What even.

SO.

I broke up with my clingy Tech School boyfriend this past weekend! Woo! I'm a free (wo)man now, I don't need no strings.

He was way too---- self conscious? He would literally not stop apologizing about everything, and he would get really mopey when I would hang out with my other guy friends even though I would invite him along, and anytime he was around my friends he was very rude to them. So. I was just like, nope.  I don't have time to deal with silly things like that and try to make it work (keep in mind I only knew him a grand total of 2 days prior to us "dating") so I told him that we were over.  Just like that. And I feel awesome.

I have decided that relationships are going to be off the table for a VERY long time.  I'm just going to have tons of friends and tons of fun.  I'm going to California for Pete's sake! Fun central!

But I have to be remember to be a little more responsible when having fun, because the other night I got into a little trouble for missing curfew by 20ish minutes.  Whoops.

My friend Chance and I were exploring the area in his purple truck (it was my first time off base) and we drifted a little too far, got lost, and ended up coming back to base late. Yeah.  I talked to MTL today about it, and I got into a little trouble, but nothing that's too big.  Chance didn't get into any trouble--- call me crazy, but sometimes I think they go a little harder on the females than they do on the males.  But that's just my personal opinion.

Meh.

A vlog in which I complain a little.

Gosh.  I sure hope I didn't come off as whiny.  I swear, it's only because I've sort of had a crappy week.

Tech school is getting really ridiculous (rule wise) and I'm itching to get out.  I have open sores from wearing garter straps every day, and they rub against my skin anytime I move.  Also, I have to put bandaids on my chest because the metal backing on my name tag and ribbon rack scratch up against me as well, causing red marks.  Yeah.

And a whole bunch of other things.

BUT I MADE A VLOG GOSH DARN IT!

Compass

Drawn during class

As of recently I've been obsessed with compasses.  Like, I love drawing them.  I've actually been thinking about getting a compass tattoo... I'm constantly getting lost, and I thought it would be a comforting image to have on me at all times.  Perhaps when I get to California...

Anyway, life has been busy as per usual.  I'm really anxious. I'm ready to go to California!  I've been looking at different concerts, talking with my friend Jordan who lives in Monterrey, making plans to do stuff.  As much as I like Keesler (and wearing blues every day) I'd really like to go somewhere different.  Somewhere completely new.

I might be addicted to moving around... And traveling...

Holy Cannoli.

Since I last posted, things have just gotten busier.  Like way busier.  Like, between all my classes, mandatory briefings and appointments, volunteer work, and everything else (like cleaning my room, laundry, studying) I feel like I barely have time to do things that I want to do, like blog.

Sad stuff.

BUT, I've made a lot of awesome friends here--- Like really awesome friends.

And I'm dating this guy that I'm in Drum & Bugle with, but so far he's been really attached to me--- so I'm going to have to talk to him about the fact that I need personal time. So yeah, there's that.

I have almost everything put together for the Blogger Family favorite things package swap! I'm going to *try* to mail it Monday.

ALSO--- Since I probably won't be able to blog as much because I don't have wifi in my room, I'm going to make more vlogs! Woo! Expect one later this week!

I really like being away from home "on my own".

Like, it's so nice.

Right now, I'm all alone sitting in a library annex of this place called The V, which is sort of like a little community center for all the military tech school students that has a bunch of TVs, gaming systems, computers, movies and whatnot for us to use for free.  On the weekends they have a bar and night club in the back, AND FREE WIFI.

But I digress.  Every now and then someone will poke their head in here, but aside from that I'm pretty much alone in this big room.  And it's nice.  It's quiet.

I don't really know how to express how I feel.  I like being by myself.  And if I need friends, I just go out and find some, and it's really liberating.

Too fast

As of late I've been feeling rushed.

I feel like a barely have time to do EVERYTHING that I need to get done.

I get so aggravated because I make schedules and then the next thing I know, a million MANDATORY things pop up that I have to tend to first.  Like briefings.  Yeah. I'm well aware that briefings will now consume the rest of my life since I'm in the military, but some of them are so pointless! Like today, I had a briefing, and then afterwards my entire squadron had a briefing about said briefing, followed by another briefing about that briefing.

It was ridiculous! I mean, all the information was so repetitive--- we literally wasted about 2 hours doing that.

But all of that aside, I'm still just barely getting everything accomplished. I just got my first credit card (yikes) through the AF so that I can start building some type of credit. I won't be buying a car or a house anytime soon, so I'm just going to use the card for the AF "club" benefits, like free shuttle rides around the base and access to the Enlisted Club. It has a fixed interest rate since it's through the military, and I won't get penalized for not using it every month.  So that's nice.

Also, I opened a savings account! Right now I have it set to put about $200 a month in out of my paycheck, but I'm sure once I start having to pay "real" bills that amount will change... But right now it keeps me from blowing all of my money on silly stuff.

Oh yeah, GUYS. My first duty station is in California! More specifically the Santa Barbara region! I'm so excited! I should be there by June!

Things Happen

Well, I guess I'm at the point where I should elaborate on the fact that I recently broke up with my boyfriend. And by recently I mean this last weekend, while I was in the food court with my friends, I called up JB and ended things. It was pretty painless, at least, it was for me...

I feel like being away in a high stress environment made me realize what I did and didn't miss. It made me sort of prioritize who/what was valuable in my life. There were things that I did miss A LOT like my baby brother, writing/typing on a regular basis, music, naps, bubble baths, tea--- the list goes on. I missed a lot of the little things. Then of course, there were things that I didn't miss, like my dad being a dickhole, smelling like an ash tray 24/7, being dependent on my parents, this list can go on as well. But there was one thing that really nagged at me while I was there, and it was the fact that I didn't miss JB at all. I missed having the company of a male, but once I started talking to brother flight that issue was resolved. I kept on thinking, "It's just BMT. When he comes for graduation weekend it'll be different. I'll feel different." but I never did. If anything, when he visited it just confirmed what I had been feeling for the past 8 1/2 weeks. I didn't feel the same way he did. In fact, I was kind of overwhelmed by the magnitute of his feelings for me.

While at BMT he sent me a letter saying that I was "the one" and that he wanted to marry me in a few years. Yeah. My first reaction was a resounding HELL NO. Followed by a few oh shits. As soon as I could I wrote him back saying that I didn't see myself getting married in the next few years because I wanted to deploy and focus on my career. Yeah. After that letter I stopped signing off with "Love, Lizzi" and started just using the generic, "-Lizzi". I know. That was a dickhole move. In fact, I feel like a major dickhole, but I feel like it's better to be up front and honest right now, instead stringing him along and giving him false hope.

I know why he wants to get married so fast. He's 27. I'm not stupid. I know he feels the pressure to settle down and start a family, which is precisely why I broke up with him. I can't give him that right now. And even if I were to get married in the next few years, I'm not certain that I'd want to marry him. I just don't feel that way about him.

So yes. I called him and told him that I wanted to break up. End of story. He didn't really fight it. He told me that he loved me and that maybe if things worked out he wanted us to get together, but I don't think things "working out" or the lack thereof had anything to do with the end of our relationship. I just didn't feel right. It wasn't fair to him. I haven't been in the need of a relationship as of late. I've built up a good pool of guy friends that I hang out with because quite frankly, I'm burnt out of being surrounded by females. I was asked out yesterday by some guy who has been picking on me since I stepped foot onto Keesler. I promptly turned him down. Now, I'm just going to focus on passing all of my tests. I'm going to focus on my job, which is to wake up every morning, go to school, and defend the country. Easy peasy.