Surface

I thought today was going to go well, and I guess to the naked eye it went fine. In fact, one could even say I was almost a little too cheery.

My APES (AP Environmental Science) teacher gives extra credit to her students who dress up every other Wednesday, and today I thought would be the perfect day to give my new grey dress an outing! I wore it at the Z-Club induction tea ceremony as well, and got a lot of compliments on it, so I decided why not wear it again.

A lot of people were confused because they thought I was a teacher >.> Personally I thought I looked like a cute paralegal…

I was proud of myself because I spent the entire day in heels and didn’t flinch. Hooray for my strong female tolerance that allows me to endure uncomfortable shoes!

Anyways, on my way to school I got an awful text. Apparently my mom is pregnant. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but the thought makes me want to vomit in a sad/nervous way. I’m 95% positive that she’s doing it to spite my dad because he has me, my younger sisters, and Steven (who’s technically my half brother, but whatever he’s my baby brother nonetheless) and she wants something to fill some void that she has.

Ok. I’m 17. My mom is 40 and a hypochondriac. Most likely I’ll end up taking care of my future sibling (if there is one) by the time I’m 25. AWESOME. I’d like to say that I’m happy for her and my stepdad, but frankly I just feel sad for their future kid who is going to be born into a really messed up situation because inevitability the kid is going to be compared to my brother a lot and he’s going to have some issues because my mom is really good about causing her children to need a therapist.

-Sigh-

And yesterday Root sent me a friend request on facebook (suspiciously right after he and his girlfriend broke up). I think this is the 5^th or 6^th time I’ve re-added him. He made my life crap for about 2 years before I was finally rid of him. Now he’s put up an old picture that I drew for him as his profile picture and a status that eludes to something that I used to joke about concerning him. I honestly don’t have time to deal with him. I figure if I just add him and ignore him I’ll be ok. I mean, ignoring him in real life by avoiding his workplace and Starbucks has worked well for me so far, so avoiding him online shouldn’t be too hard.

And to top off everything, my school's principal, who is notorious for saying NO to everything is trying to put a damper on my friend Madelyn's plans to start a Invisible Children group at our school. Whatever. If the school won't sponsor it then we'll just start a community group in order to raise awareness. Sure it'll be harder because we have ZERO resources, but I feel so strongly about this cause that at this point I'm willing to do anything to make sure it happens.

Ugh. I really need to just leave my town for a little while. Only 10 more months until I leave for college in North Carolina….

I'm just using you

Hey guys! How's it going? Good? Great!

I hate being one of those pushy bloggers that just wants you to do stuff, but I promise this will be one of the FEW times that I ever ask you guys to do anything.

This is Taryn. She graduated from my school recently and she's in a Mad Men casting call contest! So far she only has 124 votes and she needs a lot more in order to win, so I would LOVE it if you clicked HERE and voted for her! If she wins she'll get a walk-on role on the AMC show Mad Men and $1000 to spend at Banana Republic. Keep in mind she's in college right now so she could use the clothes because all her money is probably being spent on ramen and hipster paraphernalia. It'll prompt you to log in, but if you have a Facebook account you can log in using that.

---------------------

ANYWAYS, today was pretty mundane at school. As per usual I got a crap load of homework, and I got a little lost in math, but I'm going to go in for tutorials soon.

My friend Madelyn is trying to start an Invisible Children chapter at our school and I'm really hoping our principle approves of it. I might be helping her out with it, so of course that means even less time to blog. If you guys don't know what the Invisible Children group is about I'd recommend clicking on the link above because it's a great cause, but I'm running out of my allotted computer time before I have to go back to studying.

Beginning of a new week

Woo! I made a Deathly Hallows shrinky dink necklace charm! And I recently found my Harry Potter glasses. Also if you look reaaaaaaaally close you can see my panda nails! Sorry if I look sleepy/more Chinese than normal. I've been really tired lately.

