Bookish.Spazz

Doing better

2012-01-27T19:54:00.005-07:00

So I watched this video by Luan Legacy today:

And I feel a bit dumb about my last post. Honestly, I was stressed. I still am a bit stressed and full of doubt about my ability to handle everything, but my friend Sayra shared this quote from Bertrand Russell with me that made me feel a little less crazy:

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are so confident while the intelligent are full of doubt."

So yeah. I've been doing better. And by better I mean that I've turned in two scholarship apps and I feel pretty good about them. Also I did well on the tests that I was worrying about, so I pretty much did all of that worrying for nothing. So. New goal: for every time I catch myself worrying about something I'm going to make an origami crane.

Also, today I was close to a panic attack due to some issues, so I took off my shoes, cleared some space in the art room and started doing some basic yoga. On the nasty carpet. With about 5 other people in the room.

It felt glorious. Oh so glorious to physically relax my body in the middle of the day. I'm pretty sure people thought I was insane BUT OH WELLZ.

Tomorrow I get to wake up at 5:30am and participate at an academic meet (yeah!) and MAYBE get some homework done...

So. No more sad blogs... at least if I can help it.

Not liking anything about anything.

2012-01-25T16:30:00.002-07:00

So today has not been a particularly great day.

In fact, all of this emotional bottling is not healthy. After a while all the little stuff starts to pile up and my throat feels constricted and I just want to collapse into a pile of nothing so that I don’t have to feel so bad.

I don’t know. I just have a lot of anxiety right now, and at times I find myself thinking that I can’t handle anything. Schools seems too much, people seem too much, all the noise seems too much to handle.

And it doesn’t help that the rain is magnifying the gloominess that I feel sometimes. It’s like I have this impending fear of an inevitable doom brought on by failure. Today I felt like a failure because 1) I carelessly left my homework folder at home, and I had an English test today over the poems that I had annotated--- luckily my English teacher had extra blank copies, but I felt so irresponsible for not having my materials. 2) My Environmental Science and Art History tests were a bit difficult to say the least, and I didn’t think I prepared myself enough, again caused by my own irresponsibility. 3) For some reason I’ve been hit with a bout of low self-esteem, and although I usually just let negative feelings towards myself just roll away I just feel… lacking. Inadequate. Average.

I’ve been reading over the Holstee manifesto, and looking at this picture a lot:

But it’s not doing much. And I’ve been trying to be emotionally available for everyone else and I feel like I’ve just absorbed all of their troubles. And mainly it's been adults just dumping all of their personal problems on me, and I can't help but feel useless. I know it's impossible for me to help out in 90% of the situations, but still. I want to help. I can only be so assuring before I start to feel miserable... if that makes any sense.

College. Finishing up senior year. Doing well.

Everything feels impossible.

But who knows. I’ll drink some tea, sleep a little more, study, knit, and reassure myself that tomorrow will be better.

As Kurt Vonnegut would say: So it goes.

A letter

2012-01-23T19:06:00.003-07:00

Dear staff member,

I am deeply not sorry that I yelled at you today in front of everyone. You know, I try to be nice, understanding, and even patient, but when I'm multi-tasking on 10 different things on once and I find you watching a fucking youtube video--- Well let's just say that you're lucky I didn't completely fly off the handle.

And then when I asked you to do something for me you replied defiantly "I'm not your minion."

Oh sweet Buddha, that statement completely ruined my zen. Then you continued to watch your stupid video. That was it. I snapped.

I put you in your place, and I could see the shock in your eyes.

Never in my life have I ever yelled at someone like that.

I don't intend on making it a habit, but question my authority as an editor? Be prepared to face the consequences.

Why am I busting my ass, day after day, with a staff of 30 people? I'll tell you why. It's because of the assholes like you that think they can get away with doing the minimum.

I have a surprise for you. If this was a job situation I would have fired your ass so quickly that you wouldn't even have time to think. Sadly I'll just have to settle with it reflecting in your grades.

I am not sorry. Do you job, don't give me attitude, and maybe, MAYBE I'll think about letting you on my good side again.

Good deals

2012-01-21T22:23:00.003-07:00

Today I went out with Rebekka again and we did some shopping. Since I'm such a tight wad when it comes to spending my own money I usually just end up getting one or two things around 10-ish dollars each, if that. I don't like parting with my money over clothes... as odd as it sounds as a girl to say that.

Anyways, we set out to hit some awesome sales. My friend Ellen told me that Target was having a 70% clearance, and she bought a sweater there for $5, so that was the first place Rebekka and I went. Sadly, by the time we got there most of the sale had already been picked over, but I managed to score a pair of jeans for $6 and a new pair of mocassins for $6 as well.

I was kind of dissappointed that I didn't find any sweaters, so we headed to Kholes, which was a HUGE dissappointment, so we left immediately and headed for our favorite thrift shop where I bought a men's wool sweater. It's very hipster chic. (I would post a picture, but it's late.)

Upon my suggestion we also decided to go to Old Navy to see if they had anything. Lucky us, they were liquidating their stock because they were moving locations so everything.... let me emphasize EVERYTHING with a red sticker was $2.47 or less. Needless to say I am sweatered up. They're all wool, meaning that I can't machine wash them, but nbd, I have to handwash some of my clothes anyways, and in college I'll have a sink in my room, so it shouldn't be too bad.

Speaking of my college, I'll be flying up there in February for scholarship interviews!!! I'm really excited to finally visit. Sadly, I'm using money that I had saved up for summer stuff. I'm paying for my dad and I's plane tickets and hotel room so it'll be approximately $1,000, but I feel like now that I'm 18 I need to be able to start paying for stuff myself.

I don't know. I just feel less guilty about stuff in general if I pay for it myself. The only downside to this is being out $1,000. I mean, I have more saved up, but I wasn't planning on touching it until after college, or for an emergency or something. Oh well.

I honestly should be designing stuff right now, or writing my APES research paper... Eh, I'll get to it tomorrow.

All that prom stuff is nonsense now.

2012-01-17T15:24:00.001-07:00

BECAUSE I GOT INTO COLLEGE.

Weekend update.

2012-01-16T16:42:00.004-07:00

Ok, so I know it's Monday, but due to it being MLK day stateside I have the day off, and therefore today feels like a Sunday.

Yesterday I traipsed around town with my friend Rebekka and it was a much needed break from the chaos that is my family. Not bad chaos, just busy family of 6 chaos.

We went to the mall, looked at prom dresses, shopped for jeans (unsuccessfully because we are too cheap to spend money on ourselves), and helped a guy friend of ours shop for clothes (unsuccessfully because we are young, poor AP students that don't have enough time to balance a job and a GPA above 3.7), as well as seeing a great amount of other people from our school. While at the mall, my “dateless” situation came up. Rebekka, the lucky dog, has an automatic date because she’s bringing her boyfriend. We created a list of potentials which consisted of my friend Hang (asian friend who is a female) who moved to Dallas over Christmas break, Gary the sophomore (formerly Gary the freshman), and this one guy who is too old to take by one year.

Then, Rebekka had an epiphany. I should take our reluctant hipster friend. Like a good wingwoman she texted him the details and we both awaited anxiously for a response.

He replied first with a “why?” and then with “dammit” because the unthinkable had happened. A slinky sophomore from his algebra class had asked if she could go to prom with him.

The nerve!

The guy of course, not wanting to be dateless said yes.

And the reason why I’m so enraged is because she went to prom last year AS A FRESHMAN. (and if I remember correctly Natalie’s friend went through a similar situation last year)

Needless to say, Rebekka talked him into dumping her, but I’m not going to hold my breath or anything. I mean, he might not have the balls to take back the invitation. She’s just using him! ALSDKJFDSHSJK.

I’m just stressed because it’s crunch time. I mean, my prom is at the end of March, which is a mere few months away. All I want are some happy high school memories, dammit!

On the bright side, I now have this nifty bowl that I painted to match my Ravenclaw tile. It says “Quidditch Is Life” on it, and it has a cool little slot that holds chopsticks. So far I’ve eaten strawberries and banana pudding out of it (respectively).

Sorry for being so melodramatic and catty lately. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a female.

It happens

2012-01-13T22:37:00.003-07:00

You know that awkward moment when someone is talking about you, and you just happen to overhear it.

Yeah.

That didn't happen to me.

Because I didn't "happen to overhear it" I was literally 4FT AWAY from the bitch, in PLAIN SIGHT.

So. This morning I went into the senior art room to do some much needed matting and framing for my pieces that I'm taking to competition. In fact, 9/10 times, unless I have to finish a lab for AP Enviro or make observations, I'm in the art room at 7:30 am until class starts.

Today was nothing different, I showed up at 7:25, put a mix CD on and got to work cutting matte board. No one was in the room. Oblivious, I'm jamming out to "What You Waiting For?" by Gwen Stefani when I hear the door open. About this time is when this one techy guy and his non-art girlfriend come in, and this isn't too different either because they usually come in a few minutes after me to sit there and chill.

And I say non-art because to my knowledge she hasn't taken an art class from my teacher and is only in AP Art History with me. I don't know. I just haven't really been impressed by her because she does poorly in AP and never turns in her work or projects on time, and when she does they aren't done too well. I don't now. Maybe I'm just saying this because I resent her after what happened, but I DIGRESS.

I do my best not to interject on their conversations, even though sometimes I want to be all "Actually, no," and yes, I know how pretentious that makes me. But again I digress.

They were chit-chatting it up when all of a sudden she verbatim (because I never forget things that verbally insult me):

"I don't really like the colors Lizzi used in her piece. It's like, there's not enough of them. I don't really like it."

And then her boyfriend awkwardly said, "Er, Derpette, Lizzi is right there...."

I whipped around so fast there was an audible flutter of papers behind me.

Internally I was all like, "BITCH PLEASE, AT LEAST I LOOK LIKE I COMBED MY HAIR THIS MORNING."

Externally I was all like, "Well, I only started painting it this week (Tuesday to be exact) and I haven't started putting in all the colors yet. What you're seeing is the first layer that's kind of a placeholder. But yeah. It's no where near finished. In fact, it's probably going to take a good week for me to finish it."

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't all peaches and cream about it. I made her feel thoroughly AWKWARD. Bitch. She tried to explain herself, but I was like NO, BITCH DON'T TRASH MY WORK IN PROGRESS. And I told her that if she had seen my previous work (which is all over the senior room) she would have known that I was NO WHERE near finished.

Later that day I apologized to her boyfriend for it being awkward that morning, and he said it was cool, because stuff like that happens. He even joked that he did the same thing a few years ago to this guy Jake who was innocently looking at his own art when walked up and said "Man, that piece looks kind of awful." IT HAPPENS.

And he and Derpette are perfect for each other.

And ok, I've put my foot in my mouth as well, but whenever I'm going to trash someone/something I AT LEAST CHECK THE ROOM TO SEE IF THEY'RE IN LISTENING RANGE. That, or I whisper or write a note. DUMB.

Art

2012-01-08T20:05:00.010-07:00

So, for those of you who have been reading my blog for a while I'm sure you've heard me ramble about my senior AP portfolio where I have to have 12 breadth pieces and 12 concentration pieces. Well, here are my concentration pieces, in order of completion. My theme is prepositional phrases. It's a bit different than what most people do, but I didn't want to be ambiguous or too "deep". I wanted my theme to be something simple and self explanatory. I think if you click on the images you can view them larger, but I don't know if that depends on browser type or not.

1.Behind the Camera - watercolor & ink

2. On Top of - watercolor & ink

3. At the Party - watercolor & ink

4. Amid Others - watercolor

5. Reflected in - watercolor

6. About to - watercolor

7. Looking Inside of ---Ok, so this one isn't exactly finished... In fact I just started it, but my target deadline is to have it finished at the beginning of February since it's pretty big.

All of my pieces (I'm proud to say) are 15x20 inches or larger. It makes me feel smug to work this large. If I were working in oils or acrylic I would probably try to do something of epic proportions, but since I'm primarily working in water color I can't bring myself to work larger than 36x26.

Out of the above I'm taking 1, 4, 6, a conte crayon drawing, and my oil painting (from last year, which can be seen below) to the senior symposium at a local college, and then 6 and perhaps 2 (depending on whether or not I finish 7) to VASE competition.

But yeah. Balancing art, my AP homework and projects, and studying for my academic competitions (which I placed at this weekend!) is why I no longer have time to wax philosophic on my blog... Not that I did much of that anyways. :P

A lot of the people in my pieces are friends and people that I know IRL, but if you guys have a cool idea or concept for a prepositional phrase I should do, drop me a line because my creative juices are starting to run dry. Or if you guys want to be IN my concentration and you have an awesome reference picture of yourself that'd be cool as well :)

HOW YOU GUYS DOIN'?

Guess what.

2012-01-04T19:08:00.002-07:00

Guys.

Next month I'll be participating in TWO art competitions. Speaking of which, I've been meaning to post pictures of my art... Oops. I'll get around to it eventually.

March I'll be seeing Young the Giant and Grouplove in concert!

Also prom is in March...

And then in April I'll be going down to good ole' ATX (Austin, Texas for my non-stateside friends) for a weekend of tomfoolery, good food, and college peeps.

I'M SO EXCITED.

New Year's related

2011-12-31T13:48:00.006-07:00

I made more cookies guys!!

Also, I've started knitting a red scarf for my stepmom.

I've been so productive (not really). I still have 2 group projects to work on for school and I haven't touched either of them :/

Needless to say after I finish this blog post that's what I'll be doing.

As far as resolutions go I've already fulfilled what I would have pledged to do anyways (drink at least 3 bottles of water a day and start a new functional hobby). Instead I've decided to compose a list of things that I need to acquire before I go to college:

-A new winter coat (since mine was stolen)

-A hair dryer

-A small, but sturdy bookshelf

-A bank account (sad that I don't already have one... then again I always have cash handy)

-A tiny umbrella that I can fit in my purse

-A laptop

-More art supplies (watercolors, acrylics, charcoal--- you know, the basics)

And that's just the tip of the iceberg, but for now it's a start.

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!

Knitting!

2011-12-30T00:12:00.006-07:00

Guys. I've found my new thing. Knitting.

And before you mock me for being an "old lady" like many of my family members, think about how awesomely functional it is. For those friends that are hard to buy for? I can now knit them a gift. Not to mention if I ever need a sweater, I no longer have to shop around for the 'perfect' one.

I'm no expert or anything, but I've managed to knit myself an infinity scarf over the past few days. Hopefully I'll eventually be able to make something awesome like this, that Eeshie suggested. Tomorrow I'm going to buy more yarn so that I can feed my knitting habit. Sadly, I was given a book for Christmas about knitting, but I'm a bit slow so I've had to resort to watching youtube tutorial videos in order to learn techniques. BUT, I knit on!

Guys. Really. You'll never be cold and lonely if you knit. And not just because you can knit yourself dolls and scarves to keep yourself warm. It's because people feel really special when stuff is made for them so they'll at least pretend to be your friend in order to get some mittens out of the relationship.

Just kidding.

Knitting is awesome though. Err'body should do it. It's better than drugs.... At least I would hope so.

Ok. I'm going to bed.

Still sick

2011-12-27T12:31:00.002-07:00

Christmas has gone and passed this year and I have to say that gift wise, this Christmas was awesome.

Other wise, it's been a little crummy.

I still have the flu (the worst has past though) and my sister has come down with the chicken pox.

HOORAY.

Not really.

I have a pile of homework that I have yet to touch...

And I have no idea how everything is getting done.

On the bright side, I've started knitting! Yay!

2 days till

2011-12-23T12:20:00.005-07:00

I’m obsessed guys. I’m obsessed with making origami hearts out of dollar bills.

And thanks to the recent influx of cash from MY FIRST EVER PHOTO GIG I’ve been able to feed my habit. Let’s start at the beginning. Last Wednesday my yearbook adviser asked if I was going to be free over the weekend. I, being the lazy, awkward social pariah that I am said “No, not really,” with flippant shrug. It’s a good thing that I wasn't busy because she had already volunteered me to take pictures at the wedding of the daughter of a registrar at our school. When I met with Mrs. So n’ So she was a busy blur. She briefed me: I needed to take reception pictures at their venue from 2:30 to 4:30 and I would be paid $50.

I had to keep my eyes from jumping out of their sockets I was so excited. I asked if my sister could tag along to help and she agreed that it would be better with two photographers there. She bought the cards that we needed for our DSLR cameras and last Saturday I spent my afternoon acting like a professional, trying to capture intimate happy exchanges between the guests at the wedding. Since I am inwardly a creeper this was the perfect job for me. Also, there was probably around 200-300 guests there.

My principal was there and she was very impressed with my work ethic.

I was a bit stressed because there were people from my school there and I felt a bit like an outsider, but then I remembered that I was there to work, and not there to avoid socializing with people that I don’t really mesh well with. Once I got over myself I ended up having a lot of fun.

The bridal photographer seemed a little miffed that my sister and I were there and every now and then I would catch him glaring at me, but I got over that too. I was hired to take pictures of the guests, not the bride. I was NOT encroaching on his territory. I mean, he was probably being paid 10x what I was getting paid so I don’t really know why he had his panties in a twist.

I ended up spending a generous portion of my money on Christmas gifts for other people, but I like seeing people’s face’s light up when they open gifts, so I’m kind of glad that I’m back where I started: broke.

Well, not completely broke….

December 22

2011-12-22T21:29:00.005-07:00

I have been baking and making goodies for most of Christmas break. My house smells like the Keebler elf factory.

Today I had a secret santa gift exchange with five other friends at Panda Express and it was pretty awesome. My friend Madelyne (who is starting a blog!) made me an awesome Ravenclaw tile and bought me an awesome camera lens cup!

I liked the fact that our exchange was small and intimate because we were all able to pick out the perfect gifts for each other.

On another note, I still can’t believe that Christmas is only a few days away. The weather has been so sporadic in Texas that it makes it hard to even think that it’s Christmastime. Not to mention there’s been a lot of drama surrounding a nativity scene in a town nearby mine and it’s honestly really stupid. Some people in Wisconsin or something want them to remove the scene from the court house lawn due to the fact that it melds church and state.

As someone who is passively religious, I could care less if it was a Menorah, Nativity Scene, or a reindeer taking a huge crap on the lawn. Personally I find all holiday decorations beautiful and I think it’s pointless to throw such a big fit over something so little. I understand we have a freedom of religion clause in our US constitution, but instead of eliminating the representation of a certain religion I think we should foster equal representation. Also, Texas (and anywhere south of the Mason Dixon line) is going to be SUPER Christian. There’s no getting around it. I don’t know.

I guess I should step down off my soapbox and retire to bed.

Did I mention that I’m sick? I managed to stay healthy while at school, but as soon as I get home I end up catching something from my little brother (who has pneumonia). Needless to say I’ll be taking a hefty dose of Nyquil and be sleeping with the Vicks humidifier on tonight.
Cheers.

I’m not dead!

2011-12-20T23:34:00.000-07:00

Hooray!
No, but for realz. Almost every time I managed to find a bit of spare time to blog I ended up having something come up.

Things I have wanted to blog about:
-My second experience giving blood
-Art world BS
-MY BIRTHDAY. (I’m legal y’all!)
-College stress

Reasons why I haven’t been able to blog:
-I’ve been volunteering at various Christmas things for the past few weekends
-Last minute cram sessions for tests
-Scholarship deadlines
-Parties
-Christmas shopping
-My dad needed me to take screenshots of 550 (yes FIVE HUNDRED FIFTY) pages and then crop them and email them to him in increments of 50
-I’ve been busy in the kitchen making Christmas goodies

And I so missed being able to write about my day and vent everything that I’ve been bottling up for the past MONTH. So, to combat this awful crime of an unwanted hiatus I am scheduling 30 minutes of blog time. Every day. Of course, this is easier said than done so we’ll see how it goes.
I MISSED BLOGGING.

