Faults

Although contrary to most belief, I don't need someone to tell me my flaws, or faults. Everyone has them, and as this one girl once told me, it's ok if you recognize that you have these inadequacies, because once you realize that you have them, the sooner you can move on and maybe improve.

I know I'm not going to win the best friend of the year award, I know I eat like a man, I know I'm blunt, harsh, to the point, and pragmatic to the point of being an android, however It's ok.

I'm ok that I'm not perfect. And I wish some people would be ok with not being perfect also.

I'm not 4.0 gpa material, however I bet I could make you question your belief system.

I hate people that torture themselves because they possess faults that are beyond their control. You can't abruptly change your character, your personality overnight. It takes time.

Why can't you just be proud?

So the conversation started nice, light, and in the attempt of trying to make someone important to me proud, I end up feeling inadequate because 1) I didn't place first, and 2) I will never be able to fulfill the high standards of Jacob Root.

Me: you should be proud. I placed second, and I made JGraves upset.

Jacob: who did you hit?
and who was there?

These two questions have to be answered before any pride swells.

and how did you piss him off.

Me: (names, school names, boring stuff that you guys wouldn't care about)....

Me(again): Also, I had one of the most unique cases going up there because pretty much everyone was using Safety or Security/Social Contract... With the exception to Marley and Avery. No one knew how to correctly refute my v/c*(debate jargon for value/criterion).

Apparently JGraves got embarrassed in front of the other coaches and blamed it on me, then got upset because my parents had to pick me up before the awards ceremony, so he threw a big fit and made everyone leave without getting my trophy.

Jacob: I find it hard to believe that that is the correct order of competition. <-(he's talking about the boring kids and schools I listed)

And, I still need to see this miraculous V/C. That I don't think are actually a v/c. So, sooner or later some one else is going to figure it out.

Me: You'd be surprised. Apparently a lot of the freshmen/sophomores from those schools went to some form of debate camp. Whitehouse has a few good kids that transferred in, Beth went to something and studied under the Cook brothers. Also I haven't had the chance to run up against the obvious competition Racy has built, but I have a feeling that they'll be my main competition. They got a new asst. coach from Mahaya who is supposedly good. I'm hoping to run up against Haley Wheat at the next tournament to see if she's really all that good as everyone says she is.

Also, I already showed you my v/c pair. For both my cases. Well, except my philosophical case. But I've only used that once. I've been helping pretty much everyone else so I haven't had much time to perfect my case, but it works for now.

And just for clarification Jacob, my v/c pairs are by no means miraculous, they just work. And the judges like my voice.

Jacob: Lizzi,
You're a sophomore. You need to stop concerning yourself with the other cases in the classroom, and sit down and work on your own. You are your own priority. So, take a step back understand what I'm saying when I say I don't think they even are a v/c. That means that if your v/c is something along the lines of common sense and some other b.s. in no way could those ever be value or criterion. Sooner or later someone will figure it out, and if not you shouldn't be ok with it. You should be upset that you are performing for judges who just want to hear you speak well. All that means is that all the work you do is in vain. Don't talk to your coach or about your coach at a tournament, ignore them. Your priority is to concentrate on your rounds. Pre-flow, scout, time constructives, rebuttal redos to a wall. These are things you should be doing. After a tournament or in the classroom scream back in forth at your coach it doesn't matter then.

Me: Ok, to be clear, Common sense is no where near a value in my case. I just like to yell that at people when I'm upset. I didn't think YOU of all people or anyone for that matter would take me seriously when I posted that random phrase on here, it was an in class joke. AGAIN I would never put that in MY cases. Also, believe it or not, I have been doing speaking drills, preflowing, etc. Other than those two times JGraves confronted me, I was pretty much focused on winning each and every one of my rounds, which, I did. I just need to work on getting perfect speaks.

