We talked a little bit about me leaving, and how it's in two weeks.
It's daunting.
My step mom has been advocating for me to break up with JB, but I'm not going to break up with him just because it was advised by my parents. She doesn't want me to be tied down to anyone and she wants me to "live life and have fun without any obligations."
Regardless of whether or not I'm in a relationship I'm still going to have plenty of fun, adventures, friends, memories, etc.--- all the things that a parent wants for their child. I'm a naturally introverted person so obviously I'm not going to go out and party hard all night. I'll probably go to a diner with a good book, or maybe a good group of friends and go home when they'll no longer serve me french toast and bacon. Maybe chill out at a bonfire by the beach. Go shopping with some gal pals. Adopt a ragdoll kitten. Doodle in all of the pages of my moleskine. Take more Polaroid pictures.
I see myself doing all of these things with/without JB. My relationship doesn't define who I am. It's just nice to have someone to share things with. It's nice to enjoy someone's company.
Besides, I'm not really a "date-around" type of person. I find one person that I really like and stick with them for a while. All other guys are henceforth dubbed as "bros" to keep them in line. I have months (emphasis on the multiple) in between relationships because I like being alone sometimes. Jumping to and from relationships isn't my style.
My step mom has created a master list of scenarios that she fears will result in me holing myself up in my room, avoiding communication with everyone, and here are a few of the gems:
- I discover that JB is cheating on me
- JB breaks up with me for no reason
- The distance causes us to grow apart
I was a bit insulted that she didn't believe I would have the ability to break things off if I were no longer happy. That aside, yes, these are all plausible things. But these are all things that, albeit currently hypothetical, I need to experience on my own. Just because something MAY happen doesn't mean I should base my decisions on it. I am quite capable of ending things if I feel limited or unhappy. I've done the distance thing on a smaller scale, and each long distance relationship is different.
So I will continue to endure the remaining 15 days of lectures about how I should live my life, because we all know what happened last time I let my parents dictate something about my future.
Those are hypotheticals that can happen in any relationship, and at any time, anyway. As long as you're happy and you're doing what you want, then it's all good really. What you're about to go through is pretty daunting but being with JB might even help get you through it all.
ReplyDeleteyou are doing what you need to and being sensible. go you!
ReplyDeleteUgh, yeah, I know what you mean about basing decisions on what "may" happen. That's what Stephen and I did and there's a small part of me that regrets it. I mean, I still miss him because he is someone I can share everything with...we've resolved to just staying good friends. Dunno how that will change when he moves to Vermont.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with everything!
(I feel like I say this every time, but it is genuine.)
Sounds like a lot of pressure... I hope you're holding strong to your youest you. It sounds like you are, but I know that sometimes those voices can find their way in nonetheless. I'm sending you positive energy!
ReplyDelete