that stuff like that doesn't fly with me.

I like KNOWING. If I don't know what's going on, I'm going to assume things that shouldn't be assumed. Also, what kind of grown man tries to emulate LBJ by using "the treatment" on a teenage girl. Yeah, real manly. I hope his ego has grown, because getting in my face and scolding me out in public really intimidates me /end sarcasm. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt after our first tiff, but he in all honestly isn't being much of a coach. And just so it's clear, I'm not backing down.

I'm going to be stubborn, and as much as I wanted to respect him, and try to move past our personality clashes, this last event where he blew up at me for something so little as wanting to have my parents pick me up at the end of the tourney is THE END of my part in trying to respect him. I will be cordial, but I will not be muted. If he blows up at me like this ever again, I'm going to drop the debate class and compete on my own.

Dealing with him is not worth it. And what's sad is the fact that it's just not me who's fed up with him. He gets so mad and loses his temper over the tiniest things. Maybe he's on hormone pills, or something. He didn't even acknowledge the fact that my parents were going out of town and that if I would have ridden with everyone else back to our school I wouldn't have a ride home, and even if I did my house would be empty. My parents had to pick me up because we had to go somewhere, and it was the only solution that would work.

However he still felt the need to scold, and even partially yell. Well, whatever. If he wants me off the team, then guess what? Most of the varsity will probably leave with me. If he screws me over, then I'll repeat that tenfold.

You don't mess with a hormonal teenage girl.

"I can't write it for you"

I'm not a good teacher. I'll be the first to admit it. I get frustrated easily, and if something isn't done right I get impatient.

Having to teach someone LD Debate is.... not easy. It's one thing to tell someone the time increments, teach them the format and whatnot, but can you teach critical thinking?

I don't know. All I know is I have no idea how to teach someone how to think critically.

We had a kid in my grade transfer into LD Debate, and he's not a BAD speaker, but he's definitely no Jacob Root. He's always stuck on ideas and unable to expand on the ideas I give him. At this point I'm at a loss. I can't write his cases for him, and I have no idea how to get him to think on his own with out having to be coaxed EVERY step of the way. I mean, I don't mind helping but....

Ack. Bless all the teachers who can do their job well. It's hard.

Music Education

I like to listen to quirky folk muzicks, and I won't even lie, some of it is just out there crazy, but I like it. It's so much better than all of this re-mixed hip hop stuff that just gets used for grinding, grinding, and more grinding. Not that grinding is bad, but sometimes I like to lay in bed with a good book, or a pen and paper and just listen to nice music that helps me relax.

So here are some groups that I like right now. Some old, some new, they're quirky but give them a listen. I picked my favourite song to go with them also :) Give them a listen.

Deerhoof - Byun

CocoRosie - Not For Sale

Tapes 'n Tapes - Just Drums, or Buckle

The Postal Service - Be Still My Heart (if you fancy owl city, you'll most likely enjoy this song)

M.Ward - Chinese Translation

Headphones - What Are You Looking For?

The Apples in Stereo - Onto Something

I know, it's a bit of a list, but I just don't think I'm doing the world justice if I don't promote these musicians in some way or form. I most certainly do NOT have enough money/time to make them all super awesome T-shirts for me to wear around school, so for now bumping them on my blog will just have to do.

Just promise me you'll at least listen to one of these groups, even if you don't like them you'll have gotten a bit of musical diversity for the day :)

Forming ideas

I hate that so many people now a days think that they can get away with not thinking critically.

When coming up for attacks for my cases in Debate or whatnot I like to bounce ideas off of people. Now, bouncing ideas is a critical skill that is needed in most competitive networks and it's so sad that so many kids my age can't even do a simple rebuttal.

When I say something, I expect someone to find a flaw in my arguments instead of telling me, "I don't know," or "That sounds good."

GOOD?! Hello, good isn't going to get me past regional competition, and most definitely not to state.

It sucks for me because it's basically only me and Miranda who can bounce ideas and come up with stuff, and after a while it gets to the point where even we get tired and run out of ideas. We need fresh minds!

I don't know. I'm going to need to start recruting for debate. Or at least find smarter more argumentative students.

PeeSAT

PSAT sucks just so you know. When I take the SAT next year I'm going to bring a calculator. Bad mistake on my part for not having a calculator, I'm pretty sure I aced the reading/critical writing part though.

Yesterday I was approached by my World History teacher, and she asked me if I was Buddhist. I think I've just been recruited into doing a presentation about Buddhism. Great. Like I wasn't missing enough class time already.

I hate homework, and I hate having so much of it. I have almost ZERO time to do anything. On the bright side, I have a Debate tourney next weekend!!!

YES. Finally. Time to kill the intelligent ideas of my peers and then add them on Facebook!

Oh how I missed competing in Debate!

Harshing the Mello

(like my green top and glow bracelet?)

First off, let me say how enormously stupid it is to pay to go to a dance, and then not even dance. Not even a little.

Now, I like dancing, I could do it all day, but I don't like dancing if no one else is dancing, especially in public because then I just look like a major a--hole.

The Club had a fall dance, and the theme was 60s/70s, and only a handful of people dressed to fit the occasion, the rest were just in contemporary tye dye and jeans... And to think I went all out with my earth-mother top and hair string....

Yeah. Needless to say I danced till I was too tired to move. I wish cooler people were there, and by cooler I mean people that aren't afraid to dance.

The only thing that was gross was all of the quasi lesbo grinding. I'm sorry, but if you want to go and do that, go to a lesbo club, and not a dance. Especially a dance sponsored by The Club.

The dance was fun, but as said above, I was TIRED. I went home, ate some baked potato and green beans, then CRASHED.

Then I had to wake up at 10:20 to leave for the Christmas Corner, which I had to volunteer for.