And how am I supposed to watch and let Miranda, pretty much my oldest and most loyal companion in debate struggle and flounder around trying to figure a case out. If she needs help, and if I can, for some reason that is beyond me, give her decent help, then I will. I see no point in not caring for the rest of the team. Sure, if I would have spent more time on my case instead of trying to help everyone else I probably could have placed higher, but then that would leave Miranda mad at me for acting "selfish" and Colby with the unfortunate short end of the stick.

I feel confident in the current v/c that I have, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop working and progressing towards a better case then what I have now. And to be honest, no matter what v/c I have, I'm pretty sure you'll find something wrong with them no matter what, however until I start losing with the cases I write, I'm not going to worry about it, because I know I can defend my v/c adequately in a round. I'm doing the best I can, I'm pretty much working this whole thing out on my own, and so far, I haven't failed myself.

Jacob: Well, I love that you have a sense of duty. Immanuel Kant's genius saw the distinct connection between duty and morality. However, your concerns with helping are the result of not helping. It should be that you are truly inspired by your duty to your fellow teammates that you help them.

Secondly, I wouldn't have something bad to say about a every v/c. I went against cases all the time that had perfect v/c's... I argued against them, but I saw them as just fine for a case.

Thirdly, Wisdom does not come from age. It comes from the life lived. You should have learned that from the true cutlass.... Read More

Fourthly, I really would like to see a philosophical case if it is written. Not for any reason other than the enjoyment of good philosophy really, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't critique it.

Fifthly, I love you.

All of you guys. Big party over winter break. It's going down.

"the treatment" doesn't work on me.

It feels good to be back in the game, hanging with people, dominating, and just overall being in my element.

Saturday was my first Debate tourney of the season, and I have to say I think it went pretty well. My first opponent was cool Travis, a friend of mine from Atlanta HS. It was funny because the first time I debated him he beat me, but this time around I won. So now we're even I guess. I spent most of the tournament hanging out with him and Marley, walking around a lot, and discussing random crackpot theories.


I don't know how well I did because my parents had to pick me up early, much to my new coach's displeasure. Oh well. Apparently he's super pissed at me now, and I'm sorry, but based off of a priori knowledge from previous competitions most teachers let parents pick their kids up. He never told us his rules, he never tells us much of anything to be honest. When in comes to competition I feel left in the dark, and if any one KNOWS me they know that stuff like that doesn't fly with me.

I like KNOWING. If I don't know what's going on, I'm going to assume things that shouldn't be assumed. Also, what kind of grown man tries to emulate LBJ by using "the treatment" on a teenage girl. Yeah, real manly. I hope his ego has grown, because getting in my face and scolding me out in public really intimidates me /end sarcasm. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt after our first tiff, but he in all honestly isn't being much of a coach. And just so it's clear, I'm not backing down.

I'm going to be stubborn, and as much as I wanted to respect him, and try to move past our personality clashes, this last event where he blew up at me for something so little as wanting to have my parents pick me up at the end of the tourney is THE END of my part in trying to respect him. I will be cordial, but I will not be muted. If he blows up at me like this ever again, I'm going to drop the debate class and compete on my own.

Dealing with him is not worth it. And what's sad is the fact that it's just not me who's fed up with him. He gets so mad and loses his temper over the tiniest things. Maybe he's on hormone pills, or something. He didn't even acknowledge the fact that my parents were going out of town and that if I would have ridden with everyone else back to our school I wouldn't have a ride home, and even if I did my house would be empty. My parents had to pick me up because we had to go somewhere, and it was the only solution that would work.

However he still felt the need to scold, and even partially yell. Well, whatever. If he wants me off the team, then guess what? Most of the varsity will probably leave with me. If he screws me over, then I'll repeat that tenfold.

You don't mess with a hormonal teenage girl.

"I can't write it for you"

I'm not a good teacher. I'll be the first to admit it. I get frustrated easily, and if something isn't done right I get impatient.

Having to teach someone LD Debate is.... not easy. It's one thing to tell someone the time increments, teach them the format and whatnot, but can you teach critical thinking?

