A lot of things, really.

Compared to the things that I have had to experience the last few days, dinner with my mom was a walk in the park.

She's finally starting to come to terms with the fact that I am indeed leaving in February, and there is absolutely nothing ANYONE can do to change that.  She gave me this long lecture about "God's plan" and how she now understands why things have turned out the way that they have.  If that reasoning helps her find comfort, then I am okay with everything.

A lot of things have happened between my dad and I that I don't feel I should publish openly.  I told the Blogger Family what happened, and they were very supportive and offered really comforting words that I appreciate more than I will ever be able to convey.

I've lost a lot of respect for my dad, and it will be a long time before the accumulated resentment will fade.  Without getting into too much detail, I was very shocked to find out that my dad and his side of the family is highly racist.  Like, they genuinely believe that because of someone's skin color, they are less of a person.  This is something that I can NEVER accept.

There's a lot of backwards logic because my dad married someone who wasn't white--- hell, someone who wasn't even an American, but that was ok.  I have always thought of myself as an interracial individual.  In the eyes of strangers and everyone that I meet, I am not white.  My dad, however, believes that I am and should therefore date/associate accordingly.

I will NEVER judge someone based on their race, orientation, or gender.  And my dad's "reputation" be damned, if someone is a good person, then I see no problem with any type of relationship with them.

I'm just thankful for everyone that was there  to comfort me during this conflict that was extremely unnecessary.

Right now, I'm so done with the entire situation.  I will be cordial to my dad, but everything is NOT ok between us.  I'm spending the weekend with Rebekka to sort of just clear my mind and get away from the negative environment in my house.

To end this post on a positive note, I sent my All Hallows Read book to Amy, and she got it in the mail today!  I've been watching my post like crazy for my package!  I have no idea who sent it to me, or what book I'm getting--- which adds to my excitement because I love surprises!

Anyway, right now I'm compiling an "Everything Will be OK" playlist to bring some brightness into my life, and I am doing yoga.  I am being zen.

Better now, not later

A few days ago I decided that I should probably tell my mom that I'm leaving for basic training in February.  A small part of me doesn't want to, but I know that it'd be really shitty of me to call her the day before, like, "Hey, I'm leaving for San Antonio in the morning. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

By telling her now, she can have ample time to "prepare" herself for my departure.  Tomorrow we're going to dinner so that I can tell her about it, and I know that every spare second of her time concluding our dinner she is going to try to find a way to talk me out of my decision.

I'm hopefully just going to strike up a compromise with her and promise to stay in contact and spend more time with her before I leave.  I know she's my mom, but it's emotionally draining being around her.

At least this issue will be easier to tell her about than JB.  I don't plan on telling her anything about him for a LONG time.  I want to save him from having to deal with her craziness for as long as I can.  My mom is batshit.

Things that have happened

That tiny little thing in the background? Yeah, that's my dog.

It's unusual for me to go this long without blogging, but since my family has started dog-sitting this monstrosity of a dog, I haven't had much free time.  A friend of my dad's is going through a particularly horrendous divorce with his wife, and until he has time to take care of the dog during the day, it's staying with us.  We usually pick up the dog at 8 in the morning and he doesn't go home until 9 or 10 at night.

Right now we're trying to get the dog healthier because it's REALLY overweight.  As you can see from the picture above, he sort of resembles a big furry sausage whenever he lays down.

Most of my time has been commandeered by the dogs, because if one wants to go outside, both of them have to go.  And we have to feed them separately, or else they'll fight over the food.  And they both have to be petted at the same time or else a shit-fit of epic proportions will be had.

Aside from the doggy situation, I was also preoccupied with cleaning the house in preparation of having JB over for dinner this past Saturday.  The dinner went well (I made eggrolls), and afterwards we went to go see Taken 2.  I would be lying if I didn't mention how panicked and anxious I was.  My parents tend to--- jump the gun in certain situations, and the entire time I was freaked out that they were going to freak out JB because they keep on projecting into theoretical situations and I'm just like, PLEASE STOP. JUST LET US LIKE EACH OTHER, OK?

Yesterday he came over and we watched a few movies together, but not without being bugged constantly by my little brother and dog.  Oh well.

Aside from my parents giving me awkward talks consisting of, "You better not get pregnant and quit the Air Force," things have been going well.

Just wait

As of late I've been noticing a trend among the people that I used to go to high school with.

They're all getting married.

And I'm just over hear, like, "Are we even old enough to do that?"

We're not even old enough to buy our own alcohol.

There's nothing wrong with being in love and wanting to be with that person, but marriage is such a big deal to me.

