Take Home

I've been getting a lot of pressure from my ENTIRE family (sans my mom) to bring home a guy. And the thought that I will eventually have to bring someone over scares the crap out of me. With Shawn I was pretty lucky that he was so busy with boxing and work that the only spare time he had was to hang out with me. I also lucked out in the fact that T conveniently lived four hours north of me, and then once he moved closer to go to college he was too busy studying/gaming to be invited over. And Paul--- well that just wasn't going to happen.

However I'm fully aware that I'm not going to be able to give my parents the runaround forever. Eventually I'm going to have to bring someone home and have to get over my fears that everything will just be so awkward that I'm going to shrivel up an die.

I probably wouldn't be so freaked out if they didn't mention it to me all the time. My sister goes through boys faster than her nail colors (which change bi-weekly) and is completely fine with talking about her relationships and whatnot, whereas I'm extremely uncomfortable. Whenever I find something that I really cherish it's kind of one of those things where I just don't like to share or talk about it until I feel like it's... safe. I don't know. It's hard to explain.

Ugh. And with it being my senior year of High School they've been "concerned" about prom for me. I specifically got a request from my nice, yet senile grandma to not take a girl. WTF. I wasn't planning on taking a girl. If fact I was probably just going to ask one of my guy friends. My stepmom's request is to actually go with someone that I like in a non-platonic manner. Well, if I could somehow convince Anderson Cooper to take me to prom then perhaps I could fill that request. I just don't want to go with someone who's going to get plastered and puke on everyone before prom has even started. Plus from a parental standpoint going with a friend should not be taken for granted. At least I won't find out that I'm pregnant right before graduation like this one girl at my school.

What's even worse is whenever I go to family things, as soon as I walk out of the room and I hear all of the adults talking and 9/10 times they say something along the lines of "she does like boys... right?"

JESUS. Holy Mary Mother of God if I didn't like boys then why, pray tell, do I possess a mini shrine of Adam Lavine? Why do I run to the TV whenever I find out that Anderson Cooper is on? Why do I freak out when I discover that my childhood crush Christopher Connor might be coming to the U.S. from China (his parents are missionaries) to visit? Let me tell you, it's definitely NOT because I'm hoping to emulate their manliness.

Sometimes, when my parent's are being particularly dramatic they try to guilt me by saying that the only reason why I won't bring anyone home is because I'm ashamed of them. That hurts a little. The fact that they would make that assumption, and then accuse me of it upsets me. I wish they would just give me my space and let me work things out on my own terms. And I also think they should be counting their blessings that I'm too preoccupied with school, extracurricular activities, the news (and C-SPAN!), and art to get seriously involved with guys. I mean, my stepmom is always talking about her friends in high school who got too wrapped up in a relationships that they usually ended up screwing their entire lives up. So far, there are at least 4 girls in my grade who have gotten pregnant and guess what? It all started when they brought a boy home.

Ugh. I'm over all this pressure. I'm almost tempted to pay one of my guy friends to just come home with me and pretend we're dating for a week. Then we'll have a dramatic break up fight at the door and it'll end in him breaking a window out of anger. And then the cops will be called, and my parents will never speak to me about bringing home another boy ever again.