Dallas

Today I went to Dallas with my family, and it was pretty good.

Mind you, it was just my parents, my baby brother and I, so it was a lot easier to keep track of everyone.

We went to the TownEast mall, and even though most of the cute little boutiques they used to have are gone, they still have some pretty kick butt stores that aren't at my pitiful little mall such as Charlotte Russe, Forever 21, Vans, and so many other stores...

What I would do for a Charlotte Russe.

But before we got to scope out the mall, we walked 25 ft into the building and my dad was ensnared by a diva like asian lady to get a massage. It was a 25 minute massage, so we all just sat there for 25 minutes while my dad got a massage. Beware of those little asian masseuses.

Tomorrow, and not today I'm going to be at my moms house. We called today and she was like, "Come over tomorrow, it's late and I'm tired, and you're sister isn't home yet."

So of course I'm happy that I get one more night to sleep in a decent bed.

Oh well, at least I'll have some decent reading material. We visited one of the local indie book and music stores and he bought me a primer book of Postmodernism. Michel Foucault FTW!

He also bought me a super awesome new sketchbook... which will be filled with awesomeness.

Nubbin

I'm so not looking forward to school shopping :/ I don't know why.

Arg...

Tomorrow I might be going to Dallas, or I might not, either way, I'm going to have to miss my shift at the Library...

Tomorrow, I'm also going to my mom's house to spend a few days. Let the screaming and fighting ensue.

I don't know why I have to go over there anymore, because honestly all it does is put me in a bad mood, and wish that they had cable.

Who knows, maybe my mom will try to buy my love, and it won't be so bad....

Horses were nice, people not so much

So yesterday after I left Bekka's house, I went with my mom and two little sisters to go horseback riding.

Overall, it wasn't too bad because I spent most of my time with the horses, and getting to know them. The guy who owned the farm was super nice, and everyone called him Tito Charlie (uncle Charlie in filipino) even though no one was related to him. I helped saddle three of the thirteen horses there, and got to ride two of the horses.

One horse, which was a palomino hadn't even been broken fully, and no one wanted to ride it, so that's the one I rode. It was a bit dangerous riding him because he was so free spirited, and at times very stubborn. It took a lot of time, but after a while the horse started to get used to all the normal commands. At times, I was a bit worried because the horse would keep going after I pulled on the reins for it to stop, but after a lot of "WHOA. STOP!" s and more training it got better.

All of the other girls there were too wussy to ride the horse. To be quite honest, I couldn't stand talking to anyone there other than Tito Charlie, my family, and the horses.

The girls that were there talked mainly about stupid stuff, like getting married, and how they found the perfect wedding dress, and guys they thought were gross.

The whole time I was just like WTF? Why are you talking about getting married?! You're only a year older than me, and you guys have never even had a boyfriend, kissed a guy, or gone on a date!

They looked at me with disdain and a bit of disgust when I mentioned that I would like to be out of college, and be settled financially before I ever decided to seriously even consider getting married. After about 10 minutes of talking to them, and listening to their getting married when you're young BS, I decided that those girls weren't worth the time, and I spent 95% of the 5 hours I was there riding the horses, and eating Halo Halo (a filipino desert).

Also, while I was there, I attempted to talk to my mom, but that didn't work out, so again, I spent time with the horses.
This is me and a really nice Buckskin, who sadly wasn't broken for riding, but liked to follow me around the farm. Hopefully when I come back I'll be able to work with her, and get her up to riding condition. Also, my hair was strait, but the rain and humidity totally killed my hair and made it curly :/
And there's me riding the stubborn Palomino, and my sisters and mom. It took a long time to get this shot because the Palomino did NOT want to stand still, and it took a lot of coaxing from me to even get it still enough to get this shot without it being blurry.

Why you hating

Bekka's house is clean.

I don't know why, maybe it's because her family is nothing but a bunch of neat freaks.

We had planned on watching all three of the Star Wars movies with Luke Skywalker, but that planned failed because apparently we have short attention spans.

You know those fishies I have on my side bar now over there --->

Well I named them. Most of their names are pretty stupid and obvious, but oh well.
Blue = Walter
Green = AndHow
Yellow = Goldie
Pink = Pinky
Tan = Brownie
White = Whitey

And Pinky and AndHow have like this secret relationship, and almost all night we were narrating their nonexistent digital lives, yelling out stuff like "Pinky!!! Come back!!" and stuff.

I have a stomach ache from the coffee, because I didn't eat anything, but I'm not going to say anything to Bekka while I'm at her house.... which I'm at right now, doing this post. She can't read it till I go home.... It's just weird if she read it while I was here.

Can it be? A sign?!

Ok, I know this is just absolutely silly, but I thought some of the people that know me personally might get a kick out of this:
Especially since I'm quite infatuated with Anderson Cooper. I know, I know, what kind of weirdo searches for themselves on Bing? Well I do, because I want to know what's going to show up if anyone else decides to search my name. So far, this blog is safe, and hasn't shown up on any search related to my real name.