I don't know. All I know is I have no idea how to teach someone how to think critically.

We had a kid in my grade transfer into LD Debate, and he's not a BAD speaker, but he's definitely no Jacob Root. He's always stuck on ideas and unable to expand on the ideas I give him. At this point I'm at a loss. I can't write his cases for him, and I have no idea how to get him to think on his own with out having to be coaxed EVERY step of the way. I mean, I don't mind helping but....

Ack. Bless all the teachers who can do their job well. It's hard.

Music Education

I like to listen to quirky folk muzicks, and I won't even lie, some of it is just out there crazy, but I like it. It's so much better than all of this re-mixed hip hop stuff that just gets used for grinding, grinding, and more grinding. Not that grinding is bad, but sometimes I like to lay in bed with a good book, or a pen and paper and just listen to nice music that helps me relax.

So here are some groups that I like right now. Some old, some new, they're quirky but give them a listen. I picked my favourite song to go with them also :) Give them a listen.

Deerhoof - Byun

CocoRosie - Not For Sale

Tapes 'n Tapes - Just Drums, or Buckle

The Postal Service - Be Still My Heart (if you fancy owl city, you'll most likely enjoy this song)

M.Ward - Chinese Translation

Headphones - What Are You Looking For?

The Apples in Stereo - Onto Something

I know, it's a bit of a list, but I just don't think I'm doing the world justice if I don't promote these musicians in some way or form. I most certainly do NOT have enough money/time to make them all super awesome T-shirts for me to wear around school, so for now bumping them on my blog will just have to do.

Just promise me you'll at least listen to one of these groups, even if you don't like them you'll have gotten a bit of musical diversity for the day :)

Forming ideas

I hate that so many people now a days think that they can get away with not thinking critically.

When coming up for attacks for my cases in Debate or whatnot I like to bounce ideas off of people. Now, bouncing ideas is a critical skill that is needed in most competitive networks and it's so sad that so many kids my age can't even do a simple rebuttal.

When I say something, I expect someone to find a flaw in my arguments instead of telling me, "I don't know," or "That sounds good."

GOOD?! Hello, good isn't going to get me past regional competition, and most definitely not to state.

It sucks for me because it's basically only me and Miranda who can bounce ideas and come up with stuff, and after a while it gets to the point where even we get tired and run out of ideas. We need fresh minds!

I don't know. I'm going to need to start recruting for debate. Or at least find smarter more argumentative students.

PeeSAT

PSAT sucks just so you know. When I take the SAT next year I'm going to bring a calculator. Bad mistake on my part for not having a calculator, I'm pretty sure I aced the reading/critical writing part though.

Yesterday I was approached by my World History teacher, and she asked me if I was Buddhist. I think I've just been recruited into doing a presentation about Buddhism. Great. Like I wasn't missing enough class time already.

I hate homework, and I hate having so much of it. I have almost ZERO time to do anything. On the bright side, I have a Debate tourney next weekend!!!

YES. Finally. Time to kill the intelligent ideas of my peers and then add them on Facebook!

Oh how I missed competing in Debate!

Harshing the Mello

(like my green top and glow bracelet?)

First off, let me say how enormously stupid it is to pay to go to a dance, and then not even dance. Not even a little.

Now, I like dancing, I could do it all day, but I don't like dancing if no one else is dancing, especially in public because then I just look like a major a--hole.

The Club had a fall dance, and the theme was 60s/70s, and only a handful of people dressed to fit the occasion, the rest were just in contemporary tye dye and jeans... And to think I went all out with my earth-mother top and hair string....

Yeah. Needless to say I danced till I was too tired to move. I wish cooler people were there, and by cooler I mean people that aren't afraid to dance.

The only thing that was gross was all of the quasi lesbo grinding. I'm sorry, but if you want to go and do that, go to a lesbo club, and not a dance. Especially a dance sponsored by The Club.