Oh man. The second week of school is the one I dread the most. Why? Because it's when all the testing begins. At the end of the week I have an Environmental Science test, and I think a Government test if I'm not mistaken...

Last night I stayed up to watch the VMA's. Big mistake. I only stayed awake to see the Amy Winehouse tribute by Bruno Mars (which was so wonderful), and despite going to bed at 10:20ish I felt the reprocussions of deviating from my bedtime. At first I was ok, super peppy, and mostly in denial of my fatigue, then once I got home I pretty much died on the inside. I grew crabby and snippy and all I wanted to do was sleep. But I couldn't. Because I had homework. And then my dad wanted me to make a flyer for the speaking club event he's in charge of. And then I had dinner. And now I have to go back to doing homework.

It's a never ending cycle.

However I do have hope that all of this work will prepare me for college. So far my friends have told me that they have TONS of work, but compared to AP classes it's relatively simple.

If I wasn't so swamped with homework I might actually be able to make out the light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh, and for those of you desiring an update on Shy Guy, since I've been so busy I've only been able to hang out with him once and I think he's a little frustrated that I've been too busy to talk or text him. Not to mention he doesn't understand that AP classes take up such a big chuck of time because he never took them. Ah, well I guess we'll see how it goes.

Something to look forward to

I want to go to a music festival. More specifically, Bonnarroo. Sure, I could have picked Coachella, ACL, Lollapalooza, or Warped Tour, but I feel like Bonnarroo is the best bet for my first full blown music festival.

Sure, I've been to Warped Tour, but it was only for one day, whereas Bonnarroo is 4 days of sweat, music, filth, and pure nirvana (or so I've heard).

Currently whether or not I'll be able to attend is speculative because 1) I need to somehow round up $300+ for the ticket and another $300 for general expenses. Yeah. This might be impossible. 2) It's the summer before I leave for NC to go to college. Yeah. Again, I'm going to be busy preparing so this might be impossible. 3) I haven't told, hinted, or smoke signaled my parents that I want to go yet. Mainly because I want to have enough money before I tell them my plans.

The hopes of MAYBE being able to go is what's getting me through the mounds of homework I have.

Along with that, I'm looking forward to making the above tent with my friends. Ever since last year when the publication staff made one in our hotel room in Austin I've been obsessed with tents/forts.

Gathering from the enthusiasm expressed above the likelihood of this project happening is quite high. And I will make sure to document it when it happens.

But alas, I must leave now because I have to outline the first chapter in my Environmental Science book and read the first chapter in my Art History book. And then I have to get dressed and go to an induction tea ceremony for my high school's female volunteer organization. Ah, the perks of being service chair.

I wish I went to Hogwarts

....so that I could properly employ the usage of a time turner to read all the material I've been given.

No, but really. In all of my core classes aside from math, I've been given HEAPS of pages to read. And what's worse is they want you to THINK while you read it and scrutinize every little detail so that when the AP test rolls around it'll be as easy as girl with daddy issues.

I'm lucky that I'm a fairly quick reader, however reading that much information in a short amount of time has given me headaches. I read in 20-25 minute blocks, and then I switch to another form of homework like math problems or looking at paintings for Art History. I wish I could take leisure breaks, but if I did I would have to lose the hour I've allotted myself to read all of your wonderful blogs. Also, to my fellow seniors in honors classes, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one on the verge of a mental breakdown, hugging my textbooks and rocking back and fourth as I try to verbalize the meaning behind Hawthorne's Young Goodman Brown.

At least I can find solace at the end of the day. I have studio art with my wonderful art friends, and then Art History with equally wonderful, but quirky people. And then I go home and do homework.

Intimidation

Day 2. Jews on ice. I seriously thought my hardest class on my B block day was going to be math, but surprisingly AP Gov. might actually be more difficult.

Then again, I'm in regular math and in honors Gov. so there's going to be a large gap in terms of 'challenging' material. The teacher for my government class is insane...ly awesome. She's intense and straightforward--- a bit like my physics teacher last year but in female form. Also, she has the thickest Texan accent in the state.