However a few things from my debate record did show up! Yay! The internet acknowledges my existence!

How would you feel if I sneezed on you?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEKKA! One of my closest friends Bekka is a year older now! She's also known as MRoS, so if you see her on facebook, or her blog, remember to wish her Happy Birthday!

Today my grandparents were grilling me about friends, and boys, and when I was going to bring one home. I hate it when people do that.

There's a reason why not even my best friend knows about a guy in my life until two weeks after the fact, and it's because I feel uncomfortable talking about it.

Today I made the fatal mistake of mentioning that a while back I had been seeing a boy, but I stopped myself before I uttered the worst words you could ever utter to a grandma: Open Relationship.

Now my grandparents think I'm harboring a secret love. Not likely.

What Td (that's what we'll call him just in case he decides to google himself) and I had was nothing special by any means. We had met during a debate round (which I won) and we had so much in common in ways of interests and likes and dislikes. Really we hit it off pretty fast, and he wanted to go out. Being the pragmatic person that I am, I knew that if anyone caught wind of this I would be questioned to no end, especially since he was from a rival school in my debate district.

So I told him that I wanted something open. That way when we were together, we could act like a normal couple, and when we were apart we could do as we pleased. It was a nice concept, we had a lot of fun times together and had lots of.... deep conversations.... I'm not going to go into details.

However, we had to break it off, or at least I knew I had to because 1) I advanced in district, and sadly he didn't. AND 2) While at NFL(national forensics league) I met two really awesome guys and realized that being with Td in an open relationship just wasn't fair to the both of us. Maybe if we lived within 30 minutes of each other we could have made something work. Also, maybe if he wasn't already turning 18 and heading off to college the next year to major in Poly Sci we could have made something work.

But I'm not harboring any "secret loves" and I wish my grandparents, and all the other adults would stop hammering me about relationships. I still keep in touch with Td, and the two guys I met at NFL. Does this make me bad? I don't think so, because we're all sort of alike in the way that we know we're not right for each other, but if we ever need anyone, we're there to help out.

Not to mention, one of the guys I met at NFL is helping me get a seat in Student Senate, so it's not all bad :) We help each other out.

So I hope I tied up any loose ends, and I hope I explained it enough for the best friend who never hears that much about my personal life.

Fresh Farm Market

Today, after waking up at 10am I quickly made myself useful by making hummingbird juice. Do you know how much juice a little hummingbird can drink?

I do. And it's a lot. Since being at my Grandparent's place I have had to make hummingbird juice at least three times. For such a tiny bird, they drink a lot of juice.

After I made the juice and stuff my Grandparents decided that they needed to get some shopping done. I thought they meant going to Walmart, or Brookshire's or something, but I was wrong. We were going to instead buy from local farmers.

It was so cool, we bought fresh tomatoes, peaches, peas, and eggs! From a hen! Also, our coolest buy so far was an Israeli Cantaloupe. What on earth is an Israeli Cantaloupe? I have no idea. It looks like a cross between a Watermelon and a regular Cantaloupe on the outside, but on the inside I'm told it's white. I don't know. I'm eating it tonight, so hopefully it's good.

I picked that sucker out myself, and kept it in my lap as we were traveling :)

The one thing that I don't like about living out in the country with my grandparents is all the tiny farm roads. It makes me very claustrophobic, and I'm not even the one driving the truck!

Crushes: shot down before they get a chance

My friend B has often remarked on how "predictable" I am. I like to think that I have some portion of spontaneity in me, but I guess my nature prevents that from being so.

Liking a guy for more than a few weeks is rare because I tend to analyze the pros and cons of the person before I actually have a relationship with them.

Also, I seem to have the horrible knack of picking guys I can't have because of either their age, or because they're never single.

The age issue is the one that's probably the worst. Lucky for me, as I get older, age won't be too much of an issue....hopefully. To defeat my analytical self from ruining guys before I even get to date them for more than a few days, I'm going to not analyze so much.

I'm going to give people a chance. No more pros and cons. Well, for guys at least.

Generational Stereotypes

Is it true that our generation is the lazy generation? (20ish to 14ish)

At the library today there was this girl who was complaining about her life, and how she had few friends and such because of all the drama and such going on with her and a lot of girls. Personally, I think drama is just so pointless, because at the end of the day you're exhausted, you hate everyone, and everyone hates you. It just serves no purpose, and accomplishes nothing.

I brought up the subject with my stepmom she said that it was normal for their generation. She said that with the media, and all the celebrity influences they were going to be the Drama generation. I commented on how that sucked, and she just mentioned that it wasn't as bad as my generation, which apparently is the Lazy Generation.

Also, she said that we're the age group that people hate to hire because of the fact that we are so lazy. Is this true? Are we really that lazy?

However, being lazy isn't always bad. Being lazy just makes you inventive. Acronyms are born out of the want to not type out long words. Just look at the iPhone. You can google something, then call your friend to tell them what you googled, and not even move an inch!