Rage

2011-11-28T17:31:00.004-07:00

My cat is attempting to lay on my keyboard and it's making it incredibly hard for me to type and procrastinate about doing my AP study questions for Macbeth.

But, I need to inform the world about the travesty that is my yearbook staff. In fact, I don't even consider most of them staffers. Yes, that is how bad they are.

They refuse to take ANY initiative whatsoever, and then complain when they have no material to work with.

Ok. They are given a spread to complete. Usually it's something non ambiguous like a club page or student page (history, art, science, pep rally, homecoming, etc.). As the person in charge of that spread/page it's their responsibility to 1)write the story for their page 2)take or request that pictures be taken for their spread 3)write captions for their spread 4)interview or request for someone to interview students for their page AND FINALLY 5)make sure that everything is done BEFORE or AT deadline.

Honestly I wouldn't be upset if they weren't playing games during class, doing other homework, and just acting like incompetent children.

Is it that hard to look in the photo folder (that is sorted by month and week) to find pictures for their page? Is it that hard to ask me or the other editor to help them with their story? Is it that hard to ask the class if someone can cover an event?

I understand people have jobs and extracurricular activities. I understand. I'm a leader in many things around the school, not to mention all of my AP classes. I UNDERSTAND things get hectic and sometimes it seems that there's not enough time, but I promise THERE IS.

Would I be blogging if I didn't think I was going to be able to finish my Macbeth assignment before tomorrow? No.

I just wish they would use their time in class and just work on their page throughout the time it's assigned to them instead of waiting A WEEK before deadline to start ANYTHING.

It's gotten to the point where I meet with each staffer individually to see their progress. I have a handful of good ones that do their job and do good work, but they don't make up for the lazy/incompetent ones that don't. Also, I'm an editor. Which means I have to multitask and work on 935786y397 things at once. I don't have time to hold someone's hand for 10 minutes, literally standing over their shoulder making sure they're working and being productive. Today I was working on 3 different pages and helping the staffers AND still managed to get stuff done.

It's gotten to the point where if I can't deal with a staffer (because they're acting like a dumbass) I just let the other editor Ashley deal with them.

Jeez. If I hear ONE complaint from someone concerning me I will blow a gasket. I just want to be all, "BITCH, I'm the E-D-I-T-O-R. Ashley, and I CONTROL your grades. " Seriously. I gave a few of them 70s and 80s because they had nothing done. And that's only because our supervisor refused to let us fail them. This is how I feel 85% of the time dealing with them:

Ah well. Only 3 weeks until Christmas break... Then I don't have to see their lazy faces until January. Sometimes I wish I could clone Ashley and myself so we could do the book by ourselves.

Thanksgiving recap

2011-11-25T18:20:00.007-07:00

Oh dear.
It’s been a while hasn’t it?
I guess I should start at the beginning.

Field Trip
My AP Art History class took a trip up to Dallas to visit the Nasher Sculpture Center and the Dallas Museum of Fine Art. I thoroughly enjoyed the sculpture center, and even though this guy:

…wasn’t our docent I still found everything highly interesting. Now at the Dallas Museum… oh man. Our docent led tour was only supposed to be 40 minutes, but it lasted over an hour and a half and we had only seen FIVE pieces of art. FIVE. Finally for the last 30 minutes we got to roam around on our own, but I really wished I hadn’t wasted an hour and a half of my time to “study” (we honestly knew more about the art than our docent) FIVE pieces of art.

Luckily, our teacher said that when we go back in the spring she’ll let us roam on our own.

Thanksgiving break

A week of pure bliss. I can honestly say that I have done very little of my loads of homework. I should probably be doing that now…

On Monday I volunteered at my town’s Thanksgiving food drive.

Then Tuesday I started my 3 day Thanksgiving extravaganza at my stepmom’s parents’ house. We had thanksgiving lunch there and I stuffed myself full of meat and bread. Then the next day we decorated for Christmas. Thursday my family and I went to my grandma’s house and had Thanksgiving lunch and dinner. My aunt trimmed my hair (no more unsightly split ends!) and my parents got another reminder of what well behaved children my siblings and I are compared to my cousins.

Later that day I got to meet Bernice, the woman who practically raised my dad. She was my grandparent’s housekeeper for the majority of my dad and uncle’s childhood. She’s 81 and lives on a dilapidated piece of land literally out in the ‘boondocks’ of east Texas. My grandma said that my dad spent more time at Bernice's house than they did at their own grandmother's house. I can't blame them. Nanny was mean.

Me, looking aloof. This was Bernice's old house that is pretty much in shambles now. She lives right next to in double wide trailer.

I hate to sound cynical, but to my family, it seems that Thanksgiving is just another excuse to cook and gossip about each other. Not that I’m not thankful for everything, but that’s just the vibe my family gives off.

Since I didn't see my mom for Thanksgiving I sent her a message over facebook wishing her a happy Thanksgiving. Instead of a “you too!” or “thank you!” I received a “make sure you cleanse yourself with plenty of water from all the food you ate. Make sure your sisters are washing their faces and brushing their teeth too.” But I guess that’s my mom’s way of showing that she cares.

So here I am now:I should really be doing some homework.

Something to brighten your week

2011-11-14T20:21:00.003-07:00

Things that are stressing me:

Prom being in March
Finding a date to Prom
Christmas shopping
Plans for my birthday
Keeping my grades up and weaseling my way up another 3 or 4 spots in rank so that I'm in the top 10% for sure (I have to be at least 25-30)

Things that make me happy:

My cat drinking out of our faucets and literally throwing tennis balls at our walls
Not having a lot of AP work in English (I'll have to read Macbeth over Thanksgiving though)
Thanksgiving
Getting things in the mail, and sending mail out
Field trips and wearing dresses

Where has the time gone?

2011-11-13T18:32:00.003-07:00

So...

I've been avoiding the computer.

I'm scared to check my email because I honestly haven't touched it in a week.

I lost the hard copy of my college essay which I wrote on a friend's computer, and he had to wipe his computer clean so it no longer exists.

Plus I'm so burnt out on staring at a computer for yearbook that all I want to do when I get home is watch Iron Chef or a random movie, but I can't. Because I have homework. And I've been overcome with the need to spend time with my little brother.

So...

Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things soon. I'm going on yet another field trip Thursday to the Dallas art museums and I'm hoping that after that I can find time to write, send out letters, and start planning a secret Santa exchange.

I have to admit though, due to Facebook I don't really feel like I'm neglecting my blogger friends :)

*Edit: I've sent in a college app. I can't handle this. I feel happy, but nervous.

Also, if you have time visit this site!

"Just because boys kiss you doesn't mean they like you."

2011-11-04T22:22:00.003-06:00

The above is some sage advice from one of my college friends.

I was talking with her at a football game Friday and I was just asking her about her classes and whatnot when my friend Hang walks up and sits down next to us.

Hang is awesome, but as soon as she sat down the conversation veered from academics and professors to boys. And girls. And the fun stuff that you can do in college.

As my college friend divulged her various exploits we all leaned in and ooh-ed and awe-ed in jealousy and fascination at her experiences, even if they were cringe-worthy (and some of them really were).

After perhaps 10 minutes of chitchatting the woman in front of us turns around, her face contorted in distaste and said, "You need to turn the smut down. It's starting to get really bad."

And we were all like:

And my friend was like, "Okkkaaaayyyy." And we promptly moved to the colder, remote part of the football stand that only the "cool" 13 year olds and pot heads sit at.

Honestly, if she didn't want to hear anything offensive she shouldn't have sat in the student section. Also, after a few minutes of observation I realized that her son was a band student. Why is this observation important?

I don't think she realizes the amount of "smut" that her son engages in that is actually a million times worse than anything she heard while eavesdropping on our conversation.

What makes it even funnier is the fact that my friend didn't even say anything that explicit other than the fact that frat guys get pretty rowdy.... The really explicit stuff she mimed. And unless that lady had eyes in the back of her head then I doubt she really had any reason to scold.

Worry

2011-11-02T20:42:00.000-06:00

I think one of my friends may be bipolar or schizophrenic. And I’m not jumping to conclusions or anything. Year after year I’ve watched her slip deeper and deeper into her mental state and I’m honestly worried about her.

She’s been diagnosed with anxiety problems, but I think it’s more than that. I have anxiety, and whenever I get really bad I shut down and want to cry. I don’t want anyone to talk to me, touch me, or even look at me. She gets argumentative. She can go from loving a person and thinking that they’re awesome to loathing them because they merely expressed worry about her. She thinks that people are constantly out to get her and she can’t handle everyday situations like stress, deadlines, minor confrontations, or multitasking. She’s not empathetic towards others, which makes them feel frustrated towards her.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want her to hate me, but I also want her to get help. Maybe I should suggest she talk to a therapist/psychiatrist so she could vent to someone other than her friends? Would that be pushing it?

Because when she’s happy she’s great, but once she gets upset she gets violent and has uncontrollable anger. I’m worried about her.

Falling behind.

2011-10-29T22:32:00.012-06:00

I have two tests that I need make up from Friday. Plus a ton of extra homework and studying that I've put off because it's Halloween week and I'm swamped. Taking a college trip Friday to a college that I'm not even considering going to was a bit dumb, but saying no to a free day is like saying no to --- to... I don't know. I can't even think right now.

I made a 99 on my Environmental Science test (without doing outlines for bonus points!), but I'm worried about our quiz on Tuesday. Ugh. All I can think about is my research paper due Monday that I have yet to write, my test that I'm going to take Monday morning in government, and the test that I'm going to have to make up in my math class.

All I want to do is go to art school and paint and eat Subway. Ugh. I can do it. I can catch up.

I just want Halloween to be over with. And I want it to be Thanksgiving break so that I can have a week to sleep in and cuddle with my cat. Not that I don't waste enough time doing that now, but it'd be nice to do so without feeling guilty that I'm not doing more important things.

Anyways, here are some pictures of me having fun.

All the other pictures are pretty self explanatory aside from this grouping. There was this guy at the college who was so was so aware of his coolness he felt the need to roll around campus on his extra long longboard. As we walked around I saw him in various locations and I couldn't help but snap some pictures because I'm weird. And I like to take pictures.

Q&A video! #2

2011-10-28T05:16:00.003-06:00

Ok. This took me forever. But now it's done. :D

Oh, and sorry for the bad camera holding. I was using a flip.

Short Interruption

2011-10-25T20:06:00.002-06:00

I'm working on the Q&A right now, and I have the majority of it filmed, but I have TWO major tests this week so I haven't really had any time to walk down to the cemetary to film or anything... Eh.

ANYWAYS, my friend Austin who goes to UT Austin arranged Judas by Lady Gaga for the bell tower chime things (I have no idea what they're actually called) and got to play it! Mad props to him because that is probably the hardest song to do for the bell tower.

Update, and Q&A

2011-10-19T18:53:00.008-06:00

LOOK GUYS I'VE BEEN HAVING FUN!

I've been studying, field tripping, and family reunioning it up. Plus tons of other stuff, but I'm a bit short on time so I won't write about it. Long story short: I've had a fun/bad day that culminated in grouchiness, October thus far has been insane and I'm literally working project to project, and the only thing I'm ahead in is my studio art portfolio, my little sister (who is a freshman) is a bitch, and I'm still making a B in government.

ANYWAYS, I promised a video for October, and a grand total of 5 people voted in my poll and 3 voted for me to do another Q&A. A promise is a promise. Last time I ended up answering a ton of questions so I'm going to limit it to two questions per person. For the list of stuff I already answered, read these comments, and just in case you didn't see the video it's here.

I've decided to film in random locations, and in the spirit of Halloween I've decided for one of the scenes I'm going to film in the cemetery that's at the end of my road. Literally. I live down the street from a cemetery.

So.... Ask away!

Making Time

2011-10-12T20:06:00.010-06:00

I officially hate myself for procrastinating. What is wrong with me?

Usually at this point in the week I’m ahead in my homework, but I find myself just barely on task. And I find myself wasting time due to my inability to focus. I tried reading for AP Art History and I had to re-read a paragraph 3 times before I knew what was going on. Any work that can be pushed off until the weekend doesn't get done until then. Gah.

And I’m stressing myself out because I’m going to be missing A LOT of class in the next few months because of field trips that are mostly mandatory.

Today I took a deep breath and relaxed by painting pottery at The Mud Hut; a little pottery place owned by my friend Madelyn’s family. I went with my friend Andria, who needed to do some relaxing as well. I keep hearing all this drama that’s going on with boyfriends, friends, enemies, and even though I have absolutely no part in it I can’t help but feel stressed out by that too.

My friends have already started talking about Prom dates even though prom isn’t until May. That stresses me out too. I refuse to actually ask I guy (for multiple reasons that I will explain later) and the guys that I would even want to take have recently turned 21, which is one year over the age limit :/.

All this stress is not pretty. See this face?

It’s not a happy, cute, “Hey you should ask me to prom!” face.

Anyways, here are some pictures because I feel bad for not being able to blog as often.

The Mud Hut!This is the mug that I painted for my stepmom's birthday, which is Sunday. It has a dragonfly for each person in our family. I'm excited to see what it'll look like once it's fired in the kiln!

I can't wait to see what my tile will look like once it's glazed :3

IT RAINED. What is this magical liquid falling from the sky?

Owl Nails! I put my own twist on them though.

My friend Rebekka made me a flower out of a kneaded eraser!

So much has happened.

2011-10-09T12:40:00.004-06:00

At this point I'm past explaining the lack of blogging that I've been doing. I've been caught up in a whirlwind of homework, tests, football games, volunteering, and whatnot.

I finally got my report card on Friday and I only had 1 B and it was in AP Government. -.- Le sigh. That class does not sit well with me. I love the teacher, the discussions, and (most) of the people in my class, but for some reason I do horribly on all of the quizzes in there. I make As and Bs on the tests but since each quiz is equivalent to half of a test my grades aren't as good in the class as I'd want them to be. Oh well. I made all As in my other classes.

This past week was homecoming week, so I was at my wit's end trying to study for my FIVE tests whilst writing papers, making a brochure, doing yearbook stuff--- all while trying to have a sliver of a social life.

Luckily my non-AP friends have begrudgingly started to understand that I'm not trying to blow them off, I just have a lot on my plate right now.

Yesterday I volunteered at a Christmas (yes, I know it's only October!) merchandising event and I had the pleasure of working with the sweetest old ladies on the face of the planet. They made me feel so happy. Almost all of them were retired, or close to retiring and I was amazed at how sociable and active they were! They gave me great advice on a plethora of things ranging from men, to travelling, and even jobs. Gah, when I get old I want to be awesome like them. Also yesterday I went cat hunting with my stepmom and little brother.

We went to four different places before we went to the animal shelter where we found Tom (who was originally named Spunky O.O) who is a 9 month old grey kitty with white markings!

He's so sweet, and he loves to cuddle and be held. I'm so glad that my dad FINALLY let us get a cat after literally YEARS of begging. It's only been a day and I'm completely sold on cats. They're low maintenance, do their business in a box, and aren't as dependent as dogs.

Right now I just want it to be Thanksgiving break. I'm tired of waking up at 5am, doing homework, and not being able to have time to even eat lunch on certain days because I'm studying or doing other school stuff. UGH. Oh well, at least I have a sweet kitty to come home to!

p.s. I'm trying to catch up on everyone's blogs, and I've already compiled 9 songs that I FOR SURE want to put on my fall CD for the CD exchange :)

September progress report

2011-09-30T17:14:00.009-06:00

I'm ALMOST in the top 10%. I'm ranked 30 out of 288. Yes. That's right. I only have to jump up a few more spots and I'm IN. Once I'm in scholarships moneyz will start rolling in and I'll be set. Also, some colleges do automatic acception if you're in the top 10%.
I'm in LOVE with our blogger family group on Facebook. It almost sort of makes up for the fact that I can rarely blog during weekdays anymore.
I made a 99 on my AP English project and a 100 on my AP Environment project. At the rate I'm going at now I should be able to weasel my way into the top 10%. A lot of AP kids are either failing, or making substandard grades, so I feel pretty confident. Is is wrong that I like that they're not doing as well as me? Does that make me evil? Or a bad person? Pfffttt... Who am I kidding, I really need the scholarship money.
Now that it's the weekend I can finally watch TV! I think I average a grand total of 2 hours during the week? However, my weekends have begun disappearing on me because of homework and other school stuff.
This has brought me so.much.joy.
My friends. Let me introduce you to Lensbaby. It's amazing. It's wonderful. I LOVE MANUALLY CHANGING THE APERTURE. For everyone that could care less about cameras, it's pretty much just a specialty lens that allows you to take pictures with cool focal effects that you usually have to get through Photoshop nowadays. Here are some sample pictures that I took at a football game last night.

Oh. And that's me. Hugging my TV because the new episode of Doctor Who was on.

Anywho. September was nice. October will be hectic. On Monday I have an Art Club meeting after school that will last until 4:30ish that I have to preside over because I'm president, and then a Z-club meeting at 5:30. Then I have to go home, make cupcakes, and get ready for Tuesday which is my school's homecoming carnival, meaning that Tuesday night is completely blown.

I'm really hoping that none of my teachers assign homework because it's probably not going to be done. By anyone. Because the entire school will be in 'homecoming' mode.

So far I've been so swamped with homework that I haven't had time to blog, or catch up on blogs. But that's what weekends are for.

Speedos are awkward

2011-09-24T21:23:00.003-06:00

Oh my goodness. Please, for the love of everything decent in the universe--- if you're a guy just don't. Don't ever wear a speedo in the presence of a female. Never ever. Unless you have the body of a Greek god (and let's not try and be delusional fellas. There's a reason why Hollister didn't hire you as a model).

Anyways, I woke up early this Saturday to take pictures at my school's invitational swim meet and I nearly had a heart attack when I discovered that EVERY guy on the swim team sans one donned a Speedo. Not to be rude or mean, but I don't think my eyes will ever be able to recover. Ever.

I did have fun taking pictures though. Out of the bazillion that I took this one is probably one of my favorites that I can post. I didn't want to use any that showed anyone's face, or one that we could potentially use in the yearbook.

I had a HUGE Sigma 100-300mm lens and I used a Canon EOS 60D so I felt a little overwhelmed by the equipment, but after a while I got used to the massive weight of the lens juxtaposed by the lightness of the camera itself. I'm really trying my best to learn more about cameras and whatnot, but I get confused really easily, especially when people start talking about ISOs and f-stops, whatever those are. Pfft, honestly I just mess around until stuff starts to look good.

The only thing I had an issue with was actually capturing pictures of the swimmers, in motion, with a recognizable face. You have no idea how hard that is. In yearbook we have to use pictures that show recognizable facial features, which at times can be very limiting. Ah, well I managed to get some decent pictures and I'm sure I'll have the opportunity to get more seeing as this is only the first swim meet of the season (does swim even have a season?).

Anyways, this was just a little update/quasi public service announcement about speedos.

On another note, class ranks have been sent out and I'm a little frazzled. My parents have yet to check the P.O. Box so I'm a little anxious to see if I've gone up or down. Regardless, I know the rank will be slightly inaccurate because of all the people who have dropped AP at the beginning this year... GAH. I NEED TO KNOW MY RANK. I need to know if I've clawed my way up from the top 15% of my class....