Volunteering there was fun, I got to make bracelets and stuff.

I have a pile of homework that needs to be tended to, but right now I just think I'm going to chill.

Don't take my relax time

I so envy the people without obligations or responsibility. I want so badly to be the type of person who lives without a schedule, doing what I wanted when I wanted, but I know that I'll never be able to be like that.

Right now I'm savoring every ounce of relaxation time, which is basically first period art, and bedtime.

However art has started to get stressful because we're working on realism, using Conté crayons, and instead of sitting at tables like we usually do, a select few of us gather around this one giant table stacked with STUFF for us to draw. Normally I like this studio set up, but there's this guy in my art class, Ryan G. and he's an amazing artist, and he decided to sit behind me.

Worst thing ever. I feel so pressured and self conscious about my art because he's so good, and I feel so inferior to him.

I don't know. I tried making some tiny conversation, but it's hard. He's an eccentric individual. Cool, but in a non-personable way.

It's weird. I don't like feeling so pressured in art. It harshes my mellow.

Oh well. Only 3 weeks left of having to do this. I hope. Lets all hope that I don't go crazy and do something SUPER stupid in front of Mr. Art Genius.

OMIGAWD. He's such a good artist.

I think I just might move where I sit...

Pause

Oh life, if only you could be put on pause, or slow, or something slower than the rate you are going at now.

I need to breathe

I need to think

I need to do something.

Jumble Jump

It's Sunday and I've done ZERO homework. I should probably do something, but life seems to be on pause right now.

Things seem to be falling apart right now, and instead of thinking too much, or over analyzing the situation like I'm usually prone to doing, I'm just going to sit here. And watch. And hope that my regular philosophy of not worrying will work itself through the situation.

It's quite easy. If you lose something, don't worry about it because eventually it will always come back to you. And if it doesn't come back, then it won't matter because you're not even worried about it to begin with. It's worked with pencils and hats, lets hope it works with everything else.

I might however do some chemistry work, just because. I don't know why, but that's the only thing that makes sense right now.

At this point every other phrase I say is "I don't know."

It's soothing to have something regular right now, even thought that regular is a representation of how unsure I am.

Cominghome

I don't really like football games.

I'll admit it.

The only thing that I like about the games are the Drill Team and Band. Because I have friends in both.

Oh yeah, and my school lost our homecoming game.

Caring Enough

Today was my final day of Drivers Ed!

Yes. In six months I will be part of the great and vast group of driving teenagers. Part of me is relieved, and the other part is scared.

I base my beliefs off of facts and statistics, and there are very few things that aren't tangible that I believe in. So driving of course, with all those high accident rates and such is a bit scary for me, especially since I know what it feels like to be in a major accident.

Anyways, I'm falling from my main point, since it was the last day of DE we had to take an exit test, which I passed with a 100-90. Since the class itself is at the crack of dawn, most of us come in there half awake, hungry, and very grouchy.

I had a good laugh today when MRoS missed a few questions on her test. She usually makes better grades than me, because, I'll be honest, she cares and studies more than I do.

However today, due to lack of sleep she ended up missing a few questions which I guess made her a bit unhappy. At first I thought, Hey, why get to worked up? You passed.

And then I realized to people like her, missing a few questions and making below average doesn't happen often. It's weird. I'm so used to just being passive, not studying for things, only caring if I passed or not.

I never really cared if I made an 'A', just as long as it's passing, I'm good. I know if I actually studied I could make better grades, but I feel like I have better things to use my time for. I don't want to spend an hour studying when I could be working on a new art piece, or talking with an old friend.

I do however know that I need to start caring more. In college there aren't teachers there to hold your hands and remind you to turn in your homework. You either do it, or flunk out.

Something to work on.

Fore score

So much has happened lately.

I've had a lot of inner conflicts, and right now I feel as if I'm finally sorting through the rubble to find little pieces of old and new me.

You'd think that self discovery would be easier.

I've been told that I'm hard, quick to judge, and a bit of a jerk by some fellow colleagues, and you know what?

I feel like these somewhat negative qualities make me who I am.

I've had a paradigm shift. Things that were once important last year seem to not even matter now. I don't know what this means. I'm not sure about a lot of things right now, which is causing me to act out in a way.

I'm not talking to my mom till she talks to me.

Also, if I feel down, then I'm down. The sooner I realize I'm down the quicker it is for me to get up. I don't know. I don't know at all.

$75 richer.

Ah, for once I'm not going to talk about the woman I've been recently unofficially estranged from!

See, I'm making jokes already. Great progress.

Friday/Saturday has been so jam packed. Yesterday was my friend Hannah's 16th birthday party, and as her gift my friend Rebekka and I bought her two fan tailed goldfishes :)

She really liked them, and I think by far it's the best gift I've ever had the honor to give someone. MRoS and I bought them together, and who knew how hard it was to find a goldfish. It's like, no one sells any all american goldfishes anymore.

I didn't get home till 10pm, which wasn't good because I was im-promptly called to go to a tourney at 8:15 in the morning to help out in rounds.

The only reason why I went was because I was promised $75, and right now that money is greatly needed!!

It was weird though, because I showed up and the lady is charge was just like,

"Can you judge extemp speaking and LD? Yes? Good. You're going to do that."

So I judged debates. And let me tell you, I wanted to shoot half of those kids.

The whole time I was just thinking, "Man, I couldn't have been this bad as a novice."

They didn't know anything! No format, no anything! A lot of them couldn't even read their cases. And afterwards they were so unprofessional! You're not supposed to say, "Man, I really think I won this round, my opponent sucked." in front of a judge.

The only thing that kept me sane through the seven hours I judged was the fact that I was getting a little over $10 an hour.

Hopefully I'll get my check soon. I hope. Oh man, I really want/need that money.