I don't really understand the rush of wanting to bind yourself to someone legally.  Is it that hard to wait until you're partially established and stable? We're all 18-19, either working, going to school, or doing something. We're just now experiencing the world.

I hear my parents talk all the time about their friends that married straight out of high school that are now divorced because they got married before they were ready.  They didn't even go to different colleges, or live in different cities, they just jumped directly into marriage. Then as they grew older, they realized that they were different people.

What's wrong with having a long engagement? What's wrong with waiting another two or three years? What's wrong with waiting until you're stable enough to support yourself?

It's responsible.  It's logical.  It gives a relationship better odds for survival and longevity.

I'm doing my best not to be a complete and total cynic, because I do think that some relationships will last, but the vast majority?  I feel like, at times, they're just clinging onto familiarity.  They're scared of having to move on, they're trying to prove that they can do "grown up" things by making life-altering decisions.

I guess all I can do is sit back and wish them the best of luck with their relationships.

Fun times

Look, I'm wearing a sweater!

I have been feeling perpetually tired whenever I'm at home, which is weird.  I don't know.  Maybe it's just the environment, but I always feel peppier around my friends.

Sometimes I just want to:

source

-curl up in a ball underneath my blankets and marvel at my social awkwardness
-drink lots of tea, with lots of honey
-watch Real Time with Bill Maher/Charlie Rose without falling asleep half-way through
-play the Amelie soundtrack repeatedly as I go about my day
-eat a bowl full of Count Chocula cereal
-stop over analyzing everything
-be more open with everyone
-lay in a hot bath until the water becomes lukewarm
-stop being so damn introverted

Ship date

Guys.

My recruiter just called me and told me that I have a ship date!

Ahhhhhh! I leave out for basic training on February the 19th! Exciting!

And, I'm going in under an Admin Aptitude area, meaning: I'm guaranteed an Admin job! Yay!

I'm going to go for a run, and then eat a bowl of celebratory ice cream!

p.s. I'm glad that I have a really shitty non-smartphone because I have been droppin' it like it's hot all week and it doesn't even have a scratch on it.

Shrinking/Other stuff

The other day I decided to actually unpack all of my sweaters and try them on, and to my dismay/delight they're all sort of baggier on me.

It's cool that I'm toning up and getting in shape, but at the same time I have this irrational attachment to all my sweaters.  With some of them it's okay if they look looser and baggy, but with a few of them, they're meant to be fitted.

Yesterday I scoured the internet for ways to shrink them down a size and answers ranged from: "OMG Don't do it, give the sweater to someone else who will appreciate it!!!!111" to "Wash in hot water, then pop it in the dryer and hope it doesn't shrink too much." to "Get it wet, then wear it until in dries."  Yeah. The last one sounds really comfortable.

INTERNET, WHY CAN'T YOU GIVE ME A CONSISTENT ANSWER?!

I have two sweaters that are wool, and I know that if I machine wash them they'll felt.  I don't really have an issue with them felting, but I still don't feel comfortable with just throwing them in the washing machine.

I read the labels on the sweaters and all of them said to either dry-clean, or hand wash in cold water.

Since I'm a scaredy cat I hand washed two of my sweaters in hot water and laid them out to dry.  Neither of them were 100% wool so we'll see how it goes.

If anything, I'll suck it up and give the sweaters that don't fit away and get some new ones.

Also, things with JB have been going well.  We still talk on the phone when he gets off work, and he's a really nice and awesome guy.  I just wish I was better about expressing my feelings and whatnot.  When I was hanging out with Rebekka Sunday she was telling me how intimidated she would feel to date someone with more experience than her and I was just like, "That's totally how I feel right now.  Naive, young, and very intimidated due to my lack of experience in terms of serious relationships."

But I mean, I have to start somewhere, right?

Another fun thing just happened as well.  While I was out running today I saw a cat.  Being the animal lover that I am, I had to stop and pet it.  After a few moments I continued on home, when I heard meowing behind me.  The cat had followed me home.

Oops.  Since we already have a dog in the house I couldn't take it in so I gave it a tiny bowl of milk and a bit of fish from dinner.  I spent a good hour outside playing with the cat, which I named Thom Yorke.  I hope that it finds it's way home, or at least to someone that can take care of it.  If it had a collar I would have called the owners, but oh well.  I live in a pretty decent neighborhood so I'm sure someone will take it in.

Gah.  I wish my dad didn't hate cats.

Oh, and I just saw this today, and it's probably the best response to being criticized about body image in the history of ever.