It's finally time!

Monday I leave for Shreveport MEPs to check in, Tuesday I swear in to active duty, and then I hop onto a plane to fly to BMT!

IT'S HAPPENING.

Just a quick reminder of those planning to write me while I'm in: I can't receive care packages of any sort, please don't send photographs (I have to get those cleared through my MTI) and just remember to check my Facebook page to find my address! My family will be posting it on my wall as soon as they find out.

I'll see you guys in 10 weeks!

JB and I finally took a picture together! Sadly, I forgot to bring my Polaroid camera with me, so that'll have to wait until sometime later this week.

We talked a little bit about me leaving, and how it's in two weeks.

It's daunting.

My step mom has been advocating for me to break up with JB, but I'm not going to break up with him just because it was advised by my parents.  She doesn't want me to be tied down to anyone and she wants me to "live life and have fun without any obligations."

Regardless of whether or not I'm in a relationship I'm still going to have plenty of fun, adventures, friends, memories, etc.--- all the things that a parent wants for their child.  I'm a naturally introverted person so obviously I'm not going to go out and party hard all night.  I'll probably go to a diner with a good book, or maybe a good group of friends and go home when they'll no longer serve me french toast and bacon.  Maybe chill out at a bonfire by the beach.  Go shopping with some gal pals.  Adopt a ragdoll kitten.  Doodle in all of the pages of my moleskine.  Take more Polaroid pictures.

I see myself doing all of these things with/without JB.  My relationship doesn't define who I am.  It's just nice to have someone to share things with. It's nice to enjoy someone's company.

Besides, I'm not really a "date-around" type of person.  I find one person that I really like and stick with them for a while.  All other guys are henceforth dubbed as "bros" to keep them in line. I have months (emphasis on the multiple) in between relationships because I like being alone sometimes.  Jumping to and from relationships isn't my style.

My step mom has created a master list of scenarios that she fears will result in me holing myself up in my room, avoiding communication with everyone, and here are a few of the gems:

1. I discover that JB is cheating on me
2. JB breaks up with me for no reason
3. The distance causes us to grow apart

I was a bit insulted that she didn't believe I would have the ability to break things off if I were no longer happy.  That aside, yes, these are all plausible things.  But these are all things that, albeit currently hypothetical, I need to experience on my own.  Just because something MAY happen doesn't mean I should base my decisions on it.  I am quite capable of ending things if I feel limited or unhappy.  I've done the distance thing on a smaller scale, and each long distance relationship is different.

So I will continue to endure the remaining 15 days of lectures about how I should live my life, because we all know what happened last time I let my parents dictate something about my future.

There's so much going on in my head right now.  It's crazy, jumbled, at times a little too much, but it's normal.    At least, that's what I've been told.

I get so tired of people asking me how I feel about leaving, how my family feels, how JB feels, and of course "Are you ready?" and I regurgitate the bland, "Oh yes, they're all excited for me. I'm a little scared, but I think I'm as ready as I'm going to be."

I know that I shouldn't be so upset over people trying to take an interest in my life, but sometimes I get so tired answering the same question over an over.  Like, how am I supposed to convey the feelings of others?  Because in all honesty my younger sister already resents me for leaving her to take over all of my responsibilities around the house, my youngest sister probably won't miss me that much aside from no longer being scolded about leaving her dirty clothes everywhere.  And Steven.  Poor little guy is only four, so he's still having trouble grasping the fact that I'll be gone for months on end.  And I won't even get started on my parents.

I recently became friends with a fellow trainee who shares my ship date, and it's been nice talking to someone that's going to be entering the same experience at the same time.  We met on the FEB 2013 AFBMT Facebook page where all of the trainees shipping out for the month can talk.  Not that many people participate on it, which is odd, because I've heard in the past that pages like this are very popular, but then again it's not advertised.  Most people don't really know to look for it.

Anyway, talking to him made me feel reassured.  In all honesty my situation isn't that bad. He's leaving behind a crazy ex-girlfriend that didn't want him to enlist, and an entire life that he had already started, whereas I'm just getting started.  I'm lucky that JB is so supportive, and he's already talked about visiting me as soon as I'm allowed to have people see me, which will be a while.

Like, aside from my graduation weekend, it'll be a few months before I get to see him.  My parents have been bugging me about having a long distance relationship, but that topic is for another post, at another time.

This weekend I'll be spending time with friends, trying to enjoy my last 19 days of civilian life.

Edit:  I found this neat little website that has slideshows for all 8 weeks of training if any of you are curious as to what I'll be doing once I leave.  I found some of the captions humorous.

Tomorrow I'll post about my weekend adventures, but right now I'm just going to ramble.

I know I'm leaving soon. Like, duh, I've only been counting down all the days. I'm excited, scared, sad, happy, and everything in-between.

My parents, especially my stepmom, have been hounding me about my relationship with JB. Yes. He's 8 years older than me. Yes. My grandmother will probably disown me if she knew about us. They're like a broken record. Other things they say:

"We don't want you to throw away your future for him."

"He's already had time to find himself and get settled."

"Don't tie yourself down to one person so soon."

And I'm just like, HOLD UP. Did I miss the memo about when our relationship got that serious? Apparently I did.

Last time I checked, I'm still leaving in February... Whether or not I'm still in a relationship is entirely up to me. I'm still going to live my life and do everything I want to do, regardless.

I mean, while I'm away JB will have an interview with a news station in Mississippi for an anchor position, and I hope he gets it. It's been his goal to get a full time position in front of the camera, making the transition from behind the scenes.

If we break up because of the distance, that's ok. That's just life.

And I tell my parents this, but they're adamant in the fact that my relationship with JB is just a huge blemish in my life/future.

Why? He's honestly the greatest guy I've ever dated. He's really considerate, he's responsible, motivated, established... the only things I can fault him for is his persistence in wanting to take me to a scary movie, and sometimes he can be really cheesy.

If our relationship falls apart, that's ok. IT'S TOTALLY FINE. I don't know how many times I can repeat this.  Maybe I should get a banner made?

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have a long-term serious relationship* with JB, but with the directions we're going in... The most I can do is remain optimistic, and do everything on my end to make it work.

And whenever I tell this to my parents, they don't listen to me.  I know everything they're telling me comes from a good place, but I'm 19. I'm leaving home permanently in a little over a month.

I need to be able to make "mistakes" and trust my own judgment.

Am I crazy?

*I don't plan on marrying ANYONE until well after I'm old enough to purchase/drink my own alcohol at my wedding.

Time to be honest

Today I got a much needed kick in the ass.

In DEPs we had a mock 8 week PT test, and I failed so badly.

I've hit a plateau. While I have progressed a lot from when I first started in June, I should be better. WAY better.

And it's all because I'm really good at lying and procrastinating to myself.  I will find any excuse to put off my additional training. These few weeks it was Thanksgiving and my stepmom having pneumonia. I' ve been taking care of my younger siblings and various things around the house, but I could have put aside an hour, at the least, every other day to run and work on my push ups. I've only run once in the past week.

This streak ends today. I need to get my ass into gear and set some tangible goals for myself.

So. Next week? This time next week I want to have shaved 2 minutes off my run time. I will do at least 48 sit ups within a minute, and 18 push ups within a minute.

It's time for me to physically ready myself for February.