-----Like two seconds ago I thought about ranting about things, but I don't want to ruin the mood I'm in right now. I'll save my rant for later.

Catharsis

At this point I'm at a loss. From what I learned in therapy, denial and not dealing with pressing issues is never good, even though it seems like a good idea at the time.

All week I've been trying not to play up the thing between my mom and I, trying to get by with sarcastic remarks and "it just really sucks", however like my therapist always said, it's easier to move on if you share. It's also easier to find kindred spirits--- even though at this point in my life, I don't think anyone understands me unless one of their parents did what my mom did.

What did she do? Lets start at the beginning.

3 years ago she started talking to this guy. I'd like to refer to it as a long-distance relationship. They started 'dating' a little after I moved in with my dad. From what I remember they would always fight, my mom would get sick of him, not talk to him for weeks until he sent her a present, and then start talking to him again. Throughout the whole 3 year period it was like this.

Personally, I thought he was creepy back then, however I was also in middle school, and thought any mouth-breather was creepy.

About a month ago, without any warning whatsoever Josh, her boyfriend moves in with her. As I've stated before, he MOVED here. He lived so far away previously he had to take a plane down here.

It probably wouldn't have bothered me as much if she would have told me. Or anyone for that matter. Even my sisters, who live with her didn't know. Yeah. Talk about a douche move.

My youngest sister's birthday rolls around and my dad has custody of her this weekend. We make a big deal out of it, threw her a big party even. You want to know what my mom did over my little sister's birthday? She gets her marriage license and gets married without telling anyone AGAIN.

You'd think she would have at least told my sisters. And I'm not even going to lie at this point, I'm pretty hurt. All week I've been putting off, again trying to joke about it, because that's how I cope, but everyday she doesn't call it's like I get even more hurt.

I'm angry that I had to find out about her marriage by reading the friggin newspaper, and it's complete and utter bullshit that she didn't even ask my sisters if they wanted her to re-marry.

She has kids. She has an obligation to them, to me--- to make sure that we feel safe and comfortable with whomever she wants to be with. When ever my dad would bad talk my mom and call her names I used to get offended, but now I could care less. She's everything my dad has ever said about her, and it's taken me till now to understand that.

I've been playing scenarios in my mind of what would happen once we had to talk--- let me tell you: it involves a lot of yelling and crying.

What are we going to do for holidays? What am I going to do come December when her birthday and my birthday roll around? Will I ever be able to view my mom as an actual mother?

I don't know. Typing this out right now is bringing up all types of emotions, and there are so many different things that I'm not sharing because it just hurts too much.

And I'm sick and tired of telling my friends and hearing them go "That sucks."

Like they're passive. Just another thing to store in their mind under the little folder labeled "Things that have never happened to me that suck" ---I'm trying to share, trying to sort this out, trying to see if maybe, just maybe they might understand that I feel like breaking down every single time I think about my mom---- But no. I get, "That sucks." followed by, "Hey did you do the chemistry review?"

No I did not do the friggin chemistry review, I was too busy laying in my bed trying not to be angry at the world.

The only person who I can closely relate to at school is Miranda. At least one of her parents was shitty also.

I'm a teenager. I'm entitled to be irrationally angry. Right now I'm going to try to be relatively normal in front of my friends. I'm sick and tired of feeling like I need my friends to pity me.

I'm angry that my mom has pretty much ruined our relationship by being selfish. However, there's not much I can do but buck up, put on a strong face for my little sisters, and try not to let this ruin my year and all the fun I can have in it.

Random thought.

What if individuals with multiple personality disorder were just people who are caught between parallel universes? Kind of like layers on photoshop that someone jacked with.

Douchability, permitted.

So this week I haven't been the greatest friend in the world. Or even the greatest person.

I'm sorry. Under any other circumstance acting like a douche would be inexcusable, but I've been under stress.

Last night my baby brother puked on me-- he has the flu, today I had a deposition* to attend, my mom is being a major douchebag*, my math grade isn't up to par, I have a cold----or something, and did I mention that I'M ON MY LADY DAYS?!

Yeah. I apologize for any excessive... I don't know, meanness? Or any crabby behavior or sharp comments made in anyone's direction. This week hasn't been my week.

*talked with some Lawyers
*what she did was so bad I had to submit it to Fmylife.com

Algebraic

Oy my life.

I would trade every ounce of sculpting skill I have if I could be good at math. No lie. At this point I'm at a loss.

I do my homework without cheating, I ask questions in class, I take notes. I use hand sanitizer daily!

Why can I not make at least an 88 in maths?! I don't know how I'm going to survive college math. Right now I'm seriously considering just taking math models or something.

Oh well. I'm going to go do some Algebraic crap.

My mom owes me Therapy money

With all of the recent things my mom has talked to me about, or not talked to me about I'm going to have years of therapy and thousands of dollars worth of therapy in order to get my mind back in order and sort everything through.

First she tells me about her intimate life with her boyfriend... Yeah. Not the greatest thing.

Then she keeps my youngest sister out of school for a week.

And finally I pick up the paper and find out that she and her boyfriend are now married. Yeah. I had to find out by reading the newspaper. You'd think that I don't know, I'm her kid she'd inform me that I'd have a new stepdad.

She's the reason why I have affection issues.

She's the reason why I get so irrational of the tiniest things.

She's the reason why I'm never going to view monogamy in a positive way ever again.

Isn't my mom the best? Seriously, you guys, if you have a good mom, give her a hug or call her or something.

Something.

I'm not an adrenaline junkie.

It takes an honors physics student to coax me on a roller coaster and tell me equations and statistics throughout the ride in order to keep me sane.

However, even though I'm not into stunts, I get the same rush whenever I do any form of public speaking.

It's weird. I always feel so jittery and rushed during a Debate round, my brain on overdrive, my hand writing so fast I smear ink if I'm not careful--- it's great.