From laziness comes slow progress because if you're lazy, you're going to want a shortcut. Or at least, I enjoy finding shortcuts. Heck, what are Segways? I'll tell you what they are: lazy transportation machines.

I would rather be a part of the Lazy Generation than part of the Drama Llama Generation. Degrassi? Puh Lease.

Leave me with my computer that can not only make phone calls, but can also re-enact the fall of Enron.

Farm.

Dude. I want a farm so bad. Or I want to live near a farm so I could run around taking care of the animals.

Yesterday I saw a two baby goats, a baby donkey, adult donkeys, about 0938740923 cows, chickens, and lots of doggies.

Oh yeah, and a rescued horse.

I love animals. I think they're so cool, and I've always found farm life charming.

It's not a religion, it's a cult

They have a full orchestra, pianist, and organ player. Isn't the large pulpit intimidating?

I come from a sheltered Independent Fundamental Baptist background. I haven't shared this with too many people, because honestly it's difficult to talk about. However, I feel like I just needed to share and type this.

I live in the bible belt, where bible thumpers are on every street corner preaching the word, and we have more churches than bars. Growing up I thought that wearing nothing but dresses and skirts was normal, and that anyone who did not attend an Independent Fundamental Church(IFB) was going to hell. Great moral teachings right?

As I grew older, and as my dad got more involved in the church things got a lot more serious. I was expected to make commitments, in fact my whole family was expected to make commitments that didn't make sense. They were really nonsensical commitments that were not grounded in scripture, but instead grounded in the irrational sense that these were gateway activities that would lead us out of the path of God.

Things like women wearing pants, going to movie theatres, listening to anything but church music, girls spending unsupervised time with boys, and other radical things. There was also a lot of corruption in the church money wise. If you didn't tithe exactly ten percent of your combined family income, you would get a call from the church, and a talking to by the pastor.

The center of the church. This is only a portion of it, there are many other rooms, and offices in the building.

My dad was a deacon, and the summer before fifth grade, we left the church. I didn't much understand why at the time, but around that same time Russell Hirner, a well known leader in the church had been hauled off to jail for molesting 7 girls in the church, one of those girls was a close friend of mine who was in the same grade as me.

From an article:

“Longview Baptist Temple has been highly criticized over the years by non-members and ex-members of the church, and has been accused of being a cult or ‘abusive church’ based on various definitions. Some accusations include that of seemingly absolute control over the congregation by the leadership, in addition to a projection of ‘infallibility’ in regards to the senior staff and members already in good standing. It appears that this is, in fact, taught by the pastors and leadership. The church has been accused, among other things, of locking the main doors to prevent members from leaving during services, taking children back to the church to be baptised without parental consent and using various shock tactics. For example, brandishing a firearm on one occasion to flush out ‘communists.’(source)

I was there when a gun was brandished and fired. I was there when the pastor yelled from the pulpit, and I watched as my best friend's dad walked up to the pulpit and told the pastor he was blind, and I watched as he and his family were escorted out of the church.

They seem to not speak directly towards God, but instead listen to everything the pastor says, even if it tears your family apart. I'm glad I'm out of the church. And because of the church I'm a lot more cynical towards large organized religion.

But now they're affecting my sister. She's decided she wants to follow their rules, and it's her life to do as she pleases, but I feel like I have to make sure she's safe. I don't want to see her scared into a cult like environment due to peer pressure. Mega churches are not safe.

I hate vista, no hairy legs

BLARRHH.

Windows XP Ftw.

I'm going to this lady's house tomorrow to show her how to work vista. She's a friend of my grandma's, and she and her husband Larry are hilarious. It's pretty out in the country I guess, I mean they have goats and donkeys and a pool.... And they can only use their laptop on the porch...

Her husband is always teasing me about boys, and gives me the same advice each and everytime I see him.

"When you first meet a boy, ask him to pull up his pant leg, and if he got hairy legs, send him on packin'!"

So I have resolved that I have to either date a boy on the swim team, or a boy that is extremely metro, or I could always find a nice Native American boy....

Larry and the lady have grandchildren over, and I know that the two girls (12 & 5) and the little boy(3ish?) are going to be there, but I don't know if the twins (16ish?) will be.

I hope not, because one of the twins (they're both guys) wouldn't stop shaking my hand until I said "howdy" instead of "hello" back.

Just because we're in Texas doesn't mean everyone likes to say howdy. And of course when I say it I sound like a total tart.

Living Up To

It's hard, trying to live up to what people expect out of you.

I can't count how many times I've freaked out and just went crazy because I felt like I had too much on my plate and couldn't handle everything. My parents expect me to be mature and grown up. My mom expects me to be the best of the best so that later on in life I can support her. My sisters expect me to not make mistakes, to clear the path, and be there when they need someone older by their side. People in general expect me to be polite and kind for no reason what so ever. My grandparents expect me to live up to my potential. My friends expect me to be there and understand.