Time to take off the band-aid

2011-09-21T19:39:00.009-06:00

While I've had a plethora of things to blog about, I seem to have lacked time to actually write anything out.

I'll get the bad things out of the way first.

1) I no longer have my dog Bear. My dad took him to the animal shelter just a few hours ago because he'd finally lost his patience. We literally could not leave the house because my dog had so much anxiety he would destroy everything. Just last week we left the house for 20 minutes and he had managed to get a bottle of Aspirin off the kitchen counter top and chewed through the bottle and ate all the pills. Luckily he puked them up, but still. He's ruined the mini blinds and door in our main bathroom and has destroyed A LOT of my belongings. Let's just say I had more patience than my dad and the only reason we had him so long was because I refused to let my dad give him away.

2) A friend of mine recently found out that this guy she had been seeing had been arrested. He didn't tell her why at first, but apparently it was because he was in possession of drugs. And he lied to my friend. And she's in a really fragile emotional state. And I really want to punch him in the face because this isn't the first time he's made her cry so hard that she can't even come to school the next day. I'm hoping that once he goes to rehab he'll clean up, but I'm not too optimistic. I just hope my friend will end things with him, despite how strongly she feels towards him. :(

On the bright side, my parents have decided to let me get a kitten. I've always wanted a cat. My grandmother has threatened to stop visiting if we get a cat. (yessssssss!) I'm sure she'll visit regardless.

Also I ate some yummy Vietnamese food with some friends of mine today after school and we made this video for my friend Kenneth who HATES it when people say "NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM".

It was kind of awkward because I felt like my friend Hang was trying to hook me up with this one guy... Eh... I don't know. It was weird, but luckily he left a little early so it wasn't too bad.

I feel like I should post some pictures.

This guy is too big for this tiny car.

Now you guys can prank call this place. They speak really good Engrish.

Yes. I look very attractive mid-stuffing my face. NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM.

Yummy!!

Anyways, I've got AP Gov homework to study!

2011-09-17T20:58:00.004-06:00

I'm not going to lie. Going out for a drive at midnight and forgetting that I have school in the morning scares me. As far as taking risks go, I sleep without a bra and eat my steaks medium rare.

Having fun right now consists of watching Doctor Who on Saturdays (and just a lot of TV that I missed during the week) and making shrinky dinks and pop up cards. I don't care if I sound like your granny. I don't care that I go to sleep at 10 p.m. every night, which is earlier than when your granny goes to bed.

Once I am FOR SURE accepted into a university I'll begin to relax and be haphazard. Right now I'm currently panicking because I've been trying to apply online to this one uni but their website keeps saying there is a system error. FFFing FIX IT ALREADY I NEED TO APPLY BEFORE THE EARLY DECISION DEADLINE IS UP.

I promise I will relax and breath. I already have two parties on my agenda, one being a post art competition party in February (to celebrate winning/losing) and a HUGE graduation party that this guy Kenne is throwing. There's going to be an mechanical bull, most likely live music, cheap pizza, and a myriad of red party cups and foggy rooms. Did I mention he has a macaw? If that's not a party then I don't know what is. Oh and I forgot about the after after prom party that is going to be at a friend's lake house (how american pie of us :P).

See? All of my hard studying will be rewarded with copious partying. Now all I need to do is make sure I don't die under the pressure of my mountain of homework that I am trying to ignore right now. Ugh. I REALLY could use a functioning time turner. This plastic one just isn't doing it.

Understanding

2011-09-16T16:29:00.003-06:00

I hate that my non-AP friends don’t understand what I’m going through. Whenever I tell them that I have a lot of homework, or that I’m stressed about my classes all they say is “that sucks” and just laugh. Sometimes they just tell me to quit AP since I’m so stressed.

No. I’m not quitting AP. The only way I won’t be in an AP class is if the teacher throws me out themself (which my AP Govt. teacher is currently doing to a lot of people because she’s hell-bent on expelling everyone that she thinks won’t make a 3 or higher on the AP exam). It’s not that I need these classes per se, but the point of taking the classes is to adequately prepare myself for a rigorous college workload.

If I quit AP then who’s to say I won’t quit classes when I get into college because they stress me out?

Is a little understanding too much to ask for?

Now, I’m not saying everyone is like this. However the people who are like that really annoy me. Like my grandma (you know, the one that ALWAYS comes over). When she heard about my course load she said “Well, you must not have taken all of your hard classes first.”

Well damn. I’ve done nothing BUT taken hard classes (sans math, which is hard enough for me without being an honors class).

I don’t know. I just want people to be aware that my occasional panic attacks, crazy antics, and pained expressions aren’t because I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I’m making a big deal out of MY FFFing EDUCATION, meaning: I’m trying to start on the right path so I can eventually live my ideals.

“Being realistic is the most common path to mediocrity.”
― Will Smith

5 Minutes

2011-09-15T19:44:00.001-06:00

Ok so I’ve allotted myself about 5 minutes to blog, so this’ll just be really quick!

1. I have a massive eco-column project going on in Environmental Science, but luckily I have a super awesome group to work with. It’s very rigorous (the project) and is going to consume about 2-3 months of my life. FUN FUN. I’ll post pictures when we assemble it because it’s going to look awesome! I feel confident because I feel like I actually know what I’m doing. Also I MADE A 101% on the first test! I was scared because a lot of people failed, but I managed to make one of the highest grades in the class!

2. In AP English I just finished yet another group project and I think it turned out well. We had to write a children’s book and my group’s was about a pig named Sebastian who wanted to fly. I probably post pictures of that later too :P They’re too cute not to share!

3. AP Govt. is not my friend. I’m close to loathing that class. Like, really close.

4. I joined an AP student union. I can’t say anything else because I signed a confidentiality agreement :/

5. I’m ahead in my AP Studio Art portfolio assignments! Yay!

There’s been a lot of drama going on this week as well, but I’m just not going to dwell on it for now.

Adventures in volunteering

2011-09-11T14:49:00.006-06:00

You guys know how I am. I'm a sucker for civil service and whatnot. However instead of my usual hours being dedicated to the public library or random school events I decided to do something a little out of the norm and volunteer to help out at a concert.

I'm part of a female volunteer organization for my school and most of the time we just help out at food kitchens or play bingo with the elderly, so you can imagine my excitement whenever we get to do something different.

The bands that were at the concert were on the Music With A Mission Tour, and if you can't already tell by the tour name it was just a bunch of Christian bands.... yeah. I don't really listen to that much Christian music... in fact the only Christian band I ever listened to was Reliant K, and I honestly didn't know they were Christian until I wikipedia-ed them a year after buying a handful of their songs on iTunes. In the 6th grade.

I guess my lack of interest can be summed up by my confusion. Do they sing about Christian things, or do they just sing in a Christian way? Or both? I don't know. The local bands in my area are 95% screamo and claim to be Christian (whilst citing Slipknot and Pantera as their musical influences on their Facebook pages) so you can understand my confusion. Not that I'm hating on Christian, or screamo music... I just prefer to listen to other things.... Gah. I'm just digging myself into a hole.

Anyways, we were guaranteed a free t-shirt and we could watch the show as long as we made sure there was always at least one person at the merch table. I let the girl I was working with watch as much of the show that she wanted. She seemed more excited than I was about everything. Towards the end when Hawk Nelson was playing I went in and watched a few songs. Their light show was awesome.

You can't really tell in this picture though... Their letters lit up all multicolored at one point, and they had strobe lights going off sporadically.

My friend Amy used my camera to take these pictures. For their encore performance they came out dressed like Journey and sang Don't Stop Believing.

I was a merch monkey for the band Superchick and I had a lot of fun despite it being a little stressful. They had one of the busiest tables aside from Hawk Nelson, but I like selling stuff to people so it was cool. The merch manager was really nice, and a complete hipster dreamboat. As I was chatting with him I found out that he 1) had no idea what day it was 2) was the fill in bassist 3)hadn't showered in a while and 4)thought my little town was pretty cool.

Apparently we are since Weird Al is coming in a few days. I had no idea that we had decent events coming to my town. I really want to go see Riverdance now.

I did my best to pick out the most ambiguous shirt from all of the bands so I wouldn't get any crap for being a poser... >.> Buuuuut whatever. It was free and I live for free stuff.

All the stress...

2011-09-09T19:19:00.004-06:00

...has begun to build up and I was on the verge of a legitimate panic attack today.

One thing just built up on another and to top it off I had a hard time focusing in class so I felt like a complete idiot during the first half of the day.

In AP Environmental Science we were assigned 2 labs today and an additional packet. One of them is to be turned in next class and the other one will be an ongoing lab for the next 6-8 weeks. The entire class was lost on what to do, and the teacher was pretty vague about the instructions. Not that paying attention to what she said did any good because of the aforementioned focusing issue. In AP English we had to watch a commemorative 9/11 video and the entire class was in tears, including our teacher. I don't like being emotional in public. I don't like crying in front of people. However, in that setting it felt ok.

In my sixth period I had to track down some people and while I was searching for them I decided to pop into the AcaDec class room and pick up my tub that I had left in there the year before. The shit head of a teacher threw away all of my important papers, despite the tub being marked with MY name. She emptied my box without an apology or second thought. At that point I started hyperventilating and freaking out. Those papers were important. And no, it wasn't stuff that I could just go on the internet and find. What kind of shit head just throws someone else's things away without trying to track them down and ASK them if it was ok?

And while I was in the beginning stage of my attack I was bombarded by multiple idiotic questions. Gee, thanks for noticing that I'm having respiratory issues and that my eyes are tearing up.

Then, I went to the bathroom and took a few deep breaths and composed myself. I couldn't go back to class looking like a mess. Then my art period rolled around and I told my friends about shit head throwing away my papers and I was so angry/stressed/tired that I nearly started hyperventilating again.

My friend offered me meds, but I opted not to take them. I just took some calming deep breaths and my friends were able to get my mind off of things by entertaining me with funny stories and awful innuendos about the lower stairway of our library.

As it turns out, my allergies are in full swing because of the smoke and the fall season in general and that was the reason why I couldn't pay attention to anything. Hopefully if I just stay inside this weekend and take some allergy meds I'll be ok.

I just wish I didn't bottle my emotions the way I do. I've been having a bad week, but due to the immense amount of homework and studying I've been doing I just opted to push through everything in hopes that my stress will magically disappear once I get my work done. It hasn't.

I don't want to be that person that does nothing but complain 24/7. I want to be happy, alert, and a good friend.

At least it's the weekend and I can go on Pottermore and explore to my heart's content and release some of the stress that I have. I really don't want to fail at school, and in extent life.

Lifeblood

2011-09-08T19:56:00.006-06:00

Today I gave blood for the first time ever.

Although almost puked because I was so dizzy, I feel like a good citizen and whatnot.

Hang and I got our hall passes to leave class!

Look at how scared I am while I wait to get processed. Yes. That is genuine fear right there.

I have to admit the free t-shirt they gave me made up for the mild discomfort I felt when they put that scary needle in my arm. My friends Hang and Sayra were supposed to give blood at the same time as me, but both of them forgot to bring photo IDs--- not to mention Hang is underweight and would have passed out as soon as they stuck her with the needle. The person taking my blood said that my blood was really thick and took longer to draw than usual, so I had to squeeze a makeshift stress ball the entire time. I have no idea if that's good or bad... The guy who prepped me was really nice and flirty and made me feel more at ease during the process. I think his name was Chad.

Also.....

I got my Pottermore email today! I am now OFFICIALLY a Ravenclaw. If you want to add me, I'm DragonAuror4!

I wish I was Ramona

2011-09-07T18:43:00.003-06:00

For those that know me in real life, it's pretty obvious that I am the biggest spazz at my school (excluding my AP Enviro teacher Eunice). So desperately I want to be calm, cool, and mysterious like the Ramona Flowers of the world, but in reality I'm a spazz like Knives.

Sometimes I try to be cool. And then I end up failing miserably.

Luckily my friends have embraced my quirky outbursts and have dubbed them as 'cute', and not at all crazy or insane. Well, at least that's what they tell me to my face. They might actually think I'm insane.

But I digress.

I think I scare people (more specifically really cool guys) away because I get too excited about things. I've been told on more than one occasion that I'm 'too intense'. What's worse is that if my actions aren't pointed out to me I go for days completely oblivious that I looked like an idiot because I spazzed out over meeting someone who has also read Pygmy. Whenever I start a new project or get involved with a new group I get really passionate about EVERY aspect of the organization/project. Sometimes I can see where I can come off as too intense, but at least people know that I don't half ass anything.

Although I do wish I could be cool and mysterious, I'm cool with people thinking that I'm 'cute' when I spazz out.

Acrid Smoke

2011-09-06T18:57:00.003-06:00

Just in case you can't tell, my lens isn't foggy. And the windows are crystal clear. My school was enveloped in smoke and ash today. It was a lot worse during the early hours of the morning because the fires were going on all night. A lot of my friends woke up to their cars coated in ash.

Again, I can't express how thankful I am that my family and I live where we do. The nearest fire to our house was 10 miles away, and our local firefighters and volunteers have worked really hard to keep things under control. My uncle is the chief firefighter a few towns over, so I definitely have a great appreciation for all the time and effort that goes into everything they do.

Hopefully we'll get rain sometime soon.

On the bright side, it was about 80 degrees today, as opposed to the usual 105.

A friend of mine snapped this picture. It's a mixture of the sunset and the smoke. It's unsettling how beautiful it is.

Fire

2011-09-05T19:59:00.003-06:00

It's a little surreal when your town is burning up on both ends...

Some friends of mine have had barns burned down, land destroyed, and who knows what else. Luckily, my family lives deep enough in the city that we should be ok...

Yeah... You know it's bad when your facebook acquaintances make this their profile picture.

On a lighter note, I'm thinking about making the videos a monthly type thing. It won't be a Q&A each time-- unless you guys want it to be. I don't know. I have a lot of ideas, so we'll see how it goes.

Q&A video!

2011-09-04T18:47:00.002-06:00

Sorry if I forgot to answer a question or skipped one... my battery was dying and I was sort of rushing towards the end :P

Hope you guys like it!

Something Different

2011-09-02T18:59:00.004-06:00

Yeah.

I'm thinking about making a video, but instead of just a random vlog of me rambling (because I am prone to do so) I'm going to do a Q&A.

So yeah. Fire away. Ask me anything. You can even be anonymous.

EDIT: I'm no longer taking anymore questions.

Deep Breaths

2011-09-01T16:32:00.003-06:00

I'm pretty sure that if it weren't for the Holstee manifesto and Gwen Stefani I'd have gone insane by now.

I had a slight panic attack before my government test (shaking and everything) because despite studying I still felt unprepared. Luckily, I did the unit outline, which will give me an extra 10 bonus points.

And I can't find this one passage in my literary analysis book that I need to complete an assignment for English class. I've looked in the index for the story title and separately for the author and still found nothing. So far three other people haven't been able to find it either so... I don't know. I'm going to go in early and see if perhaps there was an error in the assignment. Last night I was so frustrated because I couldn't find it that I gave myself a headache.

As far as Shy Guy goes, I'm throwing in the towel. Giving up. Refusing to make an effort. Maybe it's all the Nietzsche stuff I've been discussing lately with some of my classmates, or maybe I've just noticed the futility of my actions. Whatever. I'm tired of the lack of understanding on his end. If he can't handle that I'm busy with school work now, then how is he going to cope with my college work load next year? I'm not going to be slacking off in college like he is. I don't need guilt. I don't need to feel obligated to someone that I'm not in a non-monogamous relationship with. And I most certainly don't need someone trying to talk me out of going to my dream university. The end.

Surface

2011-08-31T20:00:00.004-06:00

I thought today was going to go well, and I guess to the naked eye it went fine. In fact, one could even say I was almost a little too cheery.

My APES (AP Environmental Science) teacher gives extra credit to her students who dress up every other Wednesday, and today I thought would be the perfect day to give my new grey dress an outing! I wore it at the Z-Club induction tea ceremony as well, and got a lot of compliments on it, so I decided why not wear it again.

A lot of people were confused because they thought I was a teacher >.> Personally I thought I looked like a cute paralegal…

I was proud of myself because I spent the entire day in heels and didn’t flinch. Hooray for my strong female tolerance that allows me to endure uncomfortable shoes!

Anyways, on my way to school I got an awful text. Apparently my mom is pregnant. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but the thought makes me want to vomit in a sad/nervous way. I’m 95% positive that she’s doing it to spite my dad because he has me, my younger sisters, and Steven (who’s technically my half brother, but whatever he’s my baby brother nonetheless) and she wants something to fill some void that she has.

Ok. I’m 17. My mom is 40 and a hypochondriac. Most likely I’ll end up taking care of my future sibling (if there is one) by the time I’m 25. AWESOME. I’d like to say that I’m happy for her and my stepdad, but frankly I just feel sad for their future kid who is going to be born into a really messed up situation because inevitability the kid is going to be compared to my brother a lot and he’s going to have some issues because my mom is really good about causing her children to need a therapist.

-Sigh-

And yesterday Root sent me a friend request on facebook (suspiciously right after he and his girlfriend broke up). I think this is the 5^th or 6^th time I’ve re-added him. He made my life crap for about 2 years before I was finally rid of him. Now he’s put up an old picture that I drew for him as his profile picture and a status that eludes to something that I used to joke about concerning him. I honestly don’t have time to deal with him. I figure if I just add him and ignore him I’ll be ok. I mean, ignoring him in real life by avoiding his workplace and Starbucks has worked well for me so far, so avoiding him online shouldn’t be too hard.

And to top off everything, my school's principal, who is notorious for saying NO to everything is trying to put a damper on my friend Madelyn's plans to start a Invisible Children group at our school. Whatever. If the school won't sponsor it then we'll just start a community group in order to raise awareness. Sure it'll be harder because we have ZERO resources, but I feel so strongly about this cause that at this point I'm willing to do anything to make sure it happens.

Ugh. I really need to just leave my town for a little while. Only 10 more months until I leave for college in North Carolina….

I'm just using you

2011-08-30T20:34:00.004-06:00

Hey guys! How's it going? Good? Great!

I hate being one of those pushy bloggers that just wants you to do stuff, but I promise this will be one of the FEW times that I ever ask you guys to do anything.

This is Taryn. She graduated from my school recently and she's in a Mad Men casting call contest! So far she only has 124 votes and she needs a lot more in order to win, so I would LOVE it if you clicked HERE and voted for her! If she wins she'll get a walk-on role on the AMC show Mad Men and $1000 to spend at Banana Republic. Keep in mind she's in college right now so she could use the clothes because all her money is probably being spent on ramen and hipster paraphernalia. It'll prompt you to log in, but if you have a Facebook account you can log in using that.

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ANYWAYS, today was pretty mundane at school. As per usual I got a crap load of homework, and I got a little lost in math, but I'm going to go in for tutorials soon.

My friend Madelyn is trying to start an Invisible Children chapter at our school and I'm really hoping our principle approves of it. I might be helping her out with it, so of course that means even less time to blog. If you guys don't know what the Invisible Children group is about I'd recommend clicking on the link above because it's a great cause, but I'm running out of my allotted computer time before I have to go back to studying.

Beginning of a new week

2011-08-29T17:59:00.004-06:00

Woo! I made a Deathly Hallows shrinky dink necklace charm! And I recently found my Harry Potter glasses. Also if you look reaaaaaaaally close you can see my panda nails! Sorry if I look sleepy/more Chinese than normal. I've been really tired lately.