I feel smart when I use words like pragmatism, and feel even smarter when I discuss the philosophical side of economic theories. There's a reason why I promote debate and speech programs.

It's important that we as individuals expand our horizons and learn to view life with a little objectivity. I'm tired of listening to ignorant people and I know that maybe, if they were put in a position in which they had to argue both sides their thoughts on some issues would change drastically.

Also, everyone needs to feel smart.

Utility monster, or "I really need to crash"

OMIGAWD. The University of North Texas is the most bug infested place in the state of Texas. In a certain slant of sunlight you could see invisible little flying bugs in the air. They made the air thick, and your skin itchy. Not to mention a plethora of black ugly crickets everywhere. I hate bugs. And I hate UNT.

Why was I at UNT? Well, originally I thought I was going to go to a nearby Junior College to attend Super Conference, however JGraves being the wonderful (not) man that he is forgot to inform us that instead of a maybe 2 hour drive, it would be a 4 hour drive to Denton, Texas.

Apparently everyone but the debate kids knew where we were going. In hindsight I should have looked up online about where it was going to be, but oh well. Super Conference wasn't all bad, although we were a good 20 minutes late.

First I attended a philosophy lecture, and I was a bit miffed I was 20 minutes late, but oh well. I still got a lot out of the lecture, and the woman speaking was so great! I loved the way she simplified things, while making them more complex.... if that makes any sense.

Afterwards I ran into some of my debate friends from other schools. We couldn't chat much due to the fact that we only had five minutes to hang out before we had to head over to the Topic Analysis area. We had the same guy from last year, who again, was the BOMB. I was so hungry throughout the whole thing though, and the only thing that tided me over was Wint-O-Greens and water.

Still hungry, I headed over to some other lecture which was POINTLESS. And non topical. The only good thing was the fact that I got to sit next to Travis (the cool one, not lame one) who entertained both of us by peeling off his laptop stickers and putting them on my arm.

5:45am - 1:45pm Without food. It is an unholy thing. UNHOLY I TELL YOU. Also, the last lecture was so boring that in the middle of it, Travis's computer went into hibernation mode. It was that bad.

I really wanted to make this post a long rant about how much I hate people, and JGraves's flip flop nature, but I don't know. My brain is too tired, I have more bags under my eyes, and my life is most likely over. Ok, now I'm just being melodramatic.

But my sister's birthday was today, she's 6 now. She got a crapload of presents, which got me thinking about my birthday, and stuff I wanted, and then I saw this. I NEED THIS.

Ok, maybe I don't. But I'm sleepy. My mind is hazy, and I'm prone to yelling and convincing myself and others that I need coloring books. Sleep, here I come!

Lucie Manette + Hate

There is this girl in my grade who I share my classes with who I cannot stand. Supposedly she's lived in like every country known to man, and knows 4 different languages.

I don't know.

She's so annoying. If she's not bragging about all the places she's been and all the money her family has, she's showing off in a non humble way how she can speak and write in all these different languages. And she complains. About.Everything.Please.Shoot.Me.Now.

I doubt she's done half the stuff she's claimed to have done, but that's beside the point. Mention one thing about Korea; "OH I'VE BEEN THERE, AND I SPEAK AND WRITE KOREAN. Want me to write your name in Korean? blah blah blah I'm so cool, Daddy is a chef trained in some rare Korean cooking style, I lived in Japan for two years and I know everything to know about that place too. Oh yeah, last night I was up till 4am skyping with these people I met in China who actually live in England. I have a room full of stuff that could probably pay for 4 years at community college. I'm going to Yale so I can be a dermatologist and make more than the president."

Who in their right mind would go to Yale to be a DERMATOLOGIST?! ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME?!

OMIGAWD. I honestly don't think she's THAT bad, but sometimes I wish she could be more humble, or something. Maybe quieter? No. Maybe just, I don't know--- Less annoying?

In AcaDec I wanted to like bang my head on the desk due to her annoying-ness.

I don't know. I'm going to TRY to maybe get to know her better.... but maybe that's not the best idea.... that might actually make me dislike her even more....

Maybe if she didn't spout off total bullshit 67.7% of the time I might like her better. Maybe. Maybe it's just her.

John Mashpotatoes.

So I volunteered at my local homeless shelter serving dinner, and I have to say it was quite fulfilling. Although I was doing it for Z-Club for points, I still think it was pretty fun.

Remember the kid who smiles like Lee Pace? Yeah his name is John, and his last name reminds me of MashPotatoes..... I don't think he appreciates me calling him John MashPotatoes, but whatever :P

Yesterday in advisory we played Heads Up 7up, and today we played Charades. A bunch of high schoolers. Playing kiddie games. This is great.

JGraves the debate coach is being rated right now by all of the Debate and Theatre kids. Consensus says he's a 4.5 due to his major a--holeness.

I don't know what this is. To the loo I go!

They loved me! (they really do!)

Ah. A long time ago I would have found public speaking a complete and utter horror. Even if it was only a crowd of 10 people I would find it so nauseating and horrible. However after a year of Debate and public speaking and an ample dosage of Bill Maher and Anderson Cooper I seem to have found a liking for public speaking.

My school, in the vain attempt of reducing gang violence between at risk teens decided to bring back the Advisory, or homeroom period. Officially they brought it back "in order to build long lasting bonds between teens."

Yeah. We all know the real reason.

Anyways, everyday they set up all these little activities for us to do, and they're all interpersonal so no matter what we do we end up "sharing." It's not too horrible because I happened to get lucky and didn't get a mixed grade class. I know, or know of everyone in my advisory.