Ugh. There's a reason why I don't expect much from people, and it's just because if you don't want much, you're not disappointing, and when you get more than the little you expect, it's always pleasant and happy-making.

Oh well. Now I'm just going to listen to some super rad and calming Sufjan Stevens. His music is best described as Baroque Folk Pop. I love it. My blog song is Chicago by Sufjan, and so far it's one of my favorite songs. Anyways, here are some samplers!!

Sufjan Stevens

Potter, Celery, People in General

So ok, I saw Harry Potter and I'm finally ready to talk about it. I think I was able to watch the whole movie without one expression on my face, unless you count apathy.

I loved the film, it was everything I was hoping for, and almost everything I imagined was played out to the T. Although, I'm not too sure if I'm quite fond of the whole Harry/Ginny thing. Is it just me, or did it seem about as dry as my mom's Thanksgiving turkey? Ah, oh well. Also, I must agree with others when I say that I imagined Slughorn a bit fatter.

I know this post is already becoming a jumbled mess, but bear with me. One of my closest, and oldest friends has got a blog! Out of all the friends I made at public school, he's probably the ones who've stuck around the longest, and he's cool, slightly witty, and of course very interesting. However I feel that I might be biased because I think all my friends are interesting. Anyways, Celery my dear friend has finally succumbed to my influence and has acquired a blog. He's just got started, so there might not be much, but feel free to check it out if you wish: http://sabremanx.blogspot.com

For those of you who have been reading this bloggie for a while you might remember him from all those times I plugged his movie Chronic Insanity. More further words to encourage you check out his blog: he's not at all stupid, he just likes to cross fine lines.

But while we're on the topic of stupid people, I thought I should point out how annoying I find them. There are times when I lack common sense, but man, I am not as daft as some other people!

At the library today we had our Jane Austen movie fest (which was awwweeesome) and there was this girl (who we will call) Apple who is the most---- for lack of a better phrase, spaced out person I have ever known.

Let me elaborate. In our library showroom, we have this ginormous space with an excellent lighting, sound, and screen system. However, although we can watch movies on a giant screen and goof off INSIDE the library, there is one downside: The temperature. It's either one extreme or the other. Today it happened to be cold. It got to the point to where it was so cold, my friends Tessa, Zoe, Bekka, and I decided to make a beanbag/people sandwich. It was a nice concept, the beanbags being large enough to fit two people, and we had three, so each person was covered on front and back, however it was a bit uncomfortable at times.

From top to bottom: BeanBag--->Bekka and I--->BeanBag--->Tessa and Zoe--->BeanBag

And there was this girl who was like, "Hey, if you guys want, I can be on the bottom, and you guys on top!"

At first I was questioning her logic. Was she suggesting that one of us give up a spot? No, she wasn't. She wanted it to be:

BeanBag--->Bekka, Tessa, Zoe, and I--->BeanBag--->Apple--->BeanBag

Over and over, I tried to tell her that wouldn't work. Even if we had two people on the bottom, and three on the top, or vice versa, it wouldn't work. It was hard enough getting two people on there comfortably, three would just be a pain, and four simply impossible! Our system kept us warm, and a bit squashed, but in the end we achieved our original goal.

And throughout the night as I made polite conversation, her logic just seemed to be lacking the whole time. It was like talking to my mother, and five year old sister all at the same time.

Oh well. I only have to see her a few times a month, so I think I can deal with her.

Respecting Elders

I don't know why I find it so hard sometimes, but it's hard being respectful to my elders. My grandparents wonder why I'm so quiet, and it's because I don't want to start an argument with them over politics or the news.

We just disagree on everything. And since they have lived over more than half a century longer than I have, it is more pragmatic to stay silent.

In my mind I think: Ignorant, Conservative, Old Fashioned, Ill Informed!

But I bite my tongue. It's really not cool to get into a verbal debate with the elderly, especially when they have sleep Apnea, and have to watch their oxygen levels. So every evening for the news, I just tune them, and what ever conservative southern network they've tuned to, OUT. It's better to not listen to their comments lest something slips through my already gritted teeth.

My grandmother, when viewing the Burka situation in France applauded President Sarkozy and said, "Good! We don't need those things hiding them. What are they trying to hide under those things?"

Sometimes I just don't think she understands me, and the changing and going times. I enjoy talking to her about history, and America when she was growing up, but when it comes to world issues today, it's like she doesn't see both sides. It's aggravating, but I'm just going to keep on ignoring it, and keep on avoiding those subjects. SHE THINKS OBAMA IS A MUSLIM. Ok, I said it. Sorry, I had to get that out. She doesn't even say follower of Islam, she says Muslim or Arab, which is so politically incorrect...

OK, I'm going to let it go. Although, I will not let the fact that ALL socialism is bad. Without some socialism there would be no medicare/medicade and public schooling.

I think I'm going to quit this post while I'm ahead. My grandma is awesome, and I love her, but we just disagree. A lot.