Oh man. The second week of school is the one I dread the most. Why? Because it's when all the testing begins. At the end of the week I have an Environmental Science test, and I think a Government test if I'm not mistaken...

Last night I stayed up to watch the VMA's. Big mistake. I only stayed awake to see the Amy Winehouse tribute by Bruno Mars (which was so wonderful), and despite going to bed at 10:20ish I felt the reprocussions of deviating from my bedtime. At first I was ok, super peppy, and mostly in denial of my fatigue, then once I got home I pretty much died on the inside. I grew crabby and snippy and all I wanted to do was sleep. But I couldn't. Because I had homework. And then my dad wanted me to make a flyer for the speaking club event he's in charge of. And then I had dinner. And now I have to go back to doing homework.

It's a never ending cycle.

However I do have hope that all of this work will prepare me for college. So far my friends have told me that they have TONS of work, but compared to AP classes it's relatively simple.

If I wasn't so swamped with homework I might actually be able to make out the light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh, and for those of you desiring an update on Shy Guy, since I've been so busy I've only been able to hang out with him once and I think he's a little frustrated that I've been too busy to talk or text him. Not to mention he doesn't understand that AP classes take up such a big chuck of time because he never took them. Ah, well I guess we'll see how it goes.

Something to look forward to

2011-08-28T07:02:00.006-06:00

I want to go to a music festival. More specifically, Bonnarroo. Sure, I could have picked Coachella, ACL, Lollapalooza, or Warped Tour, but I feel like Bonnarroo is the best bet for my first full blown music festival.

Sure, I've been to Warped Tour, but it was only for one day, whereas Bonnarroo is 4 days of sweat, music, filth, and pure nirvana (or so I've heard).

Currently whether or not I'll be able to attend is speculative because 1) I need to somehow round up $300+ for the ticket and another $300 for general expenses. Yeah. This might be impossible. 2) It's the summer before I leave for NC to go to college. Yeah. Again, I'm going to be busy preparing so this might be impossible. 3) I haven't told, hinted, or smoke signaled my parents that I want to go yet. Mainly because I want to have enough money before I tell them my plans.

The hopes of MAYBE being able to go is what's getting me through the mounds of homework I have.

Along with that, I'm looking forward to making the above tent with my friends. Ever since last year when the publication staff made one in our hotel room in Austin I've been obsessed with tents/forts.

Gathering from the enthusiasm expressed above the likelihood of this project happening is quite high. And I will make sure to document it when it happens.

But alas, I must leave now because I have to outline the first chapter in my Environmental Science book and read the first chapter in my Art History book. And then I have to get dressed and go to an induction tea ceremony for my high school's female volunteer organization. Ah, the perks of being service chair.

I wish I went to Hogwarts

2011-08-25T19:51:00.003-06:00

....so that I could properly employ the usage of a time turner to read all the material I've been given.

No, but really. In all of my core classes aside from math, I've been given HEAPS of pages to read. And what's worse is they want you to THINK while you read it and scrutinize every little detail so that when the AP test rolls around it'll be as easy as girl with daddy issues.

I'm lucky that I'm a fairly quick reader, however reading that much information in a short amount of time has given me headaches. I read in 20-25 minute blocks, and then I switch to another form of homework like math problems or looking at paintings for Art History. I wish I could take leisure breaks, but if I did I would have to lose the hour I've allotted myself to read all of your wonderful blogs. Also, to my fellow seniors in honors classes, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one on the verge of a mental breakdown, hugging my textbooks and rocking back and fourth as I try to verbalize the meaning behind Hawthorne's Young Goodman Brown.

At least I can find solace at the end of the day. I have studio art with my wonderful art friends, and then Art History with equally wonderful, but quirky people. And then I go home and do homework.

Intimidation

2011-08-24T20:38:00.003-06:00

Day 2. Jews on ice. I seriously thought my hardest class on my B block day was going to be math, but surprisingly AP Gov. might actually be more difficult.

Then again, I'm in regular math and in honors Gov. so there's going to be a large gap in terms of 'challenging' material. The teacher for my government class is insane...ly awesome. She's intense and straightforward--- a bit like my physics teacher last year but in female form. Also, she has the thickest Texan accent in the state.

I'm proud of myself though, because I managed to finish all of my Enviro. homework, and half of my Gov. homework. So far I'm staying ahead of the game!

First Day/I really shouldn't be blogging.

2011-08-23T18:37:00.009-06:00

Woo! First day is DONE and aside from the crapload of homework the day went by quickly and swimmingly. I'm using a Canon EOS 60D and it is freaking amazingorgasmicjustplainawesome. Some of you may notice the mirror from this post :p
This is my genius artist friend Ian playing with a cootie catcher that's supposed to help us learn Art History terms. I think this is the first time we've ever had a class together, so I'm hoping he doesn't drop the class, despite it being rigorous.
Nathan and his ~~politician~~ regular smile. It's going to be interesting having him in Art History... I can already imagine the class discussions and debates!
This is my inspiration headgear. I got it last year and wore it whenever I felt artistically dry. Oh, and please excuse my awkward expression. That's what I look like 75% of the time.

My awesome new bag and lucky rabbit's foot!
Tee hee. Just cheesin' it up with my fellow AP art buddies!

No, but really. Homework. I've already been assigned The Rocking Horse Winner by D.H. Lawrence and I have to write comments and analyze it, plus I have to come up with a list of 20 literary novels that I've read thus far and document them on a note card to prepare for the AP exam. So far I have 17 that I can remember... I know I've read more literary classics than that, so coming up with the list will be easy shmeasy. I'm not looking forward to the class discussion because the story apparently parallels Oedipus, and it's metaphorically about masturbation.

I blame the entire situation on Freud. DAMN YOU FREUD FOR MAKING SCHOOL AWKWARD.

I had a lab in Environmental Science and I have to finish the lab report and read some paper about fishing laws or something... I don't know. I have government tomorrow and I heard that we have a reading assignment--- GREAT. I also have to read a chapter for Art History D:

Why did I decide to take college level classes again? Oh right. I wanted to challenge myself.

Anyways, thanks for the advice in the last post. I'm just going to continue talking to Shy Guy, and if he gets the balls to make the first move then I'll see where things go from there. Knowing his track record the likelihood of him doing so is low, and I'm not the type of person to explicitly make the first move. Eh, whatever.

An Update

2011-08-22T20:54:00.000-06:00

So Shy Guy and his girlfriend broke up... Nothing horrible or anything, they just decided that their relationship was a bit stagnant.

Since then he's been talking to me more and I don't really know what to make of it.

I sort of feel like if we met at a different time we might have a chance at something beyond platonic, but right now all my energy is focused on school, college apps, and scholarships.

Also, I don't really have time to mess around with his 'beat around the bush' nonsense that he keeps presenting me with.

I talked to Travis about it and he advised me to just view things from a surface perspective and not dive into situations trying to read anything further about it. Good advice. I honestly enjoy talking to Shy Guy and we have similar tastes and quirky viewpoints that no one else shares so I'm going to just let things be for the moment.

After the 2:40 mark when they harmonize I feel like I'm in musical nirvana.

School on Tuesday

2011-08-21T21:47:00.004-06:00

Ugh. Thinking about starting senior year makes me want to vomit.

For some reason whenever I get nervous I feel like I'm going to puke my brains out. Usually I just feel a little jittery, but as of late I've been overcome by this upchucking sensation. Maybe it's hormones? I don't know. I just feel a little odd.

Anyways, my schedule is pretty awesome. My school has a block schedule so I have some classes everyday and others every other day.

My schedule looks like this:

Yearbook

English/Math

Environmental Science/Government

Yearbook

Studio Art

Art History

The bolded classes are the ones that I have every day, the non bolded ones alternate. As you can see I pretty much start and end my day with awesome classes! Of course I'll be busy working like a mad woman in yearbook (the perks of being an editor!) and working like a sane version of Van Gogh in Studio Art (I have to finish 12 pieces before May!), but you guys no how I like to keep busy.

I really want to make senior year great because it's forshaddowing for my future. I would make a list of goals, but really I just want to be nicer to everyone, keep up with my planner, and try to look presentable every day.

Simple? Maybe. Difficult? Definitely.

Anyways, in other news I've been indulging in my most recent guilty pleasure The Glee Project. If you haven't seen the finale yet you might want to stop reading this NOW before I continue talking....

Anyways, I was happy that both of my favorite contenders from the beginning of the show won! Yay! ....Now I might actually watch Glee on a regular basis.

I mean, how can you resist those dream boats? I'm interested to see how the writers are going to incorporate their characters into the show.

Yeah. Here's hoping I have a good first day!

Desperate times

2011-08-20T19:07:00.004-06:00

Guys.

Under no circumstance is it ever cool to steal from old people.

Under no circumstance is it ever cool to steal from MY grandparents.

Back story: Today my grandparents went to the grocery store to buy food and pick up a few things for a church potluck on Sunday. They live out in the country, and instead of going to the market about 10 minutes away from their house they decided to drive into town to go to a slightly larger store because there was a bigger selection and the prices were lower. My grandma is a champ. She ALWAYS brings her own canvas bags because she's environmentally conscious and well, just awesome in general.

Well, as my grandparents were paying for their groceries, they noticed a lady in one of those motorized scooters sort of lurking nearby at one of the other check out lanes. After my grandma had paid she and my grandpa proceeded to bag all of their stuff. The lurker lady, after bagging her own groceries grabs one of my grandma's canvas bags, puts it in her scooter basket, and proceeds to drive out. Slightly outraged they yelled after her.

My grandpa with the assistance of the manager who saw her take the bag proceed to chase her down. My grandpa has had a hip and femur replacement, so he couldn't really have run after her. After a little while they found her car right before she was about to leave and the manager ordered her to give back the groceries, and she just said that she didn't have them. When the manager asked her to open her car so he could check she just said that he could only look through her windows. SHE HAD AN EFFING TARP COVERING THE BAG.

My grandpa, fed up and exhausted decided to not press any further and just let her take the food. His rationalization was if she needed the food that bad, then she should just have it.

Here's the thing that made me upset. She STOLE $15 worth of groceries that were in my grandma's favorite souvenir bag from Disney world. That's pretty messed up. My grandparents are too nice to a fault and would have been more than willing to help her if she would have ASKED. The fact that she preyed upon elderly people makes me want to hunt her down and slash her tires. Just kidding. I'd probably just demand that she give the bag back, because it had sentimental value.

I'm so disgusted that this situation happened and I sort of wish I would have been there so I could have caught that woman before she had the opportunity to hide the groceries in her car.

And the kicker? The thing that makes me want to punch every evil thing in the face? The groceries she stole were for the potluck at my grandparent's church. I HOPE THE FOOD THAT LADY STOLE GIVES HER THE RUNS.

Material possessions.

2011-08-19T16:29:00.002-06:00

Today I embarked upon a shopping trip with my mom.

It was pretty successful. Then I lounged around a bit at her house and chatted with my Filipino grandparents, played with Max (who is a bichon frise), and ate some yummy sabayo and rice.

I would post pictures, but I'm lazy.

Anyways, as I was shopping I started thinking about the future (which currently makes me want to vomit) and how I ought to be buying things like "staple items" instead of fad items. Timeless, useful things--- like a black Chanel dress. But obviously not a Chanel because I don't have a money tree in my yard.

But, you know, things I can use throughout the rest of high school and college when I have presentations, interviews, and meetings (vomit, vomit, and vomit). Luckily my mom has also been thinking about that and gave me this:

This Calvin Klein dress has become the first of hopefully a hand full of "staple items" that I'm sure I'll need somewhere down the road. The next thing on my list is a standard black dress.

I just don't want to be that person who has to scramble around at the last minute to buy/borrow something nice the night before a big event. I'd also like to avoid being "sweat pants and a t-shirt" girl in the foreseeable future.

The future freaks me out.

On Planning

2011-08-15T20:22:00.007-06:00

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
-John Lennon

You know what John Lennon? You and your pseudo philosophical quotes can suck it.

I cannot tell you how many times this particular Lennon-ism has been quoted to me. In fact it’s been quoted to me so many times that if someone does have the nerve to say it to me I might have to take some anger management classes due to the fact that I punched their face in. JUST KIDDING. I do not have anger management issues. But seriously, that quote, while having some truth behind it, is a misstatement. Every person who has quoted it to me has said it in a negative light.

Planning is good. Planning is smart. Planning implies that you are driven, ambitious, calculative, and determined. All fine qualities of a ~~dictator~~ productive human being. I like to make plans because it gives me something to work towards. For instance, I plan on working in an evolving workplace that is fast paced and exciting. Now I’m going to plan on making good grades so that I can get into a good college. Now I’m going to plan on making good grades in college as well as lifelong connections so that I can achieve my goal of having an awesome job.

See? Was that painful? No not at all. Did I miss anything fun in the process? No not at all.

Small term planning is also good. Planning a time to study not only makes homework easier to digest, but allows you to be prepared in time for class (not that I study like I should). Planning to hang out with friends over the weekend not only gives you something to look forward to, but gives you the opportunity to use your time wisely (as opposed to watching tv waiting for a friend to randomly text you).

For me, planning is my security blanket. My inner neurotic control freak likes knowing the details of something so that I can avoid disastrous situations. Knowing things ahead of time also gives me enough time to think of a plan B, just in case plan A fails. Like I said, it makes me feel safe.

Here are two people that quoted Lennon and ended up looking stupid:

1. Sophomore year debate coach: When I stated that my weekend was already “planned out” he sagely spouted the Lennon quote to me, and then went further mocking the fact that I used a planner and liked to map details out ahead of time in front of the entire class (which was composed of 10 guys and one other girl besides me). WELL GUESS WHAT. He should have planned on buying/using a condom because he knocked up his ex, who he promptly moved in with (because he was also broke). At the end of the year due to the alarming amount of parent complaints he didn’t get his teaching contract renewed. The only reason I know all of this is because he also liked to talk about his personal life. Not to sound like a complete bitch, but I made his job HELL for the remainder of the year because he mocked my love of planning. I heard from one of his former theatre students that he is now driving commercial trucks (aka 18-wheelers). All that money for a teaching degree? SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE COULD HAVE USED A PLAN.

2. Savvy. Let’s just call her that. Whenever we would talk about what we were going to do when we “grew up” she would mock me and my cookie cutter college-job-house-family plan. Often times she advised for me to go with the flow, and just not care about anything. One day she sent me the quote over Myspace (which I’m sure everyone has forgotten about) saying, “this made me think of u :P” Dearest Savvy, I’m glad I didn’t heed your advice because then I would be just like you and Sam (her bff): a single mom with a floundering baby daddy and crazy scary stretch marks. The thing with Savvy that bothered me is that before she was pregnant she would get drunk all the time, beg to borrow my homework, and still manage to flunk everything. Now that I think about it, she never really had any ambitions or goals. I think getting pregnant was the best thing that could have happened to her because now she does have to plan, and make responsible decisions for not only her, but her baby.

See? Bad things happen when you mock planning.

Sure, sometimes over planning can come off as neurotic, but I think it just shows that you care enough about your life, or the people in it that you’re willing to say, “Hey, you’re so important to me that I’m going to give you 2 precious hours that could have been used for work/studying/sleeping.”

Sorry. Yesterday someone told me that quote and I nearly spat my cranberry juice in their face and started yelling at them.

Things that have made me happy as of late

2011-08-13T20:09:00.007-06:00

Galaxy Nails. I'm a big Doctor Who fan, so you can obviously guess why painting my nails in this design brings me a lot of joy. Was the 10 minutes spent on my nails worth it? Yes.

Citrus-sicle. Ok. So school starts for me on the 23rd. Say what? Summer. Is. Not. Over. You can't tell in the picture, but the popsicle I made is three layers: orange juice, lemonade, and green tea. I'm thinking about making another one with strawberries in it...

A post card from the artist James Gulliver Hancock. I love receiving things in the mail.

School homework? Almost done. ALMOST. I'm hoping that I can finish my papers up tonight, and finish The Annotated Mona Lisa tomorrow, leaving only As I Lay Dying to be read up until the first day of school. Perhaps I'll finish it sooner.

Also, I'm glad you guys liked my video! Once school starts I'm hoping to make more artsy ones as extra credit assignments, so I wanted to test my ability to mess around in video editing and whatnot. I still have a long way to go, but at least I can manage something simple. :)

Just in case you wanted to make yourself breakfast

2011-08-11T19:43:00.002-06:00

I made a video! Well, sort of. Just watch it.

Yay! For those of you who can't even make a grilled cheese, this should be an easy peasy thing to make for breakfast, or really whenever you want. Personally I like to eat this for brunch, but that's just because I have a weird eating schedule.

Anyways, I don't really like my french toast sweet, so if you have a sweet tooth feel free to add another tablespoon of sugar or two. Also you can sprinkle them with confection sugar or eat it with syrup. Like I said, I don't really like my toast too sweet. Enjoy! :D

Decorating

2011-08-11T15:21:00.008-06:00

So yesterday my dad FINALLY got my books for me and I've been reading them in increments of 15 minutes. I've gotten pretty far with the art book.....

And I'm 35 pages into As I Lay Dying, so for just reading them for a day I think I'm doing pretty well. I will admit though, the Annotated Mona Lisa is more interesting--- but I think it's because of all of the pictures :P

Both yesterday and today I was in the yearbook room with Ashley, Haley and some staffers decorating and this is what we've accomplished so far.

We still have a lot more to do, but hopefully we can wrap it up before school starts. Speaking of school--- I really don't want to go back. Every fiber of my being is so opposed to the idea that I can't even think in terms of my classes. My mind can't comprehend having to do that much homework. Ugh.

I just want to fast forward to next summer. Or at least Christmas break.

Conflict in plans

2011-08-09T20:18:00.004-06:00

Yesterday I was under the assumption that my mom was taking my sister and I out to dinner so that she could spend "quality time" with us. Apparently that also meant taking us to a boring network marketing presentation about coffee afterwords. And the coffee wasn't even that good.

Not realizing that we would be going anywhere requiring business casual attire my sister and I showed up to her house dressed in shorts and t-shirts. My mom fussed a bit trying to get us to change into some of her clothes, and my sister complied. I simply told my mom that if she would have told me about the presentation I would have dressed for it.

The presentation was boring, and non-relevant to my life. However I did get ice-cream and an icee out of the experience. I like ice-cream.

Tomorrow is like, THE day for people to plan things.

My friend Hannah had an extra ticket to Six Flags, which I sadly can't take advantage of :(

My friend Madelyn is having a party at her parent's pottery store, that I might not be able to go to :(

I have a yearbook meeting/mini-camp with staff members that takes priority over both aforementioned things, but hopefully I'll be able to swing over to the pottery place after everything is done...

Also I had a bizarre dream a few days ago that I was getting married, and Weezer was playing at the reception. I don't remember who I was getting married to, but the fact that Weezer was there is enough proof that it was probably someone with an awesome taste in music and culture. I really wish I remembered all the details, but alas my dream memory tends to be a bit temperamental.

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Sidenote: To all of the bloggers in the UK, I hope you guys stay safe! Riots are scary...not that I've ever been caught up in one, but I'm sure it's not a pleasant experience. <-understatement

Bear

2011-08-08T10:27:00.003-06:00

I’m almost finished with my papers for AP Enviro!