The dance was fun, but as said above, I was TIRED. I went home, ate some baked potato and green beans, then CRASHED.

Then I had to wake up at 10:20 to leave for the Christmas Corner, which I had to volunteer for.

Volunteering there was fun, I got to make bracelets and stuff.

I have a pile of homework that needs to be tended to, but right now I just think I'm going to chill.

Don't take my relax time

I so envy the people without obligations or responsibility. I want so badly to be the type of person who lives without a schedule, doing what I wanted when I wanted, but I know that I'll never be able to be like that.

Right now I'm savoring every ounce of relaxation time, which is basically first period art, and bedtime.

However art has started to get stressful because we're working on realism, using Conté crayons, and instead of sitting at tables like we usually do, a select few of us gather around this one giant table stacked with STUFF for us to draw. Normally I like this studio set up, but there's this guy in my art class, Ryan G. and he's an amazing artist, and he decided to sit behind me.

Worst thing ever. I feel so pressured and self conscious about my art because he's so good, and I feel so inferior to him.

I don't know. I tried making some tiny conversation, but it's hard. He's an eccentric individual. Cool, but in a non-personable way.

It's weird. I don't like feeling so pressured in art. It harshes my mellow.

Oh well. Only 3 weeks left of having to do this. I hope. Lets all hope that I don't go crazy and do something SUPER stupid in front of Mr. Art Genius.

OMIGAWD. He's such a good artist.

I think I just might move where I sit...

Pause

Oh life, if only you could be put on pause, or slow, or something slower than the rate you are going at now.

I need to breathe

I need to think

I need to do something.

Jumble Jump

It's Sunday and I've done ZERO homework. I should probably do something, but life seems to be on pause right now.

Things seem to be falling apart right now, and instead of thinking too much, or over analyzing the situation like I'm usually prone to doing, I'm just going to sit here. And watch. And hope that my regular philosophy of not worrying will work itself through the situation.

It's quite easy. If you lose something, don't worry about it because eventually it will always come back to you. And if it doesn't come back, then it won't matter because you're not even worried about it to begin with. It's worked with pencils and hats, lets hope it works with everything else.

I might however do some chemistry work, just because. I don't know why, but that's the only thing that makes sense right now.

At this point every other phrase I say is "I don't know."

It's soothing to have something regular right now, even thought that regular is a representation of how unsure I am.

Cominghome

I don't really like football games.

I'll admit it.

The only thing that I like about the games are the Drill Team and Band. Because I have friends in both.

Oh yeah, and my school lost our homecoming game.

Caring Enough

Today was my final day of Drivers Ed!

Yes. In six months I will be part of the great and vast group of driving teenagers. Part of me is relieved, and the other part is scared.

I base my beliefs off of facts and statistics, and there are very few things that aren't tangible that I believe in. So driving of course, with all those high accident rates and such is a bit scary for me, especially since I know what it feels like to be in a major accident.

Anyways, I'm falling from my main point, since it was the last day of DE we had to take an exit test, which I passed with a 100-90. Since the class itself is at the crack of dawn, most of us come in there half awake, hungry, and very grouchy.

I had a good laugh today when MRoS missed a few questions on her test. She usually makes better grades than me, because, I'll be honest, she cares and studies more than I do.

However today, due to lack of sleep she ended up missing a few questions which I guess made her a bit unhappy. At first I thought, Hey, why get to worked up? You passed.

And then I realized to people like her, missing a few questions and making below average doesn't happen often. It's weird. I'm so used to just being passive, not studying for things, only caring if I passed or not.

I never really cared if I made an 'A', just as long as it's passing, I'm good. I know if I actually studied I could make better grades, but I feel like I have better things to use my time for. I don't want to spend an hour studying when I could be working on a new art piece, or talking with an old friend.

I do however know that I need to start caring more. In college there aren't teachers there to hold your hands and remind you to turn in your homework. You either do it, or flunk out.

Something to work on.