Honestly, this is the most fun I've had talking to a quasi-stranger in quite sometime. Usually when guys chat me up on Facebook they usually just tell me I have a nice profile picture and try to get my number (I usually promptly delete said fellows from my friends list), but this conversation was purely fun, random banter.
Anyway, it all started when this guy posted a status that said "EVERYONE HATES ME TODAY, OKAY."
To which I responded: "Maybe you should change your name to Chris." I mean, a status like that was begging for a smart ass comment.
And then he unexpectedly IMed me:
T: That wouldn't help,
I'm not black...
Me: Swim in Nutella.
Problem solved.
T: That sounds legit. And
profitable.
Me: Also delicious.
T: Never had Nutella,
soooo...
Me: Boy, you cray. Also,
you have no idea what love is.
T: Really? And Nutella
will teach me that?
Me :Among other things,
yes.
T: What are the other
things?
Me: 1. Happiness can be
found in a jar. 2. Hazelnut is superior to all nuts. 3. Under no circumstances
is it ok to willfully listen to Nickleback.
T: I hate Nickleback.
It is the scourge of
music.
Me: Tell me about it. It's
a good thing you don't like them because if you did I would have to send you a
letter full of anthrax.
T: I already decide if
I'm friends with someone or not based on if they like Nickleback. I've also
moved that up to dating. I don't care how long I've been dating you, if I find
a single Nickleback song on your iPod I'm gone
Me: That's the best way to
avoid heartache. That, and Nutella.
T:...but I've never had
Nutella...
Me: Have you ever
experienced heartache?
T: That's
debatable.
Me:Ok boi, I'm just gonna
be straight up wit chu. You need to go out and buy yourself a jar of overpriced
Nutella so that you can enlighten yo ass wit wonderment.
T: Will that console my
broken heart?
Me: Yes. And put meat on
your bones. And motivate you to work out. And help you meet the love of your
life.
T :I don't need any of
those things.
Me: Well maybe there's a
reason everybody hates you today.
T:...what would that be
Me: I was alluding to the
fact that you haven't ever had Nutella.
T: Maybe that is the
reason everyone hates me...
Me: I am a Ravenclaw. I
know things.
T: So am I!
Me: Birds of a feather...
T: And what are you
alluding to?
Me: Nothing... I was just
making a Ravenclaw related follow-up comment.
T: I appreciate that.
I was surprised when I
was sorted into Ravenclaw.
Me: What house did you
think you were going to be placed in?
T: Slytherin...
Me: Well it's a good thing
you didn't get the Dark Mark tattooed on your forearm yet. That would have been
awk.
T: Well, I quickly became
the leader of Ravenclaw. So it's cool
Me: What do you mean?
T: I took over the house,
didn't you hear?
Me: No... I graduated
Hogwarts and I'm now an Auror.
T: I assassinated
Flitwick and took his position...
Me: Impressive. No
Slytherin would ever be smart enough to think of that.
T: So I am a
Ravenclaw...huh
Me: Ay, as much as I've
enjoyed talking with you, quasi- friend, I'm late for a very important event.
Just kidding. It's time for my bubble bath. SWEET DREAMZ.
T: Hahahahahaha
Quasi-friend
You're intelligent.
Goodnightz
The beauty of this conversation stems from the fact that we were indeed strangers (despite attending the same high school) and so we had the liberty to say whatever we wanted. Gosh. If only all of my Facebook IM conversations were like this.
Nutella is amazing. Sometimes I eat it by the spoonful.
ReplyDeleteI love witty conversations.
ReplyDeleteThat was incredibly funny. As a lover and master of wit I would like it if most if not all of my conversations were like that. You're awesome. I also don't get why people would ask for your number on Facebook. As I discovered earlier, phone numbers are now irrelevant because with a name you can Facebook someone, and find out everything about them. They already had you on Facebook, what more do they want? O_o
ReplyDeleteNutella... not a liquid, yet not a solid either. It defies all convention and logic. It cannot be categorised due to its sheer amount of win. I no longer try to find answers to the questions such a substance raises; rather, I have realised my time is better spent consuming it. For study.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh. This comment just made my day.
DeleteMmmmmmm...nutella...x
ReplyDeleteYour conversations about Nutella take Nutella chats to a whole new beautiful level of witty chocolate lovin' banter. Congrats.
ReplyDeleteJob well done.
ReplyDeleteWhen a band recently won a talent competition in my city, someone threw Nutella at them. What's the point of flowers when one can have Nutella?
ReplyDeleteThat's so awesome! Haha, I'd love to have Nutella thrown at me!
Delete