Anyways, aside from that I’ve been sparknoting like mad, and doing all sorts of tweaking in Adobe inDesign I’ve been taking refuge in my room.

My grandma came over for Steven’s birthday and spent the weekend. As per usual she cooked food that she knew my sister and I didn’t like, and then said that it was bad manners to insult her cooking by not eating it. Yeah? Really? Because it’s also bad manners to cook things that you KNOW everyone doesn’t like, and it’s also bad manners to curse like a sailor. She’s gone now, so I’m over it.

To lighten the mood here’s a picture of Bear, my dog.

No lie; this is how he sleeps every night. It’s actually a little disturbing, but every time I try to change his position to where he’s sleeping on his tummy or side he just flips back onto his back with his legs splayed everywhere.

Eh, as long as he’s happy I guess it’s ok.

Breakdown

2011-08-06T15:52:00.003-06:00

Thursday: Ashley and I had our first "official" meeting with our yearbook supervisor. I'm not going to lie, I was scared out of my mind. I was worried that she wouldn't like our designs, our ideas, or even me; however I was pleasantly surprised. Aside from a few technical things on our designs she liked them for the most part. Later after our meeting we went out to lunch with last year's editor as he rambled about getting settled into college and whatnot. It was nice.

I'm just so glad that so far, everything is going smoothly! Now, hopefully the rest of the year will be as nice!

Friday: My family and I cleaned house for my little brother's birthday party. His birthday was actually on Thursday, but we were waiting to have his party on the weekend so we kind of just let Steven assume his birthday lasted 3 days. I mean, he's a toddler so it's not a big deal.

Today: We had Steven's party, and it went well. I think sometime in the future I'm going to have to take a picture of all of my little brother's dinosaurs. He has TONS of dinosaur figures, and he got even more today, including some pretty awesome glow in the dark ones. I just finished up picking up all the trash and empty gift boxes, and right now I'm multitasking by looking up Adobe inDesign tutorials, fixing the yearbook templates, and writing this blog post.

My parents have still yet to order 2 books that I need to read before the 23rd, and I still have to finalize my papers and make a presentation board for my AP Enviro project. Right now I'm just going to focus on buckling down on all my work, so my posting capabilities will be limited--- unless you want to read about the importance of protecting spotted deer and big leaf mahoganies. I'm honestly trying to get myself motivated to finish these papers, but I'm finding it hard to get motivated about something that I honestly don't care about--- So to remedy this problem I'm going to immerse myself in National Geographic articles and documentaries in the vain attempt to make myself give a crap about these obscure endangered species.

I'll still be reading and commenting as per usual because I need something to keep me sane!

Move, Learn, Eat

2011-08-05T17:36:00.004-06:00

As a hunter of the inspirational, I often have a hard time finding anything that isn't cheesy. These films are far from it, and I felt the need to share with you guys.

MOVE from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

LEARN from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

EAT from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

And now I want to travel to the Philippines again.

Good Publicity

2011-08-04T15:11:00.002-06:00

Do you guys know what Toddlers and Tiaras is? No? Well then you need to watch this video in order for this post to make sense.

Yeah. It's child pageantry on cable.

Anyways, a little girl from my town was featured and surprisingly she wasn't as bratty as the other kids that are usually on. Even more surprising was the fact that her mom was normal, and not like most of the moms they feature. They actually made my hometown look good, and not like it was populated by crazies.

The only thing I found funny was the fact that the little girl was obsessed with Beyonce, and being "brown". She even had a reproduction of one of Beyonce's BET award outfits. Don't believe me? Check her facebook.

Too bad I couldn't find any videos on Youtube about it because it just aired yesterday, however I did find this jewel:

Skillz

2011-08-03T21:44:00.002-06:00

So Christopher has been trying to get people to look at his sketches that are up at the Tribute to Doodlers page, and since I'm a great person and whatnot I'm going to tell ALL OF YOU to go visit it. Pronto.

Anyways, after seeing Christopher's work I got a little inspired, so I made a portrait of him. As you can see, it's very lifelike.

895: Sleepover fun

2011-08-02T14:22:00.005-06:00

Yesterday my friend Rebekka had a belated birthday sleepover with me and my friend Hannah.

Being a girl does have it's occasional perks I guess.

Anyways, we mainly just goofed around and acted silly--- seen below in these pictures Rebekka took of Hannah and I in silly hats.

Shark Week!!

*CHICHURRR* Houston, we have a problem: my eyes are closed in this picture.

Spending time with them is something that I really enjoy because I know this upcoming school year is going to be so busy my head will likely explode (again), and then after this year I'll be off for college in North Carolina.

I'm a bit envious of the both of them because they'll be attending a local college that will allow them to live at home for a bit longer, but at the same time I'm so antsy to leave and see what else is out there. I don't know. It's a double edge sword I guess.

We made chocolate covered strawberries (with the chocolate melter Hannah got for Rebekka), stayed up late, and squeezed into a bed and fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning.

My sister and I finally got ourselves signed up for Pottermore! I'm DragonAuror4, just in case you were wondering.

After the post I did yesterday it's nice to just stop stressing and have some fun.

Now concerning my title---- this is my 895th post... Freaky right? What's even freakier is the fact that I'm approaching 900... Which is 100 short of 1,000 for all you math geniuses out there.

I know who I am, but what do I want to be?

2011-08-01T13:53:00.002-06:00

Identity. This is something that I struggled with growing up.

Having an interracial background is both a blessing, and a curse, however when I was younger it was more of a curse than anything. I was raised in a very controlled church environment and spent my formative years with the same group of 15 or so kids until the 4^th grade. These kids, unlike me, were white and of Anglo-Saxon decent. However, we were all kids so we didn’t know anything besides the tiny protective bubble our parents put around us. I can remember thinking at one point while out at recess one day that my skin wasn’t as pale as everyone else’s and as my best friend Kaitlyn put it, I was yellow, and she was freckly.

It didn’t really bother me until I transferred to another private school, which was still dominated by white people. At that time I had discovered mirrors and actually started paying attention to my appearance. I remember hating the way I looked, everything ranging from my curly hair to my nose, which was a cross between my dad’s almost Jewish nose (thank goodness my uncles inherited that gene) and my mom’s asian one. I would literally wake up, look in the mirror and just stare at my nose, hoping that my parents would consider my outlandish request for a nose job for Christmas. Just kidding, I didn’t really ask for one, but I spent a great amount of time wishing that I could get one.

Thankfully I grew out of the insecurities I had as a 12 year old.

Every now and then I get a little annoyed at how insensitive people are at times. Living in Texas, in which there is an abundance of Hispanics I often get asked, point blank, “Are you Chinese or Mexican?” because I’m tan, but not quite Mexican looking. Once, I was delivering something to a teacher and a random kid seriously just asked me that in front of everyone I just stared at him thinking, “Really? You couldn’t have asked for my name first or something?” but I’m so used to it that my response is almost robotic.

My dad is white. My mom is Filipino, which is Asian (you have no idea how many times people are like, what’s Filipino? –face/palm-).

As I’ve been slowly coming to terms with my identity concerning my family background and my physical appearance I can’t help but feel a little lost when it comes to how I’m going to fit into the grand scheme of things.

The second I feel like I’ve figured out what I want to do with my life I reach an epiphany which completely blows everything out of the water. Take for example when I was deeply immersed is politics and I thought about being a political leader or something. Once I realized that it was nothing but a long chain of exchanging favors for votes and making “alliances” I couldn’t fathom being involved in something that was directly responsible for the well being of a large populace.

I’m so afraid of telling my family about whatever I want to do because their response is usually begrudgingly supportive. They’re not going to tell me no, but oftentimes they think that I’m not cut out for whatever I want to do.

I feel a little under pressure because I’ve only got until the end of college to figure out my identity relating to everyone else. I don’t want to end up with a degree I don’t feel passionate about, only to find myself dreading work and going to my job every day.

I know, I know, I’ve got a while before I have to make up my mind, but if I don’t figure this out now and just “see where the chips fall” then who’s to say I still won’t be pondering about this 7 years down the road?

No matter how you look at it, you’re defined by your profession, or the direction you take in life. Bill the accountant, Susan the teacher, Mary the housewife, Obama the president, Jesus the son of God, Bill Maher the comedian… See what I mean? It’s everywhere, and there is no escaping it.

I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t want my identity to be Lizzi the indecisive drifter.

A Survey

2011-07-30T23:03:00.005-06:00

1) Please state your name for the record?

Elisabeth (yes, with the biblical spelling), but everyone calls me Lizzi, Liz, or Miss Liz. No, I’m not a teacher.

2) If you were a penguin, on the other hand, what do you think your name would be? Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Spazzy.

3) Would you consider your ears to be smaller than average, average, larger than average, or freakishly large?

When I was younger they were HUGE thanks to my grandpa’s Polish/Jewish blood, but thankfully I grew into them.

4) Are you more of a Beatles or an Elvis fan? (If you answer the latter, please proceed to go set yourself on fire and then die in a hole.)

As much as I like Elvis, I feel that the Beatles were the original full out pioneers of rock and roll. Not to mention Paul McCartney is freaking awesome.

5) Have you ever killed anyone? If so, did you do it with your bare hands?

No, but I did kick a guy so hard he actually vomited. I had a lot of pent up rage as a young child.

6) If you could use any fruit to describe the size and shape of your head, what fruit would you use?

I’m guessing I’d use a honeydew melon, or an Israeli cantaloupe.

7) Is there any famous person you'd go gay for? Please state their name. This question is, of course, purely for academic purposes.

Not really. I really like men. (mmm… Matthew Lewis.)

8) If you had the choice, would you rather go to space, meet Paul McCartney, scuba dive in the Pacific Ocean, or sleep with Carmen Electra?

Hands down meet Paul McCartney. I mean, are you kidding me? Who would want to scuba dive--- you could get eaten by sharks!

9) How long have you had your blog? What made you start one?

I’ve had my blog since I was in the 8^th grade (circa 2008) and I started it because my mom is technology illiterate and while she could snoop in my diary, she couldn’t snoop out my blog!

10) What is your weirdest phobia?

I’m afraid of someone breaking into my house and killing me. Not too weird, but I go to irrational measures to ensure this will never happen. I even have a "survival plan" mapped out just in case someone does break into my house. It also doubles as a zombie invasion plan. Oh yes, I'm also afraid of a zombie apocalypse.

11) Do you believe in God?

Touchy question. Let me answer it this way: I was raised in a strict IFB church from the time I was born all the way up until I was 12 when my parents divorced and my dad left organized religion. I believe in karma, and a higher power, but as to what or who that power is I have no idea. Organized religion has left me a little jaded, but I respect ALL religions as long as they don’t condone the harm/defamation of other people.

12) If you could start a collab. blog with any four bloggers, which ones would you do it with?

Hehe… well I actually was a part of a collab. blog called Mix Tape (check it out!) for a short while, but due to school I inevitably had to take a hiatus from it. However seeing as how I can pick ANY bloggers I’ll aim high and pick Perez Hilton, Agent Lover, Matthew Lewis (does Twitter count as blogging?), and Christopher, just because he made this survey.

13) If you were trapped on a desert island with the same four bloggers you mentioned in the last question, which one would you eat first? With which one would you procreate?

…. Well this is awkward. Obviously we would feast upon Perez Hilton. As to whom I would make babies with, isn’t it obvious?

14) What's your favourite 80's movie?

Back to the Future.

15) What kind of music do you listen to?

Err’thang. No really. However if we were to get specific I’ve been recently listening to a lot of Asher Roth, The Streets, Chiddy Bang, Say Anything, Cake, Gwen Stefani, Vampire Weekend, Pantera, AX7, Andrew Bird, Amy Winehouse, Sufjan Stevens, The Sunshine Underground, Chameleon Circuit, Ke$ha, and Tom Felton. Yes, you read right, TOM FELTON.

16) Imagine that you open your bedroom closet one day and suddenly a portal opens up. You can't see what is at the end of the portal, but there is a totoro inside it motioning you to follow him. Would you go inside, even if it might mean you'll never come back?

No. Well perhaps. It depends on whether or not I'm properly dressed.

17) If you're a woman, do you find facial hair on men attractive? If you're a man, do you find facial hair on woman attractive?

Yes, I find it highly attractive. Mmm… unshaved Matthew Lewis…

18) Do you like babies?

I LOVE BABIES. SO MUCH. Even when they scream and throw poop, I find them extremely adorable.

19) What's the most violent thing you've ever done to an inanimate object?

??? I punched a balloon once.

20) What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

At a debate tournament this guy named Travis took my timer and taunted me with it. I yelled “Give it to me!” really loud and he promptly responded with “That’s what she said!” and literally, a crowd of 40 people (mainly guys) busted out laughing. I ended up getting even with him because I beat him to a metaphorical bloody pulp when I debated him later that night.

21) Do you think the world will end in 2012?

No.

22) Have you enjoyed this survey? Be honest, now.

It was amusing. I was expecting it to be a little different.

23) Are you following The Nerd Archives? If not, DO YOURSELF THE FAVOUR OF DOING SO NOW.

Yes.

Read more: The Nerd Archives: A Blogging Survey Named Nicolai http://nerdarchives.blogspot.com/2011/07/blogging-survey-named-nicolai.html#ixzz1TeTqMcmF

As far as tagging, I'm lazy and don't feel like pulling up my friend list so ANYONE who reads this is tagged. Yes, even YOU (people from my school who read my blog but never comment).

My brain is going to explode. Again.

2011-07-29T20:04:00.009-06:00

As I type this my parents are discussing whether or not I should apply for early action/decision for college. I'm a little antsy. And excited.Hopefully if all goes as planned I'll know by November 23rd on whether or not I'm accepted. Then if I am indeed accepted I get to start the wonderful process of filling out their Presidential Scholarship form and applying for their blogging team.

Since last year I've been doing all sorts of scholarship things and I'm also antsy about the fact that within next month they'll be announcing the winners and whatnot.

As for my AP Enviro. homework, I've managed to complete part of it! Hooray! Now I just need to finish it. After writing my last post I felt immensely guilty and I just plowed through until I literally almost fell asleep on my laptop. I dreamed of big leaf mahoganies, and of course, Anderson Cooper.

Yesterday I had a meeting with Ashley concerning Yearbook things and we actually ended up getting a lot done. We met again today and pretty much ironed out most of the management issues and what we were going to tackle when it came to meeting our new staff. I start to itch with excitement whenever I realize that WE will be in charge of making something that the rest of our senior class is going to cherish and hold dear once they exit high school. Or at least that's what I imagine they will do when they see how awesome it is.

Anyways, back to the title of my post. I've been filling out scholarship forms like a crazy madwoman, and you can tell. I spend all day in either shorts or sweats, my hair is in a permanent bun atop my head and--- you should have seen my eyebrows yesterday. They were beastly. Luckily I plucked them early this morning so they don't look too awful.

BTW, I can't stand it when guys say that they hate when girls get their eyebrows done. I knew a guy (that I almost dated) who would rant about how pointless it was. Pointless? I asked him if he would ever date a girl with a unibrow, and he responded with a quick "No way!"

Pointless?

Well yeah, I guess it would be pointless to pluck your eyebrows if you never ever wanted to date.

Needless to say I'm glad I never dated him because apparently he has no idea the time and effort (and not to mention pain) that goes into being a girl. Silly boy, girls aren't naturally hairless minxes!

Also, on yet another completely offbeat tangent: I've fallen in love with dryer sheets. Yes, you read right, DRYER SHEETS. According to this informative article on HelloGiggles, it can be used as mouse repellent, a dusting sheet, odor eater for shoes, static guard, and bee repellent.

Recently I've been using them for dusting, and I must say that they actually work better than those silly swifter things (sidenote: only use the "used" dryer sheets for dusting). Pretty much everyone in my family knows how much I completely DESPISE dusting. It's so tedious, especially when you're like me and you have 20 gazillion trinkets that you have to pick up and dust individually. Gah. But by recycling my used dryer sheets I feel motivated by the smugness I acquire by knowing that I am not only cleaning and dusting, but also being GREEN.

Ok. So I should probably stop myself before I continue to ramble on and on and on and--- well you get the idea.

Oh, but before I forget, if you're participating in Christopher's homework assignment I'd like to

give you guys a little motivation.

And I did it all without having to resort to anonymity. If I can do it, so can you! Plus, it's really great for stress relief. Personally I pretended my insults were being directed towards a certain someone that I've become annoyed by as of late.

I really need to NOT procrastinate.

2011-07-27T22:44:00.006-06:00

So aside from my parents procrastinating about ordering two books for me off of Amazon (consequently causing me to "procrastinate" reading them), I've been procrastinating about my AP Environmental Science homework.

THERE. I admit it.

But honestly, it's not for lack of trying! I've already picked out my 3 endangered species, read up, collected data, come up with witty transitions--- it's just actually putting it in essay form that has me literally staring at the screen for five minutes, only to get distracted by my dog, who needs to go outside ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Ok. Blaming my dog and lack of proper yard fencing isn't fair. I also get distracted on Google news.

Oh, and I also sometimes find myself Googling pictures of Ryan Gosling, Brad Pitt, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Christopher Gorham, and the majority of the male Harry Potter cast. Interestingly enough, Matthew Lewis, the actor who played Neville Longbottom has become really handsome as of late. No really, LOOK AT HIM. Not to mention his charming accent AND he's quite funny on Twitter. Guys, I think I'm in celebri-love (sorry John Stamos, but the love I had for you when I was 5 has slowly dissipated).

Also, I find myself wondering why I even signed up for AP Enviro. I mean, the teacher is infamously harsh and known for making her students cry (some find this quality oddly endearing...) and the course load is INSANE. Oh, did I mention her name is Eunice?--- it's almost too good to be true. I really didn't want a blow off science class though. I mean, our Forensics class literally just watches Bones all the time and learns how to make synthetic marijuana.

I also didn't want to go to college only to end up having to adjust to taking difficult classes. Pragmatically I realize that keeping momentum is probably for the best, but I can't help but wonder what I signed myself up for.

AP Breakdown and future excuse as to why I won't blog as much during the school year: AP Economics, AP Govt., AP Environmental Science, AP Studio Art, AP Art History, AP English (literature). That's 6 honor courses that I have the potential to get college credit for--- if I ace the exams at the end of the year.

Not to mention I'm yearbook Co-Editor, so my time is going to be sparse as it is. I really don't want to drop any of my honors courses, but I'd also like to avoid having a mental breakdown due to all of the stress that I'll probably have. Hopefully I'll actually form, and meet with study groups during the year.

Anyways, this post was pretty much a form of procrastination towards my AP Enviro homework. I sat down and typed an introductory paragraph about big leaf mahoganies, only to erase all of it because it was complete and utter crap. Ugh.

OH. Dude. I just read on the news that Alex Trebek, the host of Jeopardy injured his Achilles tendon CHASING a burglar! How kick ass is that? Btw, I'm a die hard Jeopardy fan. Sexy, I know.

OH. And just in case you were too lazy to click on any of the Matthew Lewis related links:

Insert dirty Harry Potter pick up line here: ____________________________________

Yeah... I don't think those papers are going to get done anytime soon -.-

College Anxiety

2011-07-27T00:22:00.003-06:00

click to enlarge. do it to see how ridiculous the distance is.

College.

The idea of moving 975 miles and 15 hours and 46 minutes away is a bit daunting, especially the part about living with a complete stranger. While a little scared I am extremely excited about going somewhere new, where I know no one. Fresh starts are completely wonderful, and I’m looking forward to make the best of the one that faces me next fall.