I'm proud of myself though, because I managed to finish all of my Enviro. homework, and half of my Gov. homework. So far I'm staying ahead of the game!

First Day/I really shouldn't be blogging.

Woo! First day is DONE and aside from the crapload of homework the day went by quickly and swimmingly. I'm using a Canon EOS 60D and it is freaking amazingorgasmicjustplainawesome. Some of you may notice the mirror from this post :p
This is my genius artist friend Ian playing with a cootie catcher that's supposed to help us learn Art History terms. I think this is the first time we've ever had a class together, so I'm hoping he doesn't drop the class, despite it being rigorous.
Nathan and his politician regular smile. It's going to be interesting having him in Art History... I can already imagine the class discussions and debates!
This is my inspiration headgear. I got it last year and wore it whenever I felt artistically dry. Oh, and please excuse my awkward expression. That's what I look like 75% of the time.

My awesome new bag and lucky rabbit's foot!
Tee hee. Just cheesin' it up with my fellow AP art buddies!

No, but really. Homework. I've already been assigned The Rocking Horse Winner by D.H. Lawrence and I have to write comments and analyze it, plus I have to come up with a list of 20 literary novels that I've read thus far and document them on a note card to prepare for the AP exam. So far I have 17 that I can remember... I know I've read more literary classics than that, so coming up with the list will be easy shmeasy. I'm not looking forward to the class discussion because the story apparently parallels Oedipus, and it's metaphorically about masturbation.

I blame the entire situation on Freud. DAMN YOU FREUD FOR MAKING SCHOOL AWKWARD.

I had a lab in Environmental Science and I have to finish the lab report and read some paper about fishing laws or something... I don't know. I have government tomorrow and I heard that we have a reading assignment--- GREAT. I also have to read a chapter for Art History D:

Why did I decide to take college level classes again? Oh right. I wanted to challenge myself.

Anyways, thanks for the advice in the last post. I'm just going to continue talking to Shy Guy, and if he gets the balls to make the first move then I'll see where things go from there. Knowing his track record the likelihood of him doing so is low, and I'm not the type of person to explicitly make the first move. Eh, whatever.

An Update

So Shy Guy and his girlfriend broke up... Nothing horrible or anything, they just decided that their relationship was a bit stagnant.

Since then he's been talking to me more and I don't really know what to make of it.

I sort of feel like if we met at a different time we might have a chance at something beyond platonic, but right now all my energy is focused on school, college apps, and scholarships.

Also, I don't really have time to mess around with his 'beat around the bush' nonsense that he keeps presenting me with.

I talked to T about it and he advised me to just view things from a surface perspective and not dive into situations trying to read anything further about it. Good advice. I honestly enjoy talking to Shy Guy and we have similar tastes and quirky viewpoints that no one else shares so I'm going to just let things be for the moment.


After the 2:40 mark when they harmonize I feel like I'm in musical nirvana.

School on Tuesday

Ugh. Thinking about starting senior year makes me want to vomit.

For some reason whenever I get nervous I feel like I'm going to puke my brains out. Usually I just feel a little jittery, but as of late I've been overcome by this upchucking sensation. Maybe it's hormones? I don't know. I just feel a little odd.

Anyways, my schedule is pretty awesome. My school has a block schedule so I have some classes everyday and others every other day.

My schedule looks like this:

Yearbook

English/Math

Environmental Science/Government

Yearbook

Studio Art

Art History

The bolded classes are the ones that I have every day, the non bolded ones alternate. As you can see I pretty much start and end my day with awesome classes! Of course I'll be busy working like a mad woman in yearbook (the perks of being an editor!) and working like a sane version of Van Gogh in Studio Art (I have to finish 12 pieces before May!), but you guys no how I like to keep busy.

