As of late, a guy friend of mine has been complaining about how girls don't want to date him despite the fact that he's a nice and decent guy.
And I was honest with him.
The reason why a lot of girls automatically "friendzone" him is because he lacks confidence. He's always second guessing himself and putting himself down, even though he has no reason for his low self esteem. He's good looking, he's nice, he's funny, and (bonus!) is good at art. But what girl wants to listen to a guy mumble and make self depreciating jokes? That just makes everything awkward.
Guys on the internet complain about assholes and douches always getting the girl, but think for a second. Those guys have high confidence levels. Confidence, above all things, is what sets guys apart from each other.
While douches lack refinement, they still have an advantage over shy guys. They actively seek out women and are persistent until they succeed. They take pride in their appearance and enjoy feeling powerful. People tend to gravitate towards whoever gives off an aura of power.
While feminism has become a new facet of our society, women still enjoy being sought after and wooed. Chivalry and gallantry, while some argue is archaic, is often rewarded. I've yet to witness a girl telling a guy to piss off for opening a door for her.
If nice guys don't want to finish last, they need to grow some balls and step up to the plate. I'm not advocating for guys to act like douchebags. No. Cockiness is not cool. Being comfortable with oneself? Yes. That is cool.
In essence, that's what I told my friend.
Well, actually I told him to suck it up and grow some balls because I was tired of attending his pity parties every day. Seriously though. He complains about not having a girlfriend ALL. THE. TIME.
Tough love.
maybe hes hinting, go ask him out!
ReplyDeleteHa. Ha. Ha. Ed, you're so funny. No, I asked him to go to prom with me last year and he said no. I'm pretty sure it's not a hint.
DeleteYou do raise a valid point, and kudos for bringing it up. I know I suffer from shy-guy syndrome and I do get hacked off when 'viable' girls go for the douchebags over who I see are nice guys. I know I should make more of an effort, but I've never been that smooth or comfortable putting the moves on. Entirely my fault, I know.
ReplyDeleteIt sucks seeing girls continually going back to guys who don't treat them as good as they deserve though, I have to say. But there's only so much you can do or say. The rest is up to them. If they don't want to see something, they simply won't, no matter how much proof is in the pudding.
Ah well. C'est la vie.
Very true. In the case of those types of girls, there's not much you can do but hope that they'll eventually see the light.
DeleteHaha, I see what you mean, no girl would ever yell at a guy for being chivalrous! :P x
ReplyDeleteI think that you do actually have some very good points here. I'm a "nice guy" (or so I like to think) and it's true. A lot of us lack confidence. Jessica is nice in every sense of the word, but she has confidence, and a lot of it. People gravitate towards her and she is never a dick. If you act with confidence then, pretty much no matter how you act, people are going to see it and react. I'm yet to see a douche open a door for a girl though. I HAVE seen girls get pissed off at that though. I know that if I acted with a bit more confidence I could probably land the girl, or guy, of my dreams. Once I find them.
ReplyDeleteIt's weird that you've seen girls get upset about that!
DeleteWhile feminism has become a new facet of our society, women still enjoy being sought after and wooed. Chivalry and gallantry, while some argue is archaic, is often rewarded.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely. Girls still like guys who make the first move and pursue them. And chivalrous guys=so hot.
Amen sister! I feel like guys who make the first move set the precedence of the relationship.
DeleteThis was a great article because it answered an age old question, very forthrightly and very concisely. Though maybe there is a reason for the lack of self assurance from some guys. Fine, if you are a guy, you could go after a girl very aggressively, and perhaps win her heart for even awhile,...if she is not truly the right girl, she will just squish your heart anyway... perhaps you will even be worse off then when you started. Self doubt can sometimes be the universe's way of telling you something is not meant to be. Possibly. Anyhow, that's my 2 cents.
ReplyDeleteInteresting perspective. I like the idea of when you meet the right person you automatically feel at ease.
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