I’ve been doing a lot of research at the college I’ll be attending and they have 6 different rooming situations ranging from a traditional double room that is included in the comprehensive college fee, to a single deluxe suite that is $4,750 a year. My first year I’m most definitely going to be in a standard room so without question I’m going to have a roommate, and I’m a little apprehensive about this.

What if she hates me?

What if she’s completely annoying?

What if she judges me for my personal tastes?

Of course, I’m not perfect either. I live in a state of organized chaos that irks my OCD stepmom. I always have a clean floor, but my bookshelves are stuffed to the brim and there are even more piles of books everywhere else I can squeeze them. I don’t have any proper area for my art things so they kind of just lay wherever, and my computer desk? Yeah. I don’t even want to talk about that. But I’m clean for the most part. My dirty laundry ends up in its basket, if I drink something or eat something the night before the dishes get put up and cleaned in the morning. I’m not a fan of dusting, so I usually do that a few times a month (gastly! I know.) and my decorations are eclectic/indie.

Needless to say I’m sure a lot of my habits will annoy whomever I end up rooming with. I’m so envious of my friends who are going to the same college and have the opportunity to live with each other, but at the same time I would hate the possibility of conflict.

Out of all of this jumbled mess of nerves that comes with preparing for college the roommate situation is what bothers me the most. If I’m stressed out I can’t seek out solitude and my parent’s house for the weekend, and what if I get sick? I’ve never had to deal with being sick or physically stressed on my own before. I’m good with taking care of others, but if it weren’t for my parents I’d be going to school with fevers and whatnot, completely unaware of why I felt under the weather.

I like planning ahead, or at least I like knowing what to expect. I’m quite aware that this is my inner control freak coming out, but when I read things like this, I get anxious. I feel the need to form a game plan, if you will, so that I won’t be caught off guard.

Like me, I know a few of you guys are in the same boat as me--- preparing for college and whatnot and I feel a little relieved that I won’t necessarily be the only one stressing about this. My friends for the most part are staying local, so they don’t have to worry about things as much.

Anyways, I found this article a little reassuring. However the roommate contract thing seems like it would be a little weird to approach, but helpful in the long run.

What about you higher education veterans? Any advice?

What I do when I have the house to myself.

2011-07-26T16:43:00.005-06:00

Rain Update: It rained again the next day! And it was sprinkling lightly this morning! Personally I hate walking in the rain, but since we don't have a fence around my yard and my dog can jump out of his 4ft high pen my sister and I rotate the days we walk him. However it's been so dry and miserable as of late that I'm actually willing to go outside and get a little wet. All of our umbrellas have either disappeared or been chewed up by my dog so I've just been using a hoodie to keep myself dry. Yesterday a rain shower caught me off guard and I didn't feel like walking back inside to grab my hoodie so I just toughed it out and walked around with my dog until he felt content. Not smart. After about a minute or so I was thoroughly drenched and to top it off I was unaware that I was wearing a white t-shirt until a truck full of Mexicans and their lawn gear drove by and shouted and whistled at me. Yeah. Thwarted by the white t-shirt yet again.

And now for the scheduled post:

I like being home alone. Well, I'm not really alone because I have my dog, but still. Today I started my day by drinking chilled water and watching Law and Order: SVU all by myself. And then I took a LONG nap without any judgement or accusations of being anti-social.

Periodically I walk my dog and secretly let him off the leash to roam as he wishes. No matter what time it is, if I feel motivated I make yummy food for myself including, but not limited to: plum cake, french toast, omelets, pasta with homemade sauce--- all made from scratch. I'm thinking about making crepes later tonight, but I'm having difficulty deciding on a filling... Or I might just wait until tomorrow morning and do a fresh fruit filling.

I crank up my music and bellow out with Adele, Amy Winehouse, Ella Fitzgerald, Gwen Stefani--- really I sing anything I halfway know the words to. I sing in the living room/kitchen though so I can keep an eye on the driveway. My dad has an erratic work schedule and I want to avoid any awkwardness.

Speaking of awkwardness I hate wearing bras. So I usually ditch them and go about my daily activities carefree and unrestricted. Sometimes I secretly do this, but I wear a baggy shirt or thick sweater so no one can tell, but when I'm alone? I just wear a regular shirt. I like to equate the feeling to "free balling". Oh is it glorious.

Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly productive I draw an herbal bath for myself and read a few books or so.

I really enjoy having the house to myself. I know that what I do is a little cliche and not at all daring or risque, so what about you guys? I sincerely hope none of you kill hookers.

Rain is nice.

2011-07-25T11:56:00.003-06:00

source

_{It rained yesterday.}

_{And it was glorious.}

_{When I left on vacation I left behind dead, dry, cruchy grass that was my yard for the tropical wonderland that is Florida. From the moment we hit Louisiana things felt moister than my area of Texas in a long time. I savored the weather, which was actually in double digits.}

_{As soon as I returned home I observed with a little sadness that things were still dry, and very, very brown. My dad, unlike our neighbors, sees no point watering a yard in a middle class neighborhood. It makes sense. Who are we trying to impress? Why waste valuable water, and run up our water bill for that matter, on grass that my dog is using as a toilet? It makes sense. My dad says that the reason it’s averaging 100-105 degrees right now is because the moisture in our soil is currently 5%, as opposed to our usual 10%--- not to mention by this time last summer we actually had a significant amount of rain.}

_{But when it did rain? The sun was beginning to set as dark clouds approached my neighborhood and it started to pour. When I looked outside I expected to see the shade of grey that usually accompanies showers, but instead I was met with an eerily stunning sepia tone. Scientifically I couldn’t help but wonder if the sepia effect was caused by the sickly hue of our grass playing off of the droplets.}

_{It needs to rain more.}

I'm going to talk about the last HP movie

2011-07-24T06:37:00.008-06:00

For a long time I had been mentally preparing myself for the end of this series. Sure, like everyone else I knew how the movie was going to end, I knew who was going to die, and of course I knew the happy ending that was awaiting everyone. However seeing the final movie cemented what I had known all along: Harry's story was finally over. I will never see Dan Radcliffe in those trademark glasses, nor will I see James and Oliver Phelps in all their ginger glory ever again.

The cinematography was absolutely brilliant, and the book to film adaptation was nice. Yes, I was a little disappointed that they had left some things out--- however when has Hollywood NOT left out important details? I was greatly upset that the movie was only a mere 131 minutes and also the shortest of the eight films. Personally I would have liked a Lord of the Rings type movie that would have been tremendously long(or at least over 200 minutes), but we can't have everything.

Honestly though, I had a great experience during the film. Throughout the entire movie I was a bit teary, and I was especially so during Snape's memories. Seeing as how Fred was one of my favorite characters I was a little sad that they didn't put more emphasis on his death, but then again, I probably would have cried like a baby if they had. Currently I'm trying to fill the gaping hole left in my heart now that the films are over with re-reading the books, fanfiction about George Weasley, and kicking holes into walls. Ok. I lied about the last one. I'm really actually just playing tug of war with my doggie.

And, at least we'll have Pottermore!

I'm back! And tan!

2011-07-22T16:46:00.024-06:00

Guys. If you ever get the chance you must visit Universal Studios. MUST. Before I had stepped foot onto the park I was just expecting to see Harry Potter world and be done, but honestly I think I had more fun seeing everything else than the Harry Potter part.

Even though a lot of my friends had told me in advance that the Harry Potter portion was small, you really can’t comprehend how microcosmic it is compared to everything else until you’re there to see it for yourself. That being said, if you’re a hardcore Harry Potter fan like me you’ll definitely be impressed by their attention to detail on everything. The architecture was spot on, Buckbeak was believable, and the Hogwarts castle (and talking paintings!) make you feel like you stepped into one of the films. Sadly, I wasn’t able to go inside Olivander’s because the line literally was the length of the HP park; however I did manage to squeeze into the other shops. I also managed to ride The Dragon Challenge and Flight of the Hippogriff three times each.

The Butterbeer was yummy, but it was basically just butterscotch flavored soda with a cream topping (btw, I love butterscotch flavorings). It’s $10.50 US for 12oz. in a souvenir mug, so it’s kind of one of those “one time” things. Speaking of prices, I brought $80 with me (which was less than what I brought with me to Las Vegas) and I spent about $78 and got ¼ the amount of souvenirs that I bought last year. Everything there was EXTREMLY overpriced; the quality was mid-grade. I got a t-shirt, the Butterbeer, and my friend Rebekka’s birthday gifts and that was it. Overall I’d give my HP Universal experience a 8/10. We stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel (which was awesome) and all of the service people were super nice. Also, in order to get to the park from the hotel you had to take a water taxi, which ran until 2am. Judge me if you want, but anything boat related I get super excited about for some odd reason…

One thing I found interesting about my stay at the park was the fact that 80% of the people there weren’t American. While I was there they had SIX Brazilian tour groups, not to mention various Europeans and Asians who were taking their vacations there as well. Oh man, I’m going to miss those beautiful, gorgeous, HOT Brazilian guys. Ah, and all of the lovely French men were appreciated as well. According to my dad, due to the fact that the American economy is worth shit right now foreigners are taking advantage of the fact that the American dollar is so low. BTW, if China buys out America I’m probably going to move to Australia or New Zealand. Just saying.

Anyways, my grandparents were awesome and paid for Express passes that let us cut in most of the lines; however there were a few rides that you had to wait in line for despite having an Express pass. In the three days we were there my sister and I managed to ride all but three or four of the rides at the park (unfortunately Jaws was broken :( ). I’m pretty roller coaster-ed out. Also, next time I visit a theme park I’m not taking my sister. She was a mega bitch most of the time and complained and whined until she got her way despite the fact that this trip was MY senior trip from my grandparents. Also, sharing a bed with her SUCKED--- she kicks in her sleep and steals the covers. I woke up cold almost every night and had to steal back a portion of the blanket so I wouldn’t freeze (my family cranked the AC every night) and then she would kick off the remaining blankets in her sleep and blame me in the morning for stealing it. It’s so hard to not be petty around her. I seriously thought about cutting her hair in the middle of the night, but luckily I had enough self control… I’m so glad that she’s leaving for Houston in a few days.

Horrible sister aside, I did get to work on my tan while I was in Florida, and I am now a toasty golden brown. I took advantage of the weather (which was a lot nicer than Texas’) and went to the pool as often as possible. I’m so lucky that I don’t burn like the rest of my family. The worst that has ever happened to me was when I spent the entire day at a water park with my friend Hannah and I got a little pink, and peeled a little. Gross, I know.

Currently I’m trying be more interesting while writing this, but honestly I’m so tired from travelling that all I want to do right now is crash. I guess I’ll just leave you guys with these pictures.

The only thing that bothered me was the fact that at certain angles you could see palm trees surrounding Hogwarts...

QR code test

2011-07-20T15:18:00.003-06:00

Vacation!

2011-07-14T21:10:00.003-06:00

Guys. You have no idea how excited I am. I know, I know most of you are sick of me talking about how I get to go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, but if you can imagine somewhere that you’ve always wished to go to times 10, you could understand my excitement.

Anyways, we’re driving down there and I’ll be there for about four days(!) and then we’re driving back home. Keep in mind we’re driving from TEXAS to FLORIDA. Luckily for me I live in east Texas, so at least we don’t have to cross the entire state.

I promise to take pictures and upload them ASAP, but until then I probably won’t be blogging too much. I’m bringing my laptop, but I’m not going to use it that much due to the fact that my real life > my online life right now.

I SHALL RETURN!

Subway with Dad

2011-07-13T12:05:00.004-06:00

Today was nice. I went to Subway with my dad and had a nice lunch.

As mediocre as that sounds, I look forward to these lunches/outings due to the fact that my dad is forever busy with running his business. Since he's an entrepreneur he works around the clock, and when he's not working, he's usually too tired to do anything but eat and rest. However, he's been like that my entire life, even before he started his own business.

My mom of course was batshit and would think that whenever he was out of town with his welding gig he was cheating. According to my dad, the only mistress he ever had was Work.

So like I said, whenever he makes time for me I feel extremely special. We pretty much just talked more about college and whether or not I wanted to stick with advertising, and about my AP scores which came in.

I made a 3 on my AP US History test and a 4 on my AP English Language and Composition test, meaning that I passed both of them, but only got college credit for English. Ah well, I honestly did the best in my ability on the APUSH test however I didn't feel like my teacher adequately prepared me for it. That being said, at least I didn't fail it! Also, in case your school doesn't do AP, it's pretty much just a wide-range knowledge test over the subject and is scored on a scale of 1-5(being the highest) and you are eligible for college credit if you manage to get a 4 or 5.

Next year I'll be taking 6 AP exams. Wait, did you guys hear that? I think that was my social life evaporating into thin air. Oh well. At least for right now I can just focus on being happy because my tummy is full of a yummy delicious Subway sandwich.

Thrifting is fun

2011-07-11T20:12:00.012-06:00

On Saturday I embarked upon a wonderful adventure with my friend Rebekka. Our original plan was to hit up an Estate sale and various scattered garage sales, but when you live in a town like mine, there isn't anything too special waiting to be "discovered" from the yards of our fellow townspeople. So we made a plan B and just hit up various thrift/antique places around town.

Overall we went to 3 shops, and even managed to swing by our local art museum. It was really fun, despite the scorching weather. No, really it was 102 degrees and sunny--- so you can imagine the heat index was more like 105.

The first place we went to was just your average thrift store. I ended up scoring a VHS of Pocahontas. I had a copy when I was little that I would watch OVER AND OVER until parts of it skipped so bad that you couldn't even see what was going on. Anyways, I would have much preferred a copy of it on DVD, but I'm cool with a VHS copy-- I mean it was only $1.99! While we were there we discovered this lounge/couch thing that was straight out of the 80s.

When I lifted up the cushion the wicker underneath was all duct-taped together, and clearly on it's last legs. It was only $6! What a steal! *sarcasm*

A record player straight out of the late 70s, early 80s! And look at me and all my no-make up glory! Shameless. Actually, there was pragmatic strategy behind my actions believe it or not. I knew that if I did indeed wear make up I would just sweat it off in the heat, so in order to save myself from looking like my face had melted off I settled for the au-natural look. And I was lazy.

Later on we went to this place called Betty's Antiques and it was HOT inside. It was really awesome though because it was this giant wearhouse stacked floor to ceiling with the coolest stuff you could imagine. It reminded me a bit of Wearhouse 13, but none of the stuff was paranormal... or at least I hope not. There were a lot of dream catchers, so who knows!
The entire place was jam packed and you had to squeeze your way into certain areas and there were books EVERYWHERE. I snagged a book club edition of Stephen King's Dead Zone for $3! I've already started the process to hollow it out.

Anyways, since then I've cleaned my grandparent's house (which honestly wasn't that bad) and met with Ashley to discuss yearbook things. I'm leaving for Universal Studios soon, so I really need to be packing and whatnot...

btw, Rebekka took all of these cool pictures!

Why is this diagram so true?

2011-07-10T14:03:00.001-06:00

I promise, a post with actual writing, paragraphs and whatnot will be coming soon.

Take Home

2011-07-08T23:39:00.004-06:00

I've been getting a lot of pressure from my ENTIRE family (sans my mom) to bring home a guy. And the thought that I will eventually have to bring someone over scares the crap out of me. With Shawn I was pretty lucky that he was so busy with boxing and work that the only spare time he had was to hang out with me. I also lucked out in the fact that Travis conveniently lived four hours north of me, and then once he moved closer to go to college he was too busy studying/gaming to be invited over. And Paul--- well that just wasn't going to happen.

However I'm fully aware that I'm not going to be able to give my parents the runaround forever. Eventually I'm going to have to bring someone home and have to get over my fears that everything will just be so awkward that I'm going to shrivel up an die.

I probably wouldn't be so freaked out if they didn't mention it to me all the time. My sister goes through boys faster than her nail colors (which change bi-weekly) and is completely fine with talking about her relationships and whatnot, whereas I'm extremely uncomfortable. Whenever I find something that I really cherish it's kind of one of those things where I just don't like to share or talk about it until I feel like it's... safe. I don't know. It's hard to explain.

Ugh. And with it being my senior year of High School they've been "concerned" about prom for me. I specifically got a request from my nice, yet senile grandma to not take a girl. WTF. I wasn't planning on taking a girl. If fact I was probably just going to ask one of my guy friends. My stepmom's request is to actually go with someone that I like in a non-platonic manner. Well, if I could somehow convince Anderson Cooper to take me to prom then perhaps I could fill that request. I just don't want to go with someone who's going to get plastered and puke on everyone before prom has even started. Plus from a parental standpoint going with a friend should not be taken for granted. At least I won't find out that I'm pregnant right before graduation like this one girl at my school.

What's even worse is whenever I go to family things, as soon as I walk out of the room and I hear all of the adults talking and 9/10 times they say something along the lines of "she does like boys... right?"

JESUS. Holy Mary Mother of God if I didn't like boys then why, pray tell, do I possess a mini shrine of Adam Lavine? Why do I run to the TV whenever I find out that Anderson Cooper is on? Why do I freak out when I discover that my childhood crush Christopher Connor might be coming to the U.S. from China (his parents are missionaries) to visit? Let me tell you, it's definitely NOT because I'm hoping to emulate their manliness.

Sometimes, when my parent's are being particularly dramatic they try to guilt me by saying that the only reason why I won't bring anyone home is because I'm ashamed of them. That hurts a little. The fact that they would make that assumption, and then accuse me of it upsets me. I wish they would just give me my space and let me work things out on my own terms. And I also think they should be counting their blessings that I'm too preoccupied with school, extracurricular activities, the news (and C-SPAN!), and art to get seriously involved with guys. I mean, my stepmom is always talking about her friends in high school who got too wrapped up in a relationships that they usually ended up screwing their entire lives up. So far, there are at least 4 girls in my grade who have gotten pregnant and guess what? It all started when they brought a boy home.

Ugh. I'm over all this pressure. I'm almost tempted to pay one of my guy friends to just come home with me and pretend we're dating for a week. Then we'll have a dramatic break up fight at the door and it'll end in him breaking a window out of anger. And then the cops will be called, and my parents will never speak to me about bringing home another boy ever again.

Everyone and their mom has a blog

2011-07-08T09:27:00.005-06:00

Lately I have been feeling paranoid due to the fact that more people that I know IRL* are starting to blog/read my blog. While most of you might find this silly, I've been blogging since the 8th grade. Don't believe me? Check my 2008 archive that is so unbearable to look at that I've contemplated deleting it. I started blogging because it was the only way I could write without my mom snooping in my journal and demanding that my dad send me to counseling because of my unnatural obsession with Tom Felton and my weird drawings. No lie. I had to endure 2 years worth of counselling with a shrink merely due to the fact that my mom felt uncomfortable with what I wrote in my journal.

When I began I initially went solely under the pseudonym Bookish.Spazz, and never even DARED mentioning my real name or anything. Over the years I met some wonderful, like minded people who made me feel comfortable enough in my writing and the things that I shared that I became a little more lax about things (like becoming FB friends/Twitter followers, etc.). At the time a handful of my friends knew that I wrote a blog, and only my closest friends even had the URL.

But now? As I grew older, and as blogging grew in mainstream popularity more and more people at my school started blogging and discovering my blog. What makes it worse is the fact that things that I've shared with you guys (my wonderfully awesome blogger friends) are now known to people who I previously thought could have cared less about my personal life. At school I'm classified as the sarcastic, artistic spazz who often has contrasting opinions on pretty much everything (especially politics), but online I feel more like myself--- and the fact that people can read about my love/hate relationship with my grandma or my somewhat crazy mom, and other awkward things at times makes me feel a little uncomfortable because in person, it's really hard for me to talk about these things without cracking a cynical joke here and there and brushing things off like it's no big deal.