I really want to make senior year great because it's forshaddowing for my future. I would make a list of goals, but really I just want to be nicer to everyone, keep up with my planner, and try to look presentable every day.

Simple? Maybe. Difficult? Definitely.

Anyways, in other news I've been indulging in my most recent guilty pleasure The Glee Project. If you haven't seen the finale yet you might want to stop reading this NOW before I continue talking....

Anyways, I was happy that both of my favorite contenders from the beginning of the show won! Yay! ....Now I might actually watch Glee on a regular basis.

I mean, how can you resist those dream boats? I'm interested to see how the writers are going to incorporate their characters into the show.

Yeah. Here's hoping I have a good first day!

Desperate times

Guys.

Under no circumstance is it ever cool to steal from old people.

Under no circumstance is it ever cool to steal from MY grandparents.

Back story: Today my grandparents went to the grocery store to buy food and pick up a few things for a church potluck on Sunday. They live out in the country, and instead of going to the market about 10 minutes away from their house they decided to drive into town to go to a slightly larger store because there was a bigger selection and the prices were lower. My grandma is a champ. She ALWAYS brings her own canvas bags because she's environmentally conscious and well, just awesome in general.

Well, as my grandparents were paying for their groceries, they noticed a lady in one of those motorized scooters sort of lurking nearby at one of the other check out lanes. After my grandma had paid she and my grandpa proceeded to bag all of their stuff. The lurker lady, after bagging her own groceries grabs one of my grandma's canvas bags, puts it in her scooter basket, and proceeds to drive out. Slightly outraged they yelled after her.

My grandpa with the assistance of the manager who saw her take the bag proceed to chase her down. My grandpa has had a hip and femur replacement, so he couldn't really have run after her. After a little while they found her car right before she was about to leave and the manager ordered her to give back the groceries, and she just said that she didn't have them. When the manager asked her to open her car so he could check she just said that he could only look through her windows. SHE HAD AN EFFING TARP COVERING THE BAG.

My grandpa, fed up and exhausted decided to not press any further and just let her take the food. His rationalization was if she needed the food that bad, then she should just have it.

Here's the thing that made me upset. She STOLE $15 worth of groceries that were in my grandma's favorite souvenir bag from Disney world. That's pretty messed up. My grandparents are too nice to a fault and would have been more than willing to help her if she would have ASKED. The fact that she preyed upon elderly people makes me want to hunt her down and slash her tires. Just kidding. I'd probably just demand that she give the bag back, because it had sentimental value.

I'm so disgusted that this situation happened and I sort of wish I would have been there so I could have caught that woman before she had the opportunity to hide the groceries in her car.

And the kicker? The thing that makes me want to punch every evil thing in the face? The groceries she stole were for the potluck at my grandparent's church. I HOPE THE FOOD THAT LADY STOLE GIVES HER THE RUNS.

Material possessions.

Today I embarked upon a shopping trip with my mom.

It was pretty successful. Then I lounged around a bit at her house and chatted with my Filipino grandparents, played with Max (who is a bichon frise), and ate some yummy sabayo and rice.

I would post pictures, but I'm lazy.

Anyways, as I was shopping I started thinking about the future (which currently makes me want to vomit) and how I ought to be buying things like "staple items" instead of fad items. Timeless, useful things--- like a black Chanel dress. But obviously not a Chanel because I don't have a money tree in my yard.

But, you know, things I can use throughout the rest of high school and college when I have presentations, interviews, and meetings (vomit, vomit, and vomit). Luckily my mom has also been thinking about that and gave me this:

This Calvin Klein dress has become the first of hopefully a hand full of "staple items" that I'm sure I'll need somewhere down the road. The next thing on my list is a standard black dress.

I just don't want to be that person who has to scramble around at the last minute to buy/borrow something nice the night before a big event. I'd also like to avoid being "sweat pants and a t-shirt" girl in the foreseeable future.

The future freaks me out.

