It's finally time!

Monday I leave for Shreveport MEPs to check in, Tuesday I swear in to active duty, and then I hop onto a plane to fly to BMT!

IT'S HAPPENING.

Just a quick reminder of those planning to write me while I'm in: I can't receive care packages of any sort, please don't send photographs (I have to get those cleared through my MTI) and just remember to check my Facebook page to find my address! My family will be posting it on my wall as soon as they find out.

I'll see you guys in 10 weeks!

I leave in exactly 7 days.  HOW INSANE IS THAT?!  Seriously though.  One week.

I need to organize my suitcases.  I need to pack my bag full of supplies that I'm taking down there.

I get an adrenaline rush every time I think about it.

Something I need to remember

I am really hard on myself.  Really hard.

If I screw up knowingly, it's devastating.  Stupid, little mistakes are the worst because I know that they could have been prevented if I was just more thorough and aware.

Right now I'm beating myself up for screwing up homemade cornbread, and it's bad.  Constant self doubt, self criticism, internal berating.

What's silly is that no one is angry at me.  But I can't help but feel angry at myself.  I wasn't fully focused on what I was doing, and I accidentally added the batter into the oil instead of vice versa.  Ughhhhhh.

What am I going to do when I get to BMT?  Every action is going to be scrutinized under a magnifying glass.  If I'm like this when I screw up little things at home, how am I going to be when I get down there?

I just need to remember to take deep breaths.  Don't get upset, just fix whatever's wrong.  It doesn't do any good to get angry at myself.

Constant focus.  That's what I need to put all my energy toward.

JB and I finally took a picture together! Sadly, I forgot to bring my Polaroid camera with me, so that'll have to wait until sometime later this week.

We talked a little bit about me leaving, and how it's in two weeks.

It's daunting.

My step mom has been advocating for me to break up with JB, but I'm not going to break up with him just because it was advised by my parents.  She doesn't want me to be tied down to anyone and she wants me to "live life and have fun without any obligations."

Regardless of whether or not I'm in a relationship I'm still going to have plenty of fun, adventures, friends, memories, etc.--- all the things that a parent wants for their child.  I'm a naturally introverted person so obviously I'm not going to go out and party hard all night.  I'll probably go to a diner with a good book, or maybe a good group of friends and go home when they'll no longer serve me french toast and bacon.  Maybe chill out at a bonfire by the beach.  Go shopping with some gal pals.  Adopt a ragdoll kitten.  Doodle in all of the pages of my moleskine.  Take more Polaroid pictures.

I see myself doing all of these things with/without JB.  My relationship doesn't define who I am.  It's just nice to have someone to share things with. It's nice to enjoy someone's company.

Besides, I'm not really a "date-around" type of person.  I find one person that I really like and stick with them for a while.  All other guys are henceforth dubbed as "bros" to keep them in line. I have months (emphasis on the multiple) in between relationships because I like being alone sometimes.  Jumping to and from relationships isn't my style.

My step mom has created a master list of scenarios that she fears will result in me holing myself up in my room, avoiding communication with everyone, and here are a few of the gems:

1. I discover that JB is cheating on me
2. JB breaks up with me for no reason
3. The distance causes us to grow apart

I was a bit insulted that she didn't believe I would have the ability to break things off if I were no longer happy.  That aside, yes, these are all plausible things.  But these are all things that, albeit currently hypothetical, I need to experience on my own.  Just because something MAY happen doesn't mean I should base my decisions on it.  I am quite capable of ending things if I feel limited or unhappy.  I've done the distance thing on a smaller scale, and each long distance relationship is different.

So I will continue to endure the remaining 15 days of lectures about how I should live my life, because we all know what happened last time I let my parents dictate something about my future.

random thoughts

• 10 years from now, when the Nerdfighters are doctors, lawyers, parents, teachers, baristas, sales associates--- what will the world be like? What will the next generation be like?
• How will being in the military change me as a person?
• I wish I could get paid for laying in a pit of pillows, watching sci fi and eating peanut M&Ms
• I don't like my dad's business partner.  He gives me this greasy feeling that I just can't shake.
• I'm really excited about going away and making new friends, maybe I'll even come out of my shell and initiate conversations with people.... Maybe.
• I see all these people reading books that I love because they're now movies and while I'm happy that they've decided to delve into something deeper than People magazine (not that there's anything wrong with People) a small part of me wonders if they'll actually GET anything out of what they're reading and relate to it on the same level that I did, or if they're just reading it to be cool.
• BMT better get my bod in supreme shape for bikini season or I will be pissed.
• What type of device should I buy myself with my first paycheck... A macbook? An iPad? A regular laptop? I need something other than my phone to blog with...
• I sort of want to request to be stationed in Florida or Nevada when the time arises... I'm still weighing my options.
• The fact that my friends in other military branches make fun of Air Force girls for being sluts kind of worries me.  
• WHY DID I BURN THE QUESADILLA I WAS MAKING THIS MORNING?! WHY. It was going to be so delicious :'(