Earlier today I thought about removing some posts that I thought would offend people from my school, but the more I thought about it the more I realized how absurd that was. This blog is for me. The reason why I made it and kept it is because it not only allowed me to share the triumphs and high points in my life, but it also was a way for me to open up and get words of support and comfort when I was down. So you know what? I'm done being paranoid and uncomfortable with the idea that people that I know IRL read what I write.

If they don't like it they can just read the disclaimer off to the side and move on with their lives.

-----

Now onto another tangent. I've also been getting an influx of new commenters who just drop by, tell me I have a nice blog, and ask me to follow them. This bothers me. It's like a one night stand, but in comment form. This happened to me before, back when I was a blogging newbie and I naively took the bait and followed/linked them only to never hear from them again.

Let's get two things straight right here and right now:

1) I don't like popularity/attention whores in real life, so obviously that means that I don't like them online either. Getting new readers is awesome, but honestly it means nothing to me if they don't genuinely care about what I'm writing and their only ambition is to hit 1000 followers so they can brag about it to their friends. There's a difference between meeting new bloggers to become friends with and just using people to boost your blog up the ranks.

2) If you stumble upon my blog and just randomly decide to follow me, I'll check out your blog, and if I like it I'll follow it. It's as simple as that. Rarely do I follow fashion blogs because I honestly think most of them are just random girls who think pairing a heavy wool sweater with daisy dukes and stilettos is cool. It's not. It just means that you still dress like a 5 year old and you have no idea what the weather is outside. If I find a fashion blog that I like (ex. this, this, or this) then I follow it and I don't expect a followback because usually the blog is run by someone in the fashion/design industry and they have better things to do than read some 17 year old's blog. However I often get these follow requests from amateurs who are only trying to gain quick popularity and I just ignore them.

Anyways, I'm going to step off of my soapbox for now and call it a day.

*In Real Life

DIYs FTW

2011-07-07T15:36:00.008-06:00

I’ve been crafty lately! Yesterday I found this really awesome DIY for how to make a hollow book. Whenever I get excited about something I usually have a “right now” mentality, plus when I get that excited I tend to have a one track mind. Yesterday morning I gathered up all of my supplies and got to work, wanting to finish the book as soon as possible. On the DIY guide it said that it would take upwards to two nights to cut out all the pages, but since I’m also impatient I got in done in less than 2 hours. Did I mention that I was watching Scott Pilgrim vs.

The World while I was working?

Sure, if I was a perfectionist I would have spent more time meticulously cutting out the pages making sure that there weren’t many raggedy edges, but hey I’m not. After I was done cutting out the pages I sanded the edges slightly to make it look a little better. And I kind of like the raggedy edge feel. It took me forever to find a book that I was willing to cut up, but I finally settled on this old withdrawn library book that I rescued a year ago.

The book is about Buddhism, and it came from a tiny library in my dad’s hometown. I’m a bit sad that I sold a lot of my hardcover books a few weeks ago, but I think I might go thrifting for more hardcover books this weekend. -Look at all those pages! It didn’t really take that long to cut out all the pages, but then again I didn’t really do it too neatly. Honestly the thing that was the most time consuming was waiting for all of the glue to dry that’s holding the pages together.

Aaaaand it’s done! I put some patterned paper in the back to make it look prettier. I don’t really know what I’m going to use it for yet… I guess if any burglars come to my house they won’t be able to steal my quarters and gift cards??

Or I could use it to store all of my trinkets and sparkly things! I don’t know. I’ll probably just use it to sneak beef jerky into my AP Economics class next year. It’s not really deep enough to hide anything aside from candy or money. Oh well, at least I finally have one! I’ve always wanted one, but I didn’t want to buy the crappy fake looking wooden ones and I really didn’t feel like paying $15-$45 for one on Etsy (plus shipping?!) because, well, I’m a Frugal Fran. However, if I did have the cash I would probably splurge on this flask shaped one, even though I don’t have a flask :/

The next time I make one I'll probably spend more time on it so it doesn't look so raggedy.

My Wall, and more designs.

2011-07-06T23:22:00.006-06:00

I know guys, how have I not posted a picture of all of the wonderful things I have on my wall?! Oh wait... you don't care?

Oh well. Let me be delusional in the fact that you actually do indeed find my wall hangings interesting. A few days ago I had the pleasure of spending time with one of my friends home from college for the summer. Excited about getting another opinion about my designs I whipped out my humongo laptop and showed him the different templates I had made thus far and he was silent for a little while.

I was a little freaked out by the lack of commentary until he looked up at me and said, "Dude. All of your picture placements look like your wall. You know, the one next to your bed?"

WHAT.

I felt a little silly for not noticing this sooner, but at least I know that my design habits are consistent. Sidenote: please don't judge me for the Prom movie poster. I'm a girl.

And now we're at the part of the post where I dump three more template designs on you guys. As per usual, I put some pictures in to help simulate what the book would look like with images.

Yeah. I tried designing some sports templates, but they didn't really turn out the way I wanted them to. And I couldn't even finish one due to the fact that I was so fed up with it. I'm sure Ashley will have no problem whipping up a few for the yearbook :) Ah it's so nice to have a Co-Editor to help design things!

My Bag

2011-07-04T11:59:00.008-06:00

Well, hey there!

A while back Lizzie did a ‘what’s in your bag’ type of post, and being a bandwagon-y type of person I decided to do one too.

I’ve had this bag since, my gosh. I think the 7^th grade--- which means I’ve had it for about 6 years. It’s not the bag that I use all the time, but whenever I’m in a rush and I just need to throw everything in a bag and get out the door this is usually the bag I grab. This girl Savannah that I used to be friends with gave it to me because she was sick of it (after only having it for 2 months!) so I gladly relieved her of it. I love this bag because it’s HUGE and it’s good if I’m packing to go somewhere on the weekend, or if I’m sneaking a box of sushi into the movie theater. Plus, it’s very bohemian and I can wear it with almost my entire wardrobe, unlike some of my other bags.

CONTENTS:

1. My pencil/paintbrush/x-acto knife case! It has all of my art utensils that I use when I’m on the go. It was a gift from my Great Aunt Judy.

2. My Texas wallet that I bought at the Alamo. Yeah it’s kitschy, but it’s so convenient! While my more fashionable friends think it’s tacky and roll their eyes at the sight of it, I love its inherent Texan charm. Plus it has a strap for my house key, the only key I posess.

3. The coolest kaleidoscope ever. I got it at the cracker barrel, and whenever I’m bored at school or in a vehicle travelling I just whip it out and enjoy the pretty colors. It was a gift from my (nice) grandparents.

4. A mirror compact, that was also a gift from someone that I don’t really talk to anymore. It smells like cherry blossoms.

5. My tiny, tiny phone. Since I don’t really text a lot my parents didn’t really want to invest in anything fancy.

6. RED MOLESKIN! I love this thing. I bought it about 2 years ago and all of the pages are almost full. I need to buy a new one. Also, I have about 3 full pages of nothing but chinese fortunes. I saved all of my favorite ones.

7. Yet another journal. I use it mainly for non-artsy things like interviews, homework reminders, personal reminders and whatnot.

8. A flashlight that was a gift from Hannah’s mom to use while we were at camp. Since it was a low-tech camp there were very few lights and after each nigh activity we had to walk back to our cabins as quickly as possible in order to make it back in time for curfew. It was literally a 10 minute walk that required us to walk through forest-y and swampy areas, so it was imperative to bring something to light a walkway. If you didn’t you’d either trip over massive tree roots or step into marshes and get all wet and soggy. I haven’t taken it out of my bag because you never know if you’ll need a flashlight!

9. A make-up bag that I got for Christmas from my aunt Andria. 80% of the time I don’t wear make-up, but when I do it’s usually just eye make-up. I also have band-aids, bobby pins, and a emergency sewing kit inside. It’s good to be prepared!

Geez. Now that I read this, over half of my stuff is just stuff that people gave me. Eh, I’m cool with free stuff :P

What about the rest of you guys? I’m curious to see what you carry around on a daily basis…

Untitled

2011-07-03T20:56:00.003-06:00

In my last post I said that I cut my hair, which prompted some of you to ask for a picture of what it looks like now. Well here you go! Sorry if it’s a bit anti-climactic. I didn’t do anything fancy with it, in fact this is what my hair looks like au-natural with no product/spray. All I did was brush it. If any of my family has noticed, they haven't led onto the fact that they have. Plus, my hair is naturally curly so it's sort of hard to tell that it's any shorter.

Anyways, today was pretty good because I got to hang out with my friend Rebekka. We went to the movies and saw Super 8, which was surprisingly funny. Or perhaps I just have a weird sense of humor. Since going to the movies was pretty spur of the moment, we just barely made it in time before the movie started showing. Of course, all of the seats were taken except for the front row so we had to strain our necks to see the movie. Oh well, if was better than being at home.

The process of leaving my house was ridiculous. As soon as I informed my stepmom and grandma that I was going to leave around 2 they piled a whole bunch of chores on me last minute saying that I needed to do them before I left. So it was 12:45 and I needed to shower, get dressed, clean the kitchen, put up laundry, and sweep all the floors in the house. Yeah.

It started with being asked to clean the kitchen, and I thought, ok, no big deal I can get this done in 20 or so minutes, and then it just spiraled downhill from there. I got it all done though! It’s a good thing I’m pretty low maintenance because just as I finished putting on my eye shadow Rebekka showed up at my house.

When I got home after the movie I had to help my sister bring in an extra table because my step-grandparents were coming over for dinner. I like them. They don’t nag me, or make me feel stupid. Plus, the only biological grandchild they have is my little brother, so they treat me and my sisters really well. Because they were over my grandma was on her best behavior and didn’t bother my sister and I as much as she usually does. It was nice.

As most of you guys stateside are aware, tomorrow is Independence day! I’m going to spend it with my family; we’re doing a traditional BBQ brisket with veggies and watermelon for dessert. Then after that we’re probably going to see my city’s firework show. It’s nothing too extraordinary; just the usual all American day. To everyone else celebrating, have fun and stay safe!

Acting out

2011-07-02T19:26:00.005-06:00

I did it.

I finally cut my own hair. Sure to most of you people cutting your hair is nothing amazing, but to me, someone who's only ever cut their own hair once (when I was five) this is a big act of rebellion.

It's always been an unspoken rule in my house that Hair + Scissors = a lot of trouble. But after the day that I had, I had to do something to make myself feel better. As most of you know, my grandma is still staying with us until the 4th and her negativity has not only rubbed off on my sister, but my stepmom as well. This morning she jumped on EVERY little thing I said including harmless smalltalk. Needless to say I just didn't talk the rest of the day.

After lunch my sister abruptly left to go to her friend's house, leaving me with the brunt of our chores. Add to that, my grandma is constantly nagging me about stuff that's not even important. Honestly, she's always eavesdropping and everything she says is either rude, completely gross, or irrelevant. Sometimes it's all three.

SO. In light of those events I decided to do something for myself to let off some steam. It's been a good 6 months to a year since I got my last hair cut, and my hair has been riddled with split ends. No lie, about 3 inches of my hair was nothing but split ends.

My hair had been bugging me since April, and it was never the "right time" to get my hair trimmed so finally I just got fed up today and resolved to do something. After I cleaned up dinner I grabbed the scissors from my art supplies, locked the bathroom door, and hacked off a good 2 1/2-3 inches of my hair. I feel great. I didn't want to do anything to make my parents even more tense than they already are, so I decided against doing anything too outrageous. Plus, I doubt they'll even notice. My sister might, but definitely not my dad.

My family has been making jokes about how they can't wait for me to go to college so they can have me out of the house, and honestly I feel the exact same way at this point. I mean, when I leave I'll miss my baby brother and my dog, but will I miss all the crap they give me? Heck no. I can take criticism from my dad and stepmom, but when anyone else in my family (especially my 13 year old sister) criticizes me I get upset because I don't feel like they have any right to give me crap when I can't return the favor without being "disrespectful".

But hey, only a year more to go until college, and at least my hair feels healthy again! I'm just going to continue to lay low (family wise) and keep on doing little things to stay positive. :)

My Mantra

2011-07-01T22:22:00.004-06:00

So this poster pretty much sums up what I was trying to verbalize in this post.

I've already printed out a little 8x11 to hang up on my wall, and when I move to college I plan on ordering a big poster. Yes. It will be great.

In other news, I've decided to mentally inhabit a different universe filled with foreign guys, awesome films, and vegan gurus while my grandmother is in town. Delusional? Yes. Effective? Also yes.

This is why I dread holidays

2011-07-01T12:21:00.005-06:00

My grandmother is back in town, and as per usual her presence has put both my sister and I in a sour mood.

And I mean, seeing her every now and then is GREAT but every month? For extended periods of time? At my family's home? Yeah. Not so much. Honestly if her visits weren't so frequent, I might be able to forget everything and actually start to miss her instead of dread her presence. She just makes everything so inconvenient for my sister and I, and heaven forbid I say something just completely disagreeable! Therefore I resolved 5 visits ago to just say as little as possible. Now I supposedly posses a bad attitude and I think I'm better than everyone. Yes. That is why I don't say much. Because I have a complex. It couldn't possibly be my fear of being ridiculed and declared "stupid".

Not only is my grandma extremely crass (she enjoys playing the "I'm old so I say whatever I want" card) but she's always making things really uncomfortable. Like today at lunch she decided to start talking about circumcision. First she started talking about this 78 year old who got circumcised (added bonus, he also had a penis implant that allowed him to have a semi hard-on all the time!) and then she started talking about her dad (and how he was never circumcised) and then my uncles---- once she started an anecdote about my dad I had to just tune EVERYTHING out. Who knew leftover spaghetti could be so interesting?

Sweet baby Jesus. Is it just me, or is that inappropriate table talk? It wouldn't bother me so much if she didn't give my sister and I so much crap about our bad table manners. EXCUSE ME. Last time I checked, I ate my food at a decent rate (and I don't puke for eating to fast like she does), I don't burp at the table (or in public for that matter... unlike her), I keep a napkin in my lap or beside my plate at all times, and I know how to cut my own steak. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly is bad about my table manners (especially when I've been complimented by others on multiple occasions on how well I conduct myself). Personally, I think she says that because my sister and I dislike most of the things she cooks. Forgive me for liking every vegetable aside from bell peppers and onions--- last time I checked, eating around something isn't a felony.

The thing that really bothers me and actually pushes me to the point that I'm so enraged I have to shut myself in my room to calm down is when she makes racist comments about my mom.

Yes, I'm fully aware that my mother and I don't get along very well, but she's my mom. When my grandmother says the things she says about my mom, not only is she insulting her, but she's insulting me and my sisters as well for being half Filipino. And when she says that she's not being racist all I can do is scream BULLSHIT mentally. I have contemplated many times about confronting her, but I realized that she would only see what I was saying as disrespectful and I would only end up getting in trouble. So I'm just going to continue holding my tongue.

I'm just hoping that if she ever moves down here I'll have already moved away to college. I don't think I could handle my grandma 24/7. It's bad enough she's staying till Monday. I've already had to do a handful of unnecessary things, and I'm expecting a whole lot more in the upcoming days. Oh well, I'll need the extra activity to burn off all the calories from all of the heavy, starchy, meaty meals she's planned out. If I die of a heart attack or heat stroke, you guys know why.

In the end I really do love my grandma because she's family. I mean, she pretty much furnished my childhood.

I'll stop being so melodramatic and quietly angsty once I get some space.

Websites that I like to peruse when I have an inkling of free time.

2011-06-30T12:18:00.003-06:00

So it’s summer, and if you’re like me you’re stuck in this waiting mode because you’re schedule has these random gaps of free days. But have no fear! I’ve come to share some of my favorite websites that help me pass the time while I wait anxiously for my road trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

I don’t know about you guys, but I love infographics. Wait, you don’t know what that is? (huge gasp!) let me enlighten you! An infographic is a hip, new way of relaying information in a user friendly and engaging format. Think of it as the less boring version of a powerpoint! Good.is <- a place you should check out if you want to be informed on random things.

Secondly, shout out to my girls! If you’re a guy you’ll probably want to avoid HelloGiggles.com due to the fact that it might de-man you (what?). BUT if you’re a girl that likes cute videos, fashion tips, and articles written by Zooey Deschanel, then go directly to Hello Giggles. Now.

Also, I like perusing various design zines/blogs such as Grain Edit, Co.Design,and Design*Sponge. I get a lot of inspiration from these places, and I also amass a lot of envy for the brilliant minds that birthed those great ideas.

Another website I love is Lost at E minor. It sort of carries the theme of Good and some of the design websites I listed, but the amount of categories that it covers pertain more to art than other things. I don’t know. It just has a lot of cool things you can learn about like energy sustainable dance clubs and whatnot.

And of course I love reading your blogs (Aria, Lizzie, Natalie, Em, Drew, Christopher, Ed, Ashley, Eeshie, Ash and everyone else!)

In Two Parts

2011-06-29T22:13:00.002-06:00

Blogger is starting to upset me greatly.

You see, I had this impressive post typed up and I was actually excited because I had something meaningful to share with you guys, but as soon as I hit ‘publish’ blogger encountered an error. Trying to stay positive, I checked to see if it had auto saved my post, but alas, it only saved TWO sentences. So here I am, typing up my blog post in Microsoft Word, scared out of my wits that Blogger will yet again glitch and lose everything I wrote.

For the post I originally wanted to share, I was going to update you on Shy Guy. Apparently he’s dating someone. That isn’t me. Yeah. Now, don’t get me wrong, my feelings aren’t hurt or anything, but I feel a little confused. He definitely sent me a lot of signals, but for now I’m just going to chalk them all up as mixed and misinterpreted. To be honest, I’m happy that he’s dating this other girl because she’s nice, pretty, good with animals and small children, and she goes to church all the time, and she’s not moving away to North Carolina anytime soon to go to college in the next few years--- so honestly she’s a good fit for him. I don’t know. I’m just curious to know what clicked in his mind to finally cause him step out of his shell and ask this girl out. Ah well, I’ll probably find out soon since the girl he’s dating is a friend of mine. Yeah. I actually found out they were dating through her, and I had to hide my shock as she gushed with excitement. Yeaaaaaaaah.

-----

I’ve been thinking a lot about “The long term” and how certain things haven’t been as important as they once were. For instance, the trip to London that’s being sponsored through my school is something that I’m not excited about anymore. The more that I think about my senior year, the expenses I’m going to amass for my parents, plus the bombardment of $40,000-ish for my college the following year the less hyped up I get about a $3,000 trip that’s going to be bogged down by chaperones and people that I don’t really like, sans one or two people. The same thing goes for people that I consider my “friends”. Often I find myself feeling emotionally drained because I invest so much time in people that will, in a matter of a few years, will be reduced to just passing acquaintances on Facebook.

To continue on with the eerie theme of pragmatism, I can only see myself staying in touch with about maybe 4 maybe 5 at the maximum of my friends from high school. As for my friends already in college-- well, let’s just say the ones worth staying in touch with are the ones that I actually make effort to hang out with. So I find myself at a crossroads with my high school relationships.