Today we had to share about what we did over the weekend and we could do so by either giving a speech or writing it out on paper. Needless to say I did a speech. I didn't intend on sounding so witty and sarcastic, and all my faces and anecdotes were pretty sincere, but it turned out everyone thought my rendition of my weekend was pretty humorous. I was told by the whole class that I should consider a career in comedy. Wow.

I like it when people laugh at what I say. In a good way. Yeah.

I'm a lot funnier in person.

Tea, but not.

I'm quite disappointed that I was invited to a "Tea" but actually did not get any tea.

Today I went to a initiation "tea" for a local chapter of an international womens group. From my research, it's a bit like a High School sorority, and to be honest, you can actually gain entrance into a handful of college sororities just by being a member of The Club.

I don't want my blog showing up on any google searches for The Club, so I'm going to avoid mentioning its name directly.

Anyways, I'm glad that I'm a part of a program that "improves the legal, political, economic, health, educational and professional status of women through service and advocacy." - taken directly from their web site.

The only thing I'm worried about is if it conflicts with any of my other activities. I'm in sosossooo many.

Debate
AP Art
AcaDec
Business Professionals of America
Art Club
NAHS
Teen Advisory Board
(new)'The Club'
(maybe) Fine Arts Advisory Board

Yeah. I'm an overachiever. However, my goal (other than getting in Cash Cab) is to graduate college with a minimal amount of debt, so I think I'm on the right track to achieving that goal.

I made you a sign

I truly don't want to start this post negatively, so I'll begin this post with a list of nice happy things that happened this week:

-Asstin moved back from Fresco
-I reached the halfway point in my AP art piece, and was complemented on how it was "College level work"
-I FINALLY scraped up a non-fail negative and affirmative case for debate.
-The boy who looks like Lee Pace has been talking to me more
-Only about 3 weeks left of Drivers Ed!
-I bought a Fountain Pen, and a menagerie of nibs!! I love my new inks!
-Metcalf, an old debate buddy who is going to college locally was at my school's pep rally. He was on the other side of the gym, so I made a sign with his name on it, and the paper was yellow, and he saw me! He gave me a thumbs up.

Now that the happy is out, I feel like I have something else to get off my chest. Almost all this week my mom has been causing problems. I don't want to go into the dirty details, because let's face it: You all probably don't want to know.

But I digress, my mother for lack of a better term has been acting like a major a--hole. Yelling, keeping my youngest sister out of school for a whole week, more yelling, and a lot of not listening. What makes me angry is the fact that my mother takes out all of her general anger on my sister Kimberly, and it got so bad this week we had to pick her up from my mom's house because she was crying.

All week I haven't been sleeping well because I've been so frustrated and angry with my mom. Subsequently I've been coming to school tired, and because of the fatigue I've been in extent acting like a major a--hole. I'm sorry.

Hopefully, next week I'll be better. But for this weekend I'm going to sleep, watch movies, and get happy.

My weekend it already looking up because my parents won a $500 gift card to Target. That's 500 $1 knick knacks, or 150 transformers. Or possibly a whole bunch of new towels.

East Texan Ignorance

Today, around the same time at millions of schools across America students tuned in to listen to President Obama.

Well, excluding my school that is. No other school in my district is making this big a deal out of such a small issue. Did you know that we had to get a permission form signed to even watch it?! Yeah.

My school decided that just in case anything needed to be edited out they were going to pre-record it, then stream it the following day. I guarantee that no one threw a fit when Reagan or Bush addressed the students. I hate to say it, but the only reason why they're doing this is because 1) Obama isn't white, and 2) He's not a Democrat, and lastly 3) Most east Texans are cursed with ignorance.

Another thing that ticked me off was the fact that some people were like, "Yeah, I'm going to watch it just so I can see him fail."

First off, when Bush was first elected everyone had high hopes. No one wished him ill at the beginning of his term. I don't think any president should be criticized during the first to years because they are just getting acclimated to the whole "Dude, I'm president" idea.

My dad even admitted that he had high hopes for Bush, but around Bush's second term he started to get angry with the way he was handling everything.

I don't think that in these first few years we should get angry at Obama. We should keep high hopes and wish him well, not ill. If however, Obama is a total fail, then we can get angry, but for the sake of being good citizens of the U.S. all thoughts directed towards Obama should be pleasant because, after all he is in charge of our country.

"I'm surprised that you've never been told before---"

FNT by Semisonic has been put on repeat all day because it has become my newest song of fancy. It was featured in the 10 Things I Hate About You soundtrack and brought to my attention by MRoS last night.

Oh did we party hard last night.... Well, that is if you count going to Wal-Mart, buying our Jane Austen dress materials and patterns, and some Hanes T-shirts to decorate-- partying hard.

However, MRoS did manage to somehow mess up her mom's sewing machine so we only got half of the bottom part of our dresses sewn. Oh well.

Recently I was caught off gaurd because I was on Facebook, and I just happened to look over at the birthday alerts, and my friend Celery's birthday is coming up soon and I totally forgot. Oops. I need to figure out a present.

Affirmative case excerpt

Ok, so I'm a pretty bad blogger for not updating, leaving my blog dry as my mom's thanksgiving turkey, so to tide you guys over I'm just going to cheat and post an excerpt of my Affirmative case for the upcoming debate season.

The topic is resolved: Standards of professional behavior ought to be valued over freedom of expression on social networking sites.

b. social networking profiles are relevant to the representation of an employee and job.