On Planning

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
-John Lennon

You know what John Lennon? You and your pseudo philosophical quotes can suck it.

I cannot tell you how many times this particular Lennon-ism has been quoted to me. In fact it’s been quoted to me so many times that if someone does have the nerve to say it to me I might have to take some anger management classes due to the fact that I punched their face in. JUST KIDDING. I do not have anger management issues. But seriously, that quote, while having some truth behind it, is a misstatement. Every person who has quoted it to me has said it in a negative light.

Planning is good. Planning is smart. Planning implies that you are driven, ambitious, calculative, and determined. All fine qualities of a dictator productive human being. I like to make plans because it gives me something to work towards. For instance, I plan on working in an evolving workplace that is fast paced and exciting. Now I’m going to plan on making good grades so that I can get into a good college. Now I’m going to plan on making good grades in college as well as lifelong connections so that I can achieve my goal of having an awesome job.

See? Was that painful? No not at all. Did I miss anything fun in the process? No not at all.

Small term planning is also good. Planning a time to study not only makes homework easier to digest, but allows you to be prepared in time for class (not that I study like I should). Planning to hang out with friends over the weekend not only gives you something to look forward to, but gives you the opportunity to use your time wisely (as opposed to watching tv waiting for a friend to randomly text you).

For me, planning is my security blanket. My inner neurotic control freak likes knowing the details of something so that I can avoid disastrous situations. Knowing things ahead of time also gives me enough time to think of a plan B, just in case plan A fails. Like I said, it makes me feel safe.

Here are two people that quoted Lennon and ended up looking stupid:

1. Sophomore year debate coach: When I stated that my weekend was already “planned out” he sagely spouted the Lennon quote to me, and then went further mocking the fact that I used a planner and liked to map details out ahead of time in front of the entire class (which was composed of 10 guys and one other girl besides me). WELL GUESS WHAT. He should have planned on buying/using a condom because he knocked up his ex, who he promptly moved in with (because he was also broke). At the end of the year due to the alarming amount of parent complaints he didn’t get his teaching contract renewed. The only reason I know all of this is because he also liked to talk about his personal life. Not to sound like a complete bitch, but I made his job HELL for the remainder of the year because he mocked my love of planning. I heard from one of his former theatre students that he is now driving commercial trucks (aka 18-wheelers). All that money for a teaching degree? SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE COULD HAVE USED A PLAN.

2. Savvy. Let’s just call her that. Whenever we would talk about what we were going to do when we “grew up” she would mock me and my cookie cutter college-job-house-family plan. Often times she advised for me to go with the flow, and just not care about anything. One day she sent me the quote over Myspace (which I’m sure everyone has forgotten about) saying, “this made me think of u :P” Dearest Savvy, I’m glad I didn’t heed your advice because then I would be just like you and Sam (her bff): a single mom with a floundering baby daddy and crazy scary stretch marks. The thing with Savvy that bothered me is that before she was pregnant she would get drunk all the time, beg to borrow my homework, and still manage to flunk everything. Now that I think about it, she never really had any ambitions or goals. I think getting pregnant was the best thing that could have happened to her because now she does have to plan, and make responsible decisions for not only her, but her baby.

See? Bad things happen when you mock planning.

Sure, sometimes over planning can come off as neurotic, but I think it just shows that you care enough about your life, or the people in it that you’re willing to say, “Hey, you’re so important to me that I’m going to give you 2 precious hours that could have been used for work/studying/sleeping.”

Sorry. Yesterday someone told me that quote and I nearly spat my cranberry juice in their face and started yelling at them.

Things that have made me happy as of late

Galaxy Nails. I'm a big Doctor Who fan, so you can obviously guess why painting my nails in this design brings me a lot of joy. Was the 10 minutes spent on my nails worth it? Yes.

Citrus-sicle. Ok. So school starts for me on the 23rd. Say what? Summer. Is. Not. Over. You can't tell in the picture, but the popsicle I made is three layers: orange juice, lemonade, and green tea. I'm thinking about making another one with strawberries in it...

