Graduated.

Somehow I managed to have the most cords out of everyone (5 total), plus my top 10% honors medal, and my Texas Globe Scholars medal.  Needless to say I had mucho grad swag. Win. Also, when it came time to walk across the stage my superintendent was met with a handful of glitter when I shook her hand.  Beforehand I had distributed handfuls of glitter to about 30 different people.

After the ceremony I had a huge canister of glitter that I then proceeded to shower every passing person with. Needless to say, everyone is still trying to get glitter out of their hair.

So it goes

Graduation is tomorrow, and much like whenever I have birthdays, I don't feel any different.

I've put in at least five applications to different places for a summer job, and I'm filling out even more today so hopefully something turns up.

As I've mentioned before, I've kept my decision to join the Air Force pretty low key in order to avoid freaking people out, but it seems that I have been thwarted by my AP English teacher's senior scrapbook page.

As other kids were flipping through it I could hear collective "WHAT?"'s being uttered across the classroom followed by a string of questions directed towards me. Honestly I feel like other people are taking this whole situation worse than I did.

But me, being me, I softened their shock by joking about how excited I am for the M16 training and how badass I'll be after I get done with basic training. By the way, if any of you are interested, this is what I'll actually be doing. Call me demented, but some of it kind of looks fun.

Anyways, I still have a few months at home, so if they REALLY wanted to hang out with me before I leave all they have do to is hit me up. Aside from my running schedule, opening up my etsy shop, and getting a part-time job I'm not going to be too terribly busy.

Out in the open

Last night I went to my mom's house and told her about my decision to join the Air Force.

Needless to say she wasn't excited, and now holds a lot of pent up anger towards my dad.

She went on this long rant about how in the Filipino culture it is the family's responsibility to do everything in their power to ensure that secondary education is achieved, and how she felt lied to because my dad told her that he had college savings tucked away for my sisters and I, and I just sat there.

I would be lying if I said that I don't slightly resent my dad. No one I know IRL really knows this, but junior year my dad gave me two options: High Point or community college. At that point I was devastated at how he could just limit my options like that, but I got over it. I got really excited for this university and focused all of my energy on it. I mean, it was better than staying at home.

Now, a year later everything has fallen apart. I trusted my parents and thought that if I did everything that they told me I'd be able to go to this nice university, do well, and succeed.

Now my dad tells me, after a year of telling me that going to High Point would be the best decision I could make, that he wouldn't recommend going there.

WELL DAMN.

I pride myself in being receptive and open to change, but DAMN. A year of my life, dedicated to one solitary goal--- pretty much wasted. About $2000 spent going towards that university (deposit, plane tickets & hotel for the scholarship weekend), OF MY OWN MONEY, gone. Plus, a lot of other unpleasant things happened that I can't really talk about, but pretty much resulted in a lot of bad blood, despite those decisions being for my benefit.

And I'm supposed to readily forgive them? And still trust them?

Sorry for being cynical, but I think I'll start relying on my own gut instinct from now on. Their advice, which I took and trusted wholeheartedly has gotten me nowhere. Since this thing started my parents have been like, "It's ok to be angry at us, but you have to admit this is partially your fault too."

HOW? Is it my fault that I was trying to make both myself and them happy by attending the university they pushed me towards? Is it my fault that I didn't argue and just tried to look at the bright side of things?

Sorry I didn't fight sooner to go to a different university. I should have at least argued enough to apply to another university. Whenever I told my dad that I had filled out applications for other places he would tell me, "Why waste the money on the application fee? You're going to High Point."

My stepmom told me that if I would have sat down and talked to my dad about attending a different university he probably would have let me go, but I find that hard to believe when anytime I had doubt about going to High Point he would just say, "Well, you can always go to community college."  To me, at that time, I felt like I had no other option, which is silly now in retrospect, because his opinion meant nothing since I would have been paying for college by myself anyways.

Last night I told my stepmom, finally after days of them prodding me, that YES I was angry that I didn't have other options. And NO I would not thank them for having a hand in my decision to join the Air Force, because after a year of working hard to AVOID going to community college, I'd be damned if I ended up going there anyways.

I'm so tired right now. I just need time to be angry.

Senior Picnic Shenanigans

Obligatory art girls group picture

I'm secretly a wrestler.

Decisions.

So.

After a lot of angst about college/my future plans, here's what's gone down since I last posted.

1. As it turns out, the application process for ROTC had to be started junior year, and the deadline was the beginning of December. I missed that boat.
2. I loath the idea of going to community college. So. Very. Much. Especially since it's like high school part 2 in my area. So I'm NOT going to community college.
3. Yesterday I met with an Air Force recruiter, who -for all of you Sherlock fans- looked/acted like John Watson. Good omen? I think so. We made an appointment with him for the 29th of this month, and apparently I can take classes while being on active duty and the military will pay for it (within reason), and after I leave the military I'll get an additional 4 years worth of college paid for.

It's official. As of now, I have decided to enlist. And while this wasn't my first choice, the more I rationalize and think about it, the better off I'll be.