Dear Sarkozy, respect religious dressings

Religion is always sticky and controversial. It is the cause of wars, strikes, and many different various conflicts. With any event in life that takes place individuals usually follow the simplest social contract: You have freedom as long as that freedom does not infringe upon another individual's freedom.

France of all places should acknowledge this. And Muslims who reside in the country should be given the liberty to wear what they want due to the plain fact that what they wear does not infringe upon anyone's liberty. Just because a Burka (burga) is worn and covers all of the body does not mean the woman wearing it is imprisoned. Most do it for religious purposes. To make someone choose between breaking the law, and following religious practices because of clothing is absurd.

[Sarkozy] said: "In our country, we cannot accept that women be prisoners behind a screen, cut off from all social life, deprived of all identity." (source)

As most know, this is not true. Many Muslim women in France have jobs, families, and enjoy everyday daily activities. Although we may not agree with everything about their custom and religion, we must continue to respect it as long as it, again, is not infringing upon anyone else's liberties.

[Sarkozy then] added: "The burka is not a religious sign, it's a sign of subservience, a sign of debasement. I want to say it solemnly - it will not be welcome on the territory of the French Republic."(source)

Again, it is wrong to force someone to adjust their peaceful way of living and following their beliefs just because you think that their clothes are a prison.

The same way in which I think Mormons are ridiculous, I would never approve of someone trying to disband them and outlaw the way they dressed.

As long as they do not infringe on anyone else's liberty, let them dress how they please, even though it may seem absurd to others.

Take not

Call it my somewhat need for independence from my parents, or just life in general, but I hate owing people. In fact, I like it a lot more when people owe me. I don't want my parents to buy me anything of any personal importance because if I screw up, if I make a mistake, those things, those material possessions that tie me to the earth are the first few items that are marked down as contraband and seized until common sense has re-entered my mind.

This is why I refuse a cell phone.

This is why I'm going to refuse a car.

This is why I refuse many luxury, or among kids these days, "necessary" items that contribute to the overall disconnected"give me" society we live in.

I'm not saying that I loathe said items, I'm not saying that I will never want said items. I will get them when I am capable of aquiring them on my own. I constantly feel like I have to explain why I don't like asking my parents for money to hang out with my friends. Well, let's face it: Even though I am still under the legal age to be considered an adult, I don't like asking people for things. I don't like having to pay people back.

I feel like if I have control of the material items in my life, then I am this much closer to having true freedom to do as I wish.

You know what happened when my cousin made a C on her report card? My uncle took away all of her drawing stuff. All of her books, all of her art equipment. Talk about breaking someone's spirit. Yeah, my parents just give me this look, as if it made them look any better.

Taking away items is an unneffective form of punishment, for it may improve behavior but it will weaken your relationship. Whenever something was taken away from me, it just made me plan more, and work harder so that I would never have to become dependant on my parents. I wouldn't mind being the person who sends thier parents money for holidays and birthdays because they are too busy with their own life to spend the weekend with the family for more than once a year. Paying back every dime I ever unwillingly made them sacrifice to support me. In exchange for paying them back, I would then be able to do what I want, with any of my belongings, and not have to put up with thier bs.

It's a nice thought. Let's hope I can follow through.

I'm allergic to constant moving.

My allergies are giving me hell in the form of a crappy cough and a headache, and being the hypocondriacle self medicator that I am, one Claritin is simply not enough. Neither is two apparently.

Ah, oh well. It's all due to the constant staying in one place for less than a week, then moving somewhere else. As much as I love spending time with my family and such, I'm going to have to get a stronger over the counter allergy prescription if I keep this up.

Also, I'm going to need more pyjamas (jim jams? jammies? what do people call them?) Even though I have six pairs (all of which are some type of blue), which by the way I think is absurdly unnecessary since my laundry gets done at least twice a week, I seem to have been running short with all the back and forth-ness with my grandma Pat, parents, and grandma and papa. I don't think I want to sleep in jeans... and sleeping in the nude is weird and potentially awkward when you live with people who don't know how to knock. Knock gosh darn it!

Insert another "ah, oh well," here. Friday is a TAB meeting at the library, and maybe we'll talk about what to do with that new Wii we bought. Then Saturday is the Jane Austen Film fest, and I'm quite excited.

Is there anything else to blog? No? I swear I'm not avoiding blogging, it's just the days have started to blur into one, and today I woke up and thought it was Tuesday, and blah I had a senior moment. More art will come soon. I need to find a decent working scanner to work with first.

Napkin Doodle

Let me start off with the fact that The Fall, starring Lee Pace (Pushing Daisies) is an excellent movie. It reminded me a bit of MirrorMask, in a way that the storytelling seemed so vivid. I find the little girl in the movie absolutely adorable! Here's a few of my favourite clips from the movie... Hehe... throwing oranges at the priest....

and

It's a cute movie, and at times a bit funny due to situational irony. I give it 4 1/2 stars. Also, I like drawing on napkins. The texture is too cool!

