So every time I log into Facebook I'm bombarded by all of my friend's posts about college, and to be quite honest I'm a little sad and bitter.
Also, I forgot to unfriend a lot of people that were from High Point, so it sucks even more because I'm seeing them at the university that I was supposed to attend before my life plans got rearranged.
Unintentionally I've been a bit angry at my parents and of course they have no idea why. I'm not going to explain it to them either. They can just endure my pissy attitude until I'm done feeling sorry for myself.
Right now I'm in the process of weeding through my 454 Facebook friends. Hopefully it'll ease my poor attitude. I think I'm going to avoid looking at my news feed as well. I'm only going to check notifications and messages.
Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for everyone going to college. I really, truly, am. But it still sucks for me. And I think I'm going to take the weekend to wallow in my own self pity before I suck it up and carry on with my life. I need to just let myself come to terms with everything. Everything is more real. I'm actually not entering university with my friends. I'm actually in the Air Force, waiting for a ship date.
I know in a handful of years I'll look back and think, "Wow, not being able to get those student loans was a blessing in disguise!"
But right now? No. It still sucks. After four years of thinking about nothing but going to a university, you can understand why it's so hard for me to adjust my mindset.
Ugh. I'm going to stop now before I punch myself in the face for being such a baby about this situation.
I know several people that aren't leaving for various reasons and most of those are to save money by going to community college. They have plans of their own that they're excited about, but they're all sad to see everyone leave and they're feeling pretty lonely. But you have to remember that you have this amazing journey ahead of you! Once the buzz dies down, I'm sure you'll be better. I know you aren't leaving for college, but you're still going off to be independent of your parents and away from high school and that's the most exciting part.
ReplyDelete^ I agree a lot with what Maggie said. I have a friend, who's really smart, that had to take classes at the community college to minimize student loans I think he'll be transferring to a University next year after having spent to years local. While he was probably initially bitter, he's been able to find a part-time job that really suits him and he'll be alright. I respect his decisions that weren't just following the path. Stephen is having to take another semester off from Cornell because he flat out can't afford it and that must suck. He has friends established there and would be a rising junior, yet he can't enjoy any of that because of finances. :/
ReplyDeleteI also keep second guessing my decision to go to an out-of-state Liberal Arts school...but I am determined to make it worth my while!
You're perfectly allowed to feel whatever emotions you need to feel. I'm already irritated by everyone's posts about college myself, despite the fact that I'm adding to them, so if I wasn't going for whatever reason I would probably be ridiculously annoyed. Maybe if you unfriend the High Point people it will be less painful to go onto Facebook. :/ In a few weeks everything will die down and hopefully it will be better.
ReplyDeleteReading about this shift in plans has been breaking my heart for you...I'm so so impressed with how strong you've been about it.
ReplyDeleteAhh, well...maybe venting about it on here will make you feel better. I entirely got rid of my facebook because of my own sadness and bitterness. I think I did feel better after doing it. Or maybe keep your old facebook (and just go on once in awhile), then start a new one with only the people you want to have as friends and keep in touch with, and use that as your main one.
ReplyDeleteYour reaction is perfectly understandable. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteNah, I'd be really pissed off and bitter as well if someone pulled that kind of shit on me.
ReplyDeleteI do feel the urge to delete people though, especially with everyone getting into med school or finishing their degrees ahead of me. That was a fun May.