New York Times August 2009: “According to a new study conducted by Harris Interactive for CareerBuilder.com, 45 percent of employers... are using social networks to screen job candidates — more than double from a year earlier... The study, which questioned 2,667 managers and human resource workers, found that 35 percent of employers decided not to offer a job to a candidate based on the content uncovered on a social networking site. (The survey has no margin of sampling error because it was not drawn from a representative nationwide sample but rather from volunteer participants.) The report showed that Facebook was the most popular online destination for employers to do their online sleuthing, followed by LinkedIn and MySpace. In addition, 7 percent followed job candidates on Twitter. More than half of the employers who participated in the survey said that provocative photos were the biggest factor contributing to a decision not to hire a potential employee, while 44 percent of employers pinpointed references to drinking and drug use as red flags. Other warning signs included bad-mouthing of previous employers and colleagues and poor online communication skills.”
With employers checking in on future employees it only emphasizes further the fact that we as a society need to acknowledge what is acceptable and what is not lest we face unwanted consequences.

In a way the childhood quote “If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all,” must be applied to the situation. In no way are we harming our freedom of speech, it's just a common everyday courtesy that seems to get lost with many other childhood lessons.

Anyways, cheers to you guys!

"honeys, and loves"

I don't know why, but I've never really liked "affectionate" terms being used in everyday language.

Like the new Debate coach JGraves. He has this knack for saying "honey" "love" and other terms that just in general bother me. I don't know why. It just wears out these words.

I don't know....

I mean, it doesn't bother me if the speaker is sincere, but most of the time it's said so casually by people I barely know that it's just WEIRD.

But that's just me.

PV=nRT and some more bullets

- My AP Chemistry teacher is hilarious. She's this sweet little old lady with a doctorate in who knows what, and she makes words out of things like PV=nRT. Pervnert. Yes. Pervnert. Not to mention her philosophy on explosions in the classroom: If we all explode, then oh well. We won't be alive to feel any pain. Isn't she great?

- There is this boy at my school who smiles like Lee Pace (aka Ned from Pushing Daisies) I see him in the hall and yell, "Hey!" and he returns greeting and smiles. I often have to refrain from calling him Ned.

- JGraves is probably the biggest ahole I have ever met. He's egotistical, narcissistic, loud mouthed, and yet oddly enough I enjoy his presence. What can I say? He has a good taste in music. Not to mention, he's pretty smart. Let's hope he's a good coach and can take me to State in debate.

- My witticisms and sarcasm has increased by tenfold since the year has started. I don't know if this is good or bad. I just hope I don't scare any of my friends off.

- AcaDec is proving to be a very fun, yet awkward class. This kid Connor, who knocked his girlfriend up has this weird vibe.... I don't know. It's hard to explain. It's like, we could be friends, but the fact that he has a baby mama is totally scaring me off. I know many expectant mothers, but he by far is the only expectant father I converse with and have classes with on a regular basis.

- Also it turns out Philip Hayes isn't going to Princeton, but SMU in Dallas. Thank Buddah. I can still consider Princeton for college. Maybe. I'll have to weigh it against Penn State.

Bullet me rants

- Why is it that the only worth while comment on my Facebook is from the one person I don't find worth while. What gives him the right to start a comment with "Hey beautiful" then give me such great suggestions about my case writing and philosophy AND THEN inadvertently give his college address to me?! I HATE THIS. Oh yeah, he wants to visit over Christmas and such to work on Spring Cases. FML.

- Why is it that no one gets my Gilligan's Island references? Are we that brainwashed by the MTV societal influence that we have forgotten the classics of television? What has this world come to?!

- Why is it that I feel like a total ahole, when there's a perfectly worse ahole as the new Debate coach. Where does he get off telling me I can't have tape! What an ahole.

- Why does my family keep pressuring me about guys? Are they worried that I'll be a spinster? Let me tell ya, I'd be one ballin spinster.

POO ON YOU JACOB ROOT.

Dallas, baby haircuts

I know I probably diss Texas more than I talk good about it, but I must say, it's major cities are awesome.

Especially Dallas. Not only does it have amazing shopping areas, but it also has the best food in the northern central area of the state.

When we went Saturday we had lunch at this place called Babe's which serves home style country food like chicken fried steak, fried chicken, and pot roast. The servings are heroically large, and you get free refills on all of the sides which are cream of corn, mashed potatoes and gravy, and the best green beans you will ever consume. This place is so great that Texas Monthly put it on the cover of their magazine.

For dinner we ate at a pizza place called Grimauldi's which had this cool "white pizza" which was pizza with garlic and mozzarella and no sauce, and whatever toppings you wanted. The place had a very chic atmosphere.

Shopping wise we visited Sam Moon's which is this giant lady's accessory and luggage store. I got a much needed belt there, and if I ever need a purse, I'm definitely making that place my first stop.

If for some awful reason I don't get accepted to an out of state university, Dallas will be a place to consider for college.

Oh yeah, while in Dallas I found the most awesome CD on the planet: The best of Blondie!!!

My life is complete now. Well, you know what I mean. My weekend was great, and to top it off, Steven, my baby brother got his first haircut! I'm not in any of these pictures because I was the one with the camera :P

One week

So the first week of school is officially OVER. Thank Buddha.

So far, my maths class is the bomb. I actually understand things, and I don't feel uncomfortable at all around the teacher because she reminds me of this old lady that I know. I don't know if I'm going to struggle throughout the rest of the year, but I hope that with this good start I won't struggle too bad.

I'm going to be super overachiever girl this year by doing Debate, Academic Decathalon, Art Club, TAB, BPA, and maybe Z- Club if I pass the interview.

And although I'm participating in all of these, I'm not doing as much as Lulu, who wants to go to Yale, and is totally overloading herself. If she really wanted to go to Yale, she would have transferred to All Saints, the super posh private school with nothing but Ivy bound kids.

Not that I wouldn't love to go to an Ivy, but I'm going to be honest here. There is no way in heck I'm going take out that many loans just to get a degree in Philosophy. But that's just me, and I don't know, but spending 10 years after college paying off loans just doesn't seen too appealing to me.