I literally spent a solid week crying myself to sleep because everything that I had planned fell apart in a matter of weeks. It was like one thing after the other was pushing me away from my intended path, forcing me to choose between remaining in town, or joining the military.  Ultimately I chose the harder option, which is what I usually do anyways.

Joining the military won't kill me. Basic training will be hell. But I know I'll come out stronger.

I think the reason why I was so opposed to the idea of joining the military at first was because everyone else thought I was crazy when I mentioned it. When I told my would-have-been roommate Margaux she straight up told me that I "wasn't a dog-tag girl" but a "nail polish and crafty girl" which is very true.

All of my friends are supportive, yet very sympathetic and it pains me to see the pity in their eyes anytime the subject of college comes up. I don't want to be the subject of everyone's pity, which is why I've only told a few of my closest friends my decision. I'm past feeling sorry for myself. The situation sucks, but when things fall apart the only thing you can do is pick up the pieces and carry on. I can either stagnate in my angst or make the best of the situation and look at the positive aspects.

I think it's obvious what I have chosen to do.

Anyways, once I'm officially enlisted I won't ship out for basic training for at least 4-6 months, meaning I still have the summer to do things. I'm going to get a job, continue running and training, open up my etsy shop, and work on my art. 

Done

As you can infer from the above pictures, the yearbook is in. After a year's worth of work I should feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder, but I don't. The stress of deadlines and AP tests have been replaced with bigger issues.

I have 5/6 APs done, and a ton of makeup work from being out while taking the tests. So. I'll catch you guys later, when all the crazy has died down.

Lost

So, being proactive and whatnot, I decided to start getting ready for ROTC  because I thought it over, and it didn't seem as bad as I initially thought it was.

Today I started my 1.5 mile jog that I'm going to try to do daily. We had mapped out a route in my neighborhood this past weekend that was exactly 1.5 miles. I was going to start it as soon as I got home from school today, but I stayed after for an AP Art History review which lasted until 6, and then I ate dinner, cleaned the kitchen, and the next thing I know it's 7:40.

I was determined to get started, so I told my parents that I was just going to do as much as I could before it got dark and hopefully jog at least a mile with my dog.

Welp. Like a derp, I took a wrong turn, got lost, and ended up doing 3 miles. I only jogged maybe about a mile, the other miles I was walking around frantically, with my dog, trying to find my way back home. By the time I made it home it was dark, about to rain, and I was covered with mosquito bites. I am such a derp.

ANYWAYS, back to the subject of doing ROTC.

At this point it might end up being my only option. Instead of moping, I decided to embrace it and think of the positives.

1. I'll get into shape with all the training I have to do.
2. After college I have to serve 2 years of active duty (pertaining to my Communications major) so technically I'll have a job right after college.
3. When I decide to get a different job, (media, publication) I'll have one hell of a resume.

My dad said that we'll have to talk to the recruiter before I can get my hopes up, because I still have to submit an application and get it approved in time to start the fall semester.

He then decides to say that if I don't get approved in time I can always go straight into the air force and do four years of service, and just start High Point after that.  I wasn't too keen on the idea and told my dad that if I had to go into the air force, at that point I'd want to attend a different university.

I really don't want to go straight into the military. I'd rather take the year to get my basics done at a local college (that I can go to on scholarship) than have to wait four years (like my uncle) and then go to a university.

I don't want to sound like a spoiled brat, and I hope I'm not coming off that way, but I do not want to take a detour on going to college. I know that if I do I'll lose momentum.

BUT all of this is not even real right now. I mean, my parents and I are going to meet with the ROTC recruiter Wednesday to find everything out for sure. I shouldn't even be worrying about this right now.

I have an AP Art History test tomorrow I need to be cramming for.

As promised

Here's pictures of Sherlock fanart that I made this past week, as well as my to-do list for today. Also, if you haven't read/commented on my post from yesterday that I'm doing for a scholarship, please do so!

In which I share my political opinion

In lieu of yesterday's post I decided to talk about something that I haven't really discussed in a while: politics.


Touchy, yes, I know. Interesting, yes, I know.


 In the past I've always been pretty vocal about who I supported and agreed with, but this year I find myself a little more reserved. One reason being that I'm not nearly as argumentative as I used to be, and another reason being that I can actually vote this year. My opinion now has the weight of a vote behind it. I can actually help campaign for a candidate and truly support them. Freshman year I was a self-proclaimed Libertarian. Don't ask me why, I think I probably just said that to sound cool or something. This year, I don't know what I am. 