Yesterday, I ment to upload this, but I slept in all day...... I know, shame on me for sleeping in on a Saturday, but honestly, I didn't even realize it was all day until I woke up at 8pm...

Guess Grandma didn't really need my help with anything. Most likely my parents are pissed beyond measure for not waking up and spending the day with her or something, but grandma said she spent most of the day in bed too, so I guess we both didn't miss too much of each other.

Snarry!!!

HARRY POTTER.

Forget Twilight, and every other novel on the planet because let's face it: This book is one of the most widely excepted pieces of literature since the nutrition label on food stuff.

I'm hoping the movie will be as impressive as everyone has been playing it out to be. Even if it sucks as bad as the last one(compared to the book), I'll still probably manage to watch it at least 5+ times.

Midnight Showing FTW!!

The only downside is that later on in the day I have to volunteer at the library...noooooo.....

63, great number indeed.

Me and Grandma, in 2007 (or was it 2006?)
Today is my grandma Pat's birthday. She is 63, and if my grandpa were alive he would be 88. Quite an age difference right?

My grandfather went through two wives before settling down with my grandma as the charmed third. I now see that I'm not crazy in liking older men because it runs in the family! Heck, I get everything but my skin tone from them, so why not this?

According to everyone who knew my grandma when she was in her roaring 20s, she was a "spitfire". Never afraid to complain, voice her discontent with anything, or point out what was wrong, she raised three boys--- the eldest being my dad.

Don't get me wrong, my grandma certainly still is a spitfire in my book, however I've been told she's calmed down a bit since the death of my grandpa.

She's a great person. As strong as ever, and a true example of what a mother is.

I'm spending the weekend with her, possibly even till Tuesday... then I get shipped off again to my other grandma's. I still need to find time to spend with mi madre.

I'm not a good planner

Really, I would like to be one of those girls who pulls out a notebook or something and knows what she's going to do, and when.

However, as hard as I try, my life seems not to want to cooperate with me.

At some point in the month of July I will:
-See the Harry Potter movie
-Hang out with Bekka for her Birthday
-Spend the weekend with my mom
-Spend the weekend with my grandma Pat
-Hang out with Celery
-Finish the giant baby head I've started to paint on my grandma's wall
-Finish painting everything else on my grandma's wall
-Call whatshisface, and hope he doesn't want to date, but instead just hang out
-Stop watching so many medical dramas (house, royal pains, grey's anatomy, etc) when I should be doing something else.
-Burn that mix cd I've been wanting to make since forever
-Go shopping.

First I think, ok, everything's planned! I can finally know what I'm doing without having to freak out about not being able to plan, because something might come up!

Then, SOMETHING COMES UP. My parents need me to do something. A family member's birthday I forgot. Someone died. Someone got pregnant. Stephanie peed her pants so we have to run home and get a change of clothes.

Is it too much to ask to keep everything solid? I feel like I never know what's going on, and I'm constantly going, "Huh? What?"

Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's just life in general. I wonder if anyone else's planning skills are as bad as mine.

Can't Speak.

There comes a time every now and then, when I want to share something, but feel like I can't. I want to type on here what I feel, or what I think about people, but then I stop.

Because I don't trust myself, because I don't trust this blog, I'm left with a giant jumbled ball of emotions that I don't know what to do with.

Sometimes it's not a matter of saying it, just saying it properly. In reality, I'm calm, I'm collected, and I'm typing furiously on a flimsy laptop keyboard.

Sometimes, I want to share about how insecure I am, or how certain people get under my skin. Sometimes I'm able to, and sometimes I'm not. When I'm not able to I simply bottle it all up.

Then someone does the tiniest little thing, and all of the things I bottled away come pouring out, making my reaction seem very irrational. This blog has helped with un-bottling, but still.

The idea of making this blog private comes to mind again, but then I realize once again, doing so will only make the bottling worse. Writing just for re-reading won't be as cathartic as it seems. I write because I want to be more open. Those that read this do it of their own will and are not forced to listen to me rant on and on in real life pretending to be sympathetic.

So I'm going to say what I want to say. New Girl: You piss me off. You're like the Bella Swan of my school, minus the whole vampire thing. You have managed to single-handedly turn the lives of my friends upside down.

I sit here and watch all the "damage" you've done, and I wish you would go away. Your company is not welcome, and life was a whole lot better before you came around. Also, I don't want to be told when guys I haven't seen in a while talk about me. It brings back all sorts of unwanted memories that mess up the balance of people in my life.

Go away, and leave my friends alone. That, or just pick one guy and stick with him. I'm tired of seeing all of my friends all torn up over not being good enough for you.

Michael Jackson's funeral makes me mad

Seriously? A gold coffin? Is that really necessary?

Now, before anyone gets insulted I would like to point out that I am in no way blaming the king of pop personally for this frivolous affair, but the people closest to him for extorting his fame.

I hate rich people who don't think about their actions. If there's one thing I hate about our nation, it's how we take advantage of our government. There's a reason why we're in debt, and MJ's funeral isn't helping the matter.