The freshmen this year.... Suck. And I wondered if I was this bad, so I asked the one person who was sure to be honest with me. Yes. I did. It's not healthy, but he was the only one who wouldn't reply with "OMG Lizzi ur so awesome! I love you! See ya later lil one!"

Ok, so maybe he would have said some of that, but he was honest in his response, which was much appreciated. So I asked him:

And he replied:

I think he was pretty accurate in describing my freshman essence. And it was a bit positive, I mean, he did say "wonderfully large" when describing my ego... Also, even if I did suck, I had a "but" which translates into: my suckage was justified in some way.

Let's play count the Prego chicks!

Oh my. There are so many pregnant girls at my high school it's not even funny. I think I counted 7 today, and that's not counting the ones who might have already dropped out. BUDDHA.

Is it that hard to keep you crotch closed? Is it that hard to make you're boyfriend wear a friggin condom?

One of the guys on AcaDec got a girl pregnant over the summer. Shoot me now.

It's ridiculous that this is happening. It's ridiculous that this is considered "normal" now, and there are very little social stigmatisms about this.

An old friend of mine Sam got pregnant last year by a senior who has now graduated and left for college, and she's currently a sophomore. I hate to say this, but if she hadn't been sleeping around and acting like a slut, this would have never happened.

My legs are staying closed, because none of the boys at my school know what a condom is, or it's function because ALL of the pregnancies were caused because the guy didn't wear a condom!

This is stupidity!

Freud, and then some morons.

My English teacher, (who is the bomb) changed up her syllabus from last year, instead of throwing us into Julius Caesar essays, she's letting us study the ever amazing and interesting Freud.

First let me start of by saying that my AP English 2 class knows nothing about Freud. They can't even say his name properly, let alone understand a paragraph of his work. We're given a packet based on his theory of the creative writer and fantasy and put in groups so we can answer a set of 15 questions.

I have had to do most of the work for my group because no one knows what the heck the question is talking about. Shoot me please. Just kidding. I just wish someone other than me at my school was into Philosophy other than some teachers.

Oh well. School has been going pretty well, even though I have about 10 pages worth of writing homework per day, but I think I can handle it.

I haven't been procrastinating whatsoever, and I've just been getting all of my work out of the way as soon as possible. Hopefully I'll keep it up throughout the year.

Oh yeah, this has nothing to do with what I was talking about before, but has anyone else other than me noticed all of the outrageously ugly plaid? I see it everywhere. It was ok, until everyone and their mom started wearing it. And in such ugly colors too!

Sorry if you wear plaid, but after you spend 3 days seeing nothing of it, you get sick of it.

Second Day Stress

Let me start off my stating something totally horrifying: I HAVE BAGS UNDER MY EYES.

Maybe it's due to to lack of sleep, maybe it's all the stress of having pages of homework on my first day, maybe it's because I just realized that if I mess up once, there goes the rest of my High School career.

It all started in Debate, where I was told by our new coach that we had a crap schedule, and might not be going to as many tournaments.

He stressed me, and told us all to think of ways to get money, and to look at grants, blah blah blah.

So of course, the first thing I go and do is look at the many different grants we could apply to, and view all of the ones we even had a chance of receiving. I found one. I did what Coach said, I found one, I read it over, and then I did something he didn't tell me to do. I freaked out.

How am I, a sophomore in high school, supposed to write a grant? I have no access to any of the information needed to apply to one, also if I'm not mistaken, you need to have some form of education higher than that of a sophomore in order to even remotely comprehend all of the legal things behind it.

So all day I'm freaking out, wondering how on earth we're going to come up with $4,000 or more, then I go to AcaDec and see my old coach Tina Fey(because, you know, she looks like her..)

It turns out all my freak out was for nothing because 1) The new coach doesn't know our full budget until September, and 2) we're having a tournament in October which should bring in about $2,000, and then one in the spring which should give us even more money.

So I'm no longer freaking out about money and grants and such, but that still doesn't change the fact that I have homework in almost every class, and there are bags under my eyes. For now, I'm going to listen to some Grizzly Bear and Sufjan Stevens, and not worry about anything other than my bags.

Actual First Day

Man! Does my back hurt or what?

I officially hate all the stairs my school has, and all of it's second flight glory. And I hate how scattered my schedule is. Five minutes to run across campus? Hah. Yeah right. More like fly, and hope you don't run into freshmen that get lost.

I took pity on Lane, that poor kiddo and showed him to his class and was almost late to Spanish 2.

Lunch was weird. This freshman boy, who looked like a 7th grader was staring at me. Like no lie. Full on staring. Oh well.

First day was great. I like all of my classes. Too bad I can't elaborate too much, I have to squeeze this in. I should be cleaning the kitchen but oh well.

SCHOOL WASN'T TOO BAD.

The Caps seemed necessary. Yes.

first day prediction

This will most likely be me, Monday. Hunched over my schedule because 1) I didn't bother to memorize my schedule and room numbers, and 2) I have this massive load of crap on my back. Hehe. 5 minute doodles are the bomb.

My mom. She's dating.

WHAT?

I get a call today from my mom, not only telling me that she's received the latest payment for my artwork, but that she wants to have dinner with me. She wants me to MEET SOMEONE SHE'S BEEN DATING.

My gosh. I knew it was going to happen eventually, I mean, my dad is already re-married, but my mom?

My cult following, stuffy, highly embarrassing, non-supportive mom? She actually found someone who hasn't 1) Run away screaming because she's tried to convert them into an Independent Fundamental Baptist, or 2) Run away screaming because she's so conservative.

WOW. What shocks me the most is the fact that music wise, travel wise, lifestyle wise, EVERYTHING wise, they have nothing in common. NOTHING.

I spent a whole awkward dinner talking about music while my mom gave Josh, her "boyfriend" dirty looks for talking about "Satan" music in front of me. WTF?!