A post card from the artist James Gulliver Hancock. I love receiving things in the mail.

School homework? Almost done. ALMOST. I'm hoping that I can finish my papers up tonight, and finish The Annotated Mona Lisa tomorrow, leaving only As I Lay Dying to be read up until the first day of school. Perhaps I'll finish it sooner.

Also, I'm glad you guys liked my video! Once school starts I'm hoping to make more artsy ones as extra credit assignments, so I wanted to test my ability to mess around in video editing and whatnot. I still have a long way to go, but at least I can manage something simple. :)

Just in case you wanted to make yourself breakfast

I made a video! Well, sort of. Just watch it.



Yay! For those of you who can't even make a grilled cheese, this should be an easy peasy thing to make for breakfast, or really whenever you want. Personally I like to eat this for brunch, but that's just because I have a weird eating schedule.

Anyways, I don't really like my french toast sweet, so if you have a sweet tooth feel free to add another tablespoon of sugar or two. Also you can sprinkle them with confection sugar or eat it with syrup. Like I said, I don't really like my toast too sweet. Enjoy! :D

Decorating

So yesterday my dad FINALLY got my books for me and I've been reading them in increments of 15 minutes. I've gotten pretty far with the art book.....

And I'm 35 pages into As I Lay Dying, so for just reading them for a day I think I'm doing pretty well. I will admit though, the Annotated Mona Lisa is more interesting--- but I think it's because of all of the pictures :P

Both yesterday and today I was in the yearbook room with Ashley, Haley and some staffers decorating and this is what we've accomplished so far.

We still have a lot more to do, but hopefully we can wrap it up before school starts. Speaking of school--- I really don't want to go back. Every fiber of my being is so opposed to the idea that I can't even think in terms of my classes. My mind can't comprehend having to do that much homework. Ugh.

I just want to fast forward to next summer. Or at least Christmas break.

Conflict in plans

Yesterday I was under the assumption that my mom was taking my sister and I out to dinner so that she could spend "quality time" with us. Apparently that also meant taking us to a boring network marketing presentation about coffee afterwords. And the coffee wasn't even that good.

Not realizing that we would be going anywhere requiring business casual attire my sister and I showed up to her house dressed in shorts and t-shirts. My mom fussed a bit trying to get us to change into some of her clothes, and my sister complied. I simply told my mom that if she would have told me about the presentation I would have dressed for it.

The presentation was boring, and non-relevant to my life. However I did get ice-cream and an icee out of the experience. I like ice-cream.

Tomorrow is like, THE day for people to plan things.

My friend Hannah had an extra ticket to Six Flags, which I sadly can't take advantage of :(

My friend Madelyn is having a party at her parent's pottery store, that I might not be able to go to :(

I have a yearbook meeting/mini-camp with staff members that takes priority over both aforementioned things, but hopefully I'll be able to swing over to the pottery place after everything is done...

Also I had a bizarre dream a few days ago that I was getting married, and Weezer was playing at the reception. I don't remember who I was getting married to, but the fact that Weezer was there is enough proof that it was probably someone with an awesome taste in music and culture. I really wish I remembered all the details, but alas my dream memory tends to be a bit temperamental.

--------

Sidenote: To all of the bloggers in the UK, I hope you guys stay safe! Riots are scary...not that I've ever been caught up in one, but I'm sure it's not a pleasant experience. <-understatement

Bear

I’m almost finished with my papers for AP Enviro!

Anyways, aside from that I’ve been sparknoting like mad, and doing all sorts of tweaking in Adobe inDesign I’ve been taking refuge in my room.

My grandma came over for Steven’s birthday and spent the weekend. As per usual she cooked food that she knew my sister and I didn’t like, and then said that it was bad manners to insult her cooking by not eating it. Yeah? Really? Because it’s also bad manners to cook things that you KNOW everyone doesn’t like, and it’s also bad manners to curse like a sailor. She’s gone now, so I’m over it.