While MJ is having his posh funeral with a showstopping line of entertainers, people are losing their jobs, towns are going under due to the tough economy, and thousands of families are cashing in food stamps in order to feed their families.

That golden casket could have probably funded a Free Clinic somewhere, or could have helped with the growing amount of debt the U.S. has.

What makes it worse is the fact that MJ's family isn't even paying for all of the funeral, instead leaving the majority of the tab for California to pick up! As if California wasn't in debt enough!

Where's the dignity in the king of pop's death? Tickets being raffled off, a giant concert, cd's and records and other paraphenalia being bought like crazy--- This is just a money making scheme!!

Ugh. Even directly after his death, MJ's family promoted their label.

It's as if we're burning money right now, and the American public is going to have to pay for it with their tax money. Imagine all the officers and government workers on duty right now to ensure everything runs smoothly. TAX MONEY. ALL GONE. WE COULD HAVE USED IT FOR SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE.

And really, do we need a lavish funeral during our economic times? It might not have pissed me off so much if so many of my family members weren't losing their jobs. Sure, it puts on a good show for everyone, but it's only a show, and next week, once the "new" wears off, people are going to see how disgusting the whole situation is. The fact that all this money is going to waste is just.... incomprehensible.

Really, I blame the family for being a bunch of money hungry douchebags. We're not memorializing his death, we're just turning it into another gimmick to sell a big pile of BS to the world.

Going to miss the good times

Man, I just found out when school starts back up, and it's August the 24th! I feel a bit in between happy and scared.

I'm happy to be back to my classes, and friends, and scared that this year will be too hard for me.

I've made goals to do better in Math, my weak point, and also to excel in Debate.

I'm so scared that our new teacher is going to suck and not let us go to tournaments. Ah, I really miss the good times when almost every weekend I was gone for a tourney, kicking butt and whatnot with my newfound speaking skillz.

I'm going to miss all the goofing around in class with the seniors, and getting out of as many classes as possible so I could just hang out in the Debate room with everyone.
Most of all I think I'm going to miss the love/hate philosophy of the team. At one point I hated at least half the team, but deep down, everyone was like family, and I'm going to miss all the fighting and teasing.

Pink Paper Art

This is an old little doodle of mine gone wild, and never finished. The pink paper it was started on was the back of my end of year exam schedule... I didn't need it anyways, so I drew all over the back with ink, and prismacolor. I don't know why I never finished it, but oh well. I like the way it looks.

I really like accents

Have you ever noticed in the U.S. there is this standard accent? Not too eastern, not too western, just a boring middle?

That's what I have. I know a few individuals that would kill to have my "standard accent", but honestly I don't see anything too special about it. When I was younger, I had a hint of a Filipino accent, but my dad made sure that I grew out of it.

I've always liked guys with the soft southern accent. Nothing too deep, just a subtle little twang. Their accents remind me of a hot summer day spent sitting on the back porch drinking iced tea with lemon. Mmmmm.

However, I don't know why but I hate guys with New Jersey accents. They always make me think of dark thick haired Italian and Jewish guys wearing track suits and gold jewelry. Ick.

I don't know. I'm rambling. Don't even get me started on European accents. Oh my. Anytime someone from Germany or Britain comes to my average sized town everyone goes crazy with awe.

Home, but not.

Currently, I am residing in my Grandparent's house in the middle of farmland. Seriously, there are horses out here, and a Walmart is at least 20 miles away.

Insomnia has once again struck, and I am rendered awake, tip typing on this laptop.

I'm home from Oklahoma, with a few pictures and zero souvenirs. All I really wanted were some moccasins, and since I couldn't find any, I'm just going to make some myself. How, I don't really know, but I'm going to make some.

There's not much going on. It's pretty hum drum, yet at the same time very relaxing, and totally teen angst free. Tomorrow should prove to be slow also, with a trip to the grocery store as a high point, and maybe a run by the local Hobby Lobby, or some other manner of craft store.

I'm reading this book by Ned Vizzini called "It's Kind of a Funny Story" and it's quite good. I picked it up while I was supposed to be shelving books. I don't know why, but I always seem to find the best books when I'm suppossed to be working.

Anyways, Happy Fourth for those that live in the U.S.!

O(h my) klahoma #2

Today my Grandparents and I scoured the local downtown of Tahlequah, where the Cherokee Nation is located.

I, along with my Grandparents love antiques and old world items, and the last couple of times we were up in Oklahoma there were tons of antique shops, however, driving through downtown is like driving through a ghost town.

So many shops have had to close down due to lack of tourists, and the overall bleak economy. You could see bits of depression in Texas, but it's not near as bad as it is up north in Oklahoma.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics unemployment rates in Oklahoma during December were 4.6% and have risen to about 6.3% as of May. The numbers to someone who doesn't know economics well don't look too bad, but when you see all of the empty shop areas, and the line at the unemployment center you'll note that it's pretty bad.