My freshman year I was a strong Obama/Ron Paul supporter despite their different views on policy. This year I'm not quite sure about Obama. Don't get me wrong, he's a good president, and the only complaints I have to make this year is one directed towards gridlock. I truly think he would have got more done if it weren't for the fact that the Republicans did everything in their power to slow any progress. Ron Paul, on the other hand, might end up being a bit different. Sure, he's running as a Republican right now, but I feel like his ideas are more like that of a third party (especially since he previously ran under a third party). Here's why I'm going to vote for Ron Paul in the primaries (and hopefully in the elections):

1. He's going to cut $1 trillion within his first years in office by eliminating 5 cabinet departments like  Energy, HUD, Commerce, Interior, and Education. Oh man. I can practically feel the look of disdain dripping off some of your faces right now. "Cut education?!" Yes. Cut education. And just think about it. If our school systems became privatized, there would be more competition and more incentive to receive the best education possible. In my opinion, public schooling has removed any sense of gratitude that kids in America have towards education. Waking up every morning to learn seems like a chore. Fail for the year? NBD, we have free education. One can always just repeat a grade on the school's dime. With privatized education, at least people would value learning again. Teachers would be better compensated, and maybe, just maybe, we can do away with state standardized tests that hinder holistic learning. Kids are now trained to pass those tests, and they aren't allowed to be curious outside of the realm of what they need to know in order to pass said tests. Schools compete for government money and grants, and the money they receive is correlated to their pass/fail rate on these tests. 
2. America will be more competitive in the global market because of his plan to lower corporate tax rates. Because of this, investment would rise. He also wants to end taxes on personal savings, which means that families will be able to save more money and build a nest egg. The idea is to return America back to a capitalistic nation fueled by competition and innovation (Ayn Rand anyone?), meaning that no matter crisis America finds itself in, the innovators, entrepreneurs and dreamers will prevail and heal the nation. The American dream and grand opportunities would once again be available for everyone.
3. He believes in state rights, and thinks that individual states should regulate things like abortion, marijuana, and marriage. Personally I like this idea. I live in Texas, meaning that my state would probably not approve of any of the above, but I have the liberty to move to a state that does, and vice versa. Ron Paul himself is a pro-life supporter, but keep in mind, he was an OBGYN for a significant amount of years before he ever dreamed of being a politician, and not just some pig-headed guy telling women what they can and cannot do with their bodies. As far as marijuana goes, I'd be more than happy if we could regulate it and tax it like cigarettes or alcohol. 

And I have many more reasons, but I feel like those are the main reasons. Obviously I feel more strongly about the education aspect than I do about anything else, but that's mainly because I'm a student.  Every day I'm surrounded by apathetic students that couldn't care less about the precious opportunity that they are presented with, and think of school as a "prison." No. I'm sick and tired of that kind of attitude.  I think everyone should have access to a quality education, but I also think that people should WANT it.

The only candidate that can provide a solution to this problem, in my eyes, is Ron Paul.

Again, I can feel the eye rolls from some people. I'd love to hear your opinions though, and I know I don't usually ask for comments, but I'd love to hear what you have to say on the topic of this year's presidential election. 

My weekend just got awesome.

Just kidding. I was being sarcastic.

Because that's what I do.

I'm trying to iron out this student loan business, but it sucks. So bad. Right now I'm currently scolding myself and my parents for not letting me get a real job. Throughout high school I had the desire to get one, but either there wasn't one available, or my parents told me to focus more on my grades.

So now, here I am, in need of a co-signer for my loans because I have no credit history. Awesome.

And I mean, I've gone down the avenues of asking most of my family members and everything, but everyone's credit is so shitty that they're automatically denied. This past year wasn't a good year for my parents. Their business was hit pretty hard with the recent economic downturn, so they aren't in the position to co-sign for me. My mom lives off of my step-dad's income, so she isn't eligible to co-sign for me.

I'm stuck.  Right now I'm running through my options with my parents, and they consist of two things. 1)Find a co-signer, or don't go to college because most application deadlines for other schools have passed, or 2)Join ROTC, they'll pay for my schooling fully, during summer I'd have to train with them, and then after I graduate I'd have to serve 2 years of active duty.

Personally, I don't like option 2 because I'm not a military-type person, but according to my dad, it's either that or no college for me.

I just got off the phone with my mom trying to figure out if there's anyone on her side of the family that could help, but my options aren't looking to good.

The entire situation is silly.  And I'm not angry at anyone, or anything, I just feel---- sad.

I wish my family was capable of paying for my education. I wish I knew someone who was eligible to co-sign on  my loans. I wish everything was OK.

So. I'm going to put on my happy face, and try to work something out.

*edit: currently working something out.

Nothing is real

Today I came to the realization that tomorrow will be my last Friday at school.


Next week I’m volunteering for special Olympics (face painting), the week after that is senior picnic, and the last week I have graduation rehearsal.

Everything seems unreal.

I find myself repeating David after the dentist and asking myself, “Is this real life?” because it sure doesn’t feel like it.

I find myself thinking about plans for next year, and things that I’m going to do with my friends when it hits me: I’m going to be gone next year. I will be 1,000+ miles away from everyone that I know. Man. It’s weird.

It’s doubly exhilarating and surreal. Like, is this actually happening? In a few months? What?

p.s. I know I’m extremely late, but I watched the first two episodes of Downton Abbey and I’m hooked. GAH. I really need to be studying for my AP exams and not watching tv.

Sherlocked

I am officially addicted to Sherlock. Also, I've already completed Sherlock fanart in the form of a watercolor painting.

Hopefully I can post some pics over the weekend.