He's ok I guess, her boyfriend. Early to mid 30's, born in India, schooled in London, college in New Jersey. Likes Radiohead, U2, Nickleback, Daughtry, the latter two I don't really like.

He's pretty stable too I guess... He's got a Master's degree in Computer Science...

This is just so disturbing. My mom. With a guy that listens to something that isn't classical christian music. He even has an Indian accent. Not that I have anything against Indians, I mean, I just never thought my mom would go for someone like that. He's just so eager. So ready to buy my approval and give me his CD's. No Lie. He told me I could have any of his CD collection that I wanted. I took some CD'S but I plan on returning them as soon as I put them on my iTunes account :P I don't want to be a creeper by taking his CD's even though he said I could have them.

UGH. The timing is just so awful. School starts Monday, and with all this NEW, I don't know if I can handle all of it. I know, it's just a guy, but I don't want him to hurt my mom, or my two younger sisters. I don't want them to get too attached only to watch him leave. Especially Stephanie, she's only 5. I don't know if she could handle him leaving. Young kids need stability.

Oh yeah, did I mention HE MOVED HERE?! Yeah, he's from like, LA or something. I don't know... WHY WOULD A GUY MOVE FROM LA TO EAST FRIGGIN TEXAS?! For my mom no less! He doesn't even attend church(which is a must for my mom)! He likes old school rock and Micheal Jackson!

alkdjfakdhgalkjdfsd

I don't know. I don't really know at all.

It's always the Secretary

Heaven help me, if I hear one more bit of news that the Debate team's Secretary is talking bad about me, I will go on a public ranting rage in that paper pusher's face.

So maybe it's the irrational anger talking, maybe it's the rational want for everything to go smoothly this Debate season, but our Secretary is not being the best Secretary he can be. He's unhappy, and tearing the team apart from the newly formed seams.

When we decided on officers, he said he was happy that I was president, and even eluded to the fact that I would have won if we had an election, yet he incessantly runs off complaining about every little non-issue he can think of. He wanted a "higher" position on the team? NEWS FLASH. The secretarial position is one of great responsibility. The Secretary is just as important as the Treasurer. The Secretary is the one who does all the dirty work.

When he was "debating" his position, he said he wanted to be the person to make all the phone calls, and organize events. NEWS FLASH #2. That's what a Secretary does.

Now he's trying to say that we need the new coach involved, NEWS FLASH #3. The new coach doesn't know us, and only met us once, so why on earth would he be involved in our officer predicament. He's also complaining to all of the graduated varsity members, and people who have left the debate team, and they come and tell me everything he says.

It's sad, when Jacob, the guy who made last year hell for me has to defend my case when Mr. Secretary complains and talks bad about me. I'm glad Jacob spoke up in my defense, but I'm capable of standing up for myself. What bothers me is the fact that this BOY isn't MAN enough to say these things to my face so I can defend myself.

I am President, and should be because I am dedicated. I put in extra hours for Debate, I've been to all meets in the season other than two, and one was because I had an art competition that day. I'm the most successful remaining member on the team, and as of last year and this year I have the most points in the system.

Also, my charm and wit must have had something to do with it :P KIDDING.

But I digress. Maybe one day, Mr. Secretary will speak his opinions of me to my face, until then, I don't care about him. He better do his job, OR ELSE.

Apparently, Nietzsche is too controversial for my school.

Meet the teacher day. The phrase is one most hated and avoided in my house.

Since I'm not an only child, we had to visit 3 different campuses for meet the teacher day. First off was Stephanie the kindergartner. Hers was easy because we only had to go to one classroom and meet one teacher. Oh the simplicity, and how I miss it dearly.

Then next was Kimberly the 7th grader. She had a whole list of classes to visit, and we stopped by each and every single one of the classes. I ran into one of my old teachers Coach Roberts. He's the bomb. When he was my teacher, we had this ongoing bit about secret unicorn assassins, and I would hide out in his room at random times from the unicorn assassins who had universal licences to kill. Fun times.

Then we had lunch at the local Chinese restaurant. Yums Chicken and Green beans. Delicious. It's such a tiny and quaint little place too.

Then it was my school that was left for last to tackle. Oh the stairs. My high school consists of many buildings, many rooms, and many stairs.

We divided my schedule by area, tackling the older part of the school first. I met my AP art teacher, and got to see her new room, and got talked to in Spanish by my new Spanish 2 teacher.

All I could answer in was "Que?!"

Then I met my new debate teacher. HE'S THE BOMB ALSO! First impressions mean everything, and of course my first impression of him was: This guy has bad timing.

He wasn't in his room when we came by, so of course I checked Theatre to see if he was in there, and I ended up having to get Mr.G, the theatre director to go find him in the bathroom. How wonderful. I hope he washed his hands before I shook them.

Overall, he's pretty cool, he's a LDer, like myself, and has the cool college cafe nerd suaveness going for him. Nice black framed glasses.... youngish... Mary Callendar, my big sister in debate who left me for college is going to need a picture to sample.

Overall, I'm happy with all my teachers, they seem like the bomb (how many times have I used this word?).

There was one thing that I thought was, for the lack of a better word, stupid. I was warned not to wear my "Why Kant you see that life is Pietzsche" shirt. WTF? It's a regular t-shirt with an intelligent little joke on it.

Apparently, since it refers to Nietzsche, who in himself is quite controversial, I can't wear it. Screw the "man" I'll wear it anyways. My shirt is a lot more appealing than the "gangsta" shirts floating around our society. If they have a problem with it, they'll have to come with a better reason for me not to wear it other than, "The old dead man on your shirt was once controversial, and even though most teens your age don't know who he is, we still think you shouldn't wear that because, by golly, he did write something that claimed God is dead!"

SCHOOL. MONDAY. EARLY. BLARGH. Oh well. It can't be that bad.