Psyched up

Man.

I get to wake up at 2 a.m. in the morning so that I can go to the DFW airport and take a four hour flight to North Carolina. For my scholarship interview weekend.

Everything seems so surreal. I mean, I'm excited that I made it this far, but I'm also nervous.

I mean, honestly I'd be stupid not to be nervous. Way stupid.

GAH.

My friends have been awesome in reassuring me that I'll do well, but I have my doubts at times---.

Oh well. I will be awesome. I will get a scholarship. I will not freak out.

The past few days...

...have been rocky.

I don't really know what's been going on with my hormones or whatever--- that thing that causes emotional ups and downs.

As of late I've been hyper-emotional nearly incapable of keeping myself in check while in public. According to some of my friends, I just need a break from everything.

The only problem is the fact that I won't be able to take a break. Not with the tests, homework, and labs I have due next week. Also, I have my scholarship interview in North Carolina this upcoming weekend (that I'm really excited about) and there is no way that I'm letting anything keep me away from that.

While I would like to hang out with my friends in order to escape the high stress environment at my house, I feel guilty because of my little brother. Maybe it's because I'm hypersensitive right now, or maybe it's because he's started to notice that I've been around less, but every time I leave the house he cries and begs me not to leave and I can't handle it. Every time it gets harder to leave, and I know that it's only going to get worse.

But he's only 3. He doesn't understand what college is, he's never been separated from anyone in our immediate family for more than a week. Needless to say, I'm a mess right now.

I honestly think that I'll start to feel better after March. I've been preparing for prom and my interview and I've been high strung because of it. Friday I bought my dinner dress, and I have my interview dress, and my prom dress will be arriving in the mail in two days. I think I'm going to take a hiatus from dresses for a little while after everything is over.

BUT on the bright side:

The puppy thinks she's a cat.

The Stress.

Today was an "I want to slap everyone" type of day.

I found nearly everyone on my yearbook staff completely incompetent. Literally, I cannot take on anymore pages than what I already have. People need to WORK.

My AP Economics grade is seriously pitiful because my teacher hasn't put in the points from my test corrections. Aside from that I've been doing well on our recent assignments, so hopefully it'll bring my grade WAY up.

And I've had this raging headache since yesterday that has led to me popping advil, ibuprofin, excedrin--- you name it--- into myself, trying to find something that will alleviate the throbbing on the left side of my head.

My stepmom commented on how pale I've looked as of late and said it was stress. Apparently I'm not eating as much, and my eyes are sunken in, and my demeanor has changed. Well yeah. All of that is probably true.

But it's hard to be all shits and bubbles when EVERYTHING is going on at once. There's just too much. Last week was hectic because not only was I having to deal with yearbook deadlines, but art club was having it's biggest fundraiser of the year, and as president I had a lot of responsibility to ensure that everything was running smoothly. The fundraiser ended today, and I know that we made well over $500 in profit selling valentines flowers and messages, but add my prom stress to all of that and you get a fine mess of not so awesome. I bought my dress today (I'll post a picture of it later), but my friend that I was bringing flaked out on me so I am, yet again, dateless. :/

I'm looking to the brighter parts of my day though, which is usually either my APES class or art class with all of my friends who are equally as troubled as I am. It's nice to have a built in support group that I can see on a day to day basis.

To cheer myself up today I bought myself a mint plant, and I'm looking at stuff on Urban, seeing if I can buy something tiny to remind myself that I'm awesome. This self esteem trip doesn't bode well for my scholarship interviews next weekend so I'm trying to surround myself with positivity.

I heard that mint leaves help relieve stress. I'm hoping they do.