The shops that are still around have limited items. A lot of the novelty items have either been overpriced, or just not made anymore. It's sad.

Whats a girl gotta do to find a pair of moccasins in Indian country? Hopefully, and I say this without any expectations, the economy will pick up soon, and more tourists will start visiting again.

But for now, I'll just wait, and try to help out the community by visiting local attractions, and eating at the local restaurants.

As for the moccasins, I'll make some myself if I have to.

O(h my) klahoma #1

Currently at this very moment I am typing this from a well conditioned room with excellent wifi and cable TV. No I am not at the place by the lake. Why? Because of mis-communication, and family that I didn't even know I had liking to take advantage of the owner of the place living in Kansas.

I'll start at the beginning. Around 7am we had finally passed the last toll booth on Choctaw land, and were quite hungry after our 4 hour drive from Texas to Oklahoma so we stopped at this place called Harley's. At first we thought it was just going to be a plain Indian or casino restaurant, but it turns out that it was a New Orleans themed restaurant. I thought it was funny, seeing as how almost every summer I go down there, and the one time I don't, I run into it anyways.

After we finished eating, shopping for cabin supplies, and making numerous stops we headed out for a nice 10 minute drive up the hilly and winding area known as lake Tenkiller, which is named after the Indian family who originally owned the land. We pull up to the cabin, and lo and behold, the driveway is full of trucks, trailers, and cars.

It turns out that my Papa's brother Henry Lee and his Native American wife Betty were staying there. In fact, they were just about to leave for San Antonio when Carl Wayne showed up with his two kids in tow, so of course Henry Lee and co. decided to stay longer, leaving 1 spare room which is not enough to house my Papa and Grandma and I.

We had called my great aunt Francis who owns and pays for everything up at the cabin and she had said that no one was staying there at the time, but of course Henry Lee and co. didn't bother to call aunt Francis, instead claiming to have called someone else.

Later on I learned that aunt Frances was wondering why the electricity bill had doubled over the past month... well, thank good ol' Henry Lee and co. It turns out they've been living up there for a while without telling anybody.

Oh well. That's just people for you I guess.

At least I'm in a nicer situation in a hotel room than I would be up in the cabin. The cabin has no internet, or cable.

So far the trip has been nice, other than the fact that we're now having to unexpectedly pay for lodging, which in turn has caused our trip to be cut short by a day. Oh well. So it goes.

Random Oklahoma fact: There are far more bugs and spiders up here than there are in Texas. I would know. I hate bugs. And spiders.

"Mom, I'll be in OK-LA-HOMA."

My mom is a skilled practitioner in not listening to me, and not regarding my plans. Well, I'm sure she not only does it to me, but many countless other people. I'm also sure this is one of the reasons why my dad divorced her.

I don't live with my mom, so any time I do spend with her must be planned out, talked about, and negotiated about between my parents. No lie. If she gets a Sunday during a major holiday, then by golly they get Monday and Tuesday.

But I digress. For the past two times I saw my mom last week I've told her, "Mom, I'm leaving for Oklahoma on Wednesday, then coming back on Sunday." or, "Mom, I'm going to be out of town next Wednesday through Sunday. Don't call Dad asking to talk to me."

In addition to telling her about being out of town, I had asked her when she was taking off work at the hospital so I could come over for a few days to spend time. In fact, I've been asking her since the end of May, "Mom, when are you taking off work? I need to know soon so I can make sure I'm not going on any trips during that time."

Till yesterday I got no real answer on when. She called me yesterday and told me she was taking part of this week off for the Fourth of July and wanted to know if I could come over and spend time, and go to a few parties and filipino BBQ's.

FACE/PALM

Which resulted in this conversation.

"What do you mean? Why can't you come over? Do you have something planned with your dad?"

"No Mom. No. I told you yesterday, and the day before why I couldn't go. I'm leaving for Oklahoma on Wednesday."

"I don't understand, why are you going to Oklahoma?"

"To look at the Native American stuff Mom. I told you I was going to be gone like at least 5 times."

"Ok, but why can't you come to the party? I thought this would be a good time to spend time together."

"Mom, I TOLD you. Mom, I'll be in OK-LA-HOMA."

"The whole month?!"

"No! Just till Sunday. Is there any chance you can take some other time off work?"

"No, I already requested this time. Are you sure you have to go on your trip now?"

"Yes mom. It's already been planned and everything."

"Well I'm sorry sweetie, I just thought it would be nice to see you on Fourth of July, but I guess you can't come over."

"Ok Mom. Whatever. I have to go. I'll just visit one weekend or something when you're not working. Bye."


This isn't the first time this has happened, and as for the other times it has happened I've had to cancel my plans last minute in order to cater to her standards and schedule. However, I refuse to drop my plans just because she planned something without considering what I was doing at the time.

In the words of the white kid at my school who thinks he's black, "Homie, stuff jus don't fly like dat."

Maybe, next time instead of just telling her, I should send her loud voice mails, and spam her emails so she'll remember.