Do I want to continue chasing these dead-end friendships with people that aren’t going to help me out later on in life, or do I want to move on with my life looking forward, making life long connections with new people that share my ambitions and goals in life?
Either way, I think I’ll feel pretty crappy, but I think I’ll feel less crappy if I just slowly drift away from the people that don’t share my passion for certain things in life. Frequently, I find myself thinking, “What is important to me right now?” and as for now the things that are important to me are:
1. Getting into my goal college (currently High Point University)
2. Graduating high school with honors
3. Making lifelong connections
4. Acquiring a certain internship I’ve had my eye on
5. Living healthy

As you can see, my goals, upon first examination are pretty humdrum. However, from my point of view? I see personal fulfillment outlined with challenges that will inevitably lead to happiness because I’m doing what I want while being surrounded by people that are cut from the same cloth.

I don’t know. I didn’t intend for this post to be so… heavy. I’ve just come to the conclusion that holding onto these non permanent relationships are as futile as trying to hold myself upright against raging ocean waves. And I’m ok with it. I just hope everyone else understands that I’m not trying to burn bridges; I’m just trying to move on.

Time to share!

2011-06-26T15:33:00.007-06:00

So since I've been home I've been working my butt off trying to get the 5 designs I needed to get done out of the way. So far, I have three done and I'm taking a break before my brain overheats and crashes like my last computer. Anyways, I decided to do something different and actually put pictures in everything to sort of simulate how the book would look with everything in place.
As per usual, feel free to tell me what you think! And, if you didn't already notice, I used an awful lot of pictures of Dylan.... but honestly, can you blame me? Tomorrow I have my Z-Club meeting so that we can talk about the upcoming events/parties we're going to be planning. Luckily, I live literally down the street from our sponsor's house so my friend Aria will be picking me up along the way :D

I'm going to make brownies for the meeting!

Back from camp

2011-06-24T21:52:00.006-06:00

Man, let me tell you: it was a learning experience. I'm not really an outdoors-y, Christian-y, Church-y type of gal, so I definitely stepped outside of my comfort zone by going. Oh, did I mention it was a Pentecostal church camp? Yeah. For those of you who don't live in the south, Pentecostal or Church of God are considered to be on the extreme side of Christianity. Yeah. There were some major worship sessions that were filled speaking in tongues and profuse crying.

Like I said, I was proud of myself for not freaking out and going home on the first day. I found myself extremely uncomfortable at times, but I managed to still get something out of every devotional. Spirituality is something that is very personal to me, and I'm a strong believer that each and every person is unique in the way that they experience it (or perhaps in the way that they don't) and to top it off I'm very private about things like that so I really had to push myself to accept that my views don't extend to other people.

I may not have learned what they were specifically trying to teach me, but I do feel like I learned to be more tolerant of the beliefs of others to the point of respecting them for the passion that they have for it. I wasn't a big fan of the condemnation coming from some of the "youth leaders" for anyone that had an inkling of secular beliefs (really, it was on the verge of hypocrisy), but I met some really phenomenal people who made up for those certain adults. My legs and feet hate me for participating in the aforementioned marathon worship sessions (live bands FTW) and walking around in the marshes so much (gotta love the Louisiana swamp lands), but I really wanted to immerse myself in the environment so that I could better understand the mindset of this certain sect of religion.

Aside from all of the crazy religious hype, I had fun in the art class they offered making duct tape crafts. One of the cooler youth leaders who had some HUGE gages and wicked tattoos kept on calling me Asian because my crafts were "perfect". No lie, anytime he'd see me around camp he'd be like "HEY ASIAN!" It probably didn't help that had I painted pandas on my nails. But everyone thought it was funny, so it was cool. I ended up making a really cool duct tape wallet and duct tape rose. I made some other goodies, but those were the only two that I didn't give away. And although I didn't win anything at the late night game nights, I was happy that my friends at least won stuff and on the way back to the cabins I FOUND 10 DOLLARS. Sure, someone had probably lost it, but since I shared half of it with my friend Hannah who was with me at the time I chalked it up as a gift from sweet baby Jesus for being a good girl at camp and not playing pranks.

The guys were raunchy with the pranks though. I mean, they crapped in plastic bags, peed on bunks and doors, and stuck condoms on people's faces while they were asleep. I managed to make friends with this one guy named David though, who had just recently graduated from high school. We bonded over the fact that we were around the same age and shared a mutual love for Harry Potter (his sister looks like Ginny!).

I found it funny that we have the exact same Spanish Club t-shirt, despite the fact that we live NOWHERE near each other. Saying bye to him was bittersweet because I knew that the likelihood of us seeing each other again would be slim, but I was happy that I bonded with someone that awesome in such a short period of time. Goodbye hugs are the best! Ah well, I guess it's not truly goodbye since we're friends on Facebook now :P

Now that I'm home I feel extremely thankful for my bed, and shower stalls that I don't have to share. I'm not filled with the Holy Ghost and on the verge of speaking in tongues or anything, but I do feel at peace with myself knowing that I can still be true to myself in that type of environment without disrespecting or offending anyone. I can say that I'm very casual about my views on what I believe. I'm very into the One Love idea, and getting ready because it's a new day (I know I've probably shared this Asher Roth song with you guys before, but hey, it embodies how I feel about things).

Oh, and for those of you who also have an affinity for hipsters, when I got home Dylan had put up this new picture.He's so... dreamy. Man. Oh man. But then I remember that he's a player. And then I'm thankful that he's at least really attractive eye candy. Gosh. Did I mention that he's going to be an Architecture major? Jeez. I should stop talking right now.

As long as you're going to think, think BIG

2011-06-17T22:30:00.005-06:00

I honestly don't understand why this is such a hard concept for people to grasp. Often, I'm frustrated by the complacency of others and how they can live life, stagnant, and then be angry at the world for something that is completely of their own doing. Then again, people are often frustrated with me because they don't understand my need to "go the extra mile" or my cliché "go big or go home" philosophy.

In fact, my life philosophies can pretty much be chalked up to a list of clichés, such as the aforementioned.

I'm ok with that.

But back to my point. People need, no OUGHT to live their BIG dream, even if that's being married with 2.5 kids, THAT'S OK. If that's what you want then don't let anyone give you crap about it. The same with being a transgendered guy named Zooey. It's ok. However, people are somehow under the assumption that as long as giving up their dreams/hopes/THOUGHTS in the name of altruism, it's ok. It's not. It's selfish because eventually the happiness of others won't be enough for them to live off of, and eventually whatever happy, fuzzy feelings they had towards the object they gave up their dreams for will turn into sour, bitter resentment.

Believe me, my mom is a living example of the aforementioned.

A lot of people don't understand my mindset. They think I'm selfish. And yeah, is it so bad to be in my own corner? The world has dealt me a great deal of rotten fish (definitely not as much as others) and a lot of the time I was the only one who completely understood what I was feeling. Because of this I developed a mentality that makes it nearly impossible to sway how I feel once my mind is completely made up.

Don't like my hair? Too bad.
You think reading Ayn Rand is offensive? Oh well.
You don’t like my shirt? Did you buy it? That’s what I thought.

I’m willing to concede on things (most of the time) if I’m overstepping my bounds, but really I found that I can still function and be happy with myself and my choices if I just take care of what I want and need. Every aspect of my life that I am in control of I base around this mindset and it doesn’t make me a bad person. I still volunteer on a regular basis,I’m still an active member of my community, I haven’t kicked any puppies, and I no longer feel the weight of depression that was caused by the judgment of others. I didn't care if they didn't like the way I dressed, I didn't care if they thought I was weird for being in debate, yearbook, multiple AP classes, and art--- sacrificing what could have been a "fun" life in their opinion. You know what, being busy makes me happy. And as an added extra, I don't have a criminal record!

In short, do what you want. Get what you want out of life. Do what makes you happy. Don’t throw away your big dream/goal because someone thinks it’s stupid or doesn’t see the point in it. They’re not you. They don’t understand. Maslow, this old guy who knew a lot about human nature said that the highest state a human can reach is self actualization. One major hurdle that most people overlook is the people that surround them. They mean well, but don’t let them get in the way of your dream.

So now, I will leave you with yet another cliché, from the children’s movie Horton Hears A Who:

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

*P.S. I’m leaving for camp Monday and I won’t be back until the 24th, so the likelihood of any online activity from me will be nonexistent. Also, I’d like to give credit to Nido Qubein for the title of this post, and the ideas it spawned.

I need magazines.

2011-06-17T15:11:00.004-06:00

My meeting with Ashley and Bailey went well. We discussed certain things, made great changes, gossiped about people that we didn't like, marveled at how the universe could give the nastiest, meanest, most annoying high maintenance girls boyfriends--- you know. Girl talk.

But anyways, I've been looking at different magazines for design ideas, however the only magazines at my house are some old Rollingstones from when I had a subscription, a few issues of Time and The Economist, and a truckload of Texas Monthlies.

I've gone through all of them.

I need more.

Hopefully next time I go to the store I'll remember to grab some magazines or something, because in about 2 weeks I will be meeting with Ashley and Bailey yet again to see what we've accomplished. Ashley and I set a personal goal of 5 designs to have done.

To make things awesomer, I found out that at I can't bring my laptop to camp because it's a lo-tech place, so 5 good workdays are now GONE. I'll make do though.

Now for something totally unrelated, the other day I was at the library and one of the librarians in the children's dept. was telling my friend Rebekka and I about a book that was pulled from the shelves the other day by some random mom who got her panties in a twist.

She was infuriated that the library had a book called My Two Dads, and demanded that it be removed. Last time I checked, she was in a PUBLIC library, using their resources for FREE. Man, nothing gets my panties in a bunch more than uber opinionated people that think that they set the standard for what is right. Just because she thinks that a cute little picture book about an adopted Asian girl and her two dads is going to corrupt her son and turn him gay, does not mean that she can just demand for a book to be removed. Did her money buy the book? No. The State of Texas bought it. Did she HAVE to check it out? No. Last time I checked she had enough autonomy to pick up a Bible and go on her merry way.

Anyways, the librarian told me that they're not removing the book. It's just up at the front desk right now, and bound to be re-shelved the next day.

I pride myself in being tolerant. If I have a problem with a person, it's usually pertaining to their personality, and not their race/religion/sexuality.

But how can you be tolerant of intolerant people? If you have a method aside from just peacefully smiling and saying, "Well, it's nice that you believe that..." then please, let me know.

I should be doing other things

2011-06-15T20:49:00.002-06:00

Like getting ready all the yearbook templates for when Ashley and Bailey and I get together tomorrow.

Or packing for camp which is on the 20th.

Or doing something with my hair which is slowly turning into dreadlocks via the neglect method.

But here I am, procrastinating as per usual.

Ha!

The party was fun. I spent almost the entire time in the pool, and I chilled with Hannah, Christian, this guy who graduated last year, and Harrison, who likes to wear speedos.

To those who know me best, water is not my element. I can't do anything fancy, in fact I can't do anything aside float and tread water. And even then I'm crippled by the growing irrational fear that I could drown. I felt a little out of place because everyone there was on the swim team at one point.

Christian, who is a super cute, super fit guy with a thick foreign accent kept trying to convince me to dive in, but as hard as he tried, he couldn't convince me. Man. He was really cute. Hannah and I kept giggling when he wasn't paying attention because of this random girl that kept flirting with him. After the girl and her friend left the pool Hannah and I teased him and Harrison about how they were being flirted with, to which Harrison disagreed, stating that they were only flirting with Christian. Christian, wide eyed and confused said that it was merely everyday pool chat.

Haha, I'm sure for him it's pretty normal to be flirted with 24/7.

On the bright side, he was impressed with my vocabulary. And my knowledge of Post Modern art. HA!

Anyways, I left the party promptly at 9, but not before grabbing a piece of pizza. I was starving because no one else was eating. And I hate eating by myself.

AHHH.... I need to quit writing and put together my first aid kit for camp. No more procrastinating!

Swim Party!

2011-06-14T12:55:00.003-06:00

AHA! I've been invited to a party!

Well, this wouldn't be so much of a revelation, because I've been invited to 5 parties, 3 of which have been pool parties, but this will be only the second party I'll be attending.

I don't like going to parties where someone could drug my drink... That's not cool.

BUT I'm more excited because I'm going to be able to hang out with my friend Hannah (who I'm going to camp with in 6 days) and wax philosophical about hot guys, my inability to swim, and cute babies. Sheesh. I sound... not that cool.

Anyways, between making more yearbook templates, eating fuego Takis, and playing hopscotch I haven't been doing all that much. I think maybe sometime this week I'm going to go shopping at Old Navy for some shorts (don't judge.) and meet with Ashley and Bailey (an editor of UT Austin's yearbook!!) and probably play some more hopscotch.

I've been on the hunt for some decent summer-y dresses, but I haven't found any... Also, I forgot to mention, between doing a whole lot of things that aren't that important, I've been surfing YouTube.

Doctor Who will always have a special place in my heart. Adding Adam Savage from Mythbusters makes this video... Splendid.

Facebook "friends"

2011-06-12T18:19:00.007-06:00

Ok, so the first screen shot wasn't so funny. In fact, it's kind of crappy that her ex-best friend stole her phone. But the other ones? Seriously people? Man, I'm glad that I'm not really friends with these people. In fact, I think the last person just added me because we had like 25 friends in common.

ACT done/New book

2011-06-11T17:02:00.005-06:00

Ahhhh it feels nice to know that the last of my summer testing is over. The ACT was... ok. I found out that a lot of my friends are just now taking the ACT, like me.

I didn't feel as unprepared as I felt for the SAT. The science part though... That was just... UGH. I knew that it was going to be interpreting graphs, but seeing as how in my lab reports for physics I couldn't even put one together until second semester, it was pretty daunting.

But yeah. I'm just hoping I do well enough that I don't have to take it a second time. My friend Nathan half jokingly told people that he was going to take it another 3 or 4 times. I think I'll take it one more time, and then be done with it.

Anyways, yesterday I went to the library with my family so that my little brother and sister could see some little show that they were having. My brother was too little to sit through it so I took him and walked him around the library. I also quickly managed to snag a book to read. From the cover it looked like some modern Jane Austen spin off, but it happened to be a Jane Eyre modern spin off instead. With that said, it's not to bad of a book. I'm over halfway done, so hopefully I'll finish it up today.

I miss being able to read for fun. All the reading assignments I had at school really burnt me out of reading. I'm sort of dreading some of the books that I have to read over the summer, but hopefully they won't be too bad. Since two of them are non-fiction I at least won't have to sit through heaping paragraphs upon paragraphs of symbolism, character development, and extended metaphors.

Around this time last year/That guy I never wrote about

2011-06-09T09:52:00.000-06:00

Oh Paul. So nice, so smart.

And probably still in Arkansas.

Last summer, when I went with my mom up to Arkansas I suffered from insomnia that was probably caused by stress, change in environment, and Paul.

Funny story you see, my mom and I have a weird relationship. It didn't really start to get weird until my parents got divorced and I told my mom, who I had been really close to up until that point, that I wanted to live with my dad..... AWKWARD.

Anyways, I used to go through these long periods of time (and I still sort of do) where I didn't see or talk to her, and then I would feel guilty. And then she would rope me into spending extended amounts of time with her. Well, after one of these bouts she roped me into going up to Arkansas with her so we could spend quality time with my new stepdad who had a job up there at the time. Also, I was a bit scared because she was taking my two little sisters up there, and I don't necessarily trust my creepy stepdad, so I my protective-ness came out.

Yeah. It sucked a lot.

On our first night there my stepdad took us bowling, despite the fact that I had repeatedly stated how much I didn't like to bowl. Luckily, they had a decent sized arcade and I managed to weasel $20 from my stepdad to use at the arcade. Once I had cashed the 20 in for quarters I made my way to the hunting games, because those are the only shooting games that I don't completely suck at. The arcade was pretty empty, and I was religiously feeding the machine quarters for about five minutes when I notice this lumberjack wannabe out of the corner of my eye kind of messing with some of the other first person shooter games.

About another five minutes, and 3 quarters later he walks over, picks up the blue plastic rifle next to mine and asks, with a hint of a southern accent if he could play against me. Me, being the smooth operator that I am, just nodded my head dumbly, almost missing the last three deer shots.

It was bizarre, to say the least. Playing a hunting game with some stranger, who could have been a child predator for all I knew. At first I didn't really pay any attention to him, and I just kept my eyes glued to the glowing screen in front of us that had the occasional deer/bison/rabbit running across it, but after a little bit things weren't so weird and I found myself exchanging friendly banter with him, and joking about how games like this make schmucks like us think that we can actually hunt successfully.

While it didn't feel like a long time, once we were both out of quarters I checked my phone and noticed that I hand spent nearly two hours at the arcade with this guy. And then I remembered that my mom had told me that we were leaving at nine, and it was already ten till. I turned to my impromptu gaming opponent and mumbled somewhat of an awkward bye/nice to meet you. And then we both sort of stood there for a minute talking, in this in between mode of leaving/staying.

"So... Thanks for wasting time with me. I'm Paul by the way."

"Oh. Yeah! I'm Lizzi."

"Yeah, um. Well it was cool just randomly playing with you. My friends dragged me here. Beer and bowling, ya know. And I'm driving them all home."

"Ok....?"

"......."

"......."

And now completely mortified because I didn't know how to eject myself from the conversation I just stood there and tried to mask my embarrassment by smiling and trying to walk out of the arcade area. Paul was a bit of a chatter box. In the span of a few minutes he had informed me that he went to Arkansas Tech, worked at a Hot Topic, and was wondering if we could hang out more while I was still in town.

I don't know if I was completely out of my mind, or if I just wanted to rebel against my mom, but I gave him our address, and told him I could hang out at night.

So we did. And for the rest of the 5 days I spent in Arkansas, those 5 nights I also hung out with Paul. The entire time I thought, "Man, this is some weird Nick and Norah stuff. Stuff like this never happens in real life." But it did. And it was the most fun I had that entire summer. We drove around town, walked in some creepy fields with the moon lighting our way, and got the munchies. A lot. When I left Arkansas we didn't say bye, exchange numbers, or become Facebook friends. He emailed me once but I didn't respond. I knew it wouldn't be the same, so I just let it be.

For the longest time I didn't even tell my best friend about him because I knew that if I did it just wouldn't be as special. This was the one thing that I didn't want to over think or over analyze to the point of it having no meaning. He was cool. And now I think about how much I've changed since last June.

It's like the freaking Twilight Zone in my head whenever I think about Paul.

Have you seen this movie?

2011-06-08T20:21:00.006-06:00

As of late I've been on this intense Matt Damon/Leonardo DiCaprio kick(The Departed was like a dream come true when it first came out) and I've been watching all of the older films they've been in. This past week I watched Good Will Hunting and Gangs of New York. I think I watched GNY when I was 11, and hadn't seen it since. Watching it 6 years later is like reuniting with an old friend that I used to secretly hang out with.

I just noticed that most of my favorite American films all have 3 major things in common: The Irish, The Mafia, and buckets of violence. Hmmm...

Anyways, if you're into the aforementioned type of movies then watch Gangs of New York, and then while you're at it watch the The Boondock Saints
Yeah. Quality movies right there. Screw the Titanic and Kate Winslet's driftwood hogging ass.

Just In Case You Haven't Seen This

2011-06-07T14:36:00.002-06:00

The honey badger don't give a shit!

And since my grandma is in town making up unnecessary work for my sister and I to do IDGAF either! We had to clean the windows on her car, my dad's car, and my stepmom's car. Why? I don't know. It's freaking 100+ degrees outside.