To lighten the mood here’s a picture of Bear, my dog.

No lie; this is how he sleeps every night. It’s actually a little disturbing, but every time I try to change his position to where he’s sleeping on his tummy or side he just flips back onto his back with his legs splayed everywhere.

Eh, as long as he’s happy I guess it’s ok.

Breakdown

Thursday: Ashley and I had our first "official" meeting with our yearbook supervisor. I'm not going to lie, I was scared out of my mind. I was worried that she wouldn't like our designs, our ideas, or even me; however I was pleasantly surprised. Aside from a few technical things on our designs she liked them for the most part. Later after our meeting we went out to lunch with last year's editor as he rambled about getting settled into college and whatnot. It was nice.

I'm just so glad that so far, everything is going smoothly! Now, hopefully the rest of the year will be as nice!

Friday: My family and I cleaned house for my little brother's birthday party. His birthday was actually on Thursday, but we were waiting to have his party on the weekend so we kind of just let Steven assume his birthday lasted 3 days. I mean, he's a toddler so it's not a big deal.

Today: We had Steven's party, and it went well. I think sometime in the future I'm going to have to take a picture of all of my little brother's dinosaurs. He has TONS of dinosaur figures, and he got even more today, including some pretty awesome glow in the dark ones. I just finished up picking up all the trash and empty gift boxes, and right now I'm multitasking by looking up Adobe inDesign tutorials, fixing the yearbook templates, and writing this blog post.

My parents have still yet to order 2 books that I need to read before the 23rd, and I still have to finalize my papers and make a presentation board for my AP Enviro project. Right now I'm just going to focus on buckling down on all my work, so my posting capabilities will be limited--- unless you want to read about the importance of protecting spotted deer and big leaf mahoganies. I'm honestly trying to get myself motivated to finish these papers, but I'm finding it hard to get motivated about something that I honestly don't care about--- So to remedy this problem I'm going to immerse myself in National Geographic articles and documentaries in the vain attempt to make myself give a crap about these obscure endangered species.

I'll still be reading and commenting as per usual because I need something to keep me sane!

Move, Learn, Eat

As a hunter of the inspirational, I often have a hard time finding anything that isn't cheesy. These films are far from it, and I felt the need to share with you guys.

MOVE from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

LEARN from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

EAT from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

And now I want to travel to the Philippines again.

Good Publicity

Do you guys know what Toddlers and Tiaras is? No? Well then you need to watch this video in order for this post to make sense.

Yeah. It's child pageantry on cable.

Anyways, a little girl from my town was featured and surprisingly she wasn't as bratty as the other kids that are usually on. Even more surprising was the fact that her mom was normal, and not like most of the moms they feature. They actually made my hometown look good, and not like it was populated by crazies.

The only thing I found funny was the fact that the little girl was obsessed with Beyonce, and being "brown". She even had a reproduction of one of Beyonce's BET award outfits. Don't believe me? Check her facebook.

Too bad I couldn't find any videos on Youtube about it because it just aired yesterday, however I did find this jewel:

Skillz

So Christopher has been trying to get people to look at his sketches that are up at the Tribute to Doodlers page, and since I'm a great person and whatnot I'm going to tell ALL OF YOU to go visit it. Pronto.

Anyways, after seeing Christopher's work I got a little inspired, so I made a portrait of him. As you can see, it's very lifelike.

895: Sleepover fun

Yesterday my friend Rebekka had a belated birthday sleepover with me and my friend Hannah.

Being a girl does have it's occasional perks I guess.

Anyways, we mainly just goofed around and acted silly--- seen below in these pictures Rebekka took of Hannah and I in silly hats.

Shark Week!!

*CHICHURRR* Houston, we have a problem: my eyes are closed in this picture.

Spending time with them is something that I really enjoy because I know this upcoming school year is going to be so busy my head will likely explode (again), and then after this year I'll be off for college in North Carolina.

I'm a bit envious of the both of them because they'll be attending a local college that will allow them to live at home for a bit longer, but at the same time I'm so antsy to leave and see what else is out there. I don't know. It's a double edge sword I guess.

We made chocolate covered strawberries (with the chocolate melter Hannah got for Rebekka), stayed up late, and squeezed into a bed and fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning.

My sister and I finally got ourselves signed up for Pottermore! I'm DragonAuror4, just in case you were wondering.

After the post I did yesterday it's nice to just stop stressing and have some fun.

Now concerning my title---- this is my 895th post... Freaky right? What's even freakier is the fact that I'm approaching 900... Which is 100 short of 1,000 for all you math geniuses out there.

I know who I am, but what do I want to be?

Identity. This is something that I struggled with growing up.

Having an interracial background is both a blessing, and a curse, however when I was younger it was more of a curse than anything. I was raised in a very controlled church environment and spent my formative years with the same group of 15 or so kids until the 4^th grade. These kids, unlike me, were white and of Anglo-Saxon decent. However, we were all kids so we didn’t know anything besides the tiny protective bubble our parents put around us. I can remember thinking at one point while out at recess one day that my skin wasn’t as pale as everyone else’s and as my best friend Kaitlyn put it, I was yellow, and she was freckly.

It didn’t really bother me until I transferred to another private school, which was still dominated by white people. At that time I had discovered mirrors and actually started paying attention to my appearance. I remember hating the way I looked, everything ranging from my curly hair to my nose, which was a cross between my dad’s almost Jewish nose (thank goodness my uncles inherited that gene) and my mom’s asian one. I would literally wake up, look in the mirror and just stare at my nose, hoping that my parents would consider my outlandish request for a nose job for Christmas. Just kidding, I didn’t really ask for one, but I spent a great amount of time wishing that I could get one.

Thankfully I grew out of the insecurities I had as a 12 year old.

Every now and then I get a little annoyed at how insensitive people are at times. Living in Texas, in which there is an abundance of Hispanics I often get asked, point blank, “Are you Chinese or Mexican?” because I’m tan, but not quite Mexican looking. Once, I was delivering something to a teacher and a random kid seriously just asked me that in front of everyone I just stared at him thinking, “Really? You couldn’t have asked for my name first or something?” but I’m so used to it that my response is almost robotic.

My dad is white. My mom is Filipino, which is Asian (you have no idea how many times people are like, what’s Filipino? –face/palm-).

As I’ve been slowly coming to terms with my identity concerning my family background and my physical appearance I can’t help but feel a little lost when it comes to how I’m going to fit into the grand scheme of things.

The second I feel like I’ve figured out what I want to do with my life I reach an epiphany which completely blows everything out of the water. Take for example when I was deeply immersed is politics and I thought about being a political leader or something. Once I realized that it was nothing but a long chain of exchanging favors for votes and making “alliances” I couldn’t fathom being involved in something that was directly responsible for the well being of a large populace.

I’m so afraid of telling my family about whatever I want to do because their response is usually begrudgingly supportive. They’re not going to tell me no, but oftentimes they think that I’m not cut out for whatever I want to do.

I feel a little under pressure because I’ve only got until the end of college to figure out my identity relating to everyone else. I don’t want to end up with a degree I don’t feel passionate about, only to find myself dreading work and going to my job every day.

I know, I know, I’ve got a while before I have to make up my mind, but if I don’t figure this out now and just “see where the chips fall” then who’s to say I still won’t be pondering about this 7 years down the road?

No matter how you look at it, you’re defined by your profession, or the direction you take in life. Bill the accountant, Susan the teacher, Mary the housewife, Obama the president, Jesus the son of God, Bill Maher the comedian… See what I mean? It’s everywhere, and there is no escaping it.

I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t want my identity to be Lizzi